by V.K. Sykes
* * *
Once or twice in the first hour of the flight, Nate had tried some humor. Spending four hours in tight quarters, the atmosphere funereal, made him want to parachute out. But Holly didn’t bite at any of his jokes. In fact, she rarely looked up from her reading. The best he was able to get out of her was a grudging nod or soft grunt.
To call her mood frosty was like describing the High Arctic as a little chilly.
Damn, what a way to end a great weekend.
He enjoyed flying more than anything other than pitching and sex. But this particular flight had been pure misery from well before engine start-up. When he finally set the Bonanza down at North Philly Airport and taxied to his hangar, he felt like he’d just been paroled.
Nate was crazy about Holly, but he was seriously pissed at her, too. She’d sprung the whole discussion on him right out of the blue. It was the last thing he’d expected, and the timing felt all wrong. But he had to acknowledge that maybe there wouldn’t have ever been a good time. He wasn’t used to women getting serious on him, and sure as hell not this early in the game.
Well, truth be told, he’d never really stuck around long enough to get serious with any woman. With the possible exception of Martha. And with her, neither of them had ever thought their relationship would be for keeps.
So why did Holly decide to push? The sex between them had been as hot as Miami in July, and he was pretty much flat out nuts about her. But they’d been together what? Less than a month? And then she’d blurted out that she loved him. Well, that was just plain crazy. She couldn’t possibly love him—not so soon, anyway. He was good but not that good, especially for a woman as classy as Holly.
Nate also couldn’t help thinking about the women he’d been dating before he met Holly. Not the last one, Geri Berlin. They were so done. But some of the women he saw on road trips were more than one-night stands. Sure, they didn’t have big expectations, and they knew that someday he’d say goodbye for good. But now? Was he really ready for Holly’s definition of commitment?
Actually, he’d been giving that question some thought for the past few days. But not urgently. His injury had been a good thing from that standpoint. It had let him put the issue on the back burner, since there would be some time before he had another trip to any of the cities where he dated other women. And Holly was responsible for that growing change in his feelings, no doubt about that. In fact, he cared for her a hell of a lot, but that didn’t mean he was ready to settle down. Not even close.
No, he couldn’t make that kind of commitment. His gut told him he didn’t want to let her go, but he wasn’t going to make a life-changing vow unless he was totally sure he could keep it. The last thing he wanted was for Holly to get in so deep that she’d be devastated if he couldn’t be what she wanted him to be. He wouldn’t use her like that. No way.
And he couldn’t let their relationship—whatever it was—force a wrong decision on the trade, if it ever came to that. His career had to come first. How could he live with himself if he didn’t try to reach his full potential? If that meant L.A., then so be it. He hadn’t worked his ass off for all those years to settle for second best now.
As soon as he cut the plane’s engine, Holly popped the door open and clambered out and down the wing. She helped him pull the luggage out of the cargo area and load it into the car. Sunglasses hiding her eyes, she looked away towards the small terminal as Nate went back to the Bonanza and maneuvered it into the hangar by himself. He closed the hangar doors and strolled over the Aston Martin.
“Want to drive?” he offered across the roof of the car. Maybe that could help him chip away at the iceberg she’d floated between them. She was crazy about driving his car.
“No thanks,” she said.
Nate sighed and clicked the doors open. She slid into the passenger seat without looking at him.
He’d run out of ways to try to make her laugh, or lighten her mood, or even get a reaction out of her. Now he was just getting mad. “How long are you going to keep this up?” he said, no longer trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.
She looked out the passenger side window.
When he hit the main airport road, he screeched the tires and the car took off like a bullet.
“Slow down, for God’s sake!” Holly said sharply. “You don’t have to get us killed just because you’re pissed off at me.”
“At least that got a rise out of you,” he growled. “I presume you’d rather go home than to my place?”
“I think that’s best.”
“Home it is, then.”
Nate pulled up in front of her house thirty minutes later. Not another word had passed between them the entire drive. God, it made him feel like crap, especially whenever he glanced over at her pale, unhappy face. How had it all gone so wrong? He wracked his brain, trying to find a solution to the problem between them, but he just kept coming up empty.
Maybe all he could do was give her space. Time to think if she really wanted it to be over. She’d obviously gotten her hopes up after the sensational time they had in Florida, and a letdown was almost inevitable. But now that they were back in Philly, she’d get absorbed in her work again, and hopefully she’d start to see things from a different perspective.
At least he sure hoped she would, because he knew deep down that he wasn’t ready to say goodbye forever to Holly Bell.
“I’ll walk you to your door,” he said, shifting to get out of the car.
She shook her head. “That’s not necessary. Just pop the trunk so I can get my suitcase out.” She practically bolted out her side.
He did as she asked, hurrying around to help her lift out the bag. But by the time he got to the trunk, she had already grabbed it herself.
“Holly, listen,” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder before she could stomp off. “This is crazy.”
She’d been a wreck when they left Florida, but now she’d calmed down. She still looked pale and unhappy, but determined as hell, too. Unease stirred in his gut.
“You can call it what you want, Nate, but I meant what I said,” she replied in her soft, southern-tinged voice. “Do I have to say it again? There’s no future for us if you won’t make a commitment to our relationship. If I can’t count on you to be faithful to me like I would always be to you. I’m sorry, but I’m just not into sharing.”
Brutal disappointment flooded through him. What more could he say? He supposed he could lie to her—tell her what she wanted to hear, even if he didn’t mean it. But that wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t lie to Holly—not about anything important, anyway. She deserved better than that.
But she was insisting that it was her way or the highway, and he couldn’t cave to that kind of demand. He’d just have to hope she’d change her mind if he gave her some time to get used to the idea.
“I don’t want to let you go,” he said softly. “Are you really sure about what you’re doing?”
For a moment, she seemed to waver, and her eyes glistened with tears. He gave her shoulder a light caress, hoping like hell she’d say no.
She shook her head. “I’m sure I need to be alone right now. Goodbye, Nate.”
Holly turned and hurried up the steps and through her front door. Nate stared after her without a clue what he would do next.