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“I've been here the whole time,” I say with a sniffle, not even really caring how and why I got back to these boys or what happened to lead up to this point. I just want to crawl into the Bat Cave with them and feel their warmth against me, inside of me, listen to the sound of their breathing and know that despite their pain, they're alive. I'm alive. And as long as we're alive, that means we all get second and third and fourth chances to get it fucking right.
“On the sidewalk, doll baby?” Ran asks, searching me carefully. “Where's your pass?”
“Kevin,” I say and the boys exchange looks. “He was here for the concert, in town for that stupid lawyer thing that Vanessa's dad was going to. He saw me on my way to the store and … he threw my pass in a locked postal box.”
I reach down and take Ran's and Muse's hands again and the boys take that as a cue, walking me back toward the bus as I explain the rest of the my shitty evening in as much detail as I can. It's not much right now—I'll owe them a better story later—but for now, this is all I have the energy for.
Finding the boys hasn't cured my grief for my father, and I want my mom in my arms now.
“I knew that bitch was lying,” Michael growls, and I reach out to grab his arm before he stalks across the cement toward his manager. I can see Octavia from here, white-faced and clutching her tablet against her chest.
“I really am firing her arse this time,” Pax says, and nobody bothers to protest … except for me.
“Do whatever you want tomorrow,” I tell him, and I hope he can hear how serious I am right now. “I … let's not stir up anymore drama tonight, okay?”
Pax starts to protest, but something about the expression on my face stops him and he ends up storming past and tearing open the door to the bus, completely and utterly ignoring Octavia's presence.
“You are just a fucking groupie, Lilith.”
I stare at her as we pass by, her cruel words ringing in my head, but I know that she'll get hers eventually, tomorrow, whenever. I can't wait to see Pax fire her. But right now, I don't need anger and frustration and confusion, and somebody has to get Beauty in Lies to their next concert.
The six of us pile into the bus, and Cope shuts the door behind us, locks it.
The first thing I do is stand there and close my eyes, breathing in the familiar smells, enjoying the warmth of the heater against my frigid skin. Then I open them and drink in the sight of the leather sofa and the swivel chairs and the kitchen.
“Lilith,” Muse says, drawing my attention over to him. He's looking down at the floor, biting his lip. When he looks up at me, his face is completely open and shattered into pieces. His story, I'm going to get it soon; I can tell. And it's going to hurt bad. That much I know for certain. “Would you like to come on our world tour with us?”
“Your …” I start as I glance over at the others, standing around me with various expressions of relief and frustration and tenderness. “You want me to come with you?”
My shock doubles, triples, and suddenly I feel like I just need to sit down.
“Here,” Ran says, digging the plastic bag with the small ceramic urn from my purse. My mom's spilled inside of it, gray-white powder coating the clear plastic, but I don't care. I take her in my arms and hold her tight, closing my eyes for a moment to try to take it all in.
Mom never got to travel much, even though she dreamed of being a jet-setter and sharing her art with the world. I could do that, couldn't I?
“As a …”
“A friend,” Muse supplies carefully, “or more if you want.”
“As a groupie?” I say, glancing up and reclaiming the word that was thrown at me in hate tonight. I can make that word be whatever I want it to be. I can be whatever I want to be—in life, in art, in my relationships with these men. This is my choice to make.
“Whatever you want,” he supplies and I smile, feeling a slight reprieve in my tears.
“That's what I want,” I say and then I turn and take Mom down the hall with me into the Bat Cave, pulling out the drawer with the manila envelopes in it and nestling her carefully inside, shrugging out of Michael's jacket and using it to cushion her.
When I stand up, I loosen the ties on the sides of my dress, drop it and my slip to the floor and climb into bed.
Muse, Cope, Ran, and Pax join me without hesitation, but Michael stands awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, looking unsure but staring at me with this unbridled passion that's almost scary. We're going to be tumultuous, me and him. But then I raise my fingers to touch the necklaces and he climbs onto the bed, kicking off his boots and covering my body with his.
My fingers curl in his dark hair as he kisses me like I'm the person he's been looking for his whole life. I don't know how much of that is bullshit—Cope can kiss like that, too—but I take what I can get, letting myself go completely in his arms.
Paxton moves up beside us, brushing my hair away from my ear, kissing the side of my throat. Ransom takes up the other side while Cope and Muse each start kissing their way up my legs.
Worshipped.
That's me in that moment.
Lost, lonely girl with nobody and nothing.
Lilith, the groupie, and her rockstars.
I don't think I can be both of those things at the same time; I am more than happy to shed the first title. And no, I don't know how long this will last—I don't fucking care. Sometimes relationships look perfect from the outside but fall to pieces on the in. Well, ours looks messy and weird from the outside, but on the in … it's perfect. At least for now, it is fucking perfect.
For a while we're just a tangle of limbs and heat, mouths and tongue, bodies and moans and caresses. Group sex like this usually takes some maneuvering, talking, adjusting, a hell of a lot of practice. But that night, our first night as a sixsome, we somehow manage it intuitively.
I straddle one of the guys, sheathing him inside of me, welcoming another from behind. One of them puts a knee on either side of the bottom man's head and lets me take his cock gently between my lips. And then I use my hands on the other two, kneeling on either side of me as my body is rocked gently from behind.
It's sex—some might think kinky, strange, dirty, gritty, maybe even ugly sex—but it's more than just that with us. We're six souls bathed in darkness and pain, twisted together in this moment into one person. I might be the lynchpin holding the sex part together, but it's just a further expression of something these guys already had with each other: love. It might not be romantic love between them, but they all love each other nonetheless.
And one day, they'll all love me, too.
It isn't that night—although that's the start of it all—but it happens.
I fall in love with five rockstars; they fall in love with me.
We're all broken pieces, shattered by loss and grief and hurt, but put us together … and you get one perfect whole.
Bodies are touched and soothed, orgasms given and received, but when we end up laying together, half-asleep, catching our breaths, sharing secret smiles in the dark, I finally get it, the name of their band.
Beauty in Lies.
Sometimes, even in the worst situations, the deepest grief, the meanest look, there's a spark of light peeking through all the darkness
Like finding something beautiful … in a lie.
Beauty is everywhere—if you know how to look for it.
To Be Continued …
Dear Reader,
Now that we've wrapped up the first book in Lilith's story, I couldn't be anymore in love with her boys. My only regret in writing this book was that it had to end—but don't despair! Book two, Roadie, in the Rock-Hard Beautiful Trilogy releases May 8th, 2017.
This story touched me deeply and all the themes included within are personal to me in some way. I hope you enjoyed the read, the boys, and the writing. This is my longest (and I think best!) book yet, totaling a whopping 130,000 words. Be proud of yourself for reading it!
P.S. Lilith might end up with
one, two, or more boys in the end, so prepare yourself for unconventionality. I haven't made the final decision yet, but we'll let the characters talk to us and see where they take the story. ;)
Happy Reading!
C.M.
Pre-Order Book #2: ROADIE Now and See Where Lilith and Her Boys End Up Next
Start C.M.'s International Bestselling Series for FREE and Meet More Hot Rockstars
Florian is a tattoo artist, the love of my life … and my stepbrother. Fate can be wicked cruel.
.
In your pain, I see my own, so I'm going to tell you and only you, okay?
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About the Author
C.M. Stunich is a self-admitted bibliophile with a love for exotic teas and a whole host of characters who live full time inside the strange, swirling vortex of her thoughts. Some folks might call this crazy, but Caitlin Morgan doesn't mind - especially considering she has to write biographies in the third person. Oh, and half the host of characters in her head are searing hot bad boys with dirty mouths and skillful hands (among other things). If being crazy means hanging out with them everyday, C.M. has decided to have herself committed.
She hates tapioca pudding, loves to binge on cheesy horror movies, and is a slave to many cats. When she's not vacuuming fur off of her couch, C.M. can be found with her nose buried in a book or her eyes glued to a computer screen. She's the author of over thirty novels - romance, new adult, fantasy, and young adult included. Please, come and join her inside her crazy. There's a heck of a lot to do there.
Oh, and Caitlin loves to chat (incessantly), so feel free to e-mail her, send her a Facebook message, or put up smoke signals. She's already looking forward to it.
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Front Matter Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Signup for my Newsletter
Author's Note
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Back Matter Author's Note
Roadie Cover
Real Ugly Cover
Stepbrother Inked Cover
Tasting Never Cover
Keep Up With The Fun
More Books By C.M. Stunich
About the Author