by Diana Palmer
“Of course I’m willing,” she faltered. “But you don’t remember…things,” she added worriedly.
He bent and brushed his mouth over hers very softly. “I remember that I love you,” he whispered huskily. He drew back. “What more do I need to remember?”
She flushed. “You love me?” she whispered.
“With all my heart.” His face hardened. “More than my own life,” he said, and almost choked as he recalled the last time he’d said that to her.
She pressed close to him with a high-pitched little cry and shivered.
Joshua stirred and she laughed as he started searching against her blouse with his tiny mouth.
She drew back. “Someone’s hungry again,” she teased.
He looked down at the child and smiled warmly. “You’ll have time to feed him,” he said. “Jake’s asked Carlie and Carson to stand with us as witnesses.”
“You reprobate,” she gasped. “You already had it planned!”
“You bet your life I did,” he agreed at once. His face was taut with remembered pain. “This time we’re getting married, and my job can go hang. I’ll never put it before you again. Not as long as I live, Tat. That’s a solemn promise.”
Her lips parted on a quick breath. “Stanton…”
Before she could get the question out, the door opened and Jake Blair gave them an amused smile. “I hear there’s going to be a wedding,” he chuckled.
“You hear right,” Rourke said, smiling. “Darling, this is Jake Blair. He’s about the best friend I have in the world.”
“I’m very happy to meet you, Reverend,” Clarisse said, shaking hands.
“We haven’t discussed denominations,” Jake began.
“It doesn’t really matter,” Clarisse said softly. “I like your church very much, from what I’ve heard about it. And I’d like Joshua to be brought up with a background of faith. It’s made all the difference in my own life.”
“I’ve never been much for ceremony,” Rourke said solemnly. “But I agree that a child needs a firm foundation to build on. I didn’t have that. My father was brutally murdered right in front of me. My mother died in a firebombing a little over two years later. I’ve lived hard, and I’ve been bad. I never got that foundation. Except in lectures from her, when she was eight,” he added with a glance toward Clarisse. “She was the one who believed in miracles.”
“That’s because I’m alive because of them,” she said simply. She smiled at Reverend Blair. “I’ll help you work on him.” She indicated Rourke. “It may take more than two of us, however,” she added with a resigned sigh.
“I very much doubt it,” Rourke replied. He smiled at the baby in her arms, still searching irritably for his bedtime snack.
“I’d better feed him,” Clarisse said. “Oh, dear, I don’t have a crib…”
“We have one set up in the guest bedroom,” Jake said easily. “Rourke called me from the hospital and a kindly parishioner loaned me his spare crib.” He grinned. “All the loose ends caught up, and we even have a rocking chair in there waiting for you.”
“It’s so kind,” Clarisse said, and fought tears.
“Dear lady, you’re the kind one,” Jake replied, and he was serious. “Anybody who could tame that African lion—” he indicated Rourke “—has an overabundance of kindness and patience.”
“I’ve been untamed for a while,” Rourke had to agree. Then he grinned at Clarisse. “But I’m becoming more housebroken daily. Feed the baby, darling. Then we’ll have a small wedding.”
She blushed a little, smiled shyly at Rourke and followed Jake’s directions to the guest bedroom upstairs. The men went to drink coffee while she fed Joshua.
* * *
CARLIE AND CARSON showed up a few minutes later, holding hands and looking breathlessly happy. Carlie was very pregnant, swollen and heavy, but she looked as if she owned the world.
Clarisse had just put Joshua to bed. She came downstairs smiling. She was introduced to the newcomers and shook hands.
“I couldn’t believe it when he told me,” Carson said, nodding toward his father-in-law. “I mean, Rourke getting married!”
“Cut it out,” Rourke chuckled. “After all, mate, you did it, too.”
“They were taking bets down at the police station on whether or not he’d do a flit in the middle of the night the week after the wedding,” Carlie said in a stage whisper, indicating her husband.
“Fat chance,” Carson said, smiling at her. “I know a good thing when I see it.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Rourke asked Carson.
“God, I hope so!”
Rourke burst out laughing. “One of the guys in Barrera asked him—” he nodded at Carson “—if Eb Scott’s child was a boy or a girl. He said ‘yes’ and kept walking.”
“I have no manners,” Carson said easily.
“Yes, you do.” Carlie reached up and kissed his chin. “And you’re a wonderful doctor. Louise Coltrain sings your praises all the time. Even Copper does!”
“Rare praise indeed,” Rourke chuckled. “Copper Coltrain doesn’t praise anybody. Ever. From what I hear.”
“Well, are we getting married?” Rourke asked after a couple of moments of silence. “I mean, what if she changes her mind in the next five minutes? I have to get her to say the words before she has time to think it through!”
“She’ll never change her mind,” Clarisse said huskily.
He smiled at her, with his whole heart in the expression. “Fair enough. But let’s make it legal.”
She moved forward and slid her small hand into his. It was every dream of her life coming true. Since she was seventeen, wearing a green dress on Christmas Eve, this had been all she’d ever wanted.
“Eight years too late, my darling,” Rourke said huskily, because he’d been remembering the same thing. “But better late than never.”
“Oh, yes!” she exclaimed.
Jake got out his Bible and arranged the couples before him. He smiled. “Dearly beloved,” he began.
* * *
THE CEREMONY WAS BRIEF, but poignant for all that. Clarisse looked up at Rourke with such love in her expression that he felt warm all over. He bent and kissed her very softly, his lips like a breath against the soft fullness there.
“I will love you,” he whispered, “all my life. And I would die to keep you safe. Through wind and storm, gale and thunder, sickness and health and even poverty, I will shelter you from the world. And at the end of my life, when I slip into darkness, I will whisper your name as the last breath leaves my body.”
Tears were rolling down her flushed cheeks long before he finished. He bent and tenderly kissed them away.
“I’ve loved you since I was eight, Stanton,” she managed with a wet smile. “And I’ve never stopped. I never will. Not even when I die.”
He drew her into his arms and rocked her, his cheek against hers. “What a long road we’ve traveled to get here, Tat,” he said heavily.
She smiled. “What a sweet rest at the end of that long journey.”
“Yes.”
He drew away and averted his face for a few seconds to get rid of an annoying and very visible wetness in his eye.
“Well, how about cake?” Jake asked.
They stared at him. “Cake?”
“Cake,” he said. “Barbara at the café sent over a wedding cake. She made it herself.”
Clarisse’s breath sighed out. “Oh, how sweet of her!”
“I love cake,” Rourke mused.
“Me, too,” Carlie seconded.
Carson grinned. “It’s a very big cake. So we thought you might like to share it.”
“Share it?” Rourke said vacantly.
Carson went to the door and opened it. Half of
Jacobsville poured into the house, including Barbara, Cash and Tippy Grier, and dozens of other people. Rourke pulled Clarisse close and laughed out loud with pure joy.
“I’ve got five pounds of coffee, too,” Jake said with a grin. “I’ll start it brewing!”
* * *
THE RECEPTION WAS AMAZING. It was the early hours of the morning, but nobody seemed to be sleepy. They drank coffee and ate cake and discussed the events of the night.
Cash pulled Tippy up with an apologetic smile at Rourke and Clarisse. “We have to get home.”
“Chet’s at my place, watching the kids,” Barbara assured him. Her eyes were twinkling. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
Cash’s own dark eyes had a twinkle.
“Tris is at Barbara’s?” Tippy began.
“Say good-night, sweetheart,” he returned, tugging her toward the door.
“Good night, sweetheart,” Tippy said obediently, with a grin, and Cash chuckled as he pulled her out to the car.
Minutes later, he locked them in the bedroom of their home and tossed Tippy a small bottle of pills.
“What are these?” she asked.
“Baby pills.” He undressed and then undressed her.
“Baby pills?” she began. He turned around and she gasped as she saw him. Not since a night long ago in New York had he looked so formidable.
“Impressive, isn’t it?” he mused. “I’ve had a little too much pressure, and we’ve had a lot less privacy than we’ve needed. So Coltrain took care of one problem, and Barbara took care of another. It’s just one night.” His lips pursed as his eyes slid over her beautiful nude body. “But what a night it’s going to be!”
Her eyes lit up. “Baby pills?” she teased.
He pushed her back down into the mattress, his eyes full of loving good humor. “You’ll see in a few weeks. Now move this leg, just like this, honey, and hold on tight…!”
She tried to laugh, but his mouth was on hers and the joy she felt melted into the most awesome bout of passion she’d ever experienced in her life.
* * *
ROURKE TOOK CLARISSE and Joshua to church the next morning. She was amazed at how good he was with the baby. He already knew how to strap the baby into the backseat of the Jaguar. Clarisse stared over the back of her seat at him.
“Just a little ride, Joshua, honest,” she promised, cooing at him.
“Damned distance,” Rourke mused. “I don’t like having the child in the backseat away from us like that.”
“Neither do I. But air bags are very dangerous for babies.”
“When I was eleven, K.C. used to put me right up front with him in that old Land Rover and take me places. In fact, he was still driving it when you moved next door.”
“I remember.” Her heart was in her eyes as she studied him. “I can’t believe we’re actually married,” she said huskily.
“It’s my damned fault we weren’t, when you were pregnant with Joshua,” he said in a voice vibrant with regret. “So much pain. All because I put my job before you. Never again. I swear it. I’ve already turned over this last assignment to another agent, and I had a long talk with them. I’ll be administrative, or I’ll quit. I can afford to. The game park makes more than enough revenue to take care of both of us into old age and manage college for Joshua and any brothers and sisters we might give him. So no more fieldwork. Ever.”
She’d wondered about his memory returning. She gazed at him curiously.
He glanced at her. “We’ll talk when we get back from church. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He winked and pulled into the church parking lot.
* * *
ROURKE HAD NEVER felt anything as profound as the way he felt at that first church service. He shared Joshua with Clarisse, holding him when he fussed to relieve her, because even though the incision had healed, she was still somewhat fragile.
“You’re very good with him,” Clarisse murmured when they were walking into Barbara’s Café for Sunday dinner, along with half of Jacobsville.
Rourke put his lips against the baby’s forehead. “He’s a treasure. Like you, my darling,” he said huskily, glancing at her.
She flushed and laughed. “You thought I was a plague until a year ago,” she recalled.
“Not true.” He bent to brush his lips across hers as they waited in line to get into the building. “You know why I tried to make you hate me, Tat,” he added huskily. “One lie, and the ripples spread out for years.” His face hardened. “I understand why your mother did it. But she cheated us, Tat. She cost us years.”
She moved closer to him, her head just coming to his shoulder. “I know. I’m so sorry.”
“So am I, honey.” He cuddled Joshua closer. “At least we have a future now.” His eye closed on an inward groan. “Dear God, what that decision cost me!”
“Accepting the last job?” she asked.
He looked down at her with anguish on his hard face. “Yes. You meant everything to me, but when the call came to move into action, I agreed. It was a terrible mistake.”
“But we’re together now. That is all that matters.”
“I’d lived wild and free all my life. But I was scared to death that you might actually marry Carvajal,” he added in a rough undertone. “You threatened me with him in Barrera at the awards ceremony. I went out and got drunk and wrecked a bar. Did you ever figure out why?” he added suddenly.
She frowned. “No.”
“Because I knew if you cared at all, even a little, you’d come and save me from myself,” he said, and his smile was like sunshine itself. “That was when I knew I still had a chance to keep you in my life. I’d never been so happy.” The smile faded. “But it all went wrong in Manaus, when I left you,” he added on a long breath.
Her face colored. “You remember,” she said unsteadily.
“Yes. I remembered when I went home to see about K.C.,” he said. “It was the blood type. Joshua’s blood type. My son’s…blood type.” His voice was vibrant with pride and affection as he looked down at the child in his arms. “My son,” he whispered. His face contorted. “I almost lost him. I almost lost both of you.” His pale brown eye was tormented as it met hers. “I tossed you out of my house, and you had my child under your heart,” he added on a harsh breath. “Dear God, everything I got, I deserved.”
She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t realized that his memory had come back. “Stanton,” she began softly, “we can’t go back and change what was. We can only go forward.”
“Carvajal married you to spare you the shame of having a child out of wedlock, in a city where your mother was so well-known,” he said huskily. “Yes?”
“Yes. He was kind to me. You see, he had an injury that robbed him of his manhood. He…couldn’t. He knew he could never marry. But when he married me, people assumed the child was his. He was so happy.” She bit her lip. “I felt sorry for him. But more than that, I was grateful. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t give up my baby…”
He pulled her close, wrapping her up tight against him. “I’ve given you nothing but hell,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry, my darling. So very, very sorry, for every harsh word. If there was any way I could undo the past eight years…”
She reached up and put her fingers across his hard mouth. “We have a little boy to raise,” she said with a warm, quiet smile. “The past doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”
“K.C. had photos of you in the hospital when Joshua was born,” he said gently. “I never would have thought K.C. would take to being a grandfather. He really loves Joshua.”
“Joshua will love him, too. Just as he’ll love you,” she added softly, searching his face with loving eyes. “Just as I love you. I never stopped.”
His eye closed on a grinding pai
n. “I don’t deserve that.”
“You didn’t remember, Stanton,” she said. “That wasn’t your fault.”
“If I hadn’t agreed to that job…!”
“If, if, if,” she chided. She reached up and kissed his chin. “Let’s have a nice lunch and then we can go and sit in the park, if you like.”
He searched her soft eyes. “I know something I’d rather do,” he said huskily.
Her face colored.
“Jake had a cleaning crew go over to your house when the crime scene unit left. We can go home tonight, if you want to.”
She couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “That would be…nice.”
“Oh, better than nice,” he murmured at her ear. His lips smoothed over her earlobe. “I’ll have to stop by the pharmacy first, however. Unless you’re taking something…?”
She looked up at him with her heart in her eyes. “I’m not. I don’t want to,” she whispered.
His face tautened. “I missed it all,” he said. “Knowing you were pregnant, watching you carry my son, being there when he was born… I missed everything,” he ground out.
She put her fingers over his hard mouth. “There will be another time.”
He caught her hand and held her palm to his lips. His eye held hers. “It’s too soon,” he said unsteadily.
She felt her heart racing. “Joshua is almost two months,” she said unsteadily. “We could…if you wanted to.”
His face went scarlet, at just the thought of it. “I wanted to make you pregnant in Manaus. I told you that I did.” His jaw tautened. “But this time, if it happens, there is no way I’m leaving you. Not even for a day!”
She pressed close to his side. “Not even for a day, my darling,” she whispered.
Her heart soared. She’d never felt such happiness in her whole life.
* * *
THAT NIGHT, HE loved her to sleep in her own bed, his body slow and tender, his mouth touching and lifting and teasing her until she thought she’d go mad.
“I thought I remembered how good this felt,” he murmured against her breasts, chuckling.