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by S J Crabb
Chapter 16
As I thought Ash takes us to the Ridge and as the powerful machine is silenced I sit there still clinging on to him, not quite believing what has just happened. He must feel me trembling and turns around his face looking anxiously at me. Holding me to him he says, “Are you hurt Grace?” As I look up at him his breath catches in his throat and his eyes fill with tears. “Don’t look at me like that, please I can’t bear it.” I know that my expression is a mixture of horror and disbelief and I feel stunned.
Pulling me from the bike he takes me over to a nearby patch of ground and sits me down. “Please say something Grace, I can’t bear to see you looking at me like that.”
Looking at him I can hear my voice trembling. “You could have killed him.” His eyes flash and turn black. Nodding he says, “I could have done and I wanted to.”
Hearing me gasp he says bitterly. “I warned you about me Grace. I wanted to protect you and in doing so I revealed that the person that you need protecting from the most is me.” Falteringly I say, “Why didn’t you stop?” He says angrily, “Because I can’t. Once I start there are no boundaries. The saying - He has the Devil in him- well that’s truer for me than most Grace. You must have guessed that. When I was born it was without any sort of moral compass. All of my life I’ve cared for nothing or nobody.”
Suddenly looking uncertain he says, “Until I met you.” Reaching up he takes my face in his hands. “You have made me feel again Grace. Around you I am a different person. I want to make you happy and I want to protect you. The fact that I can’t is tearing me up inside. If I had my way, and I usually do, I would have told everyone about us. I haven’t because I knew that you didn’t want me to. Do you know how hard that is for me?”
Shaking my head the tears fall and I can hear the pain in his voice. “Grace, before you came I was lost. I had no purpose other than to learn everything I could because knowledge is power. I am to use the knowledge against other people to get what I want. If anyone gets in my way I crush them. There are never any repercussions because my uncle is too powerful.” Waving his hands towards the lights of the Town he says, “There will be nothing said about what we did tonight. There will be no witnesses and those guys will never talk. Even if they did my uncle would sort it and if he didn’t…” He laughs a bitter hollow laugh. “Then my father would, and nobody ever goes against him.”
I feel the fear creeping through my body and I almost can’t look at him. “That’s all well and good for you but not for the rest of us. We have to live with your actions and now those guys will be damaged and probably word will get out about the three of us and Skylar and her friends will seek retribution. We will have to deal with the fallout not you.”
He looks at me angrily. “Nobody will say anything. If they do I will sort it. Skylar and her friends are nothing and I can deal with them in a matter of minutes.” Then his voice lowers and he looks suddenly uncertain. “What I can’t deal with is the thought of losing you Grace. For the first time in my life I have something pure and innocent that I will guard with my life, even if it means going against everything that I want.” Taking my hands he looks deeply into my eyes. “I love you Grace and will do anything that you ask. Please help me, I know that you can. Only you can make me believe in a better life than the one that lies ahead. Please say you will?”
As I look into his eyes I can feel my heart breaking. We are as far apart as two people can be yet bound together so tightly that one will not survive without the other.
I sigh softly. “How can this work Ash? I want it to more than anything I have ever wanted. My life is no different to yours. It has been mapped out for me since the beginning. I am expected to follow a path and my whole life has been charted along that course. I am sure that as soon as my Guardians find out about the company I am keeping I will be whisked away from here never to return.”
As I look at him my eyes mist over and reaching up I touch his face. “But I can’t imagine not being with you.” Remembering another quote from Tess I say gently, “Sheer experience had already taught her that in some circumstances there was one thing better than to lead a good life, and that was to be saved from leading any life whatever.”
His eyes gleaming in the darkness Ash pulls me gently towards him. He touches my lips with his in a gentle loving kiss. I know that he wants to protect me but I wonder just how that will be possible.
We sit together for a while thinking about the night’s events. Remembering Cally and Piper I say, “What about my friends, will they be ok?” He nods. “Jacob will see that Cally is ok and Quade will have taken Piper home. They won’t talk so don’t worry about them.” Thinking about Jace and Skylar I say, “But won’t Jace tell Skylar what happened?” Ash laughs evilly. “I told Jace to get with Skylar to get her off my back. She will only be happy if she thinks that I am jealous. Little does she know that Jace is just along for the ride.”
Shaking my head he looks at me and raises his eyes. “What? I’ve told you what I’m like. I never cared for her she was just convenient.” Snatching my hand away I say in a tight voice. “Just take me home Ash. I think I’ve heard enough for one night.”
Looking alarmed he says quickly. “Not you though Grace. You have changed me in here.” Grabbing my hand he holds it to his heart and I can feel it thumping in his chest. He looks at me with a gentle expression. “I want to make you happy Grace and if doing that means I have to change then I will. I need you to make me feel.”
Looking at him standing there as one big conflict of emotions I realise that he does need me more than anyone has ever needed me before in my life. One thing more I realise is that despite everything I have seen and heard I need him too. Pulling his face towards mine I kiss him and pour all of the love that I feel into it. Now I know I’m in trouble.