by Claire Kent
Riana narrowed her eyes. “Would you have taken up with me?”
“That’s not the same, Riana.” He almost never said her name, and the sound of it now made her belly clench with emotion. “I was the one with the power there.”
“You had strength—yes. But I chose you, remember? I picked you out because I liked what I saw in you. You never took me against my will. So if you’ve been carrying around this stupid guilt for all these weeks, you can give it the fuck up!” Her voice was sharp, and for some reason she wanted strangle him.
Here she was, terrified that he was going to dump her and go on with his life. And break her heart in the process.
And he was brooding about something so irrational and unnecessary.
“Oh,” Cain murmured, his lips twitching slightly. She recognized his expression of amusement with relief. “My mistake.”
After a moment, his brows drew together and he asked, “So what exactly are you saying?”
Put on the spot, Riana just blurted out the truth. “I want to stay with you.” Blushing furiously as Cain gaped at her, she tried to backpedal a little. “I mean, I think there’s something between us. Or could be.”
“And you think it will last now that we’re out?”
“I don’t know for sure, but why shouldn’t it? I don’t want to give you up just because we were thrown together in an unnatural situation. Maybe these feelings will fade away once things go back to normal. But maybe they won’t. I…I like you. And I’d like to stick around. Unless you have a wife or—”
“I don’t have a wife,” Cain interrupted, his voice sounding a little strangled. His face twisted slightly, a clear sign of emotion on his usually stoic countenance. “Of course, I want you to stay with me. I’ve spent the last twelve hours talking myself out of throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you home with me. I just thought now that you finally have choices you’d want to get on with your life.”
It took her a minute to process his words. Then to realize what they meant.
When Riana finally understood that he felt the same way she did about their relationship, she blazed with joy. She had to hug herself to try to contain it. “I do want to get on with my life. I just want to do it with you.” Swallowing hard, she admitted, “I think…I think you’re the best thing in my life. And that goes for outside the Hold, not just in it.”
She saw something flare up in Cain’s eyes. Something she’d never seen there for long enough to recognize before. It took her breath away. “Me too,” he muttered, low and hoarse.
She wanted to grab him and kiss him, and then decided there was no reason not to. So she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Cain didn’t seem inclined to let her go.
They’d been kissing fairly regularly for the last month, but it had never been as good as this.
After a minute of embracing with hungry exhilaration, Riana asked, “So where exactly do you live?”
Cain idly rubbed her thigh, as if he couldn’t touch her enough. “On the outskirts of the Sient galaxy. That’s where I was born, and I still have a home there.”
“What do you do anyway? I’ve always wanted to know.”
He chuckled. “So why didn’t you ask me?” Before she could shape her outraged objection to this insolence, he went on, “I have a ranch.”
Riana’s mouth fell open. “A ranch? Like a real ranch? With cows and everything? I thought beef was all mass produced now.”
“There’s still a specialized market for the real thing. I inherited the ranch from my father. The planet is mostly undeveloped.” He darted her a slightly nervous look. “It’s not very exciting. I’m not sure it’s what you’ll be used to. There’s only one city on the entire planet. Most of the land is agricultural. Maybe you should check it out before you commit yourself to staying with me. There’s nothing but grass, some rolling hills, big skies.”
Riana squeezed her arms around Cain’s neck and whispered, “Sounds about perfect to me.”
This answer seemed to please him immensely, and he claimed her mouth in a long kiss. After he’d suitably expressed his appreciation, he stroked her bottom and murmured, “Let’s not move too quickly. We’ll call it a visit at first, so you can see what it’s like without any pressure. If it seems like a place you’d like to stay and if your…your feelings for me don’t start to change now that you have real options, then we’ll consider it a more permanent arrangement.”
Riana had no fears of her feelings for him changing. She’d never been more sure of anything in her life.
But all she said was, “Sounds good to me.”
They stayed like that for a while—sometimes kissing, sometimes just holding each other—until Riana asked out of the blue, “So what did you get convicted of, anyway?”
Cain let out a surprised burst of laughter. “About time you ask me that. Getting worried that you’ve just hooked up with a serial killer?”
Riana waved away that nonsense. “Not once did I ever think such a thing about you. I know you’re not a killer.”
He’d been nuzzling her hair, but now he shifted to murmur against her ear, “And how did you know that?”
“You act tough,” she began. When she noticed his expression, she rephrased, “You are tough. You were stronger than anyone else. But you weren’t vicious, and you didn’t hurt people for fun. You didn’t shoot that guard to kill when we escaped.”
Cain just made a grunt.
“And I was wondering if Asp was the first man you’d ever killed.”
He didn’t answer for a long time, during which Riana’s heart beat frantically, afraid she’d pushed too far. Then he finally admitted, “He was.”
“So what crime did you commit?”
His face twisted reluctantly.
Frowning, Riana persisted, “How bad could it be? I figured it was smuggling or something. I didn’t know you were a rancher, and since you seemed to have traveled so much, I thought maybe you had a ship and bought and sold black-market—”
“No. Nothing that exciting. You’ll need to ask Hall about that kind of thing. I did have a ship for the business. It was always breaking down and I’d have to fix it, which is actually how I knew enough to put together that device. But that was only out of necessity. I actually prefer not to travel at all, and I’d recently found a partner who was going to take over the sales end of things for the ranch. But I couldn’t stay there all the time. I was basically by myself, and there wasn’t chance for…for…”
Riana suddenly understood his awkward expression. She choked on a burst of laughter. “So you had to make trips to the galaxy hot spots so you could have some fun and find a woman or two to fuck?”
His expression affirmed this as the truth.
While Riana didn’t like the idea of Cain fucking anyone but her, she could hardly blame the man for needing to find some physical release now and then. And she was kind of glad he hadn’t had a serious girlfriend or someone he had feelings for.
Maybe it was selfish—since it meant he’d been lonely for a long time—but she liked that she was the first woman he’d cared for like this.
“Anyway,” Cain admitted, his voice even gruffer than normal. “I made the mistake of sleeping with the wrong woman. Apparently she was the mistress of a Coalition commander and…”
Riana gasped, horrified and disbelieving at once. “You got sent to that hellhole just because you fucked some tramp?”
He gave her a wry look. Like her, he seemed to have turned to bitter irony as the only way to handle living in Coalition space. “Almost as good as trespassing, isn’t it?”
She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or laugh, so she settled for squeezing him in her arms. “My God, Cain. And you were there for more than a year. How did you stand it?”
He was holding on to her so tightly she was afraid her ribs might crack. But she didn’t want him to let go.
He wasn’t a sentimental man, and he wasn’t an openly emotional o
ne. But she understood him just the same.
And right now, he was making it clear that he needed desperately to hold on to her for fear he would lose what was so important to him.
That would have been enough. The admission she could feel in his grip. But to her surprise he managed to shape his feelings in words.
He muttered, “I wouldn’t have made it without you.
Epilogue
Riana woke up alone.
The bed was familiar now—big, clean, and comfortable. And there was faint light shining dimly from the hallway.
She never slept in pitch darkness anymore.
But when she rolled over and opened her eyes, she saw the other side of the bed was empty. The covers were warm and rumpled from where he’d been sleeping but Cain was no longer in bed.
She wasn’t surprised or particularly concerned. She knew immediately where he was.
Sometimes she just went back to sleep when she woke up and found he was missing. But this was the third night this week. So she rolled out of bed and padded barefoot out of the house.
Both moons were nearly full, and the night was clear so there was plenty of light illuminating the expansive yard and the sloped fields surrounding the house. Cain’s ranch was vast, and it had taken her weeks to grow familiar with the endless stretches of land. But she knew where she was going now.
The soft grass was cool beneath her feet, and she wished she’d put a wrap around her sleeveless nightgown before she’d come outside. The weather here was milder than on Earth, but the evenings were brisk this time of year.
She found Cain exactly where she’d expected him to be. He was stretched out on a blanket, on the top of a hill behind the main house. He didn’t have a shirt on, but he was wearing the soft, pull-on pants he usually slept in. His arms were crossed behind his head, and he was staring up at the stars in the sky.
He didn’t turn his head or speak as she approached, but when she lay down beside him he reached out for her, pulling her snugly against his side and keeping his arm around her.
“Did you have another one?” she murmured, feeling like she needed to speak softly so she wouldn’t disturb the quiet serenity of the evening.
“Yeah.”
Cain had been having nightmares semi-regularly since they’d escaped. He might go weeks without one but then something—usually stress or an emotional disturbance—would trigger them again.
His nightmares were always the same. Being trapped in a small space in the dark. Being helpless to get out, to respond, to move.
Riana’s two months in the prison had traumatized her as well. But Cain had been locked up a year longer than her.
“That’s the third time this week.” She stroked his chest, enjoying the feel of the firm flesh, hard muscles, and coarse hair. His body was still as tight and muscular as it had been in prison. He was a physical man, and he worked hard every day on this ranch.
Riana worked hard too, but it was work she’d grown to love as much as Cain did. He raised a kind of hybrid cattle that had been brought here from Earth several generations back. He had horses too, and Riana had delighted in learning to ride.
There were a lot of planets like this in Coalition space—on the outskirts, overlooked by those in authority, rustic and backward in the popular conception.
But Riana loved the simplicity and the natural beauty—especially since the natural beauty of Earth and the major planets of the Coalition had been used up ages ago. And she also loved how far removed this planet was from the notice of the Coalition. She felt at peace here. And at home. For the first time in her life.
“I’m sorry if I woke you up.” Cain’s voice was low and gruff, but his hand was gentle as it stroked her hair. “I try to be quiet.”
“You didn’t wake me up. I think I just know when you’re not in bed with me.”
“Sometimes I sleep better out here.”
It wasn’t difficult to understand why. If your fear was enclosure, being boxed in, then the vast fields, endless sky, and fresh air of this spot was as far from that as possible. Sometimes Cain just couldn’t stand to be inside.
When a night was as gorgeous as this one, Riana could hardly blame him.
So she scooted up and draped herself on him, caressing the strong lines of his face with one hand. “You haven’t had three nightmares in one week for a long time. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Something must be troubling him. He would always be the strong, silent type—and he’d never spill out all his feelings like she did—but they’d made a lot of progress in their relationship over the last eight months. And he was always honest with her when she asked him directly.
He gazed up at her, his blue eyes reflecting an expression she saw a lot now—made up of tenderness, possessiveness, and something like awe. “You’re so beautiful.” He reached up to push her dark curls back from where they’d been grazing his chest. She’d let her hair grow long and washed it sometimes twice a day.
Riana smiled, although she was deeply touched by the simple compliment. “Don’t try to distract me with flattery,” she told him. “Has something been troubling you? Does it have something to do with this?”
Placing her left hand on his chest, she stared down at the ring on her finger, the one he’d given her last week.
Presenting a woman with a diamond ring for an engagement was an old-fashioned custom that wasn’t followed by most couples anymore—the general consensus labeling the little ritual outdated and out of keeping with Coalition values and sensibilities.
But Cain was an old-fashioned guy. And when he’d asked her to marry him last week, he’d given her the diamond ring she was wearing.
It was the best gift Riana had ever received.
Cain picked up her hand from his chest and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I’m not getting cold feet, if that’s what you think.”
“I didn’t think that.” She shifted above him, her hip grazing his groin. And she was surprised and pleased to feel that he had grown a little hard—just from having her body draped over his. “But I wondered if you were worried about something related to us.”
He didn’t respond immediately. Just idly stroked her hair. Then finally he murmured, “I think you know what it is.”
“I do,” she admitted, leaning down to press a little kiss just to the side of his mouth. “But do you think you can tell me anyway?”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in a conscious effort to break down the defenses of stoicism that came naturally to him and that had solidified to a frightening extent during his experience in the Hold.
But he’d come a long way since then, and now he told her the truth. “I still don’t think I deserve you. I don’t deserve to be so happy. After the way I acted there—after what I became there.”
Riana exhaled discreetly, relieved he’d finally gotten it said. “That’s silly,” she whispered, adjusting to rest her cheek on his chest, thinking he’d feel more comfortable talking about this if she wasn’t staring at him.
“I know. But sometimes I felt…like an animal there.”
She frowned, caressing the side of his flat belly. “You were not an animal. I saw who you really were. I knew you were strong, but I could also see your…your humanness. That’s why I chose you.”
“Maybe you saw a glimmer of it, but there wasn’t much left at that point. When I first saw you, I wanted you so much. You were so beautiful and brave and untouched by the grim reality of the Hold. You were the only light I’d seen in that whole dark year. I wanted it, so I just took it.”
He’d never shared so much about how he’d felt the first time he’d seen her or what his motivation in coming to fight for her had been. Despite the seriousness of their conversation, Riana was moved by his admission. And she felt a little thrill of girly delight that she’d provoked such a reaction in this powerful man.
“You didn’t take it,” she objected. “I offered it to you. Would you have come out of your cell at all
if I hadn’t let you know I wanted you to?”
“No,” he admitted slowly.
“See. Stop beating yourself up. You weren’t perfect—you were terse and kind of pushy at first. But I wasn’t perfect either. And if I had been in that prison by myself for a year, I would have been a lot less human than you were with me.”
He didn’t respond but one of his hands had slid down to cup her bottom.
“I love you, Cain,” she murmured, leaning up so she could look down at his face. Her hair spilled down around both of them. “I fell in love with you in that prison. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone who had just selfishly taken what he wanted from me. You gave as much as you took.”
For just a moment, his eyes looked almost anguished and desperate. “I hope so.”
Realizing that she wasn’t going to be able to talk him into believing her, she leaned down to kiss him—deeply, softly, lovingly. He responded immediately, his hands clutching at her and his mouth opening hungrily to hers.
When she broke off the kiss, she murmured against his mouth, “Are you happy, Cain?”
“You know I’m happy. That’s where all the guilt comes from.”
She kissed him again, brushing her fingers along the tight skin of his scalp, feeling the light texture of the dark hair he still shaved close. “How happy are you?”
He didn’t want to release her lips, but when he finally broke off to breathe he said thickly, “I feel like every dream I’ve ever had—even the ones I never knew I wanted—has come true.”
She wanted to melt from pure joy and tenderness. She rubbed her body against his hard one, realizing he had grown more erect. “Me too,” she breathed, kissing little lines around his face. “That’s how happy I am too. I was lonely and aimless all my life. And you’re the one who has helped me change that. If I’m this happy to be with you, why should you ever feel guilty about it?”
Cain had grabbed her hips and was holding her pelvis against his, and she gave a pleased mew at the feel of his erection against her groin. “Good question,” he muttered, giving a little buck up into her.