“You’ll leave at sunset with your father’s men. And not return. No matter what, Meg. Do you understand?”
She nodded. “And Jamie?”
“He’ll leave with you, under guard until he is returned to your father. I’ll write a missive to your father asking him to hold Jamie at Dunakin for a few days. It should all be over by then.”
“And then what?” she asked, her eyes still focused on the ground.
He nearly smiled at the ability she had to cut to the quick. A myriad of questions wrapped up succinctly in one small, innocuous package.
“I don’t know.”
So much between them left unsaid. But he was glad she knew the truth. It made everything more complicated, but perhaps it was already. He couldn’t prevent her heartbreak whether he’d driven her to another man or he never returned from Lewis. At least this way she would not doubt herself. Unknowingly, his poisoned arrow had struck too well. He wished he could take back everything he’d said to Lord Huntly. He’d meant to strike at her duty, not at an old wound.
He watched as she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, meeting his gaze. The soft glow of the moon cast deep shadows off the curve of her cheek. He knew what she was going to say and wanted to stop her. He opened his mouth, but it was too late.
“I love you, you know,” she said softly.
There it was. Words that would be better left unsaid.
His heart clenched. He couldn’t breathe. A thousand thoughts rushed through his head, thoughts of a future, thoughts of a family, dreams of happiness. There were no more lies left between them to camouflage the truth. With the secrets stripped away, the truth and all of its consequences lay bare before them. She loved him. But he wasn’t ready to hear those words, not while he still had a job to do. Not until he’d laid the ghosts of his past to rest.
Overcome with emotion, he could manage only one word in response: “Don’t.” He pressed his fingers against her trembling mouth.
Her face crumpled.
He had to make her understand. “Not yet.” He clasped her hands and pulled her up so that she stood before him. So lovely, so infinitely precious. Tenderly, he stroked the side of her face. “You deserve more than I can offer right now.” His voice was laden with regret.
“How can you say that? I know you care for me. You cannot convince me that you don’t.”
He smiled crookedly, shaking his head at her unwavering determination. “I won’t try. But right now, Meg, it’s not enough. Your coming to Lewis only makes me realize how important it is that I finish what I’ve begun here.”
“Even though you might die? If not at the hands of the Adventurers, then by Dougal?”
“Yes. If need be.”
“But—”
“I promise I’ll not go willingly. But”—he paused—“that is all I can promise right now.”
“But why!” she cried, railing more at the injustice of the world than at him, he suspected. Her eyes sparkled with anger. “Why sacrifice your future for your past? You have nothing to prove to me or anyone else.” She wanted to understand. “Tell me what happened to your cousins.”
“There’s not much to tell. You know most of it.”
“But I want to hear it from you.”
He felt the familiar resistance that occurred whenever this subject was mentioned. “Why?”
“I want to understand.”
“Very well.” He averted his gaze. “I was in charge. We had the advantage of surprise. I lost it.”
“And your cousins?”
“They didn’t have to die. I refused to surrender. My damned youthful pride cost them their lives.” His voice grew tight. “I see that moment in my head over and over. If I could go back and decide differently…”
“Did you know what Dougal had planned?”
“No,” he shot back. “Of course not.”
“Then how can you blame yourself? You made the best decision you could under the circumstances. I know I was wrong to come here. Jamie warned me that you would not appreciate my interference. But it’s not because I don’t believe in you, Alex. There was no one else I could trust with such an important message.”
“You were wrong to come, Meg. I know you only thought to help, but it’s too dangerous for you here. It’s too dangerous for me with you here.”
He couldn’t concentrate on anything with her so close. He was filled with such longing, to take her in his arms and cherish her love, cherish her body. Not focusing on the task at hand could be a deadly mistake. Her very presence on Lewis crippled him, putting him at grave risk.
The starlight seemed to catch the soft highlights in her hair. Unconsciously, he slid his hand over the smooth waves, weaving through their depths. Her very softness unleashed his desire. His body burned. He wanted to bury his face in her hair, rip off her clothes, and taste every inch of that soft skin. He wanted to make her tremble and come apart in his arms. If she didn’t leave soon, he might forget the danger and give in to temptation. His voice turned hoarse with longing. “I can’t think when you are near.”
“Then don’t,” she whispered in the soft, seductive voice of an enchantress.
Her body sought his, her softness melting into his heat, teasing him with pleasure so acute that he began to shake. Despite the cool evening, sweat gathered on his brow. Blood coursed through his veins, and his erection throbbed unmercifully. Salvation waited only a hair-breadth away.
He stepped back, snapping the invisible pull. “I must. People are depending on me, Meg. Would you truly have me leave? Walk away from my kin when they are depending on me? What kind of leader would I make for your clan?”
She looked at him blankly, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the truth.
He sank the knife of truth deeper. “Could you walk away from your clan, from your responsibilities? Would you have me do what you would not?” She looked as though she wanted to argue; the stubborn lass did not easily concede defeat. “This is what I do, Meg. I fight. What the king is doing on Lewis is wrong, and I cannot stand by and watch my kin be murdered without doing something.” The call was just as much a part of him as Meg. He could not deny either. “I must do my duty to my clan, just as you must do yours,” he said.
Her face collapsed when she understood his meaning. “But I can’t marry Jamie.” Tears glistened in her eyes.
And Alex was relieved that she would not. He still couldn’t believe she’d refused Campbell. Shocked, but enormously pleased.
“Of course you can’t,” he said gently. “Not right now.” His fingers traced the contours of her mouth. “But you will marry if you must.”
If I die. The words were left unspoken, but he knew she understood.
“Get some rest, there aren’t many hours left before dawn.” He whistled, and immediately a few of his men materialized out of the shadows. He urged her to go, watching as she faded into the darkness. Darkness that matched the deep abyss of regret in his chest.
Chapter 22
Bittersweet remembrance. Was that what awaited her for the rest of her life? Would Alex die and leave her with fleeting memories of a love that had barely been given the chance to spread its wings and soar?
Frustration tinged with resentment mounted inside her. The worst part was that she knew he was right. Alex couldn’t leave Lewis, just as she couldn’t leave her clan without a leader to help her brother for the future.
There was no other choice: Alex had to help his kin defend against the incursion of the Fife Adventurers. Nobility. Strength. Pride. None of those attributes would keep her warm at night. But Meg also realized that she would not love the man who was without them.
Not that it would make leaving him any easier.
Not when she knew now that he loved her. He might not have said as much, but she knew deep in her heart that he did. He wouldn’t say so, couldn’t say so. Not until he was free. Not when he might not survive. She understood that now, understood why he’d tried to push her away. But understanding
did not bring her peace or lessen the hollow sense of unfulfilled longing gnawing at her soul.
She’d tossed on her makeshift pallet for an hour before deciding that there was only one way to calm her restlessness. She didn’t have much time; it was almost dawn. And tomorrow she knew there would be little opportunity for further intimacy. He had a job to do, and she would not interfere. She’d leave tomorrow as he wished, but the night belonged to her.
Meg crept silently through the encampment of sleeping clansmen, careful not to disturb those who’d stayed behind to ensure their safe departure. Once away from the warmth of the fire, she shivered in the cool night air, wrapping the extra plaid she wore over her traveling clothes tighter across her shoulders. Though she tried not to think about how scary it was out here, in the dark, alone, the hairs on her arms and neck stood at attention. Her heart pounded. She followed the narrow path through the thicket of trees, where she’d watched Alex disappear earlier. Despite her unease, Meg realized she was lucky he’d offered to take the first watch—the first watch that had just ended. But he hadn’t returned. That he’d probably done so to be away from her was immaterial.
What she had planned wouldn’t work very well in a crowded camp.
The farther she retreated from the fire, the more she was forced to use her hands to help guide her through the dark maze of the narrow path. A branch scratched the side of her cheek. She gasped, more with surprise than with pain.
A hand over her mouth quickly smothered the involuntary sound.
Terror struck. Meg thrashed around, trying to break free, but her captor held her lodged tight against his body.
“Shhh.”
She stilled, recognizing the deep timbre of that voice.
“Quiet. Unless you want a party of Lowlanders down on top of us.” The warmth of his whisper so close to her ear sent a chill of awareness down her spine.
Meg nodded that she understood, and he relaxed his hold but did not release her. Now that her pulse had slowed considerably, she was able to recognize the familiar lines of the hard body behind her and the subtle erotic scent of sea and sun that clung to him like a warm blanket. Savoring his closeness—and not one to waste an opportunity—Meg sank deeper into the curve of his body, snuggling her bottom against his groin.
It was his turn to stifle a groan, but he did not loosen his hold. Danger must be near.
Meg listened, though not sure precisely what she was listening for.
Minutes later, it became clear when she heard the galloping stampede of a large party pass not fifty feet from where they stood.
After a tense few minutes, the intruders were safely away. Alex spun her around.
“What are you doing out here? Why aren’t you abed?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” Meg ignored his furious expression. “Were they looking for us?”
He stared at her, eyes narrowed. Obviously, he was deciding whether to press his anger. Meg stood firm, meeting his gaze. There’d been enough anger between them. Finally, he answered her. “Yes, every few days they send out a scouting party.”
“I didn’t realize they would be so close.”
He shrugged, unconcerned. “It’s more of a nuisance, really. It forces us to move around, but they never seek to engage us. Not out here. Not on our terrain. Nonetheless, no matter how unlikely, we have to be prepared in the event they do decide to mount an attack.”
Meg understood. “They keep you under surveillance, but prefer to fight with the castle behind them.”
Alex nodded. “What strength they have is in their defensive position, and they’ll not risk losing their best weapon by attacking our forces out here. Not without help. But had you alerted them to our presence, it would not have stopped them from trying to kill the both of us. You did not answer my question—why are you here?”
Meg blushed, grateful that he could not see her response in the darkness. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that this might be her only chance, and stepped closer. She stood just under his chin, forcing her head back to meet his gaze. “I wanted to say good-bye. Privately. There might not be an opportunity tomorrow.”
He sighed and then said gently, “Meg, we’ve said all there is to be said.”
“Have we?” she asked, boldly placing her hands on his chest. “I don’t think so.” He stiffened but did not remove her hands. Encouraged, she wove a lacy, seductive trail down his chest. Deliberately, she slowed when she reached the flat planes of his stomach. Brushing her fingers lightly across the layered muscles, she savored the way his body clenched under her fingertips. She teased him, stroking lower and lower, but not quite low enough.
He hissed between clenched teeth.
Meg smiled, her courage bolstered.
Her mouth touched his collarbone. She pressed delicate kisses along the lines of his neck. “I think we have more to say to each other, Alex. Much more.” To emphasize her point, her hand dipped, grazing over the thick head of his erection bulging at the waistband of his trews. She wanted to circle her fingers around his length, to feel the thickness in her hands, to rub her thumb across the round head…but not yet.
“Damn you,” he growled. His arms remained glued to his side, the powerful muscles in his arms flexed as he tried to control the lust she’d roused.
Her mouth moved to further explore his neck. Her tongue slid along the pulsing vein. He was fighting for
control all right. She loved the taste of him, the same clean, slightly salty taste of the Skye sea breeze.
“I’m not a bloody saint, Meg.”
Meg chuckled, pointedly gazing down to admire the size of his erection. “Thank goodness for that, it would be a waste.” She licked her top lip hungrily. “An enormous waste.”
Alex uttered a pained sound, obviously in no condition to admire her irreverent humor. “You don’t want this,” he said tightly.
If he only knew how wrong he was. Just knowing how powerfully aroused he’d become by her touch alone drove her wild. Desire pooled low in her belly, and her senses tingled with sudden expectation.
Meg eased the extra plaid from her shoulders, allowing it to drop to the ground. Tonight, his body would provide all the heat she needed. She stretched up against him and clasped her hands behind his neck, pressing the hard tips of her breasts to his chest. She played with the golden hair at the nape of his neck, still slightly damp from bathing. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I do this,” she said honestly.
He wrapped his arms around her, wavering. “It won’t change anything,” he protested, albeit weakly.
She pressed her fingers against his lips. “No promises, remember? I just need to feel you inside me. One more time.”
The heartfelt simple plea was enough. The tension visibly drained out of him. She’d won, though in truth he’d not waged much of a war. There was a certain inevitability to this moment that neither of them could deny.
He kissed her, and Meg thought her heart would explode with happiness. The uncertainty that had drowned her the past few weeks dissolved into a distant memory. The beauty of this moment would be in her heart forever. She felt more alive, freer, than ever before. He kissed her with all of the emotion that he could not express. He showed her his love in the tenderness of his embrace, in the fierceness of his desire. He showed her every time their eyes met.
The kiss intensified. The exquisite taste of him made her shiver. His mouth was hot and demanding, his passion already inflamed by her seductive touch. She felt boneless, liquid, her body heavy with desire. She’d not thought it possible, but their passion had grown even more intense and overwhelming. There was a tender poignancy to this moment; this was a mating not just of their bodies, but of their hearts.
He made love to her with his lips and tongue. The rush of pleasure hit her hard and fast. With each rhythmic stroke of his tongue, her heart raced with anticipation. He wooed her and teased her with his tongue, driving her frantic with need. A conflagration of emotion so pure and powerful, it took her
breath away.
The warmth between her legs spread through her body like wildfire. His erection pressed possessively against her abdomen as his tongue slid in and out of her mouth, driving her mad with desire. She wanted him inside her. Filling her. Thrusting deep and hard until her body shuddered around him. Her body dampened, priming itself for his powerful entry as her hips rocked against him, seeking the exquisite pressure only he could provide.
She ached to feel his hands on her, in her, stroking, but he still had not touched her. She knew that he was holding himself back, trying to control the swell of passion that threatened to storm and overtake them both.
A soft moan escaped her parted lips when his hand finally cupped her breast. Over the fabric of her gown, his thumb rubbed against her swollen nipple. It wasn’t enough. She wanted to feel the rough calluses of his hands branding her skin. She pressed against his hand. No more pretense left between them. She wanted the pleasure that only he could bring her. She wanted everything.
Alex lifted his mouth from her soft lips and smiled—a sly, predatory grin that should have warned her. “Not so fast, my sweet. I’m going to use every last minute of darkness.”
They both knew that it might have to last a lifetime.
Her breath came quick as he knelt and spread her plaid over a small patch of moss. “I wish I had a better bed to offer you.”
“It’s beautiful,” Meg said.
And it was. Nature’s own bower beneath the trees. Though making love with Alex anywhere would feel like paradise.
When he finally seemed satisfied that he’d made the makeshift bed as comfortable as possible, he stood up and began to work the laces of her gown. Piece by piece, her clothing was removed until she stood naked before him. She shivered as the cool night air hit her flaming skin. Resisting the urge to cover herself, suddenly shy, she peeked up to gauge his reaction.
He looked at her ravenously, like a starved man being offered a feast. His eyes glowed with admiration. “You are beautiful.”
And strangely, for the first time, Meg truly believed it was so. Who would not feel beautiful with this fierce warrior looking at her with such aching need?