by Tillie Cole
“I think I will go for a walk.”
Rider sighed quietly and tightened the bandana around his head. “You wanting company?”
“I shall be okay. But thank you.” With that, I headed to the sandy trail and into the tall trees, knowing Rider watched me with every step I took.
Walking slowly, I wrapped my hands around my waist, a hollow feeling in my stomach. I felt so out of my depth on the outside: the references people made to things I did not know, the rules of the Hangmen, and worse, the fact that I was a “freak” to them. As Letti had said, a girl shielded from civilization all her life, with no idea how to survive on her own. At age twenty-three, I felt like the only two people I could turn to were Styx and Rider. Rider, about whom I had no idea what he was thinking perhaps ninety percent of the time. And Styx… yes, Styx… the man who, when near, made me feel ashamed of the impure thoughts that occupied my mind. He confused me more than anyone I had ever met. The mute man with so much responsibly at such a young age, a man who already had a woman who adored him, a fact that made my heart break into a million shattered pieces.
Stopping in the center of a circle of trees, I looked up at the bright-blue sky and inhaled the earthy scent of the forest. Scooping my long heavy hair off my back, I held it to my head, relishing the breeze kissing my bare skin.
It felt divine.
Hearing a twig snap, my eyes flew open, fixing on a tanned bare chest, thick tattooed arms bunching in strain, fists clenched at the sides.
Styx.
Styx only feet away.
Styx with blazing hazel eyes, licking his bottom lip ring, completely focused on me.
As I sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, I let my hair drop as he began to approach—no, not approach, stalk. I stumbled back, trying to escape his too-strong intensity, only for my back to smack straight into the trunk of a tree. No place left to run.
The closer he got, the heavier his breath blew from slightly parted lips. The tips of his feet met mine and his arms arched over my head, the smell of his addictive smoky, leather musk coming off him in waves.
It made my head spin.
My eyes stayed low, focusing on the slash mark scars on his chest. As his hot breath blew against my cheek, my heart beat ever harder in my chest.
A hand ghosted down my hair, and Styx’s fingers ran softly against my cheek, the callused pads skirting over my lips. With a step closer, Styx’s chest pressed flat against mine. With instinct trumping logic, my hand gently touched the hot skin of his back. A low groan slipped through his lips, my eyes shifting to meet his.
That was all it took.
Styx’s lips crashed against mine, his strong hand gripped the back of my head, and his tongue probed and slipped between my lips, immediately stroking against mine. I jumped at the sudden intrusion. I had never been kissed since Styx, as a child, and that kiss was nothing like this. Afraid of losing my footing, both hands gripped onto his arms as I submitted to his onslaught. His lips were soft and his taste addictive. I worried I was doing it wrong. I worried that he would be displeased with my lack of skill.
But then I felt it. His hard crotch against my stomach.
He was aroused.
He wanted me… carnally.
And at that moment, I moaned—I wanted to give myself to him too. And Lord forgive me, but instinct drove my actions and I dug my nails into his arms, lost in his touch.
With every passing second, his kiss grew more frenzied, like this was it, like this kiss was all we would ever have. This time everything was different. The boy River had grown into Styx the man and, despite his flaws and his harshness, he was all I wanted. All I had ever wanted.
I was completely consumed by his every touch, his taste and smell, and at that moment, I gave my soul whole-heartedly, to a sinner.
His right hand began tracing down the front of my tank, my stomach clenching under his touch. His hand dipped lower, plunged past my waistband, his fingers cupping between my legs—flesh against flesh. My legs braced in shock, but when a low grunt vibrated in my mouth, I gave in and his hand began to move along my folds. A whimper slipped up my throat, and I began to rock. I felt strange. Too hot, but not hot enough. Styx’s fingers moved too fast, yet not fast enough. Tingles spread up my thighs and arms. I could feel I was teetering on the precipice of something great… something huge… like nothing else.
My hands ran up the strong planes of Styx’s muscled back, to his ribs, counting each one as I passed, then finally stroked down the front of his stomach, his muscles contracting and his head snapping back on a hiss, breaking from the kiss. As I watched the cords of muscle strain in his neck, the sound of the brothers leaving the water broke me from my gaze.
This was not right.
Lord, what am I doing?
Reality gradually seeped back into my body like a pail of iced water being thrown over my head. Pressing both palms on Styx’s chest, I pushed him back, his fingers slipping from my leathers. Styx, caught off guard, stumbled backward, surprise in his hazel eyes until they narrowed. His body tensed and he marched back over and his hands cupped my face in a vise-like grip.
“Wh-why… wh-why did you st-stop?” His nostrils flared as he fought for control of his words.
“Please… It is too fast. I… I do not know what I am feeling. It is too much, too soon. And… You came here with Lois. This… us, like this, is not right.”
He let out a single, humorless laugh. “Sh-she’s not my w-woman. She’s j-just a f-fuck. She d-don’t matter.”
“Styx. She matters. How can you be so unfeeling?” I scolded. “To you she may mean nothing, but Lois; Lois loves you. I cannot—I will not—be with you like this. It is not right.”
Dropping his hands, he drew back two steps before hissing, “Y-you like him?”
I frowned in confusion. “Who?”
“R-Rider!” He began pacing. “I-I saw y-you. Y-you like him.”
“I—”
“I-I came to s-see you f-first thing this m-morning, wh-when I g-got back. D-door was open. Y-you were with him. L-laughing. Y-you were t-too close. I-I d-don’t f-fuckin’ like it.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Styx, how can you say that to me when you are here with Lois?”
He stilled. “Th-that’s your p-problem? L-Lois? Fuck, M-Mae. D-done.”
I did not get a chance to say anything in response. Instead, Styx stomped off, leaving me alone in the woods, breathless and wet between my legs. I tipped my head to the sky, catching my breath. Why was I so wet between my legs? Why did I ache… there? Why was everything on the outside world so hard to understand, these new feelings impossible to decipher? A lump clogged my throat, but I fought back my tears. I chose to leave The Order. I simply had to learn to adjust to all of… this.
I immediately made my way back to the waterfall in a daze. When I broke through the cover of trees, Styx was already back at his bike, shirt and cut back on, and Lois stood beside him, tears in her eyes as she watched him sign. Her arms were wrapped over her chest as though to shield herself from his words.
“Please, Styx. Don’t do this to me. You’re all I have left. I wanna be with you… just you. You know this,” she begged, checking no one was watching. But we all were. They were causing quite the scene. My heart broke at the utter devastation in her voice, the gutting expression on her pretty face.
Styx’s hands moved again, a tired, defeated look on his face, until he glanced over at me and it softened a fraction.
Reality dawned: he was giving her up for me.
Oh… no… Lois…
Lois followed the line of his vision and all hope seemed to drain from her body. She turned back to Styx. “It’s because of Mae, ain’t it?”
Styx did not answer. Lois reached out for his arm, but he stepped back, a harsh coldness in his glare.
I suddenly felt warmth at my sides as Letti and Beauty joined me. Beauty laid a hand on my shoulder as she watched the scene play out. “Poor bitch. She’s loved Prez foreve
r. Was a club brat with him and Ky. Known him her whole life and always wanted him. This’ll fuckin’ kill her,” she whispered and tears, this time, did drop down my cheeks. I was the cause of her pain. I hated myself at that moment. Maybe I was a Cursed after all.
“Styx, please. Listen to me,” Lois pleaded, but Styx turned his back and walked away.
Lois wiped at her cheeks and turned to face the watching club. She faltered slightly at the attention, then began to walk right toward me. My heart beat furiously the closer she got. I expected her wrath, her disdain but, instead, a wash of tears streamed down her cheeks and she trembled.
Standing before me, her eyes ran over every inch of my face and she stroked a hand down the length of my hair. “So soft,” she whispered, and I swallowed back my nerves, not daring to move.
Leaning down to my ear, she said, “He never forgot you, Mae. Growing up, I watched him sign to Ky about you all the time, his chick with the wolf eyes. The chick behind the fence, the chick he kissed. It was constant. His precious number three, whatever that meant.”
She drew back to stare me down and offered me a small smile, taking my hand in hers. “I think it was always you he wanted. Of course, no one believed you were real. His pop thought he was not only mute but insane, for a while, when we were kids. But now here you are, in the flesh, dropped on the club outta nowhere, answering all his prayers. You’re the one thing he couldn’t ever let go.” Her head tilted to the side in appraisal and her eyes saddened. “You’re a sweet, sweet girl, Mae, but why did you have to come here? Why couldn’t you just’ve stayed away? I’ve loved him forever, and then you turn up and take him away with a single flash of those beautiful wolf eyes he adores so much. First my daddy leaves me, now Styx. I have absolutely no one left. There’s no point to life anymore…”
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I started to answer her, when all of a sudden I heard a screech of brakes and gunshots fired. Before I had a chance to turn around and see what was happening, a bullet pierced Lois’s forehead, her stunned face frozen in time as her body crumpled to the ground, her soft hand slipping from mine.
Spinning round, I panicked. Bullets sprayed around our area, the trees shaking with the impact of the metal shells. Chunks of bark splintered into wooden chips. Beauty and Letti fell to the ground for cover.
I froze, well out of my depth. My pulse beating at a frightening speed, I glanced sideward. Styx, Rider, and Ky sheltered behind the provisions truck, Styx rapidly signing orders, Ky shouting the commands. They pulled out concealed weapons and, rising up through gaps between attacking shots, fired back. The red truck holding the attackers slowed, two men wearing balaclavas took aim, and my arm suddenly burned. When I looked down, blood was seeping from my arm where I had been grazed by a bullet.
But I felt no pain.
I looked for Styx and his wild eyes met mine. He saw my blood as it trickled down my arm, saw Lois dead on the dry ground, eyes still open.
“MAE!” He screamed in full fury. Styx stood up, intending to run to me when Ky hauled him back to ground, a bullet narrowly missing his head as he scrambled behind the shield of the large wheel.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! he shouted again. Even in the madness of gunfire, several of the brothers paused to look at Styx in disbelief. He had spoken out loud.
Spoken my name.
Acting only on instinct, I ran for the shelter of the trees. But something made me turn, the sound of a commanding male voice screaming something from behind. I glanced back at the attacking gunmen and I froze as a masked man appeared out of a hole in the roof of the truck. He aimed his gun straight at me.
“NO!” I heard Styx roar. But I could not look away from the man before me.
I watched as the attacker flipped the safety and fired. As if everything were half-speed, I saw the trigger pull and smoke pop from the chamber. I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst, catching snippets of Styx’s tormented screams and the noisy hail from his gun. My body braced for impact.
Suddenly, I was tackled to the ground and the breath knocked out of my lungs with the force of the contact. A heavy body lay still, pinning me to the sandy ground and the stench of burning flesh instantly filled my nostrils.
“Shit. SHIT!” somebody hissed above me, as though in pain, and within seconds, the heavy man was moved.
It was Rider. Rider had been shot in the shoulder… Good Lord! Rider had saved me.
Styx and Ky came running over, Styx’s face ashen as he saw my bleeding arm and Rider rolling on the floor, clutching his left side.
“K-Ky, get Rider in the tr-truck. I’ll g-grab M-Mae!”
Ky did as instructed. Styx picked me up in his arms and sprinted back to the provisions truck. I looked around the area from the shelter of Styx’s arms, but the attackers’ were gone. Brothers mounted their bikes, fury on their faces and Flame, Viking, and AK roared off in the direction of tire marks.
They were going after the gunmen.
Ky dived in the back seat with Rider and Styx tucked me in beside him in the passenger seat. I heard a thud on the bed of our truck and when I looked back, Bull was putting Lois’s limp body in amongst some blankets, then he wrapped her up in a tarp. I felt sick and tears streamed like rain from my eyes. The wheels gained traction and we raced down the trail.
“Rider. Rider!” I panicked, swerving in my seat to see him clutching his arm in pain.
“Mae, y-y-you o-okay?” Styx asked, spittle flying as he forced his words.
My head snapped to face him. I lifted my hand to my arm, seeing my blood. Numbly, I nodded my head. Styx then looked in the mirror back at Ky.
“H-how’s he d-doing?”
Rider. He was asking Ky about Rider.
“Shot straight through the shoulder. Entry and exit wounds, lotta fuckin’ blood. Should be okay. Seen worse last year in the war. I’ll ring through for Doc Brett, though. Got half the brothers heading to guard compound, half tailing us. The psycho trio have gone after the bastards who shot at us.”
Ky busied himself with making calls, while Styx drove ridiculously fast back to the compound. I could not speak and Styx was clearly furious. I could tell by his gritted teeth and white knuckles gripping the wheel.
As we turned into the compound, half of the brothers were outside, loaded with huge guns. As we stopped, they whipped open the doors of the truck and dragged Rider out of the back seat and into the clubhouse. An older fat man holding a large black bag puffed behind them. Doctor Brett, I presumed.
Styx walked round the truck and picked me up, running straight inside the bar.
Beauty came barreling over. “Jesus Christ! What the hell happened? One minute Lois was alive and breaking her heart crying, the next, fuckin’ carnage!” She stilled, her hands beginning to shake. “Fuck. They killed Lois…” she whispered. “Poor bitch… she… she…” Beauty trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.
The bar quickly filled with brothers and Styx held me against his hard damp body as Beauty pressed something against my wound, fighting back tears.
Fuckin’ drive by! Ky’s voice shouted. I realized Styx was furiously signing, his arms tight around my shoulders as Ky translated.
What the fuck! First the fuckin’ Russians drop the deal. Then we get a fuckin’ drive by!!! Styx looked right at me, Ky following his ASL, and he ran his cheek along the top of my head. Lois took a slug between the eyes and they even fired at Mae. WHAT. THE. FUCK???
I shivered in fear as I listened to his harsh words. Beauty hugged me close.
“Styx, you’re scaring the fuckin’ shit outta her,” she said quietly. I could not stop picturing Lois’s shocked face in my mind, her lifeless body slumping to the ground. Why did you have to come here… I have nothing left…
Poor Lois!
Styx bowed his head and he was handed a drink by Bull, which he threw back in one. He still did not let me go, his arms tight around my neck.
Styx slammed his hand on the tabletop twice and the room grew silent,
all eyes on him, Ky, as always, moved beside him to translate.
Bull, Tank, Smiler—find out what you can from the good sheriff. He should know if any new fuckers have moved into our territory. Asians, mobs—any new movement. Someone is playing on our turf and the fuckers don’t even have the balls to do it face to face. Bastard Balaclavas. Shit keeps going south and we’ll be on lockdown.
There was a mixture of firm head nods and miserable groans around the club. I had no idea what a lockdown was, but I could hazard a guess.
Some fucker’s trying to mess with the club and I won’t rest ’til we have fuckin’ answers and some asshole dead!” Bull placed another drink in front of Styx and he tossed that one back too, then he went back to signing.
We find out who it is and take them out. Styx pointed at Tank, Bull, and Smiler, who were preparing to leave. Under the radar, yeah? The last thing we need is that asshole Senator Collins breathing down our neck.
The three men nodded their understanding and went out the front door, the sound of their bikes soon fading in the distance.
Finally, Styx turned to the rest of the men in the room. Mae—Styx pointed at me, Ky’s voice loud and stern as if Styx were saying something important—is under my protection and y’all know what that means.
I frowned and looked to Beauty, who offered me a watery smile. My heart broke for her. She had lost a friend today and she was hurting. The entire club was.
Mae was nearly killed today… Lois fuckin’ was. We were either tailed by the fuckers from compound or someone leaked intel last minute. And by Christ, it better’ve been the first or I’ll rip the rat apart limb by fuckin’ limb.
I shivered at his threatening words. The men in the room were clearly uneasy too.
Rider’s been shot in the shoulder. Doc’s with him now. I’m fuckin’ raging at this whole cock-sucking mess!
Ky’s cell phone rang, cutting through the heavy atmosphere Styx’s words had generated. “Yeah?” he answered, and after a few seconds looked up at Styx, slamming the phone back shut.
“Flame, the faux-hawked motherfucker, just caught him some Balaclava meat. The cunt who killed Lois.” That devastatingly handsome smirk spread on his face.