by Vi Keeland
Tarah walked in at that moment and seemed just as shocked as I was to see him. “Jake!”
“Tarah!” He mocked her tone, without taking his eyes off me. I would say he was undressing me with them, but truthfully, the dress left little to the imagination.
He finally moved from the doorway and sat on my bed, lightly bouncing up and down. “I didn’t know we were going out tonight, Nina.”
Tarah looked at me seeking permission with her eyes. “We…are not going anywhere. She is going on a date.”
He turned to me and smiled, but it didn’t look genuine. It was more taunting. “I see.” He paused and then said, “I suppose he’s taking you to the Vegas Strip in that outfit?”
“I think she looks awesome, actually,” Tarah said.
I was beyond speechless and just shook my head.
Jake continued to stare at me with a look so intense, you’d think his beautiful green eyes could have burned a hole through my dress. “Have fun,” he said like he didn’t mean it. “And don’t forget a jacket. You’re bound to catch pneumonia dressed like that.” Then, he turned around, walked down the hall to his room and slammed the door closed.
I’d rather be going out with you…you ass.
The time was now 6:55.
“It’s almost seven. Your date will be here any minute,” Tarah said.
“Do me a favor and let him in when he comes and then get me? I just wanna sit here for a bit and grab my bearings.”
“No problem, sweetie. I understand.” She left the room, closing my door behind her.
His cologne still lingered in my room, and I breathed it in. His surprise appearance had completely jarred me. I sat back on my bed, careful not to mess my hair too much and tried to inhale in and exhale out to relax. It wasn’t working. I was still reeling from Jake’s stare, from his words and from the fact that my body was craving him, minutes before I was supposed to be going out with another guy. If I were lucky, he would stay in his room until I left.
About ten minutes later, still lying on my bed in the same spot, I heard a knock on the front door in the distance. I sat up suddenly and heard Tarah open it and greet Alistair. “She’s just in her room finishing up. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable and I’ll let her know you’re here.”
Tarah’s footsteps got closer and closer until she entered my room shutting the door behind her.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“Honestly? No.”
“Is it Jake?”
I took a deep breath and nodded silently.
“Well, come on, you don’t want to keep your adorable date waiting. He’s a cutie, and you look hot, babe. We’ll chat about asshole later.”
I got up and followed Tarah into the living room. Alistair was standing with his hands in his pockets, wearing khaki pants and a white linen shirt rolled up at the sleeves. His light brown hair was perfectly parted to the side and gelled. His smile was magnetic.
“Hey, Alistair.”
“Hey, Nina. Wow. You look…awesome,” he said as he approached me and kissed my cheek.
Tarah nudged me and said, “Why, thank you, Alistair.”
“Thanks. It’s all her doing,” I said pointing to Tarah.
His head moved side to side slowly as he took in my appearance. “Well, you were beautiful before, but…man, I’m just…speechless.”
Laughing, I said, “That was my reaction too.”
The front door opened and Ryan walked in. Tarah immediately ran over to give him a hug. “Hey, baby.”
“Hey,” he said kissing her forehead before looking over at Alistair and me. “Troll…damn, you look nice.”
Alistair turned to me. “Troll?”
“It’s a long story.”
Ryan walked over to Alistair holding out his hand. “I’m Ryan. Nina and I grew up together.”
They shook hands, and there was an awkward silence among the four of us for a few seconds.
“Where are you guys headed?” Ryan asked.
I looked at Alistair for guidance, and he said, “That new Italian place near the university. It’s called Porcello’s. It’s supposed to be really good.” He turned to me. “If that’s okay? I didn’t even think to ask where you might like to go.”
“She’s always wanted to go to Top of the Rock,” a raspy voice said from behind us.
Shit.
I turned around to see Jake standing there. He stared me down hard and continued, “Right, Nina? You love a good view from the top of a skyscraper. I hear the scenery is amazing, and the food is great.”
“That’s the one on top of the GE building in the city?” Alistair asked.
“We can save that for another time. I was really looking forward to that Italian place,” I said glaring at Jake who had an intimidating look on his face and seemed to be sizing up Alistair.
Jake extended his tattooed arm toward Alistair. “We haven’t met. I’m Jake.” He was smiling, but it was angry and disingenuous.
They shook hands and I noted the stark contrast between Jake’s defined marked arm and Alistair’s, which was bare with light blonde hairs.
“I’m Alistair.”
“Ass Hair?” Jake’s expression was calculating.
Kill me now.
Looking none the bit amused, Alistair said, “No…Ali-stair.”
“Ah…sorry, my bad,” Jake said as he looked over at me.
Fuming was not harsh enough of a word to describe how I was feeling toward him.
I was still glaring at Jake when I said, “Alistair, I think we should get going.”
“After you,” he said, gesturing for me to walk in front of him. Ignoring Jake, he then looked over at Tarah and Ryan. “It was nice meeting you guys.”
“Likewise. You kids have fun!” Tarah said.
Jake’s eyes were piercing mine and the rims of his ears were red. When Alistair and I got to the doorway, I turned around one last time to find Jake’s gaze still fixed on me. He wasn’t saying anything, but in that moment, the look on his face was different. This time, there was no sarcasm, no anger. He just looked…hurt…like he didn’t want me to leave. Then, he silently mouthed, “Bye,” before turning away.
He had been a total bastard, but God help me, I would have dropped everything for him tonight if he had just asked me to.
The restaurant was several blocks away. On the walk, Alistair and I got to know each other, talking about school and our favorite types of music and hobbies. I discovered that we both really liked Radiohead, The Killers and Coldplay. He grew up in Connecticut, not far from the city and seemed to have had a privileged life, which was a direct contrast to my modest upbringing in the sticks of upstate New York.
Midway through our walk, he grabbed my hand. While I didn’t mind, I couldn’t help but notice that my body had little to no reaction upon touching his skin. I thought back to when Jake stood in the stairwell during our subway trip and reached out his arm for me to grab. I remembered how amazing it felt when I held his hand for the first time and when our fingers intertwined. There was no comparison and it was irking me right now.
Stop thinking about Jake.
We had a reservation, so they seated us as soon as we arrived at Porcello’s. The restaurant was beautiful with dim lighting, candlelit tables and pictures on the walls of famous patrons. That song Mambo Italiano played in the background.
Maddie, our waitress, poured two glasses of water and read the specials at warp speed before we each ordered a class of cabernet sauvignon.
“They’re supposed to have the best Penne a la Vodka,” Alistair said.
Vodka. That’s all I took from that.
“Mmm. I was thinking of the Shrimp Scampi. I wonder if I can get that without the Scampi?”
Alistair put down his water and covered his face in laughter. “Nina…you don’t get out to eat much do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“There is no such thing as Scampi. Shrimp Scampi is shrimp with pasta in like a
garlic and olive oil sauce. So, Scampi is just the name of the dish. It’s like—”
“Bananas Foster?”
There he was again.
“Yeah. Exactly.” He paused looking at me like I was three. “You’re adorable, Nina.”
I felt like an idiot. “Well, then…I’ll get the Shrimp Scampi. Sounds delicious.”
Alistair flashed his signature thousand-watt smile. “How about we get an appetizer? What sounds good to you?”
“How about the Jerk Chicken skewers?”
“You got it.” Alistair closed his menu then said, “Speaking of jerks, your roommate is a bit of a dick.”
My stomach sank, and I wracked my brain for a response. “Jake? He’s not that bad. He’s a bit of a ball-buster, that’s all,” I said immediately downing my water.
“He seems like a loser.”
Excuse me?
Hearing him call Jake a loser really pissed me off. There were many words I could use to describe my roommate: sarcastic, intimidating, wiseass, even dick fit the bill sometimes. But “loser” certainly wasn’t one of them.
“Why do you say that?”
“I mean, look at him. His fucking eyebrow is pierced? He just seems like a loser.”
Okay, now I was really getting angry.
“So, you are judging him because he has piercings and tattoos?”
“Yeah…among other things. I’m sure his mother is real proud.”
“A lot of people don’t view things like that as negative. Many find them quite interesting, even attractive, particularly women.”
Particularly me.
“Well, I think he just looks dumb.”
“He’s actually an engineer, and he is really smart.” I looked down at the napkin on my lap and sighed before saying, “Let’s drop the subject.”
I decided it was best to just end that conversation before I said something I would regret. I was expecting the fire alarm any minute because I was sure there was enough smoke coming out of my ears to set it off.
Alistair nodded. I think he could tell he had upset me. “Sounds good.”
Maddie came back over to take our order. On the outside, I put on a cheerful front, but on the inside, I was disappointed at how close-minded and judgmental Alistair really was. There was no doubt that Jake was a total jerk to him. If he had just called him a dick and ended it, I might have been fine. But to attack someone based on looks, was just ignorant and unacceptable to me.
Our dinner conversation fell flat, as we sat there eating our meals amidst large pockets of silence. I was starting to think the highlight of the night was learning the true meaning of Shrimp Scampi.
Needing a breather, I excused myself to go the ladies room and lingered in the stall much longer than normal. My mind drifted again to thoughts of Jake and the disappointed look on his face when I left with Alistair.
When I exited the stall, I looked at myself in the mirror. I closed my eyes and thought about the way Jake stared me up and down when he first laid eyes on me dressed liked this. The look in his eyes gave me chills and I wanted so badly to just walk across the room and kiss him. But what else is new there? Then, he asked where “we” were going. If I hadn’t gone on this date, would I have spent the evening with him? The truth was, I would have wanted to spend any amount of time with Jake, even if it were just for an hour before he had to catch his train. I would have loved to have just sat with him and talked or even studied. I looked forward to time spent with him more than anything because I never felt more alive. I wanted to be with him all of the time.
I just wanted…him.
I wanted him.
I couldn’t deny my feelings or the fact that I was sure he was going to break my heart, even if he never so much as touched me. I started to get really emotional all of a sudden, so I concluded that it was the wine and tried to shake myself from thoughts of him for the moment.
Alistair was going to think I was doing drugs in here if I didn’t hurry up, so I grabbed my bearings and reentered the dining room.
“Hey, I was about to send search and rescue in for you,” he said smiling.
“Sorry about that.”
Alistair placed a menu in front of me. “How about dessert?”
Why not? It’s the one thing that sounded good all night.
Alistair pointed to the dessert list. “Didn’t you say something earlier about Bananas Foster? They have that, if you like it.”
Great.
“Actually, I think I’ll have the chocolate cake,” I said, which of course reminded me of Mrs. Ballsworthy’s cake…which then reminded me of…yeah, this was a hopeless situation.
We placed our dessert order and Alistair excused himself to use the bathroom.
I took my phone out to check facebook, because this date was just too exciting for words, and my heart dropped. I had missed a text from Jake that came in about an hour ago.
Nina, I was a jerk to you and your little friend.
I’m sorry.
And the Barney joke was stupid.
Actually, you looked stunning.
Stunning. Stunning. He thought I looked stunning. This was the first verbal indication that he found me attractive and the butterflies in my stomach were now doing a Greek circle dance.
I read the text as many times as I could before Alistair returned to the table.
I put my phone away when our desserts arrived, and unfortunately, my brain and appetite must have run away together, because I was now just sitting there…well, stunned.
Alistair returned and sat down. “Are you feeling okay, Nina?”
“Yeah…I think my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I’ll probably get the cake to go.”
He nodded because his mouth was full of cheesecake. I just wanted to get home as fast as possible in case Jake hadn’t left. He had said there was a possibility he would be leaving in the morning.
He held the door for me as we left the restaurant. The cold night air hit my face and blew my curls all over the place.
“What’s so funny?” Alistair asked.
I must have been smiling to myself as we walked, thinking about the text. And even though Alistair was holding my hand, all I could think about was how much I wanted to sleep next to Jake tonight.
***
Alistair leaned in to kiss me as he left me at the door to the apartment and I kept my mouth closed, allowing it but not encouraging it to turn into the type of kiss I dreamt of with Jake.
Intentionally not inviting him in, I wished him a good weekend and let him know I’d see him in class next week. I would have to come up with an excuse as to why I wouldn’t be able to accept another date with him if he asked.
The apartment was quiet, and all of the doors to the bedrooms were closed. My pulse raced as I approached Jake’s room and knocked.
“Jake?”
Nothing.
I knocked again.
He was gone.
I felt a mixture of sadness, frustration, longing and relief, only because I was pretty sure I would have said or done something stupid tonight if he were here…like maybe jumped his bones.
Loneliness set in as I walked back to my room and kicked off Tarah’s heels. I pulled the dress over my head, put on a long white t-shirt and brushed my hair back into a ponytail.
The water must have run for minutes on end in the bathroom as I washed the makeup off my face, lost in thought, without paying attention to the time.
I had really come to hate the weekends, when Jake was away. Even though we weren’t together as a couple, I missed him and felt safe when he was around.
As I tried to fall asleep, the restlessness was overwhelming. I could not stop thinking about him and replaying the entire night in my head.
Insomnia was winning out, so I got up and made myself some tea instead of rolling around aimlessly in bed.
As I sat up sipping my chamomile and watching late night television in the living room, it dawned on me that Christmas and the end of the semester w
ould be here before I knew it. That meant the tutoring sessions would end. Getting an A on the next exam suddenly seemed less important than getting to spend even more time with Jake, even though the thought of another “excursion” terrified me.
I shut off the television and started back toward my room when I impulsively passed it, heading over to Jake’s instead. I opened the door and immediately jumped.
He was there. He was sleeping!
No way.
I approached the bed slowly to get a closer look and jumped again when I realized it was just a ton of bunched up blankets made to look like a body. And there was a baseball cap on the pillow.
What the heck?
I pulled back the covers. Underneath was an origami bat. I opened it:
Looking for someone?
I covered my face in a mix of embarrassment and disbelief that he somehow knew I was going to sneak into his room tonight. Determined to hide the fact that I took the bait, or in this case—the bat—I carefully folded it back together and placed it under the covers but not before I buried my face in his pillow, relishing the musky scent. The cigarette smell was almost completely gone, making me wonder if he was trying to quit.
Before I left, I noticed something else: three more bats crumbled in the wastebasket. I picked them out and saw that he had started to write something on each one before scrunching it up and tossing it out. It was as if he was struggling to find the right words and gave up.
The first one just said: Hope your date was great…
The second one: How does Ass Hair compare…
The third: You looked…
Wow…okay. I didn’t realize that he actually thought so deeply about what to write on these things. This discovery both flattered and confused me. How he finally came to the conclusion that the best course of action would be to trick me into thinking he was sleeping was beyond me.
Back in my own bed, I stared at the ceiling and concluded that tonight proved Jake knew he had an effect on me. I just couldn’t figure out what effect I really had on him and whether he thought about me the same way.