by Maya Banks
“But you came back,” she whispered.
“Yeah, I did, and I wish to hell I hadn’t left again.”
She put a finger to his lips. “It wasn’t your fault, Steele. You can’t take responsibility for some lunatic’s actions. You were doing your job.”
“My job is to protect you and our baby,” he said fiercely.
“And I have every confidence you’ll do just that. Now shut up and kiss me. I never thought I’d say this about you, but you talk too damn much.”
He laughed, transforming the utter graveness in his face and eyes to something lighter, more joyful. She loved that look on him. And she wanted to be responsible for making him lose some of the coldness that had surrounded him for so long. His days as the ice man were gone.
He lowered his mouth, taking hers in a possessive, passionate kiss that stole her breath. Her lips tingled under his loving assault. Her lips parted and his tongue swept in, tasting and teasing her.
Then to her surprise he lowered himself down her body until he knelt in front of her, his mouth level with her belly. He placed his hands gently on her hips and then pressed his mouth just above her navel in the most loving of kisses.
“Our child,” he said, awe in his voice. “I’m blown away by the fact that my baby is inside you, growing in your womb. I don’t have words, Maren. I never imagined this. Never planned for it. Never thought I’d be kneeling in front of a woman I love touching the place where my child is nestled. But now that I am, now that I have you and our baby, I can’t even describe what it means to me. You’re gifts I never thought I’d be given, and I intend to cherish and protect you both with my dying breath.”
She ran her hand through his short-cropped hair, lovingly stroking as he kissed her belly again. Tears crowded her eyes as she took in the enormity of this moment. She wanted to remember this forever. She wanted this moment to last forever.
This man, this gruff, beautiful man kneeling in front of her with such reverence and love in his voice. He spoke of her and their child being a gift, but he was her gift. One she’d never thought to receive as well.
When she was old and gray, she’d remember this moment. She’d tell her child of the time her father knelt in front of her and kissed her stomach, vowing to love and protect her always. She’d tell her child how very much she was loved from the very beginning.
“I love you, Maren,” Steele whispered against her belly. “I need you to believe that. I don’t know how or when it happened. But it’s there and it feels like it’s always been there. I can’t remember what it was like before you. Only that until you, my life was cold, lifeless and mechanical. No color. No vibrancy. I didn’t live. I existed. You changed all that. Before, my purpose, my goal, was to protect others. My life didn’t matter and I would have given it to protect my team or a person we’d been sent to save. But now it matters. You matter. You are the most important person in my life now. Not my team. Not KGI. Not nameless victims we rescue. You and this child are my life. You’ve given me reason to really live and not just exist anymore. I don’t think you realize just how much you’ve changed me in a very short period of time.”
Tears slid soundlessly down her cheeks as she absorbed the heartfelt words that poured from his lips. He lifted his head, catching her gaze, and the look in his eyes took her breath away. They burned with intensity and sincerity. Every word was reflected in those fierce blue eyes she’d once thought were cold as ice.
Now they blazed with warmth and love.
She cupped his face in her hands, not even bothering to wipe the tears away. Then she leaned down and kissed him and then she hugged him to her, his cheek pressed to her belly.
“I love you too, Steele. Oh God, you undo me. What can I even say to all you just told me? You can’t even imagine how hearing that affected me. I never dreamed of anyone saying things like that to me. I want to soak them all in so that twenty years from now I’ll still remember every single word.”
He slowly rose, holding her to him as he straightened to his full height. He tipped her chin up so she was looking him in the eye.
“You don’t ever have to worry about forgetting,” he said quietly. “Because I’m going to remind you every single day.”
He backed her slowly to the edge of the bed, their bodies touching, his mouth hovering just over hers, and as he leaned her down, he kissed her again. Hot, scorching. His body came down over hers, pressing her into the bed. He was a warm blanket, surrounding her with him, with his love.
He rolled to the side so she was no longer bearing his full weight, but before she could protest, he pressed his mouth to the curve of her breast and gently nuzzled closer to her nipple. He caressed her belly and then moved his hand to her other breast, palming it and then carefully brushing his thumb across her other nipple.
“Are they more sensitive now?” he asked. “Are you okay with me touching you here?”
“Oh God yes,” she breathed.
He chuckled lightly. “Is that an oh God yes, they’re sensitive, or oh God yes, you’re okay with me touching you?”
“Both. They’re definitely more sensitive. In the first weeks of pregnancy you wouldn’t have been able to get anywhere near them. They were so sensitive it hurt to even touch them. But now they’re just more tender, I guess. But I love you touching me.”
“Then you won’t mind this either,” he murmured just before he lowered his mouth to one straining peak.
She moaned as he sucked her nipple carefully into his mouth, exerting light pressure but enough to make her crazy with want and need.
He lifted his head to look at her. “Too much?”
“Oh no. I love it. Please don’t stop.”
He lowered his head again and then he traced a line around her other nipple with his fingertip while he tongued the other.
“They’re darker,” he said.
He moved his hand down, splaying his fingers over her belly, rubbing and caressing.
“You’re firmer here. I can feel the beginnings of a bump. It’s small and barely discernible by sight, but I can feel it. It’s amazing.”
She smiled, completely mesmerized by his gentle exploration of her body and his noting the physical changes wrought by her pregnancy.
She’d had every intention of having her wicked way with him as she’d told him in the living room, but in truth, he was making love to her. Slow and exquisite. A sensual rediscovery after a long separation.
And it was making love. They’d had sex before. More intimate the second time, when they’d been getting to know one another on a deeper level. Forming the foundation of what would bring them to this, to the discovery of something meaningful. Love.
Love happened. She would have never thought that it could happen so rapidly. Love was something you worked at, and she had no doubt their relationship would take a lot of hard work and dedication. But it had simply happened. No explanation. No cataclysmic event or earth-shattering revelation brought on by some external event.
It had simply happened. And she had no desire to analyze it, to figure out how or why. She just knew that she loved this man, and God, he loved her too. Her heart was near to bursting with so many feelings, so many things she wanted to say but had no words for. The only thing she could do in this moment was to show him her heart. And that he’d entrenched himself so deeply within her very soul.
Time was simply that. Time. It moved at different speeds for different people. For her, she’d fallen in love with Steele when he’d come back and they’d spent those precious few days learning each other, talking about everything and nothing at all. She’d always treasure those stolen days before fate had taken them in different directions and before she feared she’d never get back to that place where she and Steele had begun something special and meaningful.
She was so grateful that fate had given them a second chance. That she was here in his arms. Safe. Protected. And so very cherished. She knew this was exactly where she wanted to be. No matter what the fu
ture held, she knew she wanted Steele there with her, facing whatever obstacles they encountered. Together. With him at her side, she knew that nothing was insurmountable. Nothing was too challenging. They were in this together and she had faith that no matter how new and fresh their relationship might be, they would face the future together.
He took his time, lavishing tender affection on every inch of her body, as if he too were memorizing and committing to memory this moment of rediscovery. As if he were reassuring himself that she was here and safe where nothing bad could touch her. He seemed determined to wash away the last months when she’d lived in constant fear and uncertainty.
And when he finally brought her to a fever pitch, her body flushed and aching with desire, he rose over her, parting her thighs to settle between them, his erection tucked just inside her opening.
“It’s like the first time all over again, Maren,” he said in a tender voice. “It’s our first time where we’re truly together. This isn’t sex. It’s much more than that. It’s my way of showing you my love, of showing you with more than words—words I can’t even express—how much I care about you. I don’t want to rush this. We have all night, and I intend to spend the entire night showing you just how much you mean to me.”
There was an odd catch in his voice. He sounded vulnerable. Laid bare in front of her and she realized that he’d never allowed himself to be so unguarded with another person. She was seeing a part of him he kept hidden away from the rest of the world, and it unraveled her that she was the one with whom he was sharing the deepest part of his soul. Parts of him that would never be seen by anyone but her. It meant more to her than she could ever verbalize, but she soaked it in, savoring every word, every touch. Tucking them away in her heart, where they’d live until the day she died.
“Then show me, Steele,” she whispered. “I’m yours. Only yours. I hope you know you can trust that part of yourself with me. I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never betray you. I’ll never share what is between us with another living soul. What’s between us is special. It belongs only to us. Private and precious. I’ll protect that and you with my every breath. You’ll never have another person who will protect your heart and soul the way I will, and that’s my promise to you.”
He closed his eyes and leaned forward until their foreheads touched and their noses brushed together. He kissed her just as he pushed inside her. Hot, molten. His hardness stroking deep but ever so gentle into her body.
“I’ll never wear another goddamn condom again,” he said hoarsely. “If you don’t want to remain knocked up for the next ten years or so, you’re going to have to use birth control because after having you without a condom, there’s no way in hell I can ever go back to having a barrier between us. Never felt anything so good, Maren. So hot and silky around my dick. It’s like diving into velvet and satin. You fit. We fit. We were meant to be,” he said, echoing his earlier words. “You were made for me. Only me.”
“Then it’s a good thing we decided to take the plunge,” she teased. “I’d hate to think of being an old maid waiting around for a man who never came for me.”
“That’ll never happen again,” he said, his expression one of utter seriousness. “You’re it for me, Maren. There’ll never be another woman for me. And I damn sure hope you feel the same way about me.”
“I think that’s pretty obvious,” she said breathlessly as he began to move inside her.
Long, deep strokes. Slow and sensuous. No rush. No impatience. Just leisurely, sensual movements as he slid in and out of her with measured thrusts.
He gathered her tightly in his arms, their bodies pressed together so tightly that there was no space between them. Only his hips moved as he rose and fell back into her. Her orgasm fluttered and rose, a long leisurely climb up the peak. It wasn’t explosive or earth-shattering. It was the most beautiful buildup she’d ever experienced. Higher and higher, fanning out until her blood sang with desire.
Even when his own release was imminent he didn’t pick up the pace. There was no urgency in his movements. He continued the slow build, rocking into her body, his arms wrapped around her, holding her so tightly that she could feel his heart beat against her chest.
He claimed her mouth, fusing their lips in a heated rush.
“Tell me what you need, Maren. What do you like? Teach me how to please you.”
“No instructions are necessary,” she said with a smile before offering her mouth for another kiss. “I love this. I love you. Come with me, Steele. I’m so close and it’s so beautiful. Like nothing I’ve ever felt. No frenzied, panting explosive orgasm. Just . . . beautiful. Soul deep. I feel you in every part of me. You’re there.”
“You’re in me too, Maren. You’re the best part of me. You occupy my heart. My soul. My every waking thought and when I go to sleep, you’re there, in my dreams, and when I wake up and see you next to me, I can’t even describe the satisfaction that grips me. It’s like I’ve waited my whole life for you and it feels right to have you right here beside me. In my space. My bed. My life.”
His words washed over her, heightening her desire as a wave of love and emotion consumed her. She wrapped herself around him. Arms, legs, trying to imprint herself into his very soul.
He tightened over her, his face suddenly becoming strained, and his breaths sped up and he pushed deeper.
“Are you ready, Maren? Do I need to slow down so you can catch up? I want you to get there. With me. Always with me.”
She touched his face, gently caressing the lines of his jaw and then feathering over his lips. “I’ll always be with you, Steele. Me and our child. We’re a family now. Your family.”
Emotion rippled over his face and he couldn’t seem to form the words he was trying to say. He looked overcome and so she held him tighter, urging him to his release as hers washed over her like a soothing wave. Beautiful. Poignant. Unlike any orgasm she’d ever experienced.
It rippled through her in waves, intense and pleasurable. And then his movements quickened, almost like he no longer had control over his body and it acted instinctively, driving into her as his muscles coiled and contracted. He filled her with his warmth, the hot jets of his release bathing the inside of her vagina and making his thrusts easier.
She arched into him, wanting all of him, all he had to give. She wanted every inch of him inside her so that she surrounded him and took everything he had to offer.
She kissed him again, easing the lines of tension around his mouth, and then she pressed her forehead to his again just before he collapsed onto her, blanketing her with the heat of his body.
For the longest moment they lay there in silence, each breathing deeply as they recovered from the emotional intensity of the moment. She stroked his back, caressing up and down and over his shoulders, offering him her touch.
He buried his face in her neck and then kissed just below her ear.
“Never been this way with another woman, Maren. Only you. Always you. There’ll never be another.”
She smiled, soaking in the quiet vow.
“It’s a good damn thing,” she said lightly. “I’d hate to have to go kick someone’s ass for encroaching on my territory. I’m tempted to make you wear a sign that says ‘Taken. Hands Off.’”
He chuckled, his chest vibrating against hers. “And I think I’ll get you a shirt that says ‘Don’t mess with a pregnant woman.’”
“Very sound advice.”
He rolled, taking her with him so they remained connected, him still deeply embedded in her.
“I know I should get up and get a towel to clean us up, but I don’t want to move. I like it right here inside you. How ’bout we just change the sheets in the morning and sleep just like this.”
She kissed him, lingering just over his lips. “Works for me.”
CHAPTER 33
STEELE was careful not to wake Maren the next morning when he slipped from the bed. They’d spent the night making slow, leisurely love. They’d made love until th
ey’d both fallen into an exhausted, sated sleep, but even with the few hours of sleep, he felt completely rested. He couldn’t imagine another time when he’d wakened when the world around him felt right.
But it wasn’t, and he couldn’t allow himself to relax his guard even as he reveled in the newness and intensity of their rediscovery of one another. His team would be here soon, and they had a lot to discuss and a lot to do before he felt his home was as safe as he could make it for Maren.
He wasn’t sure how his team would react to being turned over to Donovan, even for a short period of time. It wasn’t a situation he or they had ever faced. It was nothing new for Donovan or even Garrett or Sam to participate in their missions, and there’d been plenty of times when the teams had worked the same mission together, but it had always been clear. Rio led his team. Steele led his. Rio and Steele might take their orders from KGI, but their teams took their orders from Rio and Steele alone.
Hell, he didn’t like giving up his command to another person, even though he had complete confidence in Donovan and knew his team was in good hands. But he and his team were a solid, unbreakable unit that had been greatly tested when the mission had gone horribly wrong for P.J. But they’d come through stronger than ever. They were more than a team. Before Maren, they had been the most important people in his life. Now Maren, and their child, took precedence above all else. Even his team.
They’d understand that. They’d support him absolutely. He knew they had his back no matter what his decisions were. But until he resumed command, it wouldn’t be the same. For any of them. Just as it hadn’t been the same when P.J. had left for a period of time.
They clicked. They worked in perfect accord. They had chemistry that often took years if ever to develop. He couldn’t give that up any more than Maren could give up her career. But they’d both have to make compromises going forward because they had more than themselves to consider.
They had a child. A tiny life dependent on them to love and protect and to place his or her needs above anything else in their lives. He knew with absolute certainty that he and Maren were on the same page when it came to their goals considering their child.