And I had a sister to get to know.
The rest I would deal with when the time came. And if I couldn’t then I knew Tor would help me or, at least, do everything he could to try.
Before we left the coffee house, Marlene had turned to Tor.
“You hear tales of her?” she asked.
“Indeed,” he answered.
“And she’s, um… happy?” she went on, her voice low, her eyes intense and Tor’s answer obviously meant the world to her.
At this, I tried not to look at Phoebe but that didn’t mean I didn’t search for her hand on the table, find it and hold it tight.
“They are said to be a love match, she is revered as a goddess, so yes, I would assume she’s happy,” Tor replied quietly.
She nodded then enquired, “Is Korwahk far from your kingdom?”
“Very far,” he answered and she looked disappointed but nodded again then she licked her lips and looked away.
So I called her name and when I had her eyes, I asked, “Is there something you want?”
Marlene studied me. Then she nodded.
“I’d like to get a message to her, just… to let her know I miss her and I’m glad she’s happy,” Marlene said quietly.
Hmm. Marlene was sweet and seemed quiet, unlike Phoebe who was a different kind of sweet but not all that quiet but it would seem Marlene was Circe’s BFF just like Phoebe was mine. This made me smile at her but it also made my hand grow tighter in Phoebe’s.
“We will see to that upon our return,” Tor offered and Marlene looked hopefully at him then Tor went on, sharing honestly, “However, this land is far away, routes of communication are not dependable, this king is nomadic and therefore I cannot assure you it will reach her but I can assure you we will try.”
I fought the urge to kick him under the table for it was cool he was being honest but she didn’t have to know about the undependable routes of communication, for goodness sake.
She nodded at Tor then looked at me. “He took her when I was with her. I was actually standing right next to her. I saw her disappear. She just… melted away.” Holy crap! There it was again! “And we’d just been talking about how she didn’t want to go back when, suddenly, she was gone.” At this, Phoebe clenched my hand and I clenched hers right back. “I know everything is okay with her now and she’s happy but… it would have been cool for her to, you know, meet someone from home, to, like, know she wasn’t alone. It sucks your kingdom is so far away.”
“Maybe, after I have the baby, Tor and I can take an adventure,” I suggested to bring that hope back to her face, it worked, her face brightened but Tor’s grew dark. “Just saying, maybe…” I muttered in his direction.
His eyes went back to the ceiling.
When Marlene left she promised to do what she could to find this Clarabelle and get back to us tout suite.
But my thoughts were, Clarabelle was AWOL and I had been on Tor’s world for nearly two months. This meant we could be here that long, or longer. And who knew when or if we would find Clarabelle.
So, as far as I was concerned, I was moving forward, business as usual.
“Sweets?” Tor called and I looked from my list to him. “Put down your paper and come lie with me,” he commanded.
I looked at the TV then back to him.
“I’ve got to do this and I’m not into baseball,” I replied.
“I’ll change it,” he returned.
“I’ve got to do this,” I told him, his eyes went to my knees then back to mine.
“You can do it later,” he stated.
“No, I want to get it out of the way.”
He turned to his side, gave me his full attention and when he did I noticed the change in his eyes and I noticed it in three specific parts of my body.
“Put it aside,” he said softly, “and we’ll both go to your indoor waterfall.”
Those three specific parts of my body twanged at the thought of a shower with Tor.
“Five minutes, honey,” I replied just as softly. “I’ll be done and we can shower.”
He rested his head on his hand, elbow in the couch. “What are you doing?”
“Making lists,” I answered, looking back down at my paper.
“Lists of what?” he asked and I looked back at him.
“Contingency plans.” His eyebrows rose so I explained, “We don’t know how long we’re going to be here. So, if we’re here awhile, like I was in your world awhile, there are things I have to do and things I don’t want you to miss.” I looked back down at the paper and started enumerating. “I have to go to the doctor, get the pregnancy confirmed medically, get some vitamins or whatever, start that whole gig. I want you, Mom, Dad and me to go to the seafood place where Dad asked Mom to marry her and where we go every year for all our birthdays. I want to take you for a drive down the coast so you can see all my world isn’t dreary and some of it is actually really gorgeous. Since you’re interested in baseball, I want to take you to a Seattle Mariners game before the season ends. And I want you to go over to Phoebe’s so she can make you one of her dirty martinis, which are divine. And I forgot to buy you gum at the store so we have to get you some gum so you can try –”
“Cora,” Tor cut in and my head came up.
“What?”
“Put your list aside and come here,” he ordered.
“Tor, I have to put this down on paper so I don’t forget anything.”
“Put it aside and come here,” he semi-repeated.
“Honey, you took time out in your world to show me places and allow me to meet people and I want to give you what –”
“Love, put it down and come here.” His voice was very firm and I’d been so intent on my list, I’d missed the look on his face.
But I wasn’t missing it now.
I put the list down and went there.
When I was stretched out full on top of him, he lifted both sides of my hair and held it at the back of my head with one hand, his other arm closing around my waist.
“You can go back to your list in a second but when you do, you need to change it. You need to list all the things you want to do, people you want to see, in order of priority. Then we will do these things and see these people,” he told me.
“But I want you –” I started but stopped when his head lifted and he brushed his lips against mine.
He dropped his head and whispered, “It is not me giving up everything for love, my sweet.”
My heart clenched just as his arm tightened.
Tor kept talking and he did it with that tender look in his eyes and a low rumble in his voice. “You must fill the time you have left here with the people you want to see and places you want to be and I’ll experience your world through that. I want you to have that. You’ll need it. And it will allow me to feel more at peace as our decades together pass in my world knowing that I was able to give that to you before you gave everything for me.”
Tears suddenly and swiftly filled my eyes.
God but God, I loved this man.
“Baby,” I whispered as one slid down my cheek but it didn’t make it very far before Tor let go of my hair and his thumb swept it away.
“Now, kiss me, my love, and then finish your list so we can shower together.”
I stared down through my watery eyes at my gorgeous warrior prince.
Then I dropped my mouth to his, both of his arms closed around me tight, I tipped my head to the side, he slanted his the other way, my mouth opened but before his tongue slid inside and I could taste the gloriousness of him I felt myself flying through the air.
Yes, flying through the air!
I cried out in shock but my cry stopped abruptly when my back slammed painfully against the wall and blue sparks shot out around me.
Oh God.
I knew what that meant.
Oh God!
No!
“Tor!” I shouted after I slid down the wall, landed on my booty and lifted my head.
&nb
sp; But the couch, the whole couch, was shrouded in blue mist. So shrouded, I couldn’t see him, not even a little bit of him. Nothing.
No!
“Tor!” I shrieked, jumping to my feet and taking one step toward him only to feel an invisible hand plant itself in my chest and I was shoved right back against the wall, violently, blue sparks flying again when I landed and that pressure at my chest did not go away.
I struggled against the invisible hold that held me pinned against the wall, pushing forward and screeching, “Tor! No! Oh my God! Please, no!”
Then I heard an evil cackle I’d only heard once before, my blood turned to ice, the blue mist disappeared from my couch and the invisible hold that had me in its control melted away.
My couch was empty.
Tor was gone.
I collapsed to the floor not only in despair but in sudden pain. Excruciating, unbearable pain that made me curl my body automatically into a tight, protective ball.
And I knew what that pain was.
I knew exactly what it was.
Half my soul had just been torn away.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Get Your Shoes
Two weeks later…
“Nothing?” I asked, the cell phone pressed tight to my ear, my knees pressed tight to my chest, my tush on the tiled floor of the bathroom.
“I’m sorry, Cora. She’s nowhere to be found. Harold and I asked all the people the other Circe talked to, went to all the places she told us she went and no one knows anything about Clarabelle,” Marlene answered in my ear.
I closed my eyes tight and dropped my forehead to my knees.
Then I whispered into the phone, “Remember, I have money. You can use all of it. I have seventy-five thousand dollars. Remember that.”
“I remember, Cora, but there’s no information, even information to pay for and you may need that money,” Marlene said quietly back and I knew even through the phone she could hear my voice, she could hear the pain I lived with every day, the pain that got worse with every fucking second.
“And the other Circe, her power –?” I tried but Marlene cut me off.
“She says its growing but she doesn’t have enough, not near enough. She’s asking around. She says there’s a great deal of magic around New Orleans. She asked me to tell you if she finds someone she’ll let us know immediately and you can fly there. But you need to save your money, Cora. She says if she can find someone, the amount of magic they’ll need to use, it’ll be expensive.”
I lifted my head. “If there’s anything I can do…” I trailed off because she knew, I’d said that a million times before. Two weeks ago, Phoebe and I had been with Marlene and Circe’s Dad, Harold, every step of the way but with every dead end, every disappointment, the pain got worse and Harold and Phoebe seeing me endure that had put their proverbial foot down. When I ignored them, Phoebe told on me to my Dad. I tried to ignore Dad but he told on me to Mom and well, that was that.
“Harold, Phoebe and I are doing it, Cora, I promise. And Brianna is asking around too, your folks, Harold’s buddies, Circe’s old friends. But if there is, I’ll tell you. I promise, honey, okay?”
I sucked in breath and my voice trembled when I replied in a whisper, “Okay.”
“We’ll keep looking,” she told me.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“We won’t give up.”
I closed my eyes tight again. Then I opened them and said, “Thanks.”
“Hang in there, chin up, we’ll get you home.”
Home.
God. Yes, home. Home was Tor. I needed to get home.
“Okay,” I said softly.
“Bye, honey.”
“Bye, Marlene.”
I flipped my phone shut. Then I opened it again and called the private investigator I hired. He didn’t pick up so I left a voicemail. It was my third message that day. I knew I was bugging him but I didn’t care and he was ticking me off because he didn’t seem to be doing anything and I knew this because the asshole never called and therefore nothing was getting done.
He was overweight, had bad teeth and stared at my breasts the whole time I sat in his office. He also demanded a five thousand dollar retainer which I thought was a little steep but I gave it to him. I’d heard from him once since and he said he was “working on it” though it sounded like he was at the racetrack.
I sat with my butt to the floor and stared at my bathroom cabinets thinking maybe I needed a different private investigator.
Then I sucked in breath in order to move.
It hurt to move. It hurt to sit. It hurt to lie down. It hurt to sleep. It hurt to breathe.
And every day, it hurt worse.
I wasn’t bleeding, my skin wasn’t ripping open, my hair wasn’t falling out.
But I was dying. Dying inside, I could feel it.
Slowly, I walked through the bathroom, opened the door then walked out the door, through the bedroom and into my living room. I heard the murmuring voices and stopped, leaning against the wall to hold myself up. Then I listened.
“I’m worried,” Mom whispered.
“Me too,” Phoebe whispered back. “It gets worse every day.”
“Is she taking her vitamins?” Dad asked as if vitamins would help with this.
“I don’t know. She picked up the prescription the doctor gave her when he confirmed her pregnancy. I took her to get them myself. But I don’t know if she’s taking them.” Mom said.
“One of us should stay with her all the time,” Dad stated. “Make sure she’s taking her vitamins. Make sure she’s sleeping. Make sure she’s eating.”
“Agreed,” Phoebe said instantly. “I can move in, sleep here at night.”
“I can take the days,” Mom added.
“We’ll do weekends, Phoebe, give you a break,” Dad told my friend and I closed my eyes again.
I couldn’t endure another weekend without Tor. I didn’t know if I could endure another second without him much less another whole week.
“She has that other Cora’s money, Phoebe,” Dad went on. “But Dara and I saved twenty-five grand for Cora’s wedding. You, Harold and Marlene find someone who knows something, who can help and they won’t do it without getting paid, you need it, you add that, you hear?”
I opened my eyes.
My Dad. God, he was such a great, freaking guy.
And twenty-five grand for my wedding? That was way cool and that would have given me a kickass wedding, what he knew I always wanted.
Yeah, my Dad was a great, freaking guy.
“Yeah, Forrest,” Phoebe whispered.
There was silence then from Mom, her voice dripping with concern, “If she’s going through this, what’s Tor going through?”
I twisted my neck to press my cheek against the wall.
The very thought of that hurt too because I knew he was experiencing the same thing. My mighty warrior prince, struck low with this hideous pain. No one could endure this, no one, not even him.
And certainly not me.
“She told me she holds half his soul and he’s feeling the same as she is,” Phoebe answered my Mom.
“God, that man, I can’t imagine –” Mom whispered.
“Don’t,” my father cut in. “Only imagine a solution to this problem. Phoebe and her friends will find a way. Negative thinking never helped anything.”
“You’re right, my love,” Mom whispered.
“I know, my love,” Dad whispered back.
My love.
I could take no more.
I forced myself forward and stopped in the kitchen doorway, seeing three pairs of startled eyes turn to me, eyes that were set in haggard, worried faces.
“You should be lying down,” Mom ordered, bustling forward.
“I need some alone time,” I told her.
“Sweetie, you can have it, go to your room and –” Mom began.
“I need you guys to leave,” I announced, her eyes got big and her torso shift
ed back.
“Cora, sweetie, that’s not –”
“I know you’re worried about me, I heard you talking and even if I didn’t, it’s impossible to miss. And okay, you want to watch over me, that’s cool. But give me an hour. Just an hour. I just need to rest and clear my head and not think of you in here whispering or worrying. I just need to be alone and quiet for an hour. Then you can come back. Can you give me that?”
“We can be quiet here, sweetheart,” Dad said softly.
“It’s not the same, Dad,” I replied.
“Cora, you’re not too –” Phoebe began and that was when I lost it.
I’d been holding it together, holding it by a thread, holding onto that thread for two weeks, living for two, long weeks with the constant feeling that thread was going to slip from my fingers. And, just then, I lost hold of that thread. It wasn’t nice, it wasn’t good but that was when I lost it.
“I know what I am, all right?” I shouted, shut my eyes against the worry on their faces and nodded my head sharply once. I opened my eyes and looked at them. “I’m hurting and I’m sorry and none of this is in anyone’s control and you’re all dragged into it and you’re worried about me and you’re giving up time and energy and it’s making me feel guilty on top of everything else and I just need to be free of that. Just for an hour.”
“You didn’t do anything to feel guilty for, honey,” Mom said quietly and I looked at her.
“I know that Mom but that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty,” I returned, she bit her lip and I sucked in another painful breath and snatched back that thread, holding onto it for dear life.
Then I said gently, “I’m sorry. I love you guys. I loved you before you went all out to help me, to help Tor, worrying about me. I’ll always love you, no matter what happens. But can I just have an hour to try to forget? Can I just have an hour alone? And then we can all go back to worrying.”
And, for me, go back to the pain… though the pain never left.
Ever.
They all stared at me.
“Just an hour,” I whispered. “Please?”