by Vi Keeland
You fucked Desiree???
When I reentered the dining room, he was just getting up from the table when I saw him look down at his phone. The moment he noticed the text, he looked up into my tearful eyes.
His voice shook. “Nina…”
He looked terrified as I ran past him and weaved through tables to the restaurant exit.
As I was almost out the door, I could hear him in the distance shouting at Desiree, “What the fuck did you say to her?”
CHAPTER 18
I wanted to run as far away from the restaurant and from him as I could. If it weren’t starting to snow heavily outside, I might have.
Everything was foggy as I made my way up the stairwell in a haze. My heart was beating faster than I ever remembered, as the worst kind of jealousy-induced rage consumed me.
I couldn’t believe it.
He had done everything in his power to stop things from becoming sexual between us. He wouldn’t give himself to me, yet he very willingly gave himself to that whore.
I hated him.
I loved him.
I had planned to pour my soul out to him tonight and almost told him how I felt moments ago in that hallway. How stupid of me to think that his feelings for me were equally as strong. On top of that, he treated Desiree like he barely knew her in front of me. Apparently, women were a dime a dozen to him.
Without thinking, I began to pack some of my belongings into a duffel bag: underwear, bra, pajamas and an extra shirt. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to be far away from this apartment tonight. I couldn’t even look at him right now, let alone sleep here.
As I began to run out of my room with the bag in hand, the front door flew open. Jake was panting, and his eyes were frantic as he stormed toward me. “Nina, please…talk to me. Please,” he said hoarsely.
I clutched the bag to my chest, using it as a barrier between us. “Stay away from me. I have nothing…nothing…to say to you.”
He kept his distance, backing away but stood in front of the door, blocking it. His voice was low and his breathing rapid as he held out his hands in protest. “You have to let me explain.”
“Explain! You want me to stand here and listen to you explain how you fucked that whore so easily while you put my feelings through the wringer for months, confusing me and sending me mixed messages? You had no problem ‘making her come until she screamed’…did you? And believe me, it was a doozy. I heard it for myself.”
He stepped back in shock and gave me a belligerent look. The wind howled outside, but that was all you could hear in the room until he shook his head and asked, “Fuck…what? What are you talking about?”
I was about to cry but managed to hold it in. “That’s right. The day I moved in. You were fucking her in your room. Remember that day? Well, I was here unpacking. I thought I was alone and didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. I heard everything, Jake…everything.” A teardrop escaped and fell down my cheek as I recalled hiding in my room, blissfully unaware that I was listening to the man I’d eventually fall in love with, screwing another woman.
His breathing intensified as he ran his hand through his hair, closed his eyes and looked down at the floor, computing what I had just revealed. He said nothing for several seconds. Then, he finally whispered under his breath. “Oh my God.” He slowly approached me. “I am so sorry,” he said, his voice quivering.
“If you’ll excuse me, please get out of my way. I need to find somewhere else to stay tonight,” I said trying to pass him again.
“You’re not going anywhere. Not until you hear me out.”
“I told you. I have nothing to say to you.”
He blocked me as I attempted to get to the door and wouldn’t let me by. My body reacted instantly when he held out his hands and placed them firmly on my arms. “I’ll leave tonight, but I’m not going anywhere until you let me explain. Do you hear me?”
I looked down, still clutching my bag and felt one of his hands leave my shoulders and touch my chin, pulling my face in line with his. “Look at me,” he whispered.
Even though my face was turned toward his, my eyes were facing the floor.
His voice was deeper and more insistent when he repeated. “Look…at me.”
When I did, he finally spoke. His eyes were glistening with a fiery intensity, and he didn’t take them off of me for a second. “I slept with Desiree…twice. The first time was about a week before I met you; the second and last time was the day you moved in. I am not proud of it, but it was just sex. I know that sounds really bad. It’s the truth, though. She doesn’t mean anything to me, and we had a clear understanding beforehand that it wouldn’t go any further than that, which was why I agreed to it.”
“I see. So, you’re also a whore who wants nothing more than sex from a woman, so much so you agree to that stipulation beforehand? Well, you would have gotten exactly what you wanted that night in your room from me, but you didn’t even try. Clearly, it wasn’t me that you wanted it from.”
He said nothing in response, just grabbed my bag and threw it down on the ground. Then, he took my hand and led me forcefully down the hall. I hated the fact that my body so easily submitted to him while my mind resisted.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We can’t have the conversation we’re about to have in the middle of the living room in case they come back upstairs.”
My heart rate accelerated because I didn’t realize there was going to be a “conversation.”
Jake led me inside my bedroom and closed the door, turning on the small lamp for some light.
We both stood facing each other, and I crossed my arms as a protective mechanism when he walked toward me and backed me gently against the wall.
I could feel his breath on my face. “You think I don’t want you?”
I shook my head no, but didn’t respond.
“That thing with Desiree…was a huge mistake. If I had even known you existed and that it would come back to haunt me and more importantly, hurt you…it never would have happened. Never. Do you understand me?”
I had been looking at him but suddenly looked down because the thought of him and Desiree made me sick. I continued to remain silent.
“You need to believe me. I haven’t so much as thought about another woman that way since the day you walked in the door.” He stopped talking until I looked up at him again. “Before I met you, I had only been going through the motions of life. I hadn’t really felt…anything…for a really long time.”
I looked up. His eyes were passionate and sincere when he said, “My heart hasn’t beat the same since I laid eyes on you, Nina. Ever since that day, my entire life has been about doing everything in my power not to want you like this…because I don’t want to drag you into my fucked up life.” His voice cracked. “But despite doing what I thought was right, I want you more everyday, more than I fucking want to breathe.”
My chest tightened upon hearing those words, which unraveled me. Despite the shock of finding out about Desiree, I believed him. He had always given me his full attention, and I never once saw him with anyone else since the day I moved in.
He placed one arm on each side of me, locking me in against the wall. I was losing my breath but stayed silent as he whispered, “I have been trying so hard to stay away from you…because with you…it would be so much more than sex. I would need to be all in because you deserve all of me, and there is something I haven’t had the nerve to tell you. I don’t know if you’ll understand it.” His voice trembled. “I’m so fucking scared because I don’t want to lose you. I have never felt this way about anyone before…not in my entire life.”
My throat closed up, and I still couldn’t speak.
Neither have I. I love you so much. I don’t care what it is because I don’t think I could live without you.
Words could not do justice to what I was feeling inside for him right now.
He moved
his face closer to mine. “You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. And then, you invade my thoughts and dreams in between. I have tried so hard to stop these feelings. I have put up as many barriers as I could stand to, but they are crumbling down. I can’t do it anymore.” He placed his mouth on me whispering into my neck huskily, “I can’t do it anymore…I can’t do it anymore…I can’t do it anymore.” His hands moved slowly down my sides gripping my hips, and his lips moved over mine when he said, “I’ve come undone.”
He grabbed my face and startled me when a rush of wet heat met my starving mouth. My entire body went limp the exact moment his lips finally swallowed mine whole. He opened and closed his mouth slowly over mine, before nudging my lips open impatiently. I tasted the metal of his tongue ring, a little vodka and the sweetness of his breath. The feel of the cold metal, mixed with the heat of his tongue circling mine made me instantly wet and weak in the knees. I felt like a rag doll in his arms.
He kissed me vigorously and gripped my sides harder as he pulled at my dress. It might have even ripped, but I was too wrapped up in him to notice. I grabbed the back of his head, running the tips of my fingers up and down his hair, noticing it was slightly coarse. I pulled his face into me harder because I couldn’t get enough of his mouth on mine. He groaned, and the sound resonated through my body. I pulled him further into me and that’s when I felt him rock hard against my stomach. I could feel the heat of his erection through his jeans and began to rub against it, causing his breathing to become even more shallow.
A need so strong developed in me that I thought I might die if I couldn’t have him inside of me. My body ached in desperation when he pushed back, moving his hands away from my waist then cupped my cheeks. “I need to tell you something, Nina. We need to have that talk now.”
Elation quickly turned to fear, because I was more terrified of what he had to tell me next than I had ever been of anything. I knew whatever it was could never change my feelings for him, but it might steal this moment that I will never get back again. I wasn’t ready to hear it. I panicked. I just needed him tonight. Just him…not his skeletons or whatever it was he thought I wouldn’t accept. He was wrong anyway. I loved him and knew I would take whatever came with him, no matter what it was. I wanted to know everything, just not tonight. My body couldn’t take it, and my desire for him drowned out all logical thinking.
I spoke for the first time since before we kissed. “I don’t care about your past or what’s going on in Boston. Please…I’m begging you. Let’s not do this now. Don’t say anything tonight. We’ll have the talk tomorrow, like we were supposed to. What I need right now more than I have ever needed anything is for you to make love to me, Jake.”
He closed his eyes, let out a long deep breath, and his hands were shaking as he held my face. “You have no idea how badly I need to be inside of you right now.”
“Please…I don’t want to have the talk tonight, okay?”
He caressed my mouth with his thumb. “Nina, either we have this talk now, or you are going to have to make me a blind promise.”
“Okay…”
My lips quivered, and he placed his forehead on mine. When he saw a tear fall down my cheek, he licked it away slowly and whispered against my face. “I need you to promise me…that you won’t leave me.” I nodded, and he grabbed my chin. “Make sure you mean that. Because I can’t make love to you the way I want to tonight, only to lose you the next day. It will fucking destroy me. I need to know you will be mine, no matter what I throw at you. Promise me.”
“I’m yours. I have never belonged to anyone before…but I know that I belong to you,” I said into his chest.
“Look at me and say it.”
I looked up into his eyes on command. “I’m yours. There is nothing that could make me leave you, because I don’t think I could live without you.”
His eyeballs moved back and forth in a fast motion as he looked into my eyes. He seemed to be searching them for sincerity. Finally, he pulled me into him and held me, pressing his body hard against mine. “Well, that’s good, because I wasn’t living before you.”
He just held me for what seemed like several minutes. It still felt like he was hesitant. He probably didn’t realize how badly I needed him. So, I decided to speak in a language he could understand. “I need you to fuck me, Jake.”
I just wasn’t expecting him to burst into laughter against my shoulder when I said it, though.
I smacked his arm. “Why are you laughing?”
He kissed my neck. “Say that again.”
“I want you to fuck me.”
He looked at me, smiling and kissed my forehead. “See, only you would say something so dirty and turn red as a beet.”
“Dirty talk is new for me,” I said, looking down at the ground and biting my lip to stifle my own laughter.
He grabbed my chin to look at me. “I know it is. You’re so fucking adorable…so sweet and innocent. I love that about you. It turns me on like you can’t imagine. I fully intend to fuck you tonight, baby. Then, I’m going to make love to you. But not before I feast on you.”
He wasn’t laughing anymore when he let go of me and walked out of the room. I gulped in nervous anticipation, breathing a sigh of relief when he returned with a strip of condoms and locked the door behind him. The clicking sound of the lock gave me chills. It was the assurance I needed that I was about to get what I yearned for.
He threw the condoms on the nightstand and sat on the bed. I was still standing up against the wall where he left me. I suppose I was waiting for his direction.
“Come here,” he whispered, gesturing with his index finger.
I walked over to him. He stayed seated as I stood before him while he traced the contours of my body with his fingertips, following them with his eyes.
“Incredible,” he said as his fingers moved over my breasts. “Do you know how many nights I would sit in my room dreaming about touching you like this while you were just across the hall? Every single night since I met you, I ached for you. This seems surreal.” He swallowed and licked his lips, which caused my body to stir.
I needed those lips on me. “Kiss me,” I whispered, my voice desperate.
“Where?” he asked.
“Everywhere.”
He reached behind me and slowly lowered the zipper to my dress, letting it fall to the floor. I kicked it away, and he stood up from the bed towering over me after I had slipped off my heels.
I couldn’t wait any longer. I stood on my toes and kissed him, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth and flicking my tongue repeatedly over his lip ring, something I had often fantasized about doing when we studied together in his room.
He moaned into my mouth as I tugged at his lip with my teeth. The pace of the kissing became more urgent then he pulled back.
“Nina, you’re driving me crazy with that tongue, pulling on my lip like that. I could come from just kissing you.”
“I’ve always wanted to kiss you there.”
“I’ve wanted to kiss you in a lot of places.” He caressed my chest with both hands gently before unhooking the back of my strapless bra, letting it fall to the ground. “Good God,” he said gruffly as he looked down at my bare breasts. “Like here, for starters.”
He continued to massage them before taking each one into his mouth. My nails dug into the back of his head as he alternated between licking and sucking, taking turns with each one.
I looked down and took notice of how hard he had become, so I started rubbing my hand against his jeans as he sucked on my breasts. I could feel the change in the rhythm of his breathing as I touched him.
He stopped sucking and whispered in my ear, “Now you know what you do to me. I want to feel what I do to you.” I knew how wet I was, but as he tugged at my underwear and slipped a finger inside, he realized it and said, “Holy shit, Nina.”
He continued moving his fingers in and out, and I could feel mysel
f losing control. My eyes began to roll back and my muscles contracted. I had almost come in less than a minute from his hand alone. I think he knew I was going to lose it, because he stopped. Then, I almost lost it again when he licked his fingers slowly and made a guttural sound.
“You taste better than I could have imagined.”
“I almost came.”
He squeezed my ass. “I know. I almost lost it myself because I love how turned on you are. That’s why I stopped. But that’s not how I want your first time with me to happen. And believe me, Nina, this is gonna be your real first time.”
I had to clench myself, because just those words alone were enough to do me in again.
He pulled my underwear all the way down so that I was completely naked and brushed his hand over my vagina gently. Normally, I would feel vulnerable standing like that in front of a man and had never allowed it before. I always hid myself, but the look in his eyes was one of complete adoration. He had always made me feel safe and laying myself out bare like this was no exception.
He held my face with both hands and kissed me. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the entire world.”
“I want to see you naked too,” I said.
He gave me a naughty grin and said over my lips, “Undress me. I’m yours.”
Even his voice alone caused my muscles to contract.
My mouth was watering, knowing full well the masterpiece that lay underneath his clothes. I felt like a little girl on Christmas opening that one special gift that she knew was in the last box, as I unbuttoned his shirt and threw it on the ground. I stopped to relish in the beauty of his defined chest, which I had only ever been able to admire in detail from afar. His heart was beating fast as I kissed over it and moved my mouth and tongue over each and every tattoo on his arms, saving the best for last. The tribal marking on his left lower side torso had always teased me the most. I loved being up close and personal with it as I bent down to lick over his salty skin.