by Vi Keeland
She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. I’m pissed off at myself for not being there for her when it happened. Deep down I know it’s irrational to hate myself for not protecting her when I hadn’t even met her yet…but it doesn’t make the feeling go away just because common sense tells me it’s impossible.
When I froze in the cage and beat myself up over it, this little angel reaches out to help me, knowing that it will only bring bad shit to the surface again for her. And what do I do when she puts herself out there for me? I basically turn my back on her. I’m so fucking self-centered…so worried about myself that I make her retreat. It must have taken everything she had to reach out and try to help me with what she bears herself. I’m a total asshole.
Chapter 42
Elle
I’m confused when I wake up. I don’t even remember falling asleep. But I’m lying on top of Nico and he’s holding me so tight that for a minute I forget what happened last night. I told him. And now he’ll never look at me the same. Even my therapist and friends I met in group change when they hear my story. Everyone except Regina. She understands me because she has her own cross to bear. Some look at me with pity, others think I’m a monster…that there is no justification for taking another life. I know what they think.
I have no idea what time it is, but the sun isn’t peaking in through the window yet, so it must not be morning. I try to close my eyes and force myself back to sleep, but my bladder has other plans for us. I attempt to gently slip out of Nico’s arms as he sleeps, but his arms tighten around me and pull me back into place.
“Where do you think you’re going?” His voice takes me by surprise, I thought he was sleeping.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” I respond to his chest, I’m not ready to see his beautiful green eyes. The ones that used to look at me like I was special, like he wanted to devour me.
Nico’s grip loosens and I quietly get up without another word and make my way to the bathroom. I’m horrified when I look in the mirror. My face is all puffy, blotchy, and red and there are black streaks of yesterday’s makeup dried on both cheeks. My hair is a tangled mess on one side and the other side looks as if it was glued to my face. Wonderful.
I wash up and do my best to look presentable, but there’s not much to help a swollen face except time…and maybe some ice. I make my way back to the couch in the dark where I expect to find Nico, but he isn’t there. For a second I panic and think he’s already left me, but then I hear him walking behind me.
“Bath or bed? I feel like I’m gonna break that little girly couch you have every time I move an inch.” He wraps his arms around my waist from behind as he speaks and it takes me a minute to realize what he’s asking.
“Bed.”
I’m thankful that we manage to make it to the bedroom without turning on any lights, I’m not ready to see his eyes. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready, but I’m being selfish and just want to pretend nothing’s changed a little while longer. Nico waits until after I’m in bed before climbing in and then he climbs in next to me. Lying on his side, he wraps his arm around my waist as I lie on my back and he pulls me so I’m lying next to him. His big hand reaches up and pushes the hair that’s already fallen out of the hair tie I had just secured out of my face. He rubs his thumb up and down the side of my cheek and my eyes close, relaxing at his touch, so gentle and soothing.
“You okay?”
I think before I speak. “Not really.”
I can’t really see his face, but I feel him nod once, accepting my response.
A long moment of silence passes before Nico speaks again. “What are you most afraid of right now?”
I know the answer right away, but I think about how to respond to the question anyway. I don’t try to catch the few tears that roll down my face, hoping he won’t notice in the dark. But Nico’s thumb catches my tears.
I still haven’t summoned the courage to answer his question, when he speaks again. “I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you. That I’ll drag you down into the hell that I belong in with me.”
The few tears that had escaped become the eye of the storm and suddenly the torrential downpour hits and I can’t stop them. But I force myself to answer through them. “I’m afraid to see the way that you’ll look at me…now that you know who I really am.”
Nico pulls me to him and wraps me tightly in his arms. I cry…really cry, feeling years of pent-up tears flow from my body. It’s exhausting and strangely freeing at the same time. He doesn’t loosen his grip on me until I have nothing left.
Eventually my breathing calms and the tears are all gone. I begin to drift off to sleep, but then suddenly it’s light and I have to force my eyes closed to ward out the stream of brightness. Nico turned on the light.
“What are you doing?” My eyelids are still pressed tightly closed as I speak.
“Open your eyes.” Nico’s voice is soft, but his words are a command, not a question.
I don’t respond, and I also don’t open my eyes.
“Elle, baby, open your eyes.”
His tone is so sweet, I’d find it hard to deny him anything when he talks to me like that. So I do it. I open my eyes a little and look up at him. His beautiful green eyes are right there, so close to me. And they’re waiting. Waiting for me to look back at him fully. I allow it, allow my eyes to fully open and look into Nico’s. At first I’m just looking at the eyes themselves. The beautiful color, the dark pupil in the sea of soft green, the thick dark eyelashes that frame the beauty God has given the man. But then I find myself looking past the surface and I’m searching. Searching for what I expect to find there. Then I realize. It’s not there. No pity, no shame, no doubt. And my eyes widen when it hits me.
“There she is.” The corner of Nico’s mouth twitches and I can’t help but smile back at him. My body heaves a deep breath of relief and I feel as though I’m at peace for the first time in a very long time. It might even be the first time I’ve ever felt this way.
***
We spend the next few hours talking and making love and I never want it to end. But I have an early afternoon deposition that I’m not prepared for and I have to drag myself into the office. “I have to get to work. I’m late, even for me.”
“You’re usually late to work?” Nico seems surprised.
I laugh at his comment, he must be the only person on the planet that doesn’t know about my issue with timeliness. “I’m late for everything.”
Nico shrugs, “I guess I didn’t notice.”
I smile at him and yes, I think I might even blush a little. Blush at the man who has touched every part of my body with his mouth and now knows my innermost, darkest secrets. “You seem to be the only thing that I can make it on time for.”
Nico’s eyebrows arch in surprise, but then a slow, smug smile spreads across his handsome face and I’m rewarded with his dimples.
I playfully smack him on his chest. “Don’t get too full of yourself, I’m sure it was beginner’s luck and you’ll be waiting for me most of the time, just like everyone else.” I attempt to leave the bed. I need to take a shower and get to work, but Nico pulls me back down and I’m quickly positioned underneath him.
I think he’s still being playful, but when I look up at him, I find his face serious. “I need to know something, Elle.”
“What?” I’m confused at how we went from playful to serious and what is bothering him.
“Dinner with the pansy ass last night?”
“The pansy ass?” My brows furrow as I speak… for a second I really am confused as to what he is referring to, but then I realize he means William.
Nico doesn’t say anything else, he waits for my response.
“We had a business dinner with a client.”
“I didn’t see any client and it didn’t look like business to me.”
“That’s because he told me the dinner was at six and not seven so that I wouldn’t be late. So when I got there at six thirty, we had a half an
hour to wait for our client together.”
My answer seems to satisfy him, but the tension I see flee from his face only disappears for a few seconds. Then it’s back.
“I don’t like seeing the two of you looking so cozy.”
“We’re friends…we’ve been friends since law school.”
“Men who sleep with a woman don’t do friends, Babe.”
“Well William does.”
“I see the way he looks at you. He doesn’t want to be your friend.”
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes, this conversation is going nowhere. “It’s not like I have a choice, we have cases together.”
“Okay, so you work together. You don’t need to sit at a bar and have drinks too.”
“You don’t understand.” I’m sure that he just doesn’t get what William and I have. William’s fine with being friends and I don’t understand why he’s acting jealous.
Nico releases me and I think our conversation is over, so I begin to walk to the door, intent to take a shower and finally drag my ass into work.
“So you won’t mind if I have drinks with Amy tonight, then?”
I stop in my tracks and turn back to look at Nico. He’s sitting up in my bed, his hands clasped behind his head in a casual stance. Who the hell is Amy?
“Oh, we’re just friends. We used to sleep together, but we’re just friends now. She’s a vitamin sales rep and we’ve been talking about adding a line of vitamins to my gym, but I usually keep our business talks in the gym. But maybe it would be better if we discussed our business over drinks instead.”
Very nice. I feel like ripping Amy’s head off, whoever the hell Amy is. But I get it. Point taken. “Fine, I’ll do my best to keep my business with William in the office.”
Nico thinks I’m walking back to him to give him a kiss. He’s got such a damn, smug smile on his face. I pick up the pillow and hit him with it before heading to the shower. I hear him chuckling behind me as I stomp my way to the bathroom.
Chapter 43
Nico
I’ve never brought a woman to our monthly dinner. It’s not that my mom and brothers would mind, I just never found one that I thought would still be around by the time the next month’s dinner rolled around, so why bother introducing them? Elle baked cookies to bring, which is sweet, but I’m going to have to hide them from the kids to save them from possible food poisoning. She burned three batches before she finally got it right, or at least she thinks she did.
My niece Sarah takes Elle almost the minute we walk in and introduces her around like she’s a shiny new toy. My mom seems curious and I catch her watching Elle a few times. She must like what she sees because she smiles to herself as she watches. I check on Elle every once in a while, but she doesn’t look uncomfortable so I leave her to the women. She catches me looking at her each time, and smiles like a kid. It’s hard for me to tear my eyes away.
“You got it bad, bro.” Sam smiles at me before taking a swig from his beer bottle.
“Shut the fuck up.”
Sam laughs. “What? It’s about time. You had us worried you were going to get STDs the way you tore through women.”
“I didn’t tear through women.”
“Yeah, ya did.”
“You’re just jealous, asshole.”
“Jealous about what?” Elle’s voice surprises me, I hadn’t realized she was near me.
“Nothing.” I snake my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. “Come here.” I kiss her forehead as I wrap my other hand around her waist. She looks up at me and smiles. Jesus Christ I’m so far gone for this woman that I do shit like kiss her forehead and smile just because she smiles. Yep, I’m god damn whipped. And I love every damn minute of it. It doesn’t even bother me when I look up and find half my family watching us, smiling like complete idiots.
***
Sarah insists on sitting in between me and Elle during dinner. She’s the only girl among the seven boys my brothers have spawned. She’s wearing a silver princess crown, pink bodysuit, and her Girl Scout sash across her like Miss America. She’s also wearing yellow rain boots and it’s not raining. But whatever, she’s freakin adorable and she seems to have taken a liking to Elle.
“Can I paint your nails after dinner?” I look over at Elle’s manicured hands and try to save her, throw her a lifeline.
“I think Elle’s nails are already painted, Sarah.” Yeah, reasoning with her should work.
“I wasn’t going to repaint them, Uncle Nico.” She responds to me as she rolls her eyes, like I’m crazy for thinking she wanted to paint her nails, even though that’s the exact question she asked. “I’m just going to polka dot them!”
Elle smiles at Sarah. “I’d love that…mine are too plain.”
Sarah beams at Elle and looks back to me flatly, her face bearing the words “I told you so.”
The pair chat their way through dinner, covering pressing issues such as favorite cookies, favorite color, favorite cartoon, and favorite fighter. There seems to be a running theme with Sarah’s question topics. Elle pretends to struggle with her answer on the last question and, for a second, I think things might go sour with Sarah, but instead she just jumps up and down, amused. “Elle, you’re supposed to say Uncle Nico is your favorite fighter! I have a poster of him in my room and all. Uncle Nico gave it to me to scare away the monsters in my dreams, because he looks mean. Really mean.” Sarah makes a face that is supposed to be mean, but it’s freakin cute as hell instead. “And it works! Do you have monsters in your dreams? Uncle Nico, Elle needs a poster too!”
Everyone is laughing at Sarah’s excitement, so they don’t hear it when Elle leans in close and whispers to me, “I’ll take a poster for over the bathtub. For next time.”
The woman is going to be the death of me. Giving me a hard-on while sitting at a table surrounded by my family and next to a six-year-old.
***
“Go away with me this weekend?” We’re driving back to Elle’s, so I can’t see her reaction to my question, but she doesn’t keep me waiting long.
“Okay.”
“Don’t you even want to know where we’re going?” Her answer is fucking awesome, but I’m curious.
“Nope. I don’t care where we go, as long as I’m with you.”
Yep, I love this fucking girl.
Chapter 44
Elle
“What about your training? Is there a gym?” We’ve been heading north for a long time, and I regret telling Nico I didn’t want to know where we’re going, because now curiosity has gotten the best of me. I keep asking him questions, trying to get a hint of our destination, but he doesn’t budge an inch.
“There’s no gym, but I’m planning on lots of cardio this weekend.”
Nico smiles but keeps his eyes on the road as he drives in the dark. There aren’t any street lights and the road has narrowed to one lane in each direction. I take in his handsome profile, the beautiful lines of his cheek leading to his square jaw. A jaw that hasn’t seen a razor in twenty-four hours and the stubble makes him look even more rugged and handsome, if that’s even possible.
“You’re staring.”
“I like what I’m looking at.”
Nico takes his eyes off the road for a second and glances at me quickly and then they return to the road. But in that split second I see the green in his eyes and it makes me want him. His bright eyes light up his sexy, dark-tanned face. As he turns back to the road, he smiles and his stunning cheek dips, revealing the dimple that makes me weak in the knees. I don’t know exactly what it is, but there is something about the contrast of how strong and masculine Nico is that mixes with his boyish, dimpled smile that does me in. I actually need to squeeze my legs shut to calm the swell growing between them. I have the urge to reach over and feel him. Start at his solid thigh and slowly follow the heat that will undoubtedly lead me to a place that will leave us both panting with need.
“We only have another five minutes drive, or I’d be
pulling off to the side of the road the way you’re looking at me.”
I laugh at his comment, grateful that he can’t see my face as it reddens. I’ve never been one to seek out physical contact with a partner. I usually enjoy it and participate in it actively, but I have just never been the pursuer. Yet with this man, I find myself unable to stop my body’s natural reaction to being near him. It has a mind of its own when it comes to Nico Hunter.
***
We finally turn off the road and head down a long driveway, or perhaps it’s a private street, I can’t tell in the darkness. But we drive for a while and there are no longer any houses. There’s a light off in the distance that seems to be in the direction of where we’re going.
“Where are we?”
“Preach’s lake house.”
“I can’t even tell there’s a lake it’s so dark.”
“It’s behind the house. Tomorrow in the daylight you’ll be shocked you couldn’t see it, the damn thing’s huge.”
We finally pull up to the house and I can see the light that was flickering in the distance is now on the porch. It’s one of those solar lights that gives off a blue tint and barely enough brightness to see more than three feet ahead. But the porch looks huge, wrapping around the entire house. There’s Adirondack chairs and small tables set up in various places that I can barely make out in the dark. Nico comes around and opens my door to help me down out of his SUV.
We make our way up the few stairs to the porch and Nico opens the front door with a key on his key ring. With the headlights now off, it’s pitch dark except for the sole dim light sitting on the porch.
“Stay right here.” Nico let’s go of my hand and I can barely see what he’s doing, just a slight change in the level of darkness shows me he’s moving through the room. He doesn’t bump into anything, so either the room is empty or he knows his way around well. A few seconds later, I hear the familiar sound of a match striking a flint and then a candle is lit on a small table up against a window.