by Roni Loren
Kade went still and silent, spoon abandoned in his cup.
“Think about it,” she hurried on, worried that if she didn’t barrel forward, she’d chicken out and run away screaming for the hills. This was so completely off her fucking list and life plan that she may as well have transported herself to a new dimension. She knew the smart thing to do would be to break it off now, let him be with someone else. But after seeing him with his daughter today, she couldn’t bring herself to go through with it. Her heart had broken, watching him fall apart after his little girl had left. He needed someone to be there for him. He needed her. “I haven’t dated anyone in a year and you haven’t been seen with anyone publicly in a while, so the timing is totally believable, especially since we knew each other before.”
“You’re being serious right now?” Kade asked, something akin to awe in his voice.
“I know it sounds insane, but we’d only have to keep up appearances until your court date. And you know the local press would eat it up. My ex will freak the hell out, but the more I think about it, the more I might kind of enjoy that.”
“Tess, do you even know what you’re saying? What that would involve? It’s everything you hate . . .”
She glanced past him toward the window, staring out at the orange and red shafts of setting sun and absorbing his very valid warning. Yes, it was everything she dreaded. Playing a fake role for everyone else. The media turning their evaluating eyes on her and dredging up her past. All of it had her near the breathing in a paper bag stage. But once upon a time there was a boy who’d needed her to stand up for him and she hadn’t. “Kade . . . I saw you, when your daughter left. I saw how much this is killing you. And how much she didn’t want to go.”
He made a sound in the back of his throat, and she could almost feel him bracing to keep the grief from surfacing again, to stay the cool, calm Kade.
She turned back to him and reached across to thread her fingers with his. They were chilled, whether from being wrapped around his shake or from the bomb she was dropping on him, she wasn’t sure. “I want to help. So what do you say? Will you accept my proposal or do I need to get down on one knee?”
The emotion that broke over his face nearly unraveled her. She was so used to the strong, nothing-bothers-me version of Kade that the flash of raw vulnerability left her breathless. He stood, tugging her up with him, and gathered her against his chest. “Tessa, I can’t even, this is . . . I don’t know what to say.”
“Just say yes. Let me do this for you.” She pushed up on the balls of her feet to give him a peck. But Kade wasn’t satisfied with that. He grabbed her legs, lifted her off her feet, and wrapped her legs around his waist, going in for a real kiss. She let out a little gasp of surprise but quickly melted into his hold. He tasted like cookies and vanilla and pure temptation.
A few teenage boys who’d been eating burgers in a corner booth sent catcalls their way, reminding her where they were. She broke off the kiss with a laugh.
Kade grinned and set her down. “Maybe we should get out of here. Don’t want to traumatize anyone.”
“Good idea.” They gathered their trash in a rush, tossed it, and were out the door before the manager who’d been giving them the stink eye could give them a stern talking to. When they climbed into the car, she looked over at him. “My place or yours?”
He stuck the key in the ignition. “Yours is closer. I’ll drive you back to the park to pick up your car first, though. It’s not safe to leave it there too late at night.”
They did the car exchange in record time, and he followed her to her house. Her body was still buzzing from the kiss and all the adrenaline over the decision she’d made, so by the time she turned the corner onto her street, she was ready to ravage and be ravaged. But the unfamiliar car parked in her driveway had her slowing down.
Her phone rang. Kade. She hit the speaker button on her steering wheel. “Looks like you have company, Tess. Expecting any?”
“No, I don’t recognize the car.”
“Want me to lay low until you know who it is?”
She frowned as she pulled in front of her house, squinting to see if she could see who was in the car. “No, if we’re going public, we don’t need to hide. Maybe someone has the wrong house.”
She parked her car in the driveway, and Kade pulled his along the curb. When she climbed out, she could see that her visitor had helped himself to her porch swing. Even in the dark, the shadowed figure was all too familiar. Doug had a certain way of holding himself, like he had a steel rod up his shirt. “Fuck.”
A warm hand touched the small of her back as Kade stepped up behind her. “What’s wrong?”
“I guess this is the answer to the question: What happens if Tessa changes her number and doesn’t answer his calls?”
Tessa could feel Kade shift gears almost instantly, like a tuning fork being struck. And the energy vibrating off of him wasn’t at all friendly.
“Well, isn’t that sweet?” Doug said, strolling down the porch, his ever-present suit swishing in the silence. “Did I interrupt date night again?”
The words were spoken with a light tone but there was no misinterpreting the cold maliciousness in his gaze. Kade stiffened next to her.
“What are you doing here, Doug?” Tess said, stepping forward in front of Kade, almost in a protective motion—like they’d slid backward on their timeline and Kade was still the kid who could be protected by the power of the popular girl.
Doug ignored her, something he was well-practiced at, and gave Kade and his casual jeans and T-shirt attire a dismissive once-over. He stuck his hand out toward Kade like he was the president of the fucking United States greeting a mere mortal. “Douglas Barrett.”
Kade ignored the outstretched hand and moved next to Tessa. “I know who you are.”
Doug’s eyes narrowed, and he lowered his hand. His attention shifted to Tessa. “Is this the same jerkoff I talked to a few weeks ago or are you on a leg-spreading rotation? Hard to keep up.”
Kade lurched forward, biblical-level wrath in his eyes, but Tessa scrambled in front of him, putting her hands to his chest and a plea in her voice. “Don’t. Please. Not worth it.”
Plus, she was afraid if let loose, Kade could possibly kill Doug. She didn’t know exactly what had happened that night between them all those years ago, but she sensed murder might not be an unjustified response.
Doug chuckled behind her. “Ready to attack already? Who is this guy?”
She turned around, Kade at her back. “You need to leave. I didn’t invite you and you’re not welcome.”
The amused expression faded. “You haven’t answered my calls, and I still haven’t found my grandfather’s watch. And now my dad’s coin collection is missing, too. You need to let me in that house, so I can get what you obviously took.”
She scoffed. “You’re so full of shit. You know I don’t have those things. You’re here because you can’t stand that I’m ignoring you.”
“Maybe you took them to pay off the bills at your pathetic little pet project. I’ve heard it’s quite the cash sieve.”
Calling the charity pathetic sent all her bitch buttons blinking, but if she let herself get out of control, it’d only be minutes before the guys were scrapping on her lawn like junkyard dogs. “I don’t need your help with my charity anymore. I’m handling it.”
“Sure you are.” He nodded at Kade. “Hope your pockets are deep, my friend, and that the pussy’s worth it.”
A bomb went off behind her. It happened too fast for her to intervene, her hands grasping air as Kade flew past her. Kade grabbed Doug by his lapels and hauled him up the porch and against the wall with a crushing bang. Tess ran after them.
Kade’s voice was murderously calm. “If I were you, Douggie, I’d be real careful what you say next. You want to know who this gu
y is? Maybe I should stutter and jog your memory. I’m the guy who despises you enough that jail might be worth the chance to beat you until you cry and beg and break. Maybe I should do to you exactly what you did to me.”
Doug’s eyes went wide at that, and it was the first time Tessa could recall seeing real fear flicker there. Doug’s gaze darted to her then back to Kade. “Fowler?”
“Apologize to Tess for being a crude and obnoxious prick tonight,” Kade said, his grip on Doug not relenting.
Doug’s jaw clenched and she could tell, though he was wary of Kade, he wasn’t quite ready to concede. “I apologize, Tessa.”
The lack of sincerity was clear to them all, and Kade looked ready to kill him with his bare hands. She’d never seen anyone look so deadly. The hate was like a palpable flavor in the air around him. But when she called Kade’s name, truly scared he might do something, Kade released Doug with a shove, and stepped back. Tessa let go of the breath she’d been holding and went to stand next to Kade, taking his hand. His was shaking.
Doug glanced down at their linked hands and snorted. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Him, Tessa? Seriously?”
“You need to go,” she said.
“Guess it’s true what they say about the law of attraction. Trash attracts trash. Have fun playing in the gutter.”
Kade made some growly noise under his breath but she put her other hand on his upper arm, keeping him from launching at Doug and doing real damage this time.
Doug shook his head like he couldn’t believe he had to suffer the presence of such pathetic creatures. “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer about the watch and coins.”
She chose not to take any more of his bait and watched him smooth his jacket then head toward the rental car. She squinted, catching what looked to be movement next to the car, but it was too dark to tell. Probably a neighbor peeking over the hedges for the show. Great. She gave another investigating look as Doug pulled out but didn’t see anything else. And not until his taillights disappeared off the street did she let herself ease her grip on Kade’s hand. She leaned into him. “You okay?”
“No, not really,” he said, his voice so quiet it almost didn’t sound like him.
She looked up at him, concern lacing her. “What’s wrong?”
He leaned against the railing of her porch, the lines of his jaw flexing. He’d gone pale and sweat had broken out along his brow. “You saw me. I almost fucking lost it. I hate that he can still get to me.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. He would’ve kept provoking you until you snapped at the bait. That’s his way. Provoke and then make the other person feel like they’re the ones acting irrationally. He used to do it to me all the time.”
He shook his head, tension still swirling around him like a fog. “You don’t understand. I hate feeling out of control like that. I’m not that person anymore. He shouldn’t be able to affect me at all. But it’s taking everything I have right now not to get in my car, hunt him down, and wring the life right out of him.” He met her gaze. “I could kill that guy in cold blood and not feel remorse. I don’t want to be that person.”
“No,” she said, her voice firm. “You aren’t that person. You had the chance to hurt him tonight and you let him leave.”
“Only because you were here,” he said, running a hand through his hair and stalking the length of the porch. “God, I hate that he can get to me like that. It makes me feel crazy, out of control.”
She rubbed her arms, worried at this shift in him. He looked like he needed to punch a wall or pummel something, like all this energy was built up with nowhere to go. But she didn’t have a punching bag to offer. And she sure didn’t want him going after Doug and getting himself in trouble.
She wet her lips, another idea hovering. It was a risk, but some instinct inside her told her it may be just what he needed. She walked backward toward her door, slid the key inside by feel, and turned the knob. “So take the control back.”
He glanced over at her, brows still low over his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
She pushed the door open behind her. “Forget about him and take some control back. I’m here. I won’t fight it.”
His expression darkened. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. You haven’t seen my mean side, and I’m not sure I trust myself to keep it light and easy right now. Just give me a few minutes to calm down.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to calm down,” she said, the words escaping before she could evaluate their possible consequences. “You’ve given me my fantasy. Maybe it’s time you show me yours. What would you do if you weren’t worried about what I’d think?”
He stared at her for long seconds, and she almost chickened out and took it back, but then he was stalking across the porch in a blink. She backed up into the house, and Kade kicked the door shut behind him. “Tell me your safeword, Tess.”
Her voice went hoarse in an instant. “Red.”
He moved forward, wrapping his hand around the base of her neck. “Tell me you really want this.”
The grip on her neck and his words coalesced in the small space of her entryway, creating a foggy, heady feeling that wasn’t altogether unpleasant. This was it. No more safety net. Even though she’d surrendered to him at The Ranch, she knew he was still holding back parts of himself. She’d seen the things the other dominants did to their submissives. Kade had never tried any of that with her. The only pain had been spanking.
She’d realized that night that he’d been going easy on her, introducing her slowly to his darker side, keeping it all playful, fun fantasy. She’d been thankful for it at first, the heavier stuff scaring her. But she couldn’t deny that lately, she’d found herself imagining more, amping up the intensity in her mind and wondering what it would be like for Kade to go into full primal mode with her—she’d sensed it there right beneath his surface and now it was glittering on the forefront like moonlight on black water. The idea of exposing herself to that primitive side of Kade both turned her on and scared her. But in her heart of hearts, she did trust him to not physically harm her.
“I want this—whatever this is.”
“This,” he said, guiding her none too gently down to her knees by her neck, “is the ugly part.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
Kade loomed over her, every trace of his normally easygoing expression gone. “On all fours. Crawl to the bedroom.”
She got in position but peeked upward before moving. He couldn’t be serious. “You want me to crawl like a dog?”
His expression hardened and he wrapped his fingers in her hair. “No, I want you to do what I say without question. Understood?”
“Yes, sir,” she managed, though her heart seemed to be pounding so hard it was affecting her vocal cords.
He tugged her forward, not hard enough to do damage, but enough to make her scalp tingle in protest and her body move beneath her. He led her into her bedroom and left her there on the floor while he turned on her bedside lamp. When he swiveled back around, he gave her an appraising look. “Are you wearing anything important to you? Something that can’t be replaced?”
She shook her head.
“Good. Stand up.”
She scrambled to her feet, her body going on autopilot for the commands. The whole thing should have freaked her out, but for some reason, everything inside her pinged with anticipation—like watching a horror movie and knowing something was about to jump from behind the curtain but unable to look away. This was Kade without a filter.
Kade closed the distance, his gaze like lead weights anywhere it landed on her. He reached out and grabbed the collar of her blouse with both hands and yanked, sending the buttons flying.
“Kade! What are you doing?”
The buttons skittered along the wood floor, and he tossed the shredded blouse to the side. His han
d went to her neck, collaring it. “I’m doing what I want. Take the jeans off.”
Oh, shit. Hello, deep end of the pool, nice to meet you. She fumbled with her snap and zipper, the presence of his hand on her throat making her thoughts branch and divert in directions she couldn’t quite follow, but eventually she managed to work the jeans down and off.
“Good girl.” He ran his fingers along her jawline. “Scared?”
She rolled her lips inward, considering the question, but then shook her head. “No, not exactly. Confused maybe.”
He watched her as she spoke, as if recording every verbal and physiological response she had. “By me or your reactions?”
“Both.”
That answer seemed to give him what he was looking for. He turned her in his hold, putting her back to his front. His erection was hot against her backside, and everything went liquid inside her. She almost didn’t want to admit to herself how turned on she was already. His lips brushed her ear. “We all have sides that we don’t show the world, Tess. The back of the coin. This is mine. I like some violence, some edges. A little darkness. Let’s see what your flipside looks like.”
He grasped her upper arms and walked her to the bed, then pressed a palm to the center of her back bending her over. He nudged her ankles apart.
“Eyes closed. Stay there.”
“Okay,” she whispered, her heart beating so hard she wondered if it could leave an imprint in the mattress.
The sound of his footsteps receded. He’d left the room, but she didn’t have the guts to look back to see where he was going. A rummaging noise came from somewhere in the house, and then Kade was back, his presence seeming to charge the room with static. Something cool touched her shoulder. She sucked a breath.
“Don’t. Move.”
A metallic edge ran over her skin and under the strap of her bra, sending fear pulsing through her. Oh, God.