“What does Thane have to say about that?” He grew tired of Abram’s antics a while ago. He ignored them because he loves his brother but he won’t overlook Abram attacking the mother of his grandchildren.
“He won’t go against me on it.”
“Do you expect to be long?”
“Two hours. Maybe three.”
“Then I shall be naked, wet, and wanting when you come home to me.”
Perfect. Just the way I want her.
* * *
Abram is tied faced down, his back bared. He’s fighting to free himself but it’s useless. He should know that. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Sinclair?”
I stand over Abram looking at the man I once adored as a most beloved uncle. That was before my immature mind could conceive of the evil things he was capable of. “I told you I wouldn’t tolerate any more acts against my wife. This is the consequence of ignoring my warning.”
“You’re a fool if you believe your wife’s loyalty lies with us.”
“She married me. She’s carrying the next leaders of The Fellowship. What is it going to take for you to accept that she’s one of us and is here to stay for good?”
“Nothing will ever convince me of that.”
“Then perhaps a good flogging will persuade you otherwise.”
I nod at Sangster. “You may begin.”
I see the hint of a smirk on Sangster’s face. I’m grinning on the inside. Bringing Abram to his knees for all he’s done to Bleu instills joy in me.
The multitailed whip strikes Abram’s back and he yells out in pain. It’s just as I thought. He can dish it but can’t take it.
“How many lashes do you think is suitable for the things you’ve done to my wife? Let’s begin with ten per incident? I think that’s fair.”
“Stop this, Sinclair. Can’t you see what she’s doing? She’s a little bitch who’s turning us against one another.”
“No. You’re the one who did that.”
I hold out my hand to seize the whip from Sangster. “I’ll take that.”
I’ve said it more than once. Bonny is the only reason the light in me bothers to battle the darkness. But there’s no light inside me now. I look at Abram and all I feel is hate. I’m glad because I’m going to need it for what I’m about to do.
“Each lash you feel is a consequence of your offenses against my wife. When I’m finished with you, you won’t entertain the idea of crossing her again.”
Chapter Thirteen
Bleu Breckenridge
Debra and I have been working with our first self-defense class for an hour. We’re both instructing but she’s the physical machine behind this. She has to be at least fifty and hasn’t broken a sweat. Total badass. I hope I’m in that kind of shape when I’m her age.
Sin gave us one of the vacant warehouses to turn into our training center. He had a small training arena constructed in the center of the building. Seating surrounds the ring on all sides so all of our trainees can observe no matter where they’re sitting.
He has supplied us with weights and fitness equipment as well. And a daycare for the children. Totally unexpected. He’s earning some serious points with the women of The Fellowship. And me.
It’s time to begin the extreme physical part of the training so Debra is dressed out in a self-defense instructor suit. She looks like a red Michelin Man. “Who wants to be first?”
No one volunteers.
I’m happy my sister and best friends are in attendance. I can pick on them.
I look at Ellison, cueing her to come forward, but she shakes her head. Westlyn and Lorna do the same.
“Come on. Don’t be shy. You’re all going to do this part at some point.”
The least likely person in the room stands to volunteer. Alanna Studwick. “I will.”
Debra watches her approach the arena. “I thought today’s class was supposed to be adults only.”
“That was the plan, but I had to let this girl in when her father asked. She has a powerful backstory.”
Our youngest trainee approaches Debra. “Tell me your name and how old you are.”
“Alanna, and I’m fourteen. But don’t take it easy on me because of my age. The Order members who took me from my bedroom didn’t when they beat and raped me.”
Debra doesn’t appear shocked by Alanna’s statement. I don’t know if that’s because she really isn’t or if she’s keeping her cool for the girl. “All right. I won’t.”
I approach her. “I’ll help you into the protective headgear and padding.”
Alanna holds out her hand and I slip the glove over it. “When I was seven, I was attacked by a man. I wasn’t raped but I was left for dead. I understand some of the feelings you’re having.”
She holds out her second hand when I finish with the first. “People act like I should magically get over what happened because Sinclair killed the men who attacked me. I can’t. I think about it all the time.”
No one understands obsession better than I do. “It’s okay to still be pissed off about what happened to you. Use your anger for good. Use it to your advantage. Let it be your motivator. A catalyst driving you to learn the skills you need so it never happens again.”
“Is that what you did?”
I nod. “Men are bigger. Stronger. Can’t change that so we must train to be faster and smarter.”
“I want you to teach me those things so I can be like you.”
I finish lacing the second glove and push the protective gear over her head. “Become proficient at what you learn in this class. We’ll move toward Muay Thai once you’ve mastered self-defense.”
I’m not surprised by the drive I see in Alanna. She reminds me of myself at that age.
We’re able to work with six women before break time. “Good work, ladies. Let’s meet back here on the mat in twenty.”
Debra, Ellison, Lorna, Westlyn, and I go into the office space Sin had constructed especially for me. My place for scheduling classes or getting away when I need a moment of privacy.
“Alanna is one pissed-off kid,” Ellison says. I assume she’s referring to the aggression she saw in her.
“It’s good for her to get that out.” I know how important it is for her to find an outlet. “She did better than women twice her age. I have exceptionally high hopes for how well she’ll click with martial arts.”
“I hear the things The Fellowship women are saying about you. They think you’re a wonderful leader. No one has ever done the things you’re doing for them. They love you,” Ellison says.
“I love them too. I want nothing but the best for all of them.”
That’s why I won’t stop pushing for their safety and equality.
* * *
Sin had a last-minute trip to Dublin to meet with The Guild. He won’t be back until late tonight. I’m sort of pissed off because that means he’s missing my eighteen-week ultrasound today.
Sin’s leadership role means he’s going to miss a lot of things where the babies and I are concerned. I should accept it now.
I have Ellison. At least today and until she decides to stay or go.
Savannah, the same ultrasound tech who’s done all of my scans at the OB clinic in Edinburgh, is doing my sonogram today. “Where’s Mr. Breckenridge?”
“Away on business.” He’s busy transporting illegal firearms so he can stay in good relations with an Irish criminal organization. And they’re probably planning the demise of a third criminal organization that is our nemesis.
“What kind of work does your husband do?”
“Defense attorney.”
“I’m so excited to see them, I can hardly stand it. I may pee my pants,” Ellison says. She’s fidgeting, her knees pumping her legs up and down.
Savannah moves the wand over my belly and zooms in on the two little lives growing inside me. “Felt any movement yet?”
“No.” But I’m dying to. I’m disappointed I haven’t felt any flutters at all. I thoug
ht for sure I would this week.
“You should soon. Probably within the next fourteen days.”
I know this routine well. Savannah always does the things she must document first and then we get to do the fun stuff––spying on my wee ones. “They’re active today. Are we checking to see if they’re boys or girls?”
“Yes!” Ellison squeals.
“No. My husband and I have decided to be surprised.”
Ellison huffs. “I’m going to die if you don’t find out.”
She can be so dramatic. “Dying now would be a tragedy since you won’t be around to find out what they are when they’re born.”
“You and Sin don’t have to know. Just let me find out. I swear I won’t let it slip.”
That’s such bullshit. “You have the biggest mouth of anyone I know. There’s no way you’d be able to keep it a secret.”
“I can. I swear.”
“No. We want everyone to be surprised with us.”
She groans. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”
“Believe it or not, this is about what my husband and I want. Not you.”
“I know but I’m an excited aunt. I want to buy them stuff.”
Why does everyone think they must go out and get everything now? “You can still buy them stuff, just nothing gender specific until after they get here.”
“You have the patience of a saint. Always have.” While Ellison chomps at the bit.
“All right. Done with the measurements. It’s fun time.”
“Yes!” Ellison claps, reminding me of a two-year-old about to get a cookie. “Auntie Elli finally gets to see her babies.”
She gets up and goes around to the monitor of the machine. “Oh my God. They look like they’re butting heads.”
“I hear siblings do that from time to time.”
“They’re starting awful early.”
She studies the screen intently, never taking her eyes away from the babies. “Are you trying to see what they are?”
“Of course not.”
“Yes you are.” I don’t know how familiar Ellison’s ER experience makes her with OB sonograms, but it’s possible she knows just enough to be able to read them. “Stop or I’m going to make you leave.”
“Bleu. All I’m doing is looking at the babies, same as you.”
She tries to look innocent but I can see the little devil sitting on her shoulder whispering in ear. “Get your ass over here and sit down. Now.”
She takes her seat but she’s wearing a shit grin. “You saw, didn’t you?”
“Yes! But I could only make out one.”
Now I’m pissed off. And maybe a little jealous. She shouldn’t know what my babies are––or one of them––if I don’t.
“If you change your mind about knowing, all you have to do is ask.”
“No. And if you let it slip, I swear I’ll never forgive you.”
“I won’t. Promise.”
She’s never been able to keep her mouth shut in her life. I suspect now won’t be any different.
We leave my OB appointment and I’m feeling especially sulky. “I’m sorry, Bleu. I know you think I was trying to purposely see but I wasn’t. It popped up when she moved the wand. And I could be wrong. I’m not even that familiar with reading them.”
I can’t tell if she’s telling the truth or backpedaling. “Let’s not talk about it anymore.”
“How about lunch? Or maybe shopping?” she says.
Lunch sounds awesome. I know exactly what I want. Haggis.
I take Ellison to my favorite quick service restaurant. She isn’t nearly as in love with the items on the menu as I am.
Our plates arrive and she stares at my food. “That is the nastiest-looking shit I’ve ever seen.”
“I thought so too until I got pregnant. Now I crave it all the time.” It’s crazy.
“That’s just wrong, whatever that is.”
I hold out a bite on my fork in her direction. I know it disgusts her. That’s sort of why I’m doing it. “It’s good. Want a try?”
“Hell no,” she snarls.
“All the more for me, then.”
Ellison leans away and puts her fork down.
“What’s wrong? Burger not good?”
“It’s fine.”
Something’s up. “You aren’t eating.”
“I can’t stop thinking about the babies and how I’ll miss everything if I leave.”
I wanted Ellison to be the one to bring this up when she was ready. I guess this means it’s time. “You already know I want you here. Sin wants you to stay too.” I sort of suspect Jamie wants her to stick around as well.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I don’t think I can leave.”
“Is this your way of telling me you’ve decided to remain in Edinburgh?”
“I think so.”
“Temporarily?”
“I want to stay long-term.”
That means she must become a member. “As one of us?”
She shrugs. “There’s a lot to work out where that’s concerned so I guess that all depends.”
Ellison will always be safe from harm by The Fellowship. She’s my sister but our familial ties don’t obligate the brotherhood to protect her from harm by anyone else. That’s a precarious situation to be in since her affiliation with us places her in danger.
She knows there’s no bigger advocate for women’s equality than me, but the truth is that she’s going to need a Fellowship member to step forward and take responsibility for her. “I wish I could’ve taken you to Sin’s swearing-in ceremony. It would’ve been the perfect opportunity to meet every bachelor within The Fellowship.”
“It feels weird knowing I’ll be looking for a man to volunteer to be beaten nearly to death for me. I don’t feel right about that.”
“Endurance is normal practice for The Fellowship. It’s a harsh way to weed out the weak, so know that only a strong man will come forward to claim you.”
“I definitely want someone strong if I’m going to do this.”
I’m not really sure there are weaklings in The Fellowship. “No worries. Sin will make sure he finds you a great match.”
“My brother-in-law finding a husband for me doesn’t sound the least bit romantic. Or hot.”
I guess not unless you look at whom she could end up with. “Even if he’s somebody like Jamie?”
“I can’t say I’d mind being with someone like him.”
“What if you were matched with him?” Jamie isn’t in a relationship. He’s available as far as I know.
“You already know I find him drool-worthy but I don’t think he’s attracted to me.”
Ellison is beautiful. And so funny. I’m actually sort of surprised Jamie hasn’t already made a move for her. “What makes you say that?”
“He’s shown no interest.”
Ellison doesn’t understand the brotherhood. “The world of The Fellowship is a complicated one. No brother strays outside of it for a woman without chancing a harsh punishment.”
“How will I find a potential mate if I’m not one of you but can’t become part of The Fellowship until someone claims me?”
It’s sort of a chicken-or-the-egg conundrum. “Valid question. I think we should have some sort of social event so you can meet the brotherhood bachelors.”
“Brotherhood bachelors. Should be a reality show.”
Umm … no. “I think not.”
I sit back in my seat and tug on my tunic. “I can’t avoid buying real maternity clothes any longer. I’ve outgrown all my loose-fitting, stretchy stuff.”
“Ugh! The dreaded pregnancy wardrobe. Don’t you dare buy those damn maternity overalls.”
God, those things are fugly.
“If I can’t buy anything for the babies, then maybe getting you some stuff will suffice. Let’s shop before we go home. I’m sure Kyle and Blare would love nothing more than to accompany us to a mommy-and-me store.”
“They’ll hate me hard if I make them do that.”
“They must have done something really bad to have been assigned to guarding you.”
I’m sure it’s the opposite. “I imagine they did something really right. My husband didn’t choose them to watch over me and his children because they’ve proven themselves useless.”
“They both look mean as hell. What do you think they’ve done?”
I look at my two protectors sitting three tables away. They remind me of military men. Short hair. Muscular. Stone-faced. Content to keep quiet. “They’ve killed. A lot.”
“You think?”
“No doubt.”
“Has Sin killed?”
I debate answering that question but decide she should know the truth if she’s staying. “Yes. And if you join us, your husband will too. You’d better make damn sure you’re prepared to handle that part of his life. There will be times when he needs to confide the things he’s done. He may even cry like a baby on your shoulder because it’s become too much to handle. And you’ll let him. You’ll be the light delivering him from the dark. The beauty of the ugliness is that it’ll bring you closer.”
“I’m guessing the first time would be the worst. How did you handle it?”
“Sin went after three men who’d beaten and raped Alanna, the girl from our self-defense class. Once he told me the horrid things they did to her, I knew he was doing the only thing he could––taking care of his own. I was glad to be with a man who would avenge a wrong committed against an innocent young girl. It made me wonder how different I might have turned out if someone like him had done something like that for me.”
“I hate what happened to you, but it molded you into who you are today. I happen to like that person very much.”
“I feel like I’ve hidden my true self from you my entire life. I’m happy you finally get to know the real me.”
“I’ve always known the real you. All of this other stuff is just details.”
* * *
Ellison places one of my new maternity dresses on a hanger. It’s the black one embellished with metallic beading on the neckline. “This is so cute. I think you can wear it with leggings after the babies are born.”