Jim turned to give me another one of those searching looks of his. “No…I’m starting to think it wasn’t.”
I squirmed under his intensity, unable to hold his gaze because he overwhelmed me. As cool as he was, as much as I liked his accent and thought he was cute, I wasn’t prepared for Jim McAlister or the way he looked at me like he’d been struck by lightning.
“What was your dad like?”
“He was the funniest guy I knew.” Jim’s voice was filled with a mix of humor and grief that made my chest ache for him. “And he had time for nearly everybody. If someone needed help, it was never a problem, it was never too much. I was his best pal.”
His smile trembled, and a bright sheen appeared in his eyes. I reached for his hand and held it between both of mine, and it seemed to strengthen Jim, the sheen disappearing, his smile relaxing. “He taught me that family always comes first. That family is more important than how much money I make or fame or any of that shite. He made me feel like it was awright no’ tae be ambitious about career but tae be ambitious about life. About finding the right girl and startin’ a family.”
I had never heard a boy talk of those things before, or at least prioritize those things. I also noticed his accent thickening as he reminisced about his dad. Like he was relaxing with me. “He sounds like a good man.”
“Aye.” He nodded but something cooled in his expression. “But he wasnae perfect, and everyone seems to have swept that under the rug.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mum, specifically. Don’t get me wrong. He loved her but he was a bit of a selfish bastard when it came to her. He never took her anywhere or spent much time wi’ her. He always went out tae the pub wi’ his mates but left Mum at home. Then he got pissed off if she wasnae there when he got home. Like she wasnae supposed tae have a life without him …” He shot me a quiet look I didn’t understand until he spoke again. “And he cheated on her and from what I heard, it wasnae just sex. He fell in love wi’ someone else. My parents nearly split up. In the end he chose Mum, but I don’t think she ever really forgave him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“But she acts now like he was a saint.” Anger had edged into his words. “I … just … I loved my dad, and I forgive him for no’ being perfect because none of us are … but I want tae remember my dad, no’ the glossed-over version of him, ye know?”
I nodded, squeezing his hand.
“Does that make me a bad person?”
“God, no.”
Jim exhaled slowly and looked back out at the water. I studied his profile, noting the tension had eased from his jaw, from his shoulders. As he watched a bird skirt low over the water and fly off into the trees, he said, “I’m glad I met ye, Nora O’Brien.”
“Yeah?”
He looked at me again and then gently removed his hand from between mine but only so he could slide it around my shoulder. “I’d like to stay a little longer, if that’s okay.”
“Sure, I still have a few hours before I need to get back for work.”
“No,” he laughed softly, shaking his head. “No, I meant … I’d like to stay in Donovan a little longer. Beyond today.”
Suddenly, I knew what he was asking, and despite feeling intimidated by the desire in Jim’s eyes, I was also intrigued by his foreignness. He came from a place so different from Donovan. I’d seen it on TV and in movies, but I still couldn’t imagine what life was like in the city he’d grown up in. Part of me didn’t even care. What I mostly cared about was that it was so far away from Indiana, so mysterious and tantalizing, like an adventure waiting to happen an ocean away from my plain little life. And Jim was a part of that.
I nodded, not quite ready to let go of him, either.
Since I was twelve years old, I’ve hated the antiseptic smell of hospitals.
It woke up the angry knots in my stomach.
Regardless, every month, without fail, I jumped on a bus and went through a ninety-minute journey to Indianapolis to the children’s hospital there. I’d been doing this for the past five years, not counting the year before when my mom let me visit more often.
It wasn’t often my mom gave me a break from life but the year I was twelve, she did.
Now I think she thinks I’m a lunatic. We’ve argued about my monthly visit, but I won’t back down on this one. She’s finally stopped trying to get me to.
“Hey, Nora.” Anne-Marie approached as I strode down the corridor toward the common room on the hospital’s third floor. “You get prettier every day, sweetheart.” She wrapped her arm around me and gave me a squeeze.
I smiled fondly up at the nurse I’d known since I was a kid. “So do you.”
She rolled her eyes at me but didn’t let go. “What did you bring with you today?”
I held up the book in my hand: The Witches by Roald Dahl. “Not too scary, right?”
“No,” she assured me.
Relieved, I grinned. The only thing that made me forget about those hard knots in my stomach was the knowledge that for a couple of hours, I was going to make the kids in that common room forget the tubes sticking into them, the respirators and oxygen tanks, and their total lack of energy.
I tried to choose books and plays that weren’t too adult for the younger kids but were funny enough I could make them entertaining even to the older ones.
Anne-Marie opened the door to the common room. “Hey, guys, look who’s here!”
I stepped into the room and was met by smiles, waves, and a collection of “Hey, Nora,” some exuberant, some tired but welcoming. Kids of all ages and illnesses stared up at me. Some in wheelchairs, some resting in chairs, some playing a computer game, others board games, some bald, some wan with dark circles under their eyes and a sickly tinge to their young skin, and some I was happy to see looking healthier than they had the last time I saw them.
“You ready to be scared?” I asked, grinning at them as Anne-Marie threw me a wink and left us to it.
What I loved about these kids was that unlike most their age, they stopped playing with their phones, or their iPads, or the computer console in the corner, and gave me their full attention. All because I wasn’t there to ask them how sick they were feeling today, or if they felt better, or if they were tired of being tired. I was just there to take them somewhere else for a while.
We settled in, and I stood in front of them, preparing to act out this entire book if we had time. I’d read the book a few times before coming to the hospital and decided how each character would sound. Some small. Some big. I transformed in front of the kids from reserved, exhausted Nora O’Brien into a character actor. I didn’t know if I was good. Or awful. All I knew was that these kids loved it. And it was freeing.
“The most important thing you should know about REAL WITCHES is this,” I said in a faux English accent that made them smile and lean closer. “Listen very carefully …”
Glancing at the clock, I realized our time was up, but I was almost finished. Finally, I acted out the last sentence and closed the book.
Silence reigned and then Jayla, a pretty eight-year-old girl with leukemia, started clapping. The others joined in, although Mikey, a fourteen-year-old with kidney disease, rolled his eyes. “It’s supposed to be scary.”
“It was scary,” Jayla insisted, scowling at him.
“Yeah, to babies like you.” Mikey curled his lip at me. “You’re too hot to be the witch.”
“The witch was beautiful,” Annie, a thirteen-year-old from Greer, a town a few miles from Donovan, argued.
“Yeah, until she was revealed to be a hag. It wasn’t real when she did that scene.” He gestured at me.
“Don’t call me hot, Mikey. It’s weird.”
He grinned at me. “Stop being hot, then.”
“She can’t stop being hot, silly,” Jayla huffed and rolled her eyes at me as if to say, “Boys.”
I laughed and crossed the room to kiss her forehead. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, sweetie.”
She beamed up at me and then shot Mikey a smug look, making me laugh harder.
Mikey ignored her, giving me what I think was supposed to be a smoldering look. “How come Jayla gets a kiss goodbye and I don’t?”
“Don’t be creepy, Mikey.” I headed toward the door.
“What? So, being on the transplant list doesn’t even get me a sympathy make-out?”
I snorted. “Not from me.”
“That blows.” He thought about it a minute and turned to look at Annie, seated next to him. “What about you?”
She made a face. “I’m no one’s second choice, Michael Fuller.”
As entertaining as they were, as much as I’d love to spend every day with them, I couldn’t. “I have to catch my bus, guys. Thanks for hanging out with me.”
“We’ll see you next month?” Jayla asked, hope shining in her big blue eyes.
“Unless you’re out of here and back home, which I hope you will be, yes, I’ll be back next month.”
Those hard knots suddenly came back into focus as soon as I said my goodbyes and closed the common room door behind me.
“Is Anne-Marie around?” I asked, passing the nurses’ station.
A nurse I didn’t recognize shook her head.
“Will you tell her Nora said goodbye and I’ll see her next month, same time?”
“Of course.”
Like magic, as soon as I stepped outside and breathed in hot, thick city air strong enough to obliterate the hospital smell, the knots in my stomach disappeared.
I caught the bus back to Donovan and spent ninety glorious minutes reading. It was heaven, despite the fact that the air conditioning above my head appeared to be broken and sweat trickled down my back and pooled in my bra.
The familiar gloom I usually felt upon my return to Donovan wasn’t there, and I knew it was because my life wasn’t the same as it had been last month. The script for my life had been sitting on a dusty, worn-out coffee table only for Jim McAlister to come blasting into the room, throwing the papers into disarray. The script was all messed up now.
And I think that’s what I liked most about him.
Thinking about him as I got off the bus, and the last week of trying to sneak off and find time with him, I thought I almost imagined the sound of his voice saying my name.
When I turned around, he actually was standing outside May’s Coffeehouse with a to-go cup in his hand. I glanced toward the small parking lot and saw Roddy sitting on the hood of the Mustang.
Jim and I walked toward each other, and he looked perturbed.
Guilt suffused me, making me blush.
“I thought ye were working,” he said, nodding toward the bus I got off.
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t intended to tell Jim about my volunteer work at the hospital because it felt … well, it felt too personal. Like I’d have to explain why.
And I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready to talk about that.
However, I could see by the irritation growing in his eyes that I either explained partly or I’d damage our friendship. “I was. Well … not working but volunteering. At a kids’ hospital in Indianapolis.”
“Why didn’t ye just tell me that?”
I kicked at a stone by my foot, hiding my eyes, and thus the truth, from him. “It sounds … so Girl Scout,” I grumbled.
Jim laughed and gently chucked my chin, so I had no choice but to look up at him. “It’s adorable. Ye’er fuckin’ adorable.”
“Stop calling me adorable.” I grabbed his hand but didn’t let it go. “What are you and Roddy up to?”
“Well, I’m about to dump his arse so I can spend time with ye.”
I giggled. “You are such a good friend.”
“I’m the worst. But right now, I could give a fuck because I’ve been here a week and I still haven’t kissed ye … and I need to do something about that.”
The breath whooshed right out of me. “Oh.”
Jim gave me a slow, mischievous smile. “I’ll take that as a ‘Yes, Jim, let’s dump Roddy.’”
I shrugged, pretending nonchalance. “Why not?”
Laughing, Jim threw his arm around my shoulders and started walking us toward Roddy and the Mustang. “Roddy, I’m dropping ye off at the motel, mate.”
Roddy made a face of disgust and flopped back on the hood of the car. “For fuck’s sake.”
“If that kid doesn’t stop throwing you dirty looks, I’m going to stick this ice cream in her face,” Molly huffed as she came up beside me to pour diet soda into her customer’s cup.
I sighed. The kid Molly was referring to was Stacey. She was in here with her crew almost every time I was working a shift. “Don’t.”
“What’s her problem, anyway?”
“It’s Stacey Dewitte,” I said, so quietly it surprised me Molly even heard me.
“Shit. That’s Melanie’s little sister? I didn’t even recognize her.” Molly glanced over her shoulder, presumably at Stacey. “Why does she hate you? I thought you and Melanie were tight?”
“She doesn’t hate me. She’s just … disappointed, I guess.”
“In what? You don’t have to put up with that shit.” Molly put the lid on the cup. “You don’t—ooh, your boyfriend’s here.”
I followed her gaze. Jim and Roddy were walking into the restaurant. Smiling at them, I finished packing the to-go bag for my customer and took it over to her at the cash register.
“Have a nice day,” I said.
She moved away, and suddenly Jim was at my counter. He gave me a grim look that put me on alert. For two weeks, he and Roddy had stuck around Donovan, often going for short road trips when I was working or busy, but making their way back to town.
For me.
Whenever Roddy was with Jim, he complained constantly about still being here, but Jim was determined to spend time with me, and I continued to enjoy his company—a break from the monotony of my life.
“What’s up?” I asked.
But before Jim could answer, my attention was stolen by Stacey walking toward the exit with her friends. Her expression was sullen, but I saw the sadness in the back of her eyes too.
And I felt ashamed for disappointing her.
“Who is that?” Jim pulled my focus back.
“That is Stacey Dewitte,” Molly interrupted, putting her hand on her hip. She noted Roddy staring at her impressive chest and scowled at him. “Think again, Scottie.”
He crossed his arms and smirked at her. “Sweetheart, if I wanted ye, yer knickers wid be aroond yer ankles like that.” He snapped his fingers.
Molly made a face and turned to Jim. “What did he say?”
“Ye don’t want to know.” Jim fought not to smile. “Ye were saying … that kid?”
I opened my mouth to deflect, but Molly apparently was a fount of information today. “Melanie Dewitte’s little sister. Melanie was Nora’s best friend growing up.” She squeezed my arm. “She died of cancer when they were twelve.”
I wanted to throw her comforting hand off me and yell at her really freaking loudly. If I’d wanted Jim to know about Mel, I would’ve told him myself.
“Fuck.” He reached for my hand. “I’m sorry, Nora.”
My smile trembled. “Thanks. It was a long time ago.”
“Stacey’s acting like a brat, though, Nora. You don’t need to put up with that.”
“She’s not doing anything.” I shot Molly a shut-up look; she rolled her eyes and wandered back to her register.
“So, what brings you handsome and not-so-handsome fellas in today?” Molly changed the subject. “The fair Nora, obviously.”
“Obviously.” Jim stared at me, and I caught that bleakness in his dark gaze again.
“What’s going on? Is your family okay?”
“My family is fine … but …” He glanced over at Roddy.
His best friend sighed. “Nora, if we stay here, we’ll never be able to finish oor road trip. We’ll run oot eh’ cash afore then. We need to l
eave.”
My pulse suddenly started racing as my eyes flew to Jim. “What? Now?”
“In the morning. First thing. When do ye finish here?” It occurred to me while Jim seemed sad, I was panicked. “I’d like to spend some time with ye before we go.”
Before we go.
Shit. It was ending.
Once Jim and Roddy left, everything would return to normal, and I’d feel trapped, unwanted, and depressed all over again. Somehow this guy had become my lifeline.
“I’m supposed to get home after my shift …” My mom would kill me if I didn’t turn up and she had to call in sick to work. Yet I couldn’t find it in me to care. As selfish as it was, I wanted to soak up what time I had left with the boy who had crashed into my life and allowed me to breathe again for the first time in a long time. “But it’s fine. We can hang out. I finish at five.”
Jim exhaled and nodded. He studied me solemnly, and I noted he looked a little pale and tired beneath his tan. “We’ll be back in a few hours.”
Molly waited until the boys were gone. “That fucking sucks.”
I nodded, pretending to busy myself tidying up the condiments tray by my register. I felt her move closer to me.
“Have you guys …?”
Looking at her, I almost laughed at the expression on her face. Her eyebrows were at her hairline. “You know …”
“What?”
She made an “o” with her left thumb and forefinger and then stuck her right forefinger in and out of it.
“Ugh, Molly.” I grabbed her hands and shoved them down so the customers wouldn’t see.
“Well?” she asked through her laughter.
The truth was no, Jim and I hadn’t had sex. We had kissed a few times, and he’d fondled my boobs, but that was it. And he’d said upfront he wasn’t going to push for sex because he wanted me to know I meant more to him than that.
Part of me was relieved because I wasn’t sure I was ready to lose my virginity to Jim, or to anyone, for that matter. Another part of me was scared. Jim confused the hell out of me because I wanted him near, I liked the fact that he felt like an escape from a life I was unhappy with, and I loved that he made me feel like I was someone special. But I was also wary of giving another person that much power over my emotions.