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“Thank you.” I think for a second how fucking selfish I’m being. “Thanks for listening. I always unload all this Heidi crap on you, Hope. I never ask if you’re okay or do anything for you.”
She wraps her arms around me for a quick squeeze. “You’re so sweet. And that’s not true. I haven’t gotten in my car once since I moved here and had less than a half tank of fuel. When it snows, my car’s always cleaned off and ready for me. Rock says that’s all you.”
Pride turns my mouth up in a big grin. “Well, that’s me making sure the prospects do it.”
“I figured.” She bumps me again with her shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Everything okay?” Rock asks as he steps out the front door.
Hope doesn’t jump or try to distance herself from me in any way, and Rock doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. There are no games between these two. They trust each other absolutely. Well that and he knows damn well I’m no threat.
He walks over and she stares up at him as if everything she needs in the universe is right in front of her. A long time ago, Heidi looked at me in a similar way.
“You okay, Baby Doll?” he asks as he runs the back of his hand over her cheek. She leans into him and murmurs a yes. She doesn’t offer up what we were talking about, and I appreciate that. I’m sure later she’ll tell him all about it, but she has too much class to embarrass me in front of him.
“Need anything, prez?”
Rock sighs and shakes his head. “Sway called. He and a couple of his guys are coming up—not Bull.”
That information makes me laugh. I’m sure Bull won’t return anytime soon since I knocked him out cold after Rock and Hope’s wedding. I’m not too fond of Sway showing up, though. Not after the way he treated Hope when Rock was in jail last summer.
“Ugh, just let me know when so I can steer clear of the clubhouse,” Hope says and Rock glances down at her with a questioning face. I’m guessing no one filled Rock in on Sway’s misbehavior.
Shaking my head, I catch Hope’s attention. “He wouldn’t dare be that rude in front of Rock.”
“What the fuck are you two talking about?” Rock asks.
Hope makes an oops face. “With all the craziness going on and then our wedding, I forgot all about it.”
Rock swings his icy glare to me. “What is she talking about?”
“Nothing. Sway was just a rude dick to her while he was here. We set him straight and he backed down.”
His angry face softens as he turns back to Hope. “He touch you?”
“Not really. He was concerned that I should know my place.”
“Interesting. Wrath never mentioned it,” Rock grumbles.
“I think he had enough to worry about.” Hope’s quick to defend Wrath, and I find that funny since he treated Hope pretty harsh in the beginning. “The guys took care of me,” she says, patting my leg.
Rock glares at me again. “Okay,” he says in a way that means it’s definitely not okay.
Church should be a big ball of fun this week.
Sway’s visit should be entertaining too.
Teller rides up, and Rock walks over to meet him. Hope waves but doesn’t leave my side.
“Anything else?” she asks in a low voice.
“Probably but I can’t think of anything right now,” I answer honestly.
The corners of her mouth tip up and she wraps her hand around mine for a brief squeeze. “Please stop being so hard on yourself.”
Teller and Rock join us, and then Rock drags Hope home. “You see Wrath, tell him I need to talk to him,” Rock says over his shoulder.
“What’s that about?” Teller asks as he drops down next to me.
“Sway’s comin’ to visit.”
He screws his face into pure disgust. “Gonna tell Axel to keep Heidi away while Sway’s here.”
My insides knot up at the mention of her name. “You still cool with that?”
His eyes narrow. “What? Axel dating my sister? No. I’d rather she not date anyone and just concentrate on school.”
So would I. “That’s not very realistic, bro.”
“No shit.” He eyes me again. “Why’re you asking?”
My shoulders lift, but I’m not fooling him one bit. Fuck. Am I really gonna beg my best friend to talk his little sister into giving me a chance? “She’s eighteen—”
“Don’t.” He throws his hand up. “She’s not ready. She’s not—”
“What?”
“She’s not the girls you’re used to.”
Does he think I’m stupid? “I know that.”
“So, what if she wants to take things slow? You gonna wait or…I won’t have anyone disrespect my sister. Not even you.”
Somehow he lost me. “I’d never do anything to hurt her.”
“Dude. She ever caught you with someone else, it would kill her. She’s already—”
“Wait a second. You think I’d cheat on her? Why?” Then it hits me. My brother’s living in some deep denial. I won’t be the one who bursts his carefully constructed bubble by telling him Heidi’s not a virgin. Or at least that she told me she isn’t.
“I’d do whatever she wanted at her pace,” I finally mumble. “I’d never force her into something she didn’t want or have someone on the side.”
The weight of his stare drills into me and I lift my gaze. “If you’re with my sister, you’re with her. She’s not ending up one of your many conquests.”
Oh, man. He’s begging for me to punch him in the fuckin’ throat by suggesting I’d ever treat Heidi that way. “I know that,” I growl. “That’s not what I want.”
“Since when are you seriously into Heidi?” he asks.
How do I put into words what Heidi means to me? “Since always.”
His jaw drops and he continues glaring at me. “Why didn’t you ever say so?”
“Because it wasn’t right.”
“Jesus Christ.” He shakes his head, but finally drops the protective big brother shit and gives me a hint of a smile. “You tell her?”
“Tried.”
“And?”
“We just argued.”
“Figures,” he mutters. “Give her some time to work stuff out. She’s not going anywhere.”
God, I hope not. Even if she’s not mine, I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.
It’s easy to avoid Murphy when I want to. After our fight, I manage to avoid him for a couple of weeks. Things go back to normal for Axel and me. School’s hard. My brother always thinks I’m so smart, but the truth is, school has always been hard work for me. What seems to take my classmates seconds to grasp requires a lot of studying for me.
I don’t mind. It gave me an excuse to stay out of my grandmother’s way when she was in one of her fits. My high grades were the only thing she ever liked about me. It gave her something to brag about. When my mother dropped Teller and me off at her mother’s house and took off with her boyfriend, I wonder if she knew how bad things would get for me.
Everyone in my grandmother’s small town knew my father split after I was born. My mother was a tramp who chose a random biker over her children. The Whelan kids provided a lot of gossip for narrow-minded neighbors. Angry at the world, Marcel fought with our grandmother a lot. We were that trashy family down the street who always had the cops at the door. She hated Marcel for embarrassing her.
Even after my brother moved out, he always made time for me. Murphy also remained a constant in my life. Those moments were precious and I never wanted to burden either of them with how miserable my life was. My grandmother always threatened to put me in foster care if I didn’t behave. I feared if visiting me became too complicated, Blake and Marcel wouldn’t do it anymore.
Axel’s the first person I ever spilled my dark secrets to. Mostly because he walked in on one of the blowout fights my grandmother and I were always having. Not long after, he found the bruises on my back and demanded answers. When my brother fought her for custody, I prayed every
damn night he’d win. They ended up compromising, but it didn’t matter because she died a few months later.
I felt guilty about the relief that washed over me when she passed. She had taken me in when my mother tossed me out. Things were far from perfect, but I felt like the ungrateful brat she always accused me of being because I felt so free once she was gone.
The guilt I feel today is a bit different. I’ve been avoiding Murphy and I hate that. I just can’t figure out a way to reach out to him after everything we said to each other.
As if he knew he’d been on my mind, I find him outside my last class leaning against a brick wall, arms crossed over his chest. His bored expression turns hard when he spots me with my friend, Lucas.
“I’ll catch you later, Lucas.”
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “You’re not going to introduce me to your friend?”
I glance at Murphy’s not-so-bored-now face. “Not today.”
Lucas gives me a quick fist-bump and hurries away.
Murphy’s face completely transforms as I approach him. “What are you doing here?” I ask.
“I needed to see you.”
I cock my head and study him. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, I miss you.”
Is he really here to see me? Axel said that girl Serena takes classes here, too. Maybe I only ran into Murphy by accident. I almost ask, but then bite my tongue. I don’t want to argue again. I’m still ashamed of myself for being so mean to him.
We stare at each other for a few seconds before he holds his arms out. Not caring who sees, I drop my bag and fling myself against him.
“Missed you so much, Heidi,” he says against my hair. His low voice vibrates through my chest, and I swear, I feel it all the way to my toes. My hands slide down the supple leather of his cut and over the familiar flannel softness of his shirt. I wrap my arms around him, holding on tight. Burying my face against his shoulder, I breathe him in. A hint of wind, leather, and all the scents I love most.
I barely choke back a sob. “I’m sorry.”
His arms squeeze me a little tighter. “Me too.”
I want to ask what he’s sorry for when I was the one who acted so awful, but he pulls away. Under the weight of his gaze, I flinch and turn my head.
“Hey.” His hand brushes over my cheek. “Want to go for a ride?”
“You have your bike?”
“You know it.” He leans over and grabs my bag, and I follow him out to the parking lot.
“So, who was the guy?”
I’m trailing behind him, so he misses my eye-rolling headshake. “My friend Lucas. He’s dating my friend Penny. Remember her?”
He snorts. “Yeah, I remember Penny.”
I don’t ask any follow-ups to that. He stops at my car. Naturally, he’s parked right next to it.
“How did you know? And how’d you know where my class was?”
His mouth slides into a familiar half-smirk. “I know how to find you.”
Some girls might consider that stalkerish. I like that I matter to him.
I unlock my car and he tosses my bag in the backseat. “Car running okay? You need anything?” he asks as he casually leans in and pops the hood.
“Did you really come here to check my oil?”
“No. But since I’m here, I might as well.”
When he’s certain my car is in perfect order, I lock it up. “You putting a lot of miles on it?”
I don’t want to tell him that on nights when I know Marcel won’t be home, I usually stay at Axel’s, which has cut down on my mileage a lot.
“Not too bad.”
“You got a jacket in there?”
“You know I do.” He and my brother had lectured me endlessly about keeping spare stuff in my car “just in case.” So, in addition to the usual tire-changing supplies, jumper cables, an empty gas can, and duct tape, my car is equipped with a spare jacket, gloves, extra sneakers, a blanket, and other assorted items.
Once I’m suited up, he hands over a helmet. A surge of guilt pulses over me as I wrap my arms around him. He’s not my boyfriend. I shouldn’t be on the back of his bike.
But it’s Blake.
I didn’t bother to ask where we’re going, and it doesn’t matter. I just enjoy the ride. Axel’s working late so we didn’t have plans tonight. Part of me wonders if Blake knew that, too.
Maybe twenty minutes into our ride, I pick my head up and actually take notice of where we’re going. If I had to guess, Fletcher Park.
My ears pop as we climb higher into the mountains. He slows the bike as we enter the park, always aware of cops who wait right after the big Fletcher Park sign to pull over speeders.
“Thank you for parking on this side,” I say as I shake out my hair and hand over my helmet.
“I remember, b—Heidi.”
Warmth flickers in my chest. Blake’s trying. Remembering at the last second not to call me Bug. Remembering how much the overlook side of the park freaks me out, ever since I saw one of my classmates in fourth grade fall over the side. I want to hug him again.
I think the hug takes him by surprise. He runs his hand over my head and down my hair. “You okay, Heidi?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna go for a hike or stay here?”
“Hike.”
He chuckles when I don’t let go right away. Finally, he takes my hand and leads me up the trail that will take us into the woods and to the bridge that stretches over the waterfalls.
“Did you have a good day in school?”
“It was okay.”
“Learn anything useful?” he asks. “You still happy there?”
I know Blake had been hoping I’d go to another college. One Axel didn’t attend, so I take my time answering.
“Yes. I met with my adviser to talk about an internship next summer.”
“Already?”
“Well, yeah. It’s a two-year program. I need the experience some time.”
“That’s scary. I don’t know if I’d want you poking at me—”
“I’m not drawing blood, you goof.”
He chuckles, not insulted. “I’m just messin’ with you.”
“How’s everything in motorcycle and stripper land?”
He chokes on a laugh. “Okay.” After a few seconds, he clarifies. “You know I spend more time helping Wrath over at Furious than I do at CB these days, right?”
“No. I didn’t know that. How come?”
His shoulders lift, jerking my hand, reminding me that we’re still holding hands.
“His other trainer’s been out, so he needed the help.”
“Oh. Is he paying you, or making you work for free?”
“We worked something out,” he says with a smile.
“So, if I stop by are you going to teach me some cool self-defense moves?”
His smile fades. “Sure. You think you need ‘em?”
“Doesn’t every girl?”
Instead of laughing, my question seems to bother him. “I’d bury anyone who hurt you, Heidi. You know that, right?”
“Even you?”
He stops and turns to face me. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to.”
My chest squeezes. Once I’d calmed down, I’d thought over his words endlessly. His admission that he cared about me the same way I cared about him. It helped finally twist my way of thinking and understand his actions a little more. “I know.”
He takes my other hand and rolls his lips as if he’s not sure he should say what he wants to. “So, where’s this internship going to be?”
I don’t think that’s what he planned to say. “Probably Empire Med.”
“Wow.”
“Don’t get too excited. I’ll probably just be watching and taking notes.”
“Yeah. Still. It’s—I’m proud of you. Knew you were smart from the time you were little.”
“You did?”
“Hell yeah. You couldn’t wait to go to school. You loved being the
re. You were the only kid I ever knew who was sad when she had to leave.”
I chuckle, because he’s right. “True. But that’s because home sucked.”
“I hated when you and Marcel moved out to your Grams’s.” His voice turns raw and he glances away. “Used to have a bitch of a time hitching a ride out there.”
“What’s wrong, Blake?”
He flashes a quick smile. “Nothin’. I—that money I told you I was saving for college for you. It’s not…it wasn’t ‘cause I expected anything from you. You remember hanging around the old clubhouse when it was next to CB? Lots of those girls were dancing to pay for school, and your brother and I never wanted that for you. That’s all.”
My breath catches, throat tightening so I can’t get out a response. Hot tears bubble up and I blink to clear them. “Blake,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry I ever—” Shame slides over my skin and I pull my hands out of his grasp.
“Hey,” he says, pulling me back in. “I didn’t tell you to upset you. I just wanted you to understand.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why me?”
“‘Cause you’re one of my favorite people in the whole world.”
I mean it, too. Heidi and her brother are the most important people in my life. My first true family, before the club. She’s a part of me, no different from the blood running through my veins.
“Hey.” I take one of her hands again. “Let’s keep walking.”
We trudge up the rough trail in silence. The sound of water rushing on our left intensifies the farther we go.
“We’re close to the falls,” Heidi says in a low voice.
Trees break and the falls are in front of us.
“Oh, it’s so beautiful.” Heidi rushes forward, dragging me along.
“Careful, Heidi.”
She tugs her hand out of my grasp. “I’m okay.” She must have pulled harder than I realized, because she pitches forward, then tips right over the ledge.
“Jesus!” I’m flying through the air, landing on the ground hard, with her arm in my grasp.
“Blake!” The fear in her voice makes me forget the wind just got knocked out of me. I’m strong. No question. I spend plenty of time lifting weights, boxing, and strength training. None of it prepared me to hold a hundred and twenty pounds of scared teenage girl over the side of a ledge with one hand.