Chapter 5

 
The doctor checked her one last time and then pulled Nicole outside the room so Nanna could get some rest. Doctor Vincent Rucker was a kind man, who reminded her of Roger Moore when he played in those Bond movies, except he was missing the British accent. "She's getting enough rest," he assured her. "I don't want her moving at all. Not until we can find out for certain if there will be a heart donor before the end of the year."
"And if there is not one?" she asked worriedly.
He looked at her gravely. "I would like her to come to the hospital and stay. She will be even weaker and I don't want her in this environment. I would also like you to speak with her about resuscitation. She is still coherent enough to discuss her options."
Stubbornly, her chin went up. "There are no options. You will resuscitate her if she goes into arrest."
"I can't just do it because you said so." He handed her an envelope. "Give this to her. Read it over for her and then have her initial what she wants and sign at the bottom."
Tears welled up tight in her eyes at the thought of losing Nanna. "I don't think I can, Dr. Rucker."
"I know you can be strong, Nicole. I know you can," he assured her, giving her a comforting hug.
After he left, she went back in the room where Nanna rested quietly. The lighting was low and soft music played in the background. Nanna loved the symphony Phantom of the Opera and the music played morning, noon and night, comforting the old woman in her time of need. All last month, it had been the songs of Shirley Caesar. If Nanna made it to the New Year, Nicole was very interested in what the old woman would pick.
When she sat down beside Nanna in a chair, the old brown eyes opened. Her skin was pale from lack of blood flow. Already, the elderly woman had lost one of her legs to the knee from lack of blood flow.
Watching the woman, who had been more of a parent to her than anyone, dying was heart wrenching. Nanna had been the strong independent woman Nicole had told herself she would grow up to be.
A faint, weak smile crossed Nanna's features as she forced herself to awake. "How's my Nicole?" she asked, her deep southern drawl coming forward slowly. The stroke had slowed her speech drastically until it sounded as if she spoke in slow motion.
Nicole wiped her eyes again from the fresh stream of tears. "I'll be fine, and you?"
"Sometimes I feel bad, sometimes I feel nothing." She paused to catch her breath. "I don't mind the badness. It's the nothing that scares me."
She covered her mouth to hold back a sob. Nanna's eyes went to the papers in Nicole's hands and without being asked to explain, she said, "Dr. Rucker gave me these papers. They're about you choosing to be revived if...your heart should fail. I told him I could make the decision for you."
"Can you Nicki? Can you really?"
Nicole began to weep earnestly. "I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to be without you, Nanna." She fell to her knees and gently laid her head on her grandmother's bosom. "Please Nanna, say you'll stay. Stay as long as you can. As long as they can keep you here, please. I can’t lose you."
"Nanna's tired baby." Weakly, Nanna patted Nicole's shoulder, offering her as much comfort as she could. "Look at me child."
Nicole looked up at the eyes just like her, but tired and old, yet filled with so much unconditional love. The pain of losing these feelings made Nicole's chest hurt.
"I've been talking to my Jesus and it's time for me to join Him, child. But I got a lot to say to you, so hush now."
Forcing her sobs to dissipate, she moved back in the chair, but moved it closer to the bed. Nanna requested some air and Nicole turned on her oxygen that ran up into her nose. Nanna had requested to go home instead of staying at the hospital because she didn't like being away from the home she had married in and raised her family in. There were home nurses that visited daily, and there was an emergency alert button, if ever they needed to rush her to the hospital, not far from where they lived.
"I've lived a long time," the old woman said after taking several deep breaths. "I've loved many, but your grandfather was a man I will love forever. He's waiting for me and I can't wait to see him." Between each sentence, she took long deep breaths. "When it's time, let me go, child. Let me go home to my husband, my daughter, and most of all, my Lord. I know it will be rough, but you won't be alone, Nicole. This body I'm in now can't take another year on this earth and I can't protect you like I want to. When I get my new body, me and the Lord will watch over you. We'll make sure you are safe. Understand?"
Nicole nodded. Opening the papers, she filled out the appropriate information for Nanna, then put the pen in her grandmother's hands and put the document where Nanna could sign and date the appropriate lines. Nicole would respect her Nanna’s wishes no matter what.
When Nanna finished, she ordered Nicole to place the document in the secret compartment in the wall Nanna had built before Marvin had first moved in, which contained all of Nanna's private documentation. No one knew of it except Nicole. Nanna hadn't even told that shady lawyer Lynne had supplied for free to Nanna for any legal help.
"You'll make peace with your mother, Nicole," Nanna said quietly as Nicole came to sit back down.
She stiffened. "She's not my mother."
"When my Ecole left for those smart schools when she was twelve, I prayed to the Lord to send me someone who would take the place of her here in my heart. I tried so hard to raise Lynne, but everything anyone said to her, she did the opposite. Drove your grandfather to an early grave with the stress she put on him. Lynne was rushed to the hospital because of a failed abortion attempt. I ordered her to have the baby and I have never regretted that decision. When you were born and I looked into the same eyes as mine, I knew the Lord was giving me another chance at having a daughter in my life. You got Ecole’s brains and my spirit. That's all you need in this life to make it past the bad elements. Yes, she is your mother because it takes anyone to be a mother or father, but it takes real women and men to be mommas and daddies."
Nanna always had a way of making things that troubled Nicole makes sense. She was always in tune with Nicole's emotional health.
"Where is Marvin?" Nanna asked.
"He's at the Laundromat; he'll be home soon so I can go there for the night shift. A new nurse will be coming to stay by your side."
"When I go home to my Lord, Lewis Kraus will be visited by Armando Bellini, Esquire. Mr. Bellini will deliver several letters to certain persona and you. At this time, Mr. Bellini will read my last will and testament I drew up the day before my last stroke." Deep pain came to Nanna's face and Nicole wasn't sure if it was present or past pain.
The day Nanna had her last stroke, Nicole had been at the Laundromat and Marvin had been at home with Nanna at the time. Nicole suspected Marvin of foul play, but it could never be proved.
"After this, you will go to Parker Mills of Advance Laundry Service and work on paying back money he advanced to Marvin for the sale of the Laundromat. This amount I am not sure of."
Nicole gasped. "How do you know this?" she asked.
"Just because Nanna is bedridden child, don't mean she's out of touch. People don't know these walls have ears and I've been in it too long not to know what it’s saying." Nanna held out her hand toward Nicole, and Nicole grasped it with her own tightly for support. "Which is why I can't understand you, Nicole."
"Me? There's nothing wrong."
"A woman who sleeps so restless lately through the night means she's got a lot on her mind and heart. Who is he?"
Nicole blushed so hard she thought her cheeks would catch on fire. "He's no one."
"But you'll tell me all about him tomorrow; child. Now let this old woman get some rest."
She kissed her grandmother's cheek tenderly. "I love you Nanna."
"And I you, Nicole," she whispered before drifting off to sleep.
Nicole quietly left out the room and sighed to herself. Were her emotions that evident? No, Nanna was always tuned into Nicole and always knew what bothered her.
The doorbell rang to bring her out of her musings. Upon opening the door, she stood in shock at the site of Lynne standing in the doorway.
"Are you going to stand there looking stupid or are you going to let me in?" she snapped at Nicole's stuck-on-stupid look.
Nicole moved out the way to let her in. This was about the first thing this woman had said to her in her whole life. When she was little, she was ignored or sent to her room. For the past three years, Marvin would just send her to the store for cigarettes every Tuesday morning--except today wasn't Tuesday.
Seizing her up, Nicole noted the shortness and skinniness while Nicole had more curves. "Nanna's sleeping."
"I'm not here to see her."
"Marvin's at the Laundromat."
Lynne only ignored her and looked around her in disgust.
A knock on the screen brought a new face. She opened the door to the smiling taxi cab driver. He set down a seven-piece Gucci luggage set in front of her, tipped his hat, then jumped back in the cab and drove away.
"Moving?" Nicole asked Lynne, now understanding her mother's reasons for being there.
"Don't worry, I won't be here for long, you worthless brat," Lynne sneered.
Nicole bit her lip before saying, "I thought you were talking about yourself." Instead she said stiffly, "Your bedroom's still in back." She closed the door and walked up the stairs to her small attic room without another word to the horrible woman. Mother or not, she would not take another unkind word from her.
When the nurse came, she spoke with her quietly over Nanna's new medication then left, leaving Lynne to her own means.