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by Ivy Smoak
***
I opened up my bedroom window and climbed out onto the roof. Today had been perfect. Miles and I had spent the whole day running around outside. Nothing had felt the same without him. But now that he was here, I felt like my old self again. He made me smile like no one else could. Somehow he reminded me of the way things used to be without making me feel sad. Really, he made me feel whole again.
I heard the squeak of another window opening. I smiled to myself. Miles and I never talked about it. We were always just great at meeting at the right time.
He lay down beside me and slipped his hand into mine.
A year ago, that had been the happiest moment of my life. It mirrored my feelings today. Yes, we wrote to each other all the time. But it was never really romantic. I closed my eyes for a second. It was nice to know that his feelings hadn't changed. Miles Young was the only constant in my life.
"Do you come out here a lot?" he asked.
"Every night that the sky is clear." I opened my eyes and stared up at the stars. "Do you still go out in your tree house?"
"All the same nights as you, I bet."
That made me smile. Whenever I was hurting, looking at the stars made me feel better, because I always knew he was looking at them too. It was the only way I could feel close to home.
"Are you happy?" His voice was quieter, like he was scared to hear my answer.
No one had asked me that in a long time. Was I happy? "I miss them. I miss them every day." The thing that hurt the most was how guilty I felt. That night, I had been so eager for my parents to leave. I didn't even tell them that I loved them. But I would never tell Miles that. He'd beat himself up because I had been eager to go see him. That was my own burden to carry. It weighed on me though. I'd do anything to go back. I'd do anything to see my parents' smiles one more time.
He squeezed my hand.
"But yeah, I think I'm happy." I blinked away the tears that were threatening to escape. "I love my grandmother. She yells at me a lot, but I think it's because I remind her so much of my mom, you know? She misses her too. I know it's been hard on her." I was quiet for a moment. "And I have you." I turned my head toward his. He was already staring at me instead of the stars.
"Yeah, you have me." He smiled out of the corner of his mouth.
I had never seen that look on his face before. He was different in a lot of ways. Taller. More handsome, if that was possible. But the look on his face right now was the main difference. I'm pretty sure it's the look I had always given him. "You look different," I whispered.
He laughed. "You look different too, Summer."
"A good different?"
He nodded his head and left it tilted slightly down toward mine. "A very good different."
I tilted my head up toward his until his lips were pressed to mine. We stayed completely still. It was better than holding his hand. It was better than anything I had ever experienced.
He smiled when our lips parted.
And I know I was smiling. I'm not sure I'd ever stop smiling again. He was my first love. My first kiss. My rock.
***
Summer,
I'm so sorry about your grandmother passing. How are you holding up? I'm sorry that I couldn't come to the funeral.
Sagitta is really bright right now. Do you still look up at the stars? It reminds me of you. You don't seem so far away whenever I look up.
What happens now? Where will you go?
-Miles
***
Miles,
Sometimes I feel like I look at the stars more than I look at what's around me. I still have that keychain you gave me of Sagitta. It reminds me of you too.
I'm moving again. I'm going to be part of a foster family. They seem nice.
-Summer
Chapter 5
11 Years Old
Summer,
Merry Christmas! We have about a foot of snow here. I know you just moved again. Does it snow in Colorado too?
What happened with your last foster family? I thought they might stick. I was rooting for you.
-Miles