“No, I only need to rest. Please don’t leave me, Holden. Please.”
Not wanting to add any additional stress, I crawled into bed next to her and pulled her into my arms. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep.
I was suddenly overcome with exhaustion. I figured once she was in a deep sleep, I’d sneak out and meet Emylie for lunch. Fighting to keep my eyes open, I let them close for just a few moments.
“Holden, baby wake up.”
Jumping up, I quickly looked around. Daphne was standing in front of me with a smile on her face.
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“Better. I think I needed the rest and having you next to me helped even more.”
She was changed and had her hair up and her make-up done. “Wait. How long have you been up?”
With a tilt of her head and a smug smile, she replied, “I woke up at two. You seemed so tired, I thought it best to let you sleep. Especially with how you acted toward me earlier this morning. You were not yourself, Holden.”
Glancing at the clock, my heart stopped.
Four-thirty.
“Emylie.”
Her smile faded. “Her again?”
I shook my head. “Daphne, I never called to tell her I couldn’t make it to lunch, that’s all.”
She put her hand over her mouth and gasped. It was so fake I was actually surprised how terrible it was. I thought she was a better actress than that.
That’s when it hit me. Earlier today was nothing but a show. A way to keep me from meeting Emylie. “There was nothing wrong, was there?” I questioned.
Staring at me with a stunned expression, she replied, “I can’t believe you would accuse me of such a thing. Why in the world would I lie about something like that?”
My hand raked across my head. I had no idea if she really had cramps or if it was all a lie. She was so devastated from the last pregnancy loss I knew she wouldn’t do something like that with this one, or would she?
There was no way I could really know, so I played it safe. I needed to make sure she stayed calm and had no stress. Walking up to her, I pulled her into my arms. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m in a weird place right now and I’m not sure what I’m thinking or saying anymore.”
“Cleary,” she mumbled.
Pulling back, I searched her face. I had tried so hard to feel something for this woman, but I just couldn’t. There was no way I was going to be able to live a lie. It wasn’t fair to me or Daphne.
“Let’s go find my mom.”
She nodded and gave me a weak smile.
We left the room and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Pulling my phone out, I started to text Emylie. I’d rather call her, but I couldn’t with Daphne next to me.
Her laughter filled the air and my heart began to race. Emylie was here. Turning around the corner, I stopped dead in my tracks. It was my mother, Emylie, and Mason. Mason had his arms around Emylie as she tried to get away from his hold while he tried to make her eat something.
Feeling the heat build, I said, “Well don’t you two look cute?”
Mason and Emylie instantly stopped what they were doing and stood there. Mason took one look at me and shook his head. Walking up to me, he gave me a push.
“You motherfucker. Why do you keep insisting on hurting her?”
“Mason!” my mother and Emylie cried out.
I gave him a push back. “Stay the fuck out of it, Mason.” Turning to Emylie, I pleaded with her, “Em, I can explain what happened.”
Giving me a distant and cold stare, she barely said, “Don’t bother. Your mother already told me what happened with Daphne.”
Emylie’s gaze drifted over to where Daphne stood.
The doorbell rang and before I knew it, there was an entire film crew surrounding us.
I needed to talk to Emylie but the commotion of the camera crew and Daphne talking a million miles a minute, had me fighting to even get over to Emylie.
A mic was shoved into my face. “So Holden, what do you think about Daphne’s father flying in for the engagement dinner?”
Everything stopped. My mother stood frozen in her place, as did Emylie and Mason. My father walked in right about then and said, “What engagement dinner?”
Turning to Daphne, I took her by the elbow and guided to the dining room.
“What in the hell is going on, Daphne?”
She gave me an unsuspecting look. “What do you mean?”
“I told you this wasn’t an engagement dinner. Did you even bother to tell your father to call off the crew?”
Her focus drifted over my shoulder. “Well, it was a tad bit too late since the film crew was already on its way here. I thought maybe we could pretend the dinner was our engagement dinner. You know, maybe have your mom and dad give a small speech about how happy they are for us and then let Daddy speak.”
My mouth hung open in shock. “In the middle of our family reunion dinner? You want them to stand up out of the blue and give a fucking speech?”
“It only has to be something short. Five minutes or less.”
“No!” I shouted. “This dinner is not about you, Daphne. I know you find that hard to believe, but this is not … about … you.”
My body came to life when I felt her hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw Emylie standing there with a worried look on her face. “I think you two need to take this somewhere else.” She motioned to the film crew all pinned in on us.
Daphne let out an evil laugh and stepped between me and Emylie.
“This dinner is for family, and you are clearly not family. So back off, bitch.”
Emylie stared at Daphne with a stunned expression. Heat immediately raced over my body.
My mother was now standing next to Emylie with a very pissed off expression on her face. “Daphne, you have no right speaking to Emylie that way. She is very much a part of this family and has been for a number of years. Now there was a misunderstanding, sweetheart, and I can see you’re upset. This dinner is a yearly tradition that kicks off our family reunion. We did not plan an engagement dinner in your honor, and I’m sorry if you’re hurt by that. I’m sure we can work something out for your … father if he needs to have something filmed.”
Daphne’s hands went to her hips. I figured she would back down now that my mother had said something to her and thrown her a bone to chew on for a while. Little did I know Daphne was about to try and take down the entire night.
“I’m sorry. I guess my hormones are a little crazy.”
My head snapped over to Daphne. She wouldn’t. My mother and I stared at each other, each with a horrified look on our faces.
“Let’s grab something to eat, Daphne.” I said, trying to pull her away.
She wouldn’t budge as she stood firm, glaring at Emylie.
“I’m not hungry, but I should probably eat for the baby.”
When her hands went to her stomach, I watched Emylie’s face. Taking a few steps back, her head jerked over to look at me. There was nothing I could do now. I wanted to tell her myself today at lunch how I had been planning on coming home when Daphne told me about the baby. How unhappy I was and that I still loved her. A part of me was ready to walk away and fight for joint custody. Now that I was home and saw Emylie, I knew I would never be able to go through with marrying Daphne.
Never.
Taking a step toward Emylie, I softly said, “I was going to tell you today at lunch.”
Her head whipped back and forth between me and Daphne.
With a smirk on her face, Daphne turned to me. “Baby, I think I could use something to eat after all.”
Daphne stepped around me and walked up to the camera crew. She started spouting off orders as my mother followed.
I took a step toward Emylie but she shook her head. Covering her mouth, I watched as a tear slipped from her eye. My entire world felt like it was turning black and I instantly felt sick.
“Em,” I whispered.
Dropping her
hand, she forced out the air from her lungs.
I hated myself.
I hated Daphne for blurting out about the baby. But worse of all, I hated that I had hurt Emylie yet again.
“Excuse me, I need some air.”
I reached for her arm and pulled her back to me. “Em! Wait.”
“Please let me go, Holden. Please.”
The sound of her voice nearly brought me to my knees. “Em, if we could go somewhere to talk.”
She pressed her lips together and shook her head.
“I can’t. I can’t do this.”
Panic filled my chest. I couldn’t lose her again. I wouldn’t lose her again.
Turning quickly, Emylie rushed out the door, leaving me standing there feeling like the world’s biggest fucking dick.
I dragged in a deep breath then forced it back out. My gaze drifted over to where my mother was attempting to get the camera crew out of her house. Leaning against the wall, Daphne stared at me with a smirk on her face as she took a drink of ice tea.
She pushed off the wall and walked my way. Stopping right in front of me, she started talking. Her voice sounded cold and distant. “It’s better she knows about the baby, Holden. Maybe now she’ll stop sniffing around what’s mine.”
My entire body went rigid. I’d never hated Daphne as much as I hated her right then. Leaning down, I pressed my lips against her ear.
“I’m not yours. I never have been and never will be.”
SOB AFTER SOB escaped from my lips as I ran to the barn. I could tell someone was following behind me and I hoped like hell it wasn’t Holden.
Finally making it into the barn, I stopped and inhaled deeply.
“Em?”
Mason.
Turning, I gasped when I saw Becca at his side. Why I was surprised I had no idea. Once Mason and I called it quits on what ever it was we had together, he started talking more to Becca.
“Do you want me to leave?” Becca asked.
I felt like the world’s biggest bitch because I wanted more than anything to tell her yes. Yes, I wanted her to leave. Yes, I wanted to fall into Mason’s arms and use sex to forget what I had heard.
No.
No, I wouldn’t use Mason as my crutch anymore. And I wouldn’t stand in the way of my two best friends finding their way to each other. Even if nothing came out of it, at least they had the chance to find out if there was something there.
Shaking my head, I forced a smile. “No, Becca. Please don’t leave.”
“What in the hell happened, Em? What did Holden and that witch say to you?” Mason asked walking up to me. I took a step back, making sure he knew I didn’t want any physical contact. So far we had been able to keep the need to touch each other to a minimum. For two years, I had allowed myself to fall into his arms every time something upset me.
No more.
It was over. I needed to learn to be on my own. Deal with things the right way.
Wiping my nose in the most unladylike way, I forced the words out. “She’s pregnant.”
Becca covered her mouth. “What?”
With a quick nod, I let out a fake chuckle. “Yep. Imagine my surprise when she blurted it out like everyone in the world knew.”
“Was that what Holden was going to talk to you about at lunch today?”
I shrugged. “He said he was going to tell me today, but really what does it matter? I don’t mean anything to him. He owes me no explanations.”
Becca walked up to me and pulled me into her arms. I didn’t start crying again until she said, “It does matter because Holden still loves you, Em.”
Tears streamed down my face as I squeezed my eyes shut. Barely shaking my head, I whispered, “No. If he loved me, he would have tried. He would have given us a chance.”
Wrapping her arms around me tighter, Becca said something to Mason I couldn’t understand, I was crying too hard at that point.
It was over. What we had was really over.
Mason placed his hand on my back and softly spoke. “It’s okay, Em. I promise it’s all going to be okay.”
I pulled back and quickly wiped my tears away. “It’s not going to be okay. Don’t you see that, Mason? I’ve been trying to get over him and I can’t. He was my everything and now … now I know it’s really over.”
“You can find someone else, Em.”
My chest ached as I glanced between Mason and Becca. “I don’t want anyone else, Becca. I wanted him. I want Holden.”
A tear slipped from her eye. The only way I could even attempt to move on was to leave. I didn’t have Mason to fall back on anymore and I didn’t want that anyway. Maybe that was my problem this whole time. I had been holding on to the past and I didn’t even realize it. Being with Mason was the closest thing I could get to being with Holden. How messed up is that?
Pushing my shoulders back, I took in a deep breath. “It’s going to be okay. I had a moment of weakness, and I’m okay. Maybe I just needed a good cry.” I let out a chuckle and Mason narrowed his eyes and stared at me. He knew me too well. Probably better than anyone, even Holden. We had grown close the last few years. All he had to do was look at my body language and tell I was lying.
“Do you want to go back up to the dinner?” Becca asked.
With a nod of my head, I replied, “Yeah, I’ll be up there in a few minutes. I need some time by myself to get my head straight.”
Tucking a piece of my brown hair behind my ear she gave me a weak smile. “For what it’s worth, sweetie, I really don’t think Holden is happy with her.”
The knife in my chest went deeper. If he wasn’t happy with her, why did he stay after she lost the baby? All the unanswered questions caused me even more confusion.
I gave her a reassuring nod. Mason walked up to me and placed his hands on my arms. “You’re not okay, Em.”
Forcing back the sob that wanted to escape, I whispered, “I will be.”
Mason leaned in and kissed me on the forehead and said, “Don’t be long.”
I swallowed hard. “I won’t.”
I somehow managed to slip away from the dinner without being noticed. Racing into my place, I grabbed a suitcase and began packing up a few things. I knew deep in my heart I wouldn’t be able to face Holden or Daphne again. The idea that she was carrying his child … again … turned my stomach. They were only in town for a few more days, and I could just act sick. But I saw the look in Holden’s eyes. He would come after me if he knew I was hiding. He was hell-bent on talking to me about this.
No. What I needed to do was to get away and figure some things out, and the only way I could do that was to leave all the memories behind. I needed to clear my head.
If only I could get the look of regret I saw in his eyes out of my memory. A part of me knew he still loved me. I could feel it when we were near each other. The pull was too strong to deny it.
I sat on my bed and buried my face in my hands and cried.
“Why? Holden, why did you destroy us? There is nothing left but pieces and parts of our life.”
Dropping back, I stared up at the ceiling as I thought about the last night Holden and I were together. I wasn’t dreaming when I felt the love between us. It was there.
It. Was. There.
Holden wrapped me up in his arms as he ran his fingertips lightly across my back.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked.
His body stiffened for a quick moment before relaxing again. “How much of a mistake it was for me to leave you. How stupid I was thinking I needed something different in my life. You’re all I’ll ever need, Em.”
Lifting my head up, I watched as he stared up at the ceiling. “We only have a year-and-a-half of school left.”
“Unless I transfer to A&M and finish up there.”
My heartbeat picked up. The last thing I wanted to do was pressure Holden into doing something he didn’t want to do.
“That would be nice, but we’ve made it this long. We could last a bit long
er. Besides, what about the team? You don’t want to walk away from your football scholarship, Holden.”
He turned and looked down at me. I winked at him and he frowned. “Em, I need you to remember something.”
I lifted some and captured his gaze with mine. “Okay.”
“No matter what happens. I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I will never love anyone like I love you. Please never forget that.”
Smiling, I crawled on top of him. Leaning in closer, my lips brushed against his. “I’ll never forget it. I promise.”
Tears pooled in my eyes as I let the memory of that night wrap around me. The signs were there. If I had looked hard enough, I would have been able to see the guilt in his eyes. He was trying to tell me then what was about to happen. If only I hadn’t been blinded by love.
My phone dinged. Rolling over, I pulled it from my back pocket.
Mason: Emylie, where in the hell are you? Holden is freaking out.
I let out a gruff laugh. Like I gave a fuck what Holden was doing.
Me: Tell him to focus on his pregnant fiancée.
Jumping up, I quickly gathered up some clothes and put them in the suitcase. Heading to the bathroom, I grabbed everything I would need to stay with Jamie for a few weeks.
After getting everything packed up, I sent a few text messages out.
Me: Hey Momma and Papá, I need to get away for a bit. I’m going to go stay with Jamie. Please don’t tell anyone I’m there. I really need some space to clear my head.
It didn’t take my mother long to text back.
Momma: Emylie. Running is not going to help anything. Mason told us what happened. Please come back to the dinner. We can help you work this out.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. The last thing I wanted was to go back and work out anything. There was nothing to work out. Holden was having a baby with that evil witch. They were getting married. Mason was moving on. Becca was moving on. Everyone was moving on but me. The only way I could was to get some distance.