“I’ll know more after I talk to Lady Penden,” Tevin said. Noting his sister’s expression, he held up his hands in supplication. “I’m simply going to talk to her about Gillingham and nothing more. And stop looking at me like that.”
Val stuck her tongue out at him and made her way to the stairwell that led to the second floor. Tevin stood at the base of the steps, making sure she didn’t falter as she mounted then. When he was sure she was safely on her way to her chamber, he went to seek out Lady Penden. While the knights had gathered in the solar, she had taken her son out into the kitchen yard. He would start looking for her there.
*
Tevin found Cantia far beyond the kitchen walls. Far beyond Rochester’s walls, in fact. It seemed that Hunt wished to chase rabbits and she had followed her son out into the flat, vast plain just to the west of the castle. His momentary annoyance at her leaving the safety of the castle was dashed when he saw her face. She was laughing as her son would run after a rabbit and then trip over himself in his efforts. She was having a marvelous time.
Cantia noticed him approach and she turned to him just as her son fell flat on his face when a rabbit slipped away from him. Before she could speak, Hunt waved and called out.
“My lord,” he picked himself up off the grass. “I am catching rabbiths!”
Tevin gave him a short wave. “I can see that,” he said, turning his focus to the boy’s radiant mother. “Why aren’t you helping him?”
She smiled. “Because he and the rabbit are much faster than I am.” She watched him snort. “Is there something I can do for you, my lord?”
Tevin’s dark gaze lingered over the topography before settling on her. “I need to speak with you when you are free of rabbits,” he said. “Something has come up and I require your assistance.”
“Oh?” she cocked her head, shading her eyes from the sun overhead. “Is it serious?”
He nodded faintly. “It could be. My cousin, the Earl of East Anglia, is coming to Rochester.”
Her eyes widened. “How marvelous,” she said. “When is he due? I must make all necessary preparations for the.…”
He cut her off. “’Tis not a grand occasion, I assure you.” Hunt was off after another rabbit and Tevin lowered his voice as he watched the lad leap over the tall grass. “I do not want you or your son here when my cousin arrives. I would ask your advice on where to send the two of you for the duration of his visit.”
She gazed at him a long moment before lowering her hand from her face. She seemed to lose her good spirits. “Of course,” her voice was strangely cold. “We would not want to be underfoot. We will certainly go away for the duration of the earl’s visit if that is your wish.”
He sensed that perhaps she had taken his meaning wrong. “Cantia,” he said gently. “It is not that I wish you to go away. It is a necessity. My cousin is, shall we say, a less than scrupulous man. I am even sending Val with you because I do not trust him where women are concerned. Especially around you.”
Her momentary offense at what she thought he had been trying to tell her vanished with his quiet explanation. She should have known better.
“Why especially around me?” she asked.
Tevin’s dark eyes glimmered warmly at her. “Because you are the most beautiful woman in England, if not the world, and my cousin would not be blind to that. He might very well try to make you another one of his conquests and I would not stand for that.”
She gazed up at him, her lavender eyes luminous. A hint of pink crept into her cheeks. “You wouldn’t?”
He frowned. “I do not wish to commit murder, which is exactly what would happen were he to so much as look in your direction. You are not a woman to be trifled with.”
She lowered her gaze, humbled with his words. Or so he thought. As Tevin watched, she slowly reached out and took his fingers in her small, warm hand.
“How fortunate I am to have a protector such as you, my lord.”
He gripped her hand strongly, bringing it to his lips for a tender kiss. “In private you will call me Tevin,” he rumbled. “And I will protect you, always.”
Cantia felt the heat from his kiss course down her arm like a river of fire. She remembered the kiss in the church, the force of his passion, and it made her knees weak.
“Because it is your duty?” she asked breathlessly.
He shook his head. “Because I want to.”
She smiled at him, a dazzling gesture that sent bolts of exhilaration pulsing through Tevin’s big body. He kissed her hand again, forgetting about the boy chasing rabbits or the fortress behind him. There could have been eyes watching them at that moment and he could have cared less. All he cared about was that beautiful face.
“God, I wish I could kiss you again as I did at the cathedral,” he admitted, his mouth against her fingers.
She put her hand on his head as he bent over her hand, feeling the soft copper tendrils beneath her fingers. “As do I,” she whispered. “Yet I suspect this is not the place for it. But at least there are no candles.”
He lifted his head, fighting off a grin. “You will never let me forget that, will you?”
She shook her head, an impish grin on her lips. At that moment, Hunt suddenly popped up with a tiny rabbit in his arms. He struggled with the little creature as he made his way to his mother.
“Mam!” he called. “Look, I have one!”
Cantia discreetly took her hand away from Tevin as Hunt approached. “My, he is a little one,” she said to her son as he drew near. “Perhaps he needs to go back to his mother.”
But Hunt was firm. “I will take care of him. I will be his mam.”
“He is too young, Hunt,” she insisted gently. “He will be missing his mother. Would you not miss me if you were taken away?”
Hunt cocked his head just as Brac used to. Squinting in the sunlight, he looked curiously at his mother. “But I will go away, some day. I will go away to learn to be a great knight.”
Cantia’s heart just about broke. Tevin eyed her, remembering their conversation on fostering and knowing how she had reacted to it. Hunt had unknowingly reopened the tender wound. He took control of the conversation before Cantia could react.
“You do not have to go away to be a great knight,” he said, moving for the boy and pretending to inspect the little brown bunny. “But your mother is right, Hunt. This rabbit is too small to be away from its mother. You had better let it go and try your luck with another.”
Hunt hesitated for a split second before doing as he was told. He brushed his little hands off on his breeches as he watched the rabbit hop away.
“Can I go with you to learn to be a great knight?” he asked. “I could live with you.”
“But what of your mother?”
His little brow furrowed thoughtfully. “Can’t she come, too?”
Tevin fought off a smile. “Mothers do not usually follow their sons to foster.”
Now Hunt’s little mouth twisted as he thought of a solution to the situation. He didn’t particularly want to leave his mother, but he wanted to be a great knight. His turmoil was evident and Tevin laid an enormous hand on his downy head. “We do not have to decide this today,” he told the boy. “Now, if you’re going to catch another rabbit, you’d better hurry up. The day grows late.”
Hunt turned around and went in search of his prey. Cantia watched her son, her gaze moving between the little blond head and the massive dark knight. When Tevin turned to look at her, she smiled sweetly.
“You are very good with children,” she said. “I think he likes you.”
“And I like him,” his dark eyes were on her, “as well as his mother.”
Cantia didn’t know what to say. She simply smiled. Tevin moved back to stand next to her and the two of them stood in silence as Hunt went off on another chase. Eventually, Tevin moved close enough to hold her hand. He tucked it into the crook of his elbow, his fingers playing gently with hers.
“How did you come to
be so comfortable with children?” she asked, simply making conversation. “Most men are not so practiced.”
But it was not idle conversation to Tevin. He had been dreading a line of discussion just like this one. He could be evasive, but that would only delay the inevitable. Val had been correct. Cantia had to know, right from the start before things got out of control and it would be increasingly difficult to tell her. He felt so strongly about her that he would not disrespect her by lying or withholding the truth. He could only pray that she understood, for this was a situation he’d never before faced and he was unsure how adequately he could explain it.
“I am comfortable with them because I have one,” he said simply.
Cantia’s head snapped to him. “You have a child?”
He looked down at her. “Aye.”
A look of bafflement swept her. “But if you have a child…,” her eyes suddenly widened. “You must have a wife.”
He sighed heavily, holding her hand firmly as she tried to pull it away. The more he held on, the harder she pulled. “Stop, madam,” he commanded softly. “It is far more complicated than that.”
For too many reasons to guess, her eyes began to well. She lowered her head, but she also stopped pulling. “Please let me go,” she whispered.
“Nay, not until you hear me,” he sounded strangely as if he was begging.
“There is nothing to hear,” she hissed through clenched teeth. “You have a wife, yet you have openly displayed feeling for me and.…”
She suddenly yanked hard and dislodged her hand. As she quickly walked away in the direction that Hunt had been leaping, Tevin followed.
“Cantia,” he called after her quietly.
She whirled to him, still walking, almost tripping over her skirts as they became entangled in the grass. “No,” she jabbed a finger at him angrily. “No more. Never again will you say those things to me. I will not hear you.”
He took two giant strides and grabbed her. She struggled against him but she was no match for his strength. “Cantia, please hear me,” he very nearly pleaded. “It is not what it seems.”
She looked at him as if he were pure evil. “How can you say that? You are married.”
“By law, yes. But it is not that simple.”
She looked as if she wanted to punch him, her little fists balled up as she struggled. “You have toyed with me. I shall never forgive you for that.”
He spoke steadily, firmly, hoping she would hear his words above her outrage. “My wife has not been a part of my life since my daughter was born,” he said. “She was a noble of Teutonic birth and we were betrothed as children. We were married at a very young age and my daughter was born less than a year later. But Arabel was born with defects and my wife refused to accept the child. She blamed me for everything. She abandoned the baby and she abandoned our marriage. She ran off with one of the German knights who had escorted her to our marriage from her homeland and I’ve not seen her since.”
By this time, Cantia had stopped struggling. She gazed up at Tevin with a mixture of disbelief and anger. “The baby,” she said. “What is wrong with her?”
Tevin’s tight grip on her loosened, his hands beginning to caress her. “She was born with her spine exposed,” he said. “She is a cripple who cannot walk and can barely move her arms. But she is fifteen years old now and the most brilliant woman I have ever known. I am not sorry she was born, not in the least. Though I am sorry every day that her mother left her, I am not sorry that her mother left me, if that makes any sense. Louisa was proud, arrogant, and cruel. She has been gone these fifteen years and until a few weeks ago, I’d not thought of her in almost as long. And then I met you and began to wonder if the woman still lived. For as long as she lives, I can never remarry. You have made me think of such things and be concerned for them. But that does not stop me from adoring you, Cantia. It does not stop these feelings growing inside of me.”
Cantia just stared at him. He suddenly became so human in her eyes, so fragile. The viscount who commanded thousands was a man with a heavy heart and a humiliating past. She lifted a timid hand to his cheek.
“Oh… my poor Tevin,” she said softly. “Your wife ran off and left you with an ill child.”
He shrugged. It was an old wound, long since healed. “Arabel is a beautiful, intelligent girl. She has been my one joy in life until now. Since I met you, it is as if an entirely new world has opened up to me, something I never knew to exist. I don’t want to lose this, Cantia, but it all seems horribly unfair to you.”
“How do you mean?”
“Because nothing can ever become of it. I cannot marry you, and you should most definitely remarry. You will make some man a very fine wife.”
He hated uttering those words, for they were like daggers to his heart. Cantia removed her hand from his face and lowered her gaze, obviously contemplating all he had just told her. She resumed her walk, following the path of her son. They could see him in the distance, throwing himself on the ground in an attempt to trap his quarry. She came to a halt on the crest of a small hill, about fifteen feet from Tevin. He still stood there, watching the breeze gently blow her hair about, wondering if all of the joy and excitement of the past few weeks had come to a tragic end.
That was more than likely the case. Cantia stood far from him, unmoving and silent. Tevin stood there a nominal amount of time before turning away from her with the intention of returning to the castle. But her soft voice stopped him.
“Tevin,” she called quietly.
He turned to her. “Aye?”
“Your wife,” she began. “Have you ever tried to find her?”
He paused, retracing his steps back in her direction. “Right after she left. But her father told me what she had done. Apparently, she had been in love with this knight since childhood and did not see her marriage to me as an obstacle to their happiness. Her father thought she was living in Paris with this man but he was not sure. I did not pursue it beyond that.”
He was within a few feet of her when she turned to look at him. “I must ask you a serious question.”
“By all means.”
“If your wife was dead, would you want to marry me?”
“Tomorrow, if I could.”
“Do you feel so strongly, then?”
He snorted at the irony of the question. “I believe that I do. Do you?”
She fell silent, her lavender eyes watching her son in the distance. As he watched her, he could see the tears returning. “No, Cantia,” he comforted. “No tears, not now.”
His words only made her burst into soft sobs. With a sigh, Tevin put his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. She clung to him, her soft body pressed close.
“I have felt so guilty for these feelings I harbor for you, thinking them very disrespectful to Brac’s memory,” she wept. “At first I thought I felt them because you had been kind to me and I was grieving and lonely, but as time passed, I realized these feelings had nothing to do with Brac’s passing. They were strong on their own. Now I cannot deny them no matter how hard I try.”
His face was buried in the top of her head as he rocked her gently. “As I have harbored the same guilt, only worse. I thought perhaps I was taking advantage of your vulnerability.”
She pulled her face out of his chest, looking up at him. “Never have you done that. You are a man of too much honor.”
He gazed down at her, feeling that uncontrollable pull again. It was a supreme struggle not to kiss her, out in the open to the shock of her son. A massive hand came up, smoothing her hair away from her face as he absorbed her lovely features.
“My cousin will be here for a week or two,” he said quietly. “You and I will be separated for as long. Perhaps… perhaps it will give us time to discover what we really feel, if it is something more than pity or convenience or lust.”
She knew he was right, though she did not want to be separated from him, not even for a moment. “And if we discover they are true?”
He pulled her closer. “Then I will go to Paris. I will not stop until I have discovered what has become of Louisa.”
Cantia swallowed hard. “And if she is alive?”
“I will petition the pope to annul the marriage on the grounds of abandonment and cruelty. And then I will marry you, we will have a dozen sons just like Hunt, and we will grow old in each other’s arms.”
She smiled, loving the feel of him against her, loving the glorious handsomeness of his masculine face. The wind was kicking up, blowing his copper curls into her face. “But what if you cannot obtain an annulment? What then?”
“I will still adore you for the rest of my life. You and no other.”
Her smile faded. “And I will still bear you a dozen strong sons and we will still grow old in each other’s arms.”
“I cannot ask that of you.”
“You did not. If it is the only way I can have you, then I am happy to make that choice.”
His dark eyes glittered like shards of obsidian, hard and unyielding and powerful. “Madam, I cannot imagine a greater honor, but you should think carefully about that statement while we are apart. I may hold you to it.”
“I would hope you do.”
He wanted to kiss her so badly that he began to shake. Unable to control himself, he lifted both of her hands and hungrily kissed them, devouring her flesh, sucking on her fingers until Cantia gasped softly. He nibbled her palms, her wrists, even her fingernails. In his grasp, Cantia was breathing heavily.
“Oh, Tevin,” she gasped. “When you do that.…”
“I know,” he moaned, his lips against the back of her right hand. “If you could only feel my need for you now, madam, you would know how badly I want you. All of you.”
Shockingly strong words, but she was not surprised or offended. She was not a maiden and Brac’s want for her had been insatiable. She knew what it meant to have a man make love to her. She wondered what it would be like when Tevin did. And she had no doubt that he soon would.
She moved close to him, taking his face between her hands. “I will take Hunt back to the castle so that he may play with his dog in the yard,” she whispered, her face an inch from his. “And then I will retreat to my chamber. You may find me there in one hour. Alone.”