I’m ready to move on and spend the next 10 years of my life tending to my quest for greatness and happiness. You are more than welcome to stay with me whenever you are ready to.
FROM:Alex
TO:Rosie
SUBJECT:Thank you
Thank you very much for that generous offer Rosie. I’ll be sure to take you up on that whenever my wife isn’t looking.
FROM:Rosie
TO:Alex
SUBJECT:Flirt
Now, now, are you flirting with me Alex Stewart?
FROM:Alex
TO:Rosie
SUBJECT:Re: Flirt
Why, Rosie Dunne, I do believe I am. Get in touch with me in 10 years time when your quest for greatness has reached its pinnacle.
PART 5
CHAPTER 50
You have an instant message from: KATIE
Katie:Happy birthday, Mum! How does it feel to be 50?!
Rosie: Hot.
Katie:Are you having another flush?
Rosie: Yes. How does it feel to be almost 31? Any sign of my only daughter settling down, getting a decent job, and giving me grandchildren?
Katie: Hmm . . . I’m not sure, although there was a little baby boy playing on the beach making sand castles this morning and for the first time ever I thought it was cute. It’s possible that I’m coming around to the rest of the world’s way of thinking.
Rosie: Well that sounds hopeful. I thought dreams of you getting a respectable job would have to die, but you’ve given me hope. Perhaps I can start telling people I actually have a daughter now.
Katie:Funny. How’s the B&B going?
Rosie: Busy, thank god. I was just in the middle of updating the website when you messaged me. Buttercup House now has seven en-suite bedrooms.
Katie:I no, the place looks terrific.
Rosie: It’s KNOW not NO.
Katie: Sorry us DJs don’t need to be able to spell. OH MY GOD I almost forgot to tell you! I can’t believe this isn’t the first thing I said to you! You’ll never guess who I met in the club last night!
Rosie: Well if I’ll never guess I don’t think I want to play this game.
Katie:Toby Quinn!!
Rosie: Never heard of him. Is he an old boyfriend?
Katie:Mum! Toby Quinn! Toby!
Rosie: I don’t see how repeating his name is going to help.
Katie:My best friend from school! Toby!
Rosie: Oh my lord! Toby! How is the little pet?
Katie: He’s fine! He’s working as a dentist in Dublin just like he wanted and he’s over here in Ibiza for a holiday for two weeks. It was so weird seeing him after 10 years but he hasn’t changed a bit!
Rosie: Oh that’s fabulous. Tell him I was asking for him, will you?
Katie: I will. He had lots of lovely things to say about you. Actually I’ll be seeing him again tonight, we’re going out for dinner.
Rosie: Is it a date?
Katie:No! I couldn’t date Toby. It’s Toby! We’re just going to catch up.
Rosie: Whatever you say Katie dear.
Katie: Honestly Mum! I couldn’t date Toby, he used to be my best friend, it would be too odd.
Rosie: I don’t see anything wrong with dating your best friend.
Katie:Mum it would be like you dating Alex!
Rosie: Well I would think that would be perfectly normal too.
Katie:Mum!
Rosie: What? I don’t see the big deal. Anyway have you been speaking to Alex lately?
Katie: Yeah just yesterday. He’s on the couch again so to speak. Bethany is tormenting him again. Honestly I think they’re both stupid to wait until Theo heads off to college.
Rosie: Well they were both stupid for getting married in the first place. You know what Theo is like though Katie, he’s such a softie. His parents breaking up would break his little heart. But he’s going to have to deal with it from Paris at Art College so I’m not quite sure why they feel that will be better for him.
Katie: Well the sooner the better, they’re a match made in hell, I’ve said it all along. Josh says he can’t wait for Alex and her to split up. He can’t stand her.
Rosie: Well they lasted longer than anyone thought they would. Tell Josh I said hi.
Katie: Will do. I better go and tell Alex about Toby, he’ll never believe it! Don’t work too hard on your birthday, Mum!
You have an instant message from: KATIE
Katie:Hi Alex.
Alex: Hello my wonderful god daughter, how are you and what do you want?
Katie:I’m fine and I don’t want anything!
Alex: You women always want something.
Katie:That’s not true and you no it!
Alex: How’s my son? I hope he’s working hard over there.
Katie:Still alive at least.
Alex: Good. Tell him to phone me a bit more often, as good as it is hearing from you and all, it would be nice to hear about his life from him.
Katie: I understand; I’ll pass it on. Anyway the reason why I’m messaging you is because you’ll never guess who I met in the club last night!
Alex: If I’ll never guess then I don’t want to play this game.
Katie:That’s exactly what Mum said! Anyway I met Toby Quinn!!!
Alex: Is he an ex-boyfriend or someone famous? Give me a clue.
Katie: Alex! Honestly you and Mum are getting forgetful in your old age. Toby is my best friend from school!
Alex: Oh that Toby! Wow there’s a blast from the past, how is he?
Katie: He’s fine. He’s working as a dentist in Dublin and he’s just over in Ibiza for a few weeks holiday. He was asking about you.
Alex: Great well if you see him again give him my regards. He was a good guy.
Katie: Yeah I will. I’ll actually be seeing him again tonight; we’re going out for dinner.
Alex: Is it a date?
Katie: Honestly what is it with you and Mum? He used to be my best friend. I couldn’t go out with him.
Alex: Oh don’t be stupid, there’s nothing wrong with dating a best friend.
Katie:That’s what Mum said too!
Alex: She did?
Katie: Yeah so I tried to put it into perspective for her by explaining that would be like her dating you.
Alex: And what did she say to that?
Katie: I don’t think she was particularly put off by the idea. So you see Alex, whenever you get your lazy behind out of that house of yours, you no that there’s one woman at least who’ll have you. Ha ha.
Alex: I see . . .
Katie:Jesus Alex, lighten up. OK I gotta go and get ready for dinner.
You have an instant message from: ROSIE
Rosie: Hello old woman, what are you up to?
Ruby: Sitting in my rocking chair knitting. What else? No, Gary, Maria, and the kids just left and I’m knackered. I can’t run after them like I used to.
Rosie: Do you really want to anyway?
Ruby: No and stiff muscles are a great excuse for not having to play hide-and-seek 24/7. What are you up to?
Rosie: I’m just taking a break from clearing away all the dust from the builders. Honestly have they ever heard of the words vacuum cleaner?
Ruby: No and neither have I. Is it a new invention? How is the new wing looking?
Rosie: Oh it’s great Ruby, I’ll have so much more privacy now. I can stick to my side of the house and the guests can have theirs. I’ve decorated a room just the way you like it so it can be yours when you stay. Let me know when you can come over. I’m heading off out with Sean tonight.
Ruby:Again? Well this is really becoming a regular occurrence indeed.
Rosie: He’s a lovely man and I really enjoy his company. Even though the house is always full of strangers, I can still feel alone so it’s nice to be able to meet up with him once in a while.
Ruby:I know what you mean. He seems a real gentleman alright.
Rosie: He is.
Ruby: I re
ad in the newspaper that Alex’s marriage had ended. It was in some silly gossip page.
Rosie: Ruby his marriage barely even started never mind ended. Unfortunately for him.
Ruby:How do you feel about it?
Rosie: Sad for him. Happy for him.
Ruby:Now you can tell me the truth. How do you really feel?
FROM:Katie
TO:Mum
SUBJECT:Oh Mum
Oh Mum.
Oh my god Mum.
The most bizarre thing has happened.
I’ve never felt so . . . odd in my whole entire life.
Forgive me for speaking like a 12-year-old but that’s exactly how I feel right now. Last night was the weirdest night of my life. I met up with Toby and we went to dinner at Raul’s restaurant in the old part of town. In order to get there we had to walk up a really steep cobbled stone hill, passing by women dressed in black from head to toe who were just sitting on wooden chairs outside their houses, enjoying the warmth and silence.
The place only had a few tables and as we were the only tourists there I almost felt bad for intruding but they were so friendly and there was such a good atmosphere. It’s not a part of the island that my job allows me to see very often unfortunately.
The manager of Toby’s hotel suggested the restaurant and it was such a good choice because it sat high on a mountaintop overlooking the island on one side and the sea on the other. The air was warm, the stars were twinkling, a man played on the violin in the corner. It was like something out of a movie only it was so much better because it felt real and it was happening to me.
We chatted and chatted and chatted for hours until well after we had finished eating and eventually we were asked to leave at 2a.m. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my life. We continued talking as we strolled along the beach and the air felt so magical! We talked about old times and caught up on new times.
Mum I don’t no if it was the wine, or the heat, the food, or just my hormones but there were some forces in motion last night. Toby touched my arm and I felt all . . . zingy from head to toe. I’m almost 31 years old and I’ve never felt that before. And then there was this silence. This really weird silence. We stared at each other as though we were seeing each other for the very first time. It was like the world stopped turning just for us. An odd magical silence. The very same one that you told me you had with someone all those years ago.
Then he kissed me. Toby kissed me. And it was the best kiss I have ever had in all my 30 years. And as our lips pulled apart my eyelids opened slowly to see him staring at me, looking as though he was going to say something. And in true Toby form he said, “I bet there was pepperoni in your dinner.”
How embarrassing.
Immediately my hands flew to my teeth remembering how he used to always comment on the food stuck in my braces all the time and tease me about it. But he grabbed my hands and pulled them gently away from my mouth and said, “No, this time I could taste it.”
Is that heart-wrenching stuff or what? My legs nearly buckled from underneath me. It felt so odd that it was Toby that I was kissing but in another way it felt completely natural and I think that’s what the odd thing was about it if you no what I mean.
We spent all day together again today and my stomach is doing somersaults at the thought of seeing him again tonight. I now no what all my friends were talking about when they tried to describe this feeling. It’s so good it’s indescribable. Dad kept teasing me for walking around with a silly grin on my face all day.
Toby asked me to move back to Dublin, Mum! Not to live with him of course but just so that we could be closer. And do you no what? I think I’m going to. Why the hell not? I’ll throw caution to the wind and leap into the darkness and all those clichés and we’ll see where I land. Because if I don’t follow this feeling right now who nos where I will be twenty years on from now.
How crazy does all this seem? What a 24 hours it’s been!
FROM:Rosie
TO:Katie
SUBJECT:Yes!
Oh it’s not crazy at all Katie! It’s really not crazy at all! Enjoy it, love. Enjoy every second of it.
FROM:Katie
TO:Alex
SUBJECT:In love!
So Mum was right Alex! You can fall in love with your best friend! Who new?! I’ve packed everything up and I’m heading home to Dublin with my heart filled with love and hope and my head filled with dreams! Mum told me about the silence she experienced years ago. She kept telling me when I felt that silence with someone, it meant they were “the one.” I was beginning to think she made it up but she didn’t! This magical silence exists!
You have an instant message from: ALEX
Alex: Phil she felt the silence too.
Phil:Who, what, where, when?
Alex: Rosie. She felt that silence too all those years ago.
Phil: Oh the dreaded silence thing is back to haunt us, is it? I haven’t heard you talk about that for years.
Alex: I knew I wasn’t imagining it Phil!
Phil: Well then, what are you doing talking to me? Get off the Internet you fool and pick up the phone. Or the pen.
Alex has logged off
My dear Rosie,
Unbeknownst to you I took this chance before many, many years ago. You never received that letter and I’m glad because my feelings since then have changed dramatically. They have intensified with every passing day.
I’ll get straight to the point because if I don’t say what I have to say now, I fear it will never be said. And I need to say it.
Today I love you more than ever; tomorrow I will love you even more. I need you more than ever; I want you more than ever. I’m a man of fifty years of age coming to you, feeling like a teenager in love, asking you to give me a chance and love me back.
Rosie Dunne I love you with all my heart, I have always loved you even when I was seven years old and lied about falling asleep on Santa watch, when I was ten years old and didn’t invite you to my birthday party, when I was eighteen and had to move away, even on my wedding days, on your wedding day, on christenings, birthdays, and when we fought. I loved you through it all. Make me the happiest man on this earth by being with me.
Please reply to me.
All my love,
Alex
EPILOGUE
Rosie read the letter for what seemed like the millionth time in her life, folded it into four neat squares, and slid it back into the envelope. Her eyes panned across her collection of letters, greeting cards, e-mail printouts, chat room printouts, faxes, and scribbled notes from her school days. There were hundreds of them spread across the floor, each telling its own tale of triumph or sadness, each letter representing a phase in her life.
She had kept them all.
She sat on the sheepskin rug in front of her fire in her bedroom in Connemara and continued to take in the array of words spread out before her. Her life in ink. She had spent the entire night reading back over them and her back ached from stooping and her eyes stung. Stung from the tiredness and tears.
People she had loved had so vividly come alive in her head during those hours as she read their fears, emotions, and thoughts that had once been so real, but that were now gone from her life. Friends that had come and gone, workmates, schoolmates, lovers, and family members. She had relived her life all over again that night in a matter of hours.
Without her even noticing, the sun had risen, the seagulls were dancing around the sky calling with excitement as their meals were thrown around by the angry sea. The waves crashed against the rocks threatening to come further. Gray clouds hung like smoke rings outside her window.
The bell from the front desk downstairs rang loudly. Rosie tutted and glanced at her watch. 6:15.
A guest had arrived.
She rose to her feet slowly, wincing at the pain of being crouched in the same position for hours. She held on to her bedpost and pulled herself up onto her feet. She slowly straightened her back.
Her knees cracked.
“Ouch, coming!” she called out, trying to hide the irritation in her voice.
She had been so stupid to stay up all night reading those letters, today was a busy day and she couldn’t afford to be tired. She had five guests leaving and four more arriving not long after them. Their bedrooms needed to be cleaned, their sheets washed and replaced for the next arrivals, and she hadn’t even started making breakfast yet.
She carefully tiptoed between the mess of letters scattered around the rug, trying not to step on the important papers she had saved all her life.
The bell rang again.
She rolled her eyes and cursed under her breath. She was not in the mood for impatient guests today. Not when she hadn’t had a second’s sleep.
“Just a minute,” she called cheerfully, holding on to the banister and rushing down the stairs. She felt her toe hit against the luggage that had stupidly been placed by the end stair. She felt herself falling forward and then a hand grab her firmly by the arm to steady her.
“I’m so sorry,” the man apologized and Rosie’s head shot up. She took in the man that stood before her, nearly six feet in height with dark hair that had grayed along the sides. His skin was tired and wrinkled around the eyes and mouth. His eyes looked tired, as would anybody’s who had just spent four hours in a car to Connemara after a five-hour flight. But those eyes sparkled and they glistened as the moisture inside them began to well up.
Rosie’s eyes replied and filled up also. The grip on her arm tightened.
It was him. Finally it was him. The man who had written the final letter she had read that morning, begging her for an answer.