by Lora Leigh
scover the formula, if I can extract it from your blood and re-create it—it’ll be an invaluable weapon. Even though you’ll no longer be a part of it, there’s no reason why the Nightshade program needs to be discarded completely.”
He was helping me so he could try to re-create Nightshade. Sounded reasonable to me.
I nodded again. “When do we start?”
“The moment I have the information I need from these samples. I’ll be in touch as soon as I can.”
I felt lightheaded from the blood donation as Declan and I left the examining room and rode the elevator back up to the warehouse level. Declan kept his hand at the small of my back in case I lost my balance.
We got off the elevator and walked through the empty warehouse until we emerged into the sunlight again.
He eyed me cautiously. “You okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” I pressed my hand to my forehead. “Must be all the blood he took. I’m feeling a bit drained.”
“I’ll go get the car,” Declan said. “Wait here.”
I nodded and leaned against the wall, just outside of the front door, and watched him disappear around the edge of the building. I eyed the camera that was trained on the front door. For something that was there for security reasons, it made me nervous.
“Did it go well?” Jackson asked. I started a little, since I hadn’t seen him standing to the other side of me.
“I think so.” I rubbed my fingertips over the Band-Aid at the crook of my arm. “Listen, thanks for pointing us in the right direction.”
Jackson smiled. He was actually quite attractive in a biker-dude kind of way, and the expression helped soften up the rougher edges. “I’m usually a hard-ass when it comes to shit like this, but I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through.”
That surprised me. “You don’t strike me as the type who’s sorry for much.”
“I’m not.”
I blew out a long breath and pressed back against the wall. The air was dry, hot, and smelled like dust and exhaust fumes. The meeting with Dr. Reynolds had tired me out. Hope was an exhausting emotion to entertain. “You’ve known Declan for ten years, have you?”
“Around that.” He shook his head. “Seems strange seeing him with a woman like you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “A woman like me?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I can tell a lot just from meeting a person once. You’re somebody who needs a man in her life who’s able to show her a good time.”
“Am I?”
“And I saw how you looked at him before.”
“How’s that?”
“Like he’s on the menu.”
I couldn’t help but snort at that. This guy thought he knew it all. I wasn’t a big fan of cocky. “Is that right?”
“Declan, he’s . . . a good hunter. Loyal to a fault. I know you met the man who raised him.”
“I did.”
“Then you know Declan will stay with someone even when it’s obvious to everyone else it’s a bad idea.”
I bristled at that. “That’s how you think it is with him and me?”
“There’s nothing there, Jill. Just a shell. He’s a machine. A soldier. He kills rogue vampires. It’s what he’s done, 24/7, for as long as I’ve known him. He isn’t somebody who’s going to make a good boyfriend.”
This conversation was beginning to make me uncomfortable, but if it was a means to get more information about Declan, I could tolerate Jackson for a while longer. “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now. I’m a bit preoccupied with trying to stay alive with blood nearly the color of tar.”
“Maybe so.” Jackson drew close enough to me that I could smell his spicy aftershave. His gaze swept the length of me. “But you’re a woman of passion. You have needs he’s not able to fill.” He reached forward and twisted a piece of my long black hair around his index finger before leaning closer to me. “I can fill them, Jill. If you want me to.”
“Oh yeah?” It was warm outside—easily over ninety degrees—and Jackson’s body heat only made it warmer. A trickle of perspiration slid down my spine. He was hitting on me. That didn’t seem like something someone should do to a buddy’s female companion, even in an unusual relationship like mine and Declan’s.
“I can take you to places you’ve never been before. I’m not asking for a relationship here, just a bit of fun. A way to let off some steam.”
A bit of fun—something I hadn’t had in a very long time. Too bad it was Jackson doing the offering. “What about Declan?”
He shook his head. “Declan’s like a eunuch. He can’t satisfy you like I can, even if he wanted to. It won’t be long before you start looking elsewhere. Despite all you’ve been through, I see that fire inside of you. And I know how to quench it.”
“You want to fuck me.” I stated it bluntly to make sure I understood him correctly—not that he was being subtle about it.
“Very much. And what do you want?” He leaned closer so I could feel the line of his body, which included a very stiff erection that he wasn’t shy about pressing against me.
“What do I want?” I put my hand on his chest and slid it down between us, over his rather impressive denim-clad hard-on. Then I grabbed it and twisted. “I want you to fuck off.”
Pain registered on his face, but he let out a low, throaty laugh. “I guess I have my answer.”
I let go of him, feeling that my point had been made rather succinctly. “No offense intended, of course.”
“Of course not.” His eyes flicked behind me as he cupped his hand over his assaulted groin and stepped away from me. “Declan. You’re back.”
I glanced to my left. Declan’s emotionless gaze was narrow, and I wondered if he’d seen what just happened.
“Let’s go,” was all he said.
Very soon I’d start the painful process of cleaning my blood. Soon I’d be back to my normal life—the life that didn’t include amorous—or rather, lecherous—vampire hunters who left me cold, or dhampyrs who made my blood hot and my body yearn for more than they were able to give me.
I’d never been a big fan of disappointment.
THREE
I had a shower back at the motel room to cool off. Declan went out to get us food. When I emerged with wet hair, after pulling on some clean leggings and a tank top, he was already back.
He held up the brown paper bag. “Burgers. And fries.”
“Running for my life is fattening.” I didn’t really mean it. Since I’d been poisoned, I’d lost weight. I could actually count my ribs now, which was a bit disturbing, since I wasn’t eating any less than I normally did. I figured the Nightshade revved up my metabolism. It was another side effect to add to the list.
I leaned my hip against the table and ran my fingers through my damp hair to get the tangles out. Declan sat at the small table and looked down at his hands. He seemed preoccupied about something.
“What’s the problem?” I asked.
He looked at me. “Why do you think there’s a problem?”
“You’re quieter than normal. Not that you’re usually a chatterbox, but—”
“I heard you talking with Jackson.”
“What part?”
“All of it.” He raised his gray gaze to mine, stroking his fingers over his eye patch to adjust it back into its proper place.
“He came on to me.”
“I know.”
“And I told him to fuck off.”
His lips curved. “I know.”
I felt concerned, since he still looked troubled. “What’s really wrong, Declan?”
He shook his head. “If he’d forced himself on you any further, I would have ripped his head off. As it is, he took a simple fuck off as an answer. He’s very popular with women. Your rejection must have come as a shock considering his track record.”
“Do you think I was tempted?”
He blinked. “Were you?”
“No. Were you jealous?”
He gripp
ed the edge of the table, his knuckles whitening. “I don’t know. With the serum, all—all I feel is this emptiness inside of me. Where there should be emotion, there’s . . . nothing, just an empty black hole. I know that’s where all the shit I should be feeling belongs. I never felt it before—never noticed it, anyway—but I do now.”
“Emptiness.”
“Yeah.”
I bit my bottom lip as my throat began to tighten. “I know how you feel. I have that, too.”
“You do?”
I nodded. “It’s hard to deal with that empty feeling, but sometimes we don’t have any choice.”
His expression darkened. “Jackson gave you a choice.”
I couldn’t resist rolling my eyes at that. “Yeah, he did. Since I can’t be with you, he was more than willing to serve as a replacement. Really big of him.”
His brows drew together. “Is that why you feel empty? Because we can’t be together?”
We were treading on dangerous territory. I wasn’t really prepared for this conversation about emotions and empty black holes with a man I couldn’t really have. It felt like trouble, and I already had enough of that to begin with. “Look, Declan, let’s just eat. It’s been a long day. Maybe tomorrow Dr. Reynolds will get back to us.”
“He will. I don’t doubt it. He’s a serious dick, but I really think he can help you. Then you won’t have to deal with all of this, deal with me, with horny assholes like Jackson sniffing around you. You can go back to your regular life and normal men who can be with you when they want to be.”
I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. It was currently clenched into a fist. “Normal guys are completely overrated, just so you know.”
His hand relaxed in my grip. “I’m about as abnormal as they get.”
“Feeling sorry for yourself tonight?”
He gave me a humorless smile. “That’s just the problem. I’m not feeling anything. And yet . . .”
“What?”
“The thought of you with Jackson . . . I wouldn’t call it jealousy, exactly. But it bothered me. I didn’t like it.”
That was interesting. Not jealousy, but something that triggered some sort of reaction in the emotion-free dhampyr.
I intertwined my fingers with his. “I’m not having a luxurious fast-food dinner like this with him, am I?”
“No.” He leaned back in his chair, pulling his hand away from mine. I tried not to take it personally. “He was right about one thing.”
“Which is?”
“That you’re a woman of passion. You deserve more than this.”
I glanced around the small room. “More than . . . burgers and fries at a seedy motel?”
“For starters.” He wasn’t smiling anymore. His jaw tightened. “You said something earlier. I think I want to take you up on it.”
“What’s that?”
“What you said about experimenting.”
I remembered exactly what I’d been talking about. “Declan—”
“No. Jill, don’t say anything.”
This was coming totally out of left field. I was ready to question him, but I couldn’t say anything because he stood up, pulled me against him . . . and kissed me.
I’d kissed him a couple of times since he’d been shot full of the permanent serum, searching for a response, and was disappointed when I didn’t get one. This time he’d initiated it; he was kissing me. And I was responding. Earlier I’d decided on a cool shower, but the heat of Declan’s kiss warmed me up immediately.
“Do you think . . . you can . . . ?” I whispered against his lips, not wanting to finish the sentence.
“This isn’t about me, Jill. This is about you. That is . . . if you want this to happen.” He held my face between his hands. “Say yes.”
“Yes,” I said, without thinking twice.
When he kissed me this time, he picked me up and carried me to the bed.
I locked my arms around his neck. “My hair’s wet.”
“Do you care?”
I grinned. “Not really.”
He placed me gently down on the bed and began kissing down my throat, filling his hands with my breasts. I could barely believe this was happening. A potential solution to my Nightshade troubles earlier. An experimental Declan now. This could all be a dream.
It didn’t feel like a dream. It felt real. And I didn’t want to question it a second longer.
Grasping the edge of my tank top, he pulled it up, skimming it over my skin. I wasn’t wearing a bra underneath, which saved some time. I gasped out loud as his mouth closed over my right nipple and he slid his tongue around it in a hot, wet circle.
He looked up at me. “Let me know if I’m doing this right.”
I struggled to breathe normally, but it came out like a needy moan. “So far, so good.”
He moved to the other side, making me shiver, goose bumps breaking out along my skin. I helped him to peel my top off over my head, then squeezed my eyes shut.
Experimenting with Declan was a very good idea. I was so very glad I’d thought of it.
When he kissed me again, sweeping his tongue against mine, I pulled at his black T-shirt, sliding my hands under to feel his skin beneath, down over his hard, rippled abdomen. I started to unbutton his jeans and slide the zipper down, but he grasped my wrist to stop me.
“No, Jill.”
I looked up at him with surprise. “Why not?”
“I already told you, this isn’t about me.”
“I want to touch you.”
He pulled my hands away from him and raised them up above my head. “If you can’t play by the rules, then this game will have to end.”
He was easily strong enough to keep me pinned, but his grip on me was loose enough that I could have broken it if I wanted to. “I’m not sure I like those rules.”
He moved his mouth to my ear, and my bare breasts flattened against his T-shirt-covered chest. “I want to make you happy, Jill.”
I believed him. His expression held no fire to match what I was feeling, but rather, endless sincerity. He couldn’t make love to me, not completely—not the way I wanted—but he still wanted me to be happy after what he’d overheard Jackson say to me.
Jackson had offered me no-strings-attached sex.
I’d said no because I wasn’t attracted to him. I didn’t want a quick lay, and I didn’t want Jackson. I wanted more than that, even though I knew that wanting more would only leave me frustrated.
Declan wanted to take away some of that frustration. Here. Now.
Which meant my clothes came off. But his stayed on.
“I can stop.” His deep voice got raspy when he spoke quietly. “Or I can keep going. Your call.”
My throat felt thick. It was a mix of cool disappointment and hot desire. I could have Declan, but not all of him.
“Do you want me?” he asked when I didn’t answer right away.
I nodded wordlessly.
“Do you need me?”
“Yes.”
“Then keep your hands like this.” He pressed them up against the headboard, curling my fingers around the cool metal rails.
I drew in a breath. “So I can’t touch you at all?”
“Those are the rules.”
I gripped the headboard tighter. “Fine. Your move, dhampyr.”
A shadow of a smile played at his lips, and he sat back on his heels, his feet still clad in his heavy-laced boots, and slid the palms of his hands down the front of me between my breasts. His hands were calloused and rough against my skin—it made my nipples tighten and I shivered. I arched my back off the bed unconsciously to meet his touch.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
“So are you.”
He chuckled deep in his throat. “You’re lying. My scars—”
“Are part of you. And that makes them beautiful. I think we’ve had this conversation before.”
“Jill—”
“I wouldn’t be in a situation like this with
somebody I found unappealing, Declan. Trust me on that. You make me so hot I can barely sit still.”
He leaned over, his mouth only an inch from mine. “How hot?”
I inhaled sharply as I felt his hand slide under the waistband of my leggings and down between my legs where he’d easily feel the proof of just how much I wanted him. My grip on the headboard tightened.
“You’re right,” he whispered. “Very hot.”
I gasped. “You’re teasing me now.”
“Maybe a little.” He hooked a finger in either side of the elastic waistband of the leggings and slid them down my legs until they were off. I lay naked on the bed, my arms still above my head, while Declan, fully dressed, swept his gaze over me.
I had to admit, me being naked and vulnerable at the moment and him being fully dressed and totally in control was hotter than I thought it would be.
“How’s the experiment going so far?” I asked, my voice breathy.
He raised an eyebrow. “Good, I think. You?”
“Excellent. A-plus.”
He kissed me. My lips parted and he slid his tongue against mine, which made me groan low in my throat at the chance to taste him deeper. My breath caught as his hand returned between my legs and he stroked me there until I felt boneless with need.
He didn’t say anything as he kissed his way down my body. I watched him, my hand now held against my mouth as he parted my legs and pressed his mouth against me there. I cried out and let go of the headboard completely so I could grip the back of his head when I felt his tongue slide over me.
“Declan—” But I couldn’t form actual words anymore. His name was barely understandable.
Pleasure crashed over me, so intense it was close to pain. My body quaked against his mouth and hands, raising off the bed, but he held me in place until I came again. A scream escaped my lips then, despite my attempt to muffle it with the back of my hand.
He brought his face back to mine and kissed me hard and openmouthed so I could taste myself on his tongue. By this time I was utterly ravenous for him.
“Please, Declan,” I begged. “I need you inside of me. I want you so much.”
I wrapped my legs around his fully clothed body and ground myself against him as if he were naked. I desperately needed him thrusting deep inside of me. I wanted him even more now than I had before. He’d given me two incredible orgasms, but I wasn’t satisfied. A small taste had only intensified my hunger.
Slowly, very slowly, I regained control of myself until I found I was kissing him more than he was kissing me. I held his face between my hands and stared up at him, dismayed to see his expression held some regret.
Tears stung my eyes. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
He looked pained. “I’m sorry, Jill. I want to be more for you, but—but I can’t be.”
Every bit of hot, aching desire I’d just felt for him hadn’t been matched. He felt nothing. The mind was willing, but the body couldn’t comply. My skin felt electric, sensitive, as though if he touched me again, he might send me right back over the edge.
I sat up so we were face-to-face and hugged him against me. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not.”
“For now it is.”
“The experiment . . .”
I pulled back so I could see his face. “Speaking for myself, the experiment was a complete success.”
A smile touched his lips. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“I am a fan of science.”
I kissed him, sad that this time he only briefly returned it.
It had been a short detour, but we’d returned right back to square one.