Chapter 5
A Dream
It never failed to surprise me how quickly Kellan Kyle could turn my mood around. One minute I could be positive that I'd made a mistake and we would never work out, and the next I'd be languidly rising out of bed with him, a dopey, satisfied smile on my face and thoughts that everything in the world was right and good.
I felt that way now as I gave him one last peck before heading to my bathroom to get ready for work. Pulling out my curling iron, I made room for it on the small counter that my sister's beauty products seemed to multiply on. I listened to Kellan humming in my bedroom. It was a comforting sound and my dopey smile widened in the mirror.
Shaking my head at my frazzled I-just-had-sex hair, I yanked a brush through my waves. Kellan just had a way about him. He could ruin everything, or he could make everything perfect. Candy was just trying to interfere with that because she was the jealousy harpy that I was trying not to be. I'd heard her brag to students about being with a rock star before. While I sometimes wished he wasn't, she adored the fact that he was sort of famous around here. She wanted more of that fame. I was pretty sure she'd date him just to attach her name to him. It made me sick that some people were so obsessed with their fifteen minutes. For me, his fame only complicated things. It'd be so much simpler if no one knew who he was.
Finished with freshening up my makeup and taming my locks into a functional-but-cute ponytail, I headed back to my room. Kellan had made himself comfortable on the Queen-sized mattress that took up most of my tiny bedroom. Propped up on my pillows, he was happily rubbing his sock-covered feet together. Once again fully dressed, he was reading one of my romance novels with a small, amused grin on his face.
Glancing at the cover, which featured some bronze, buff man holding a scantily clad woman to his bare chest, I shook my head at Kellan. "What are you doing?"
Not looking up at me, his smile widened. "I'm reading your porn. "
Smacking his foot as I walked by, I scoffed, "That's not porn. . . it's romance. "
Snorting, Kellan looked up at me. "Really?" Glancing down at the book, he started reading a passage from it. "She gasped in his mouth when his erection slid against her. He groaned when her desire coated him. They were both so ready to be together, guilt and remorse free. . . finally. Her legs wrapped around him as her hips rocked him into place. As he felt the tip of himself press against her entrance, he heard her groan, 'I want you buried in me, I want to be consumed by you. '"
I flushed red all over, remembering the part that he was reading. It was a pretty hot scene, and usually did turn me on a bit. And the way he read it was so sensual. . . Embarrassed that he was sort of right, I snatched the book away from him, tucking it into a dresser drawer. I was pretty certain the next time I read it I would hear Kellan's sultry voice in my head. It made me ache just thinking about it.
Kellan gave me a sly smile. "See. . . porn. " He leaned forward. "And hot porn too. " He pointed to where I'd tucked the book away. "I wouldn't mind trying that thing on page-"
I cut him off, my cheeks hot to the touch as I yanked on his arm, pulling him to his feet. "Get your shoes on, it's time to go. "
He laughed at me as he steadied himself. "Yeah, all right. . . maybe next time then. "
Walking into Pete's with Kellan a little while later, I was greeted by a bubbly Kate. Since Jenny had the night off, she was my partner in crime for the evening. "Hi guys!"
"Hi, Kate. " I smiled at the bouncy woman and attempted to extradite myself from my boyfriend so I could go put my purse away. Just as our fingertips separated, Kellan grabbed my waist, pulling me back into his hips.
"I'll have my usual," he growled in my ear.
I bit my lip as his voice sent shivers down my spine. Twisting to give him a dirty look, I shook my head. "I know what you like, Kellan. "
He grinned devilishly, his hand slipping around to slink inside the back pocket of my jeans. "Yes. . . you certainly do. "
Realizing how suggestive what I'd said was, I pushed him away from me. He had such a dirty mind sometimes. Well, most of the time actually. He laughed at the color in my face, then kissed my cheek. "You're so adorable. " Leaning in he whispered, "Have I mentioned how much that turns me on?"
Laughing as I untangled myself from him, I murmured, "What doesn't, Kellan?"
Smiling, he shrugged one shoulder and walked back to his table. I sighed, watching his back pockets walk away from me. Kate beside me sighed too. I turned to look at her as she dreamily said, "God he's got great hair. He always looks like he just got out of bed. " Meeting my eye, she frowned. "How does he do that?"
Biting my lip, hoping my face wasn't beet red, I shrugged. I couldn't exactly tell her that he was currently rocking an amazing head of sex-hair because he'd just had sex. That was a little too much information to give my co-worker. Shrugging, she shook her head and handed me a fistful of lollipops from the pocket of her apron. "Here, Pete had these made to give out to the customers. "
Unwrapping a red label with "Pete's Bar" clearly written across it, she popped one in her mouth. "I keep forgetting to give them out though. " She smiled around the stick in her mouth. "They're apple flavored. "
I smiled and thanked her, then went to put my stuff away. Once I was back on the floor, I unwrapped one too and stuck it in my mouth. God, I love apple flavor. It's so much better than actual apples.
Rita had Kellan's beer ready before I even got to the bar to pick it up. Staring across the room at Kellan, she sullenly handed it to me. "Here. . . this is for sweet cheeks. "
Snatching it from her, I murmured, "Thanks," and rolled my eyes as I walked away. It was so irritating to have my guy mentally undressed over and over again. And people think men are the hornier bunch. I was beginning to doubt that.
Pulling the sucker out as I approached where Kellan was alone at his table, I handed him his drink. "Here you go. . . your usual. "
He smiled at me as he took the beer from my hand. Then his other reached up and grabbed the hand holding my sucker. Closing his fingers over mine, he brought the treat to his lips and closed his mouth around it. Not breaking eye contact, he sucked on my lollipop for a moment, then let it go. It was horribly erotic and I heard a few groans from a nearby table of girls watching him. Wanting to lean down and taste the apple on his tongue, I instead decided to stick up for my rights.
Shoving his shoulder back, I frowned. "Eww, Kellan. That's mine. "
Nothing about his mouth on or near anything of mine actually grossed me out, but it was the principle of the thing. You don't suck another person's sucker uninvited. Smiling, like he knew I'd let his lips go anywhere, he tilted his head at me. "What? I can put my mouth on your-"
I covered up that mouth, taking a quick peek at the girls at the table next to him, subtly leaning over in their seats to hear him speak. "Kellan!" I hissed under my breath.
Removing my hand from his lips, he continued undaunted. ". . . but I can't enjoy your sucker?"
Shaking my head at him, I felt a smile creep into my mouth. He was giving me a slight frown and puppy dog eyes. And damn if it wasn't hopelessly attractive. Giving up, I shoved the sucker in his mouth. Those eyes had earned it. He smiled around the stick and I sighed in annoyance. "You could at least ask first. "
Removing it, his lips curving over the edge of the ball seductively, he raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think I had to ask to suck on your. . . candy. "
I frowned genuinely. "Don't say candy. " After the afternoon I'd had, I really didn't want to ever hear that word again.
The smirk fell off his face as he understood my expression. "Sorry," he whispered.
Shaking my head, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his; the apple was as marvelous as I'd thought it would be. "It's alright. " Ignoring the disgruntled noises from the table of women to my left, I softly kissed him again. "Just ask next time, sucker thief. "
He was grinning and thoroughly enjoying
his sweet treat as I walked away.
Not too much later, as I was relaying my day at school to Kate, minus the Candy-fiasco of course, the doors burst open. Startled, I looked over to see Matt stepping through them. His face was beaming as he immediately looked back to the guys' table. Seeing Kellan, his smile got even bigger and he practically bounded to the table.
Not used to seeing the shy man so exuberant, I looked back at Kate. She shrugged. We both twisted back to the front doors when we heard it open again. Griffin stepped through this time, with Evan right behind him. Both men were glowing as brightly as Matt had been.
They both darted to follow Matt, who was approaching Kellan, telling him something with an excited expression. Kellan frowned and looked over at the rest of the guys coming towards him. Scrunching my brows, I tried to figure out what was going on.
"What's up, Kiera?" Kate asked me, pointing to where Matt, Griffin and Evan were seated around Kellan, leaning into him as they all talked to him at once. Kellan's expression was one of shock as he looked between all of them. He occasionally asked questions when one of them paused long enough for him to do so.
"I have no idea," I murmured, stepping away from her to find out.
Kellan's eyes snapped up to me when I was almost within ear shot. I paused when he leaned back and ran a hand over his mouth. His eyes looked worried, really worried. It made my feet feel like lead, made me afraid to go any closer to him. I'd thought it was good news by the look on the guys' faces, but Kellan didn't seem like he'd just heard good news. He seemed like they'd just told him life as he knew it was ending.
Excited, they all patted his shoulder. They were trying to get him to smile, but Kellan shook his head and murmured something to them, his gaze still locked on mine. Eventually they all turned to look at me. I actually took a step back as each of their eyes met mine. Evan's was sympathetic; that scared me. Matt's was appraising; that concerned me. Griffin's was irritated; that. . . was really nothing new.
Kellan leaning forward brought all of their attentions back to him. He started talking, low and intensely, and I couldn't make it out. The guys were instantly shaking their heads and throwing their hands about, irritated. I'd never seen the group fight before and I had the horrid feeling they were somehow fighting about me.
Someone nearby called out to me, asking for something, but I couldn't move to respond to them. Something big was happening. Something that Kellan wasn't excited about but the rest of the group was. Something that seemed to involve me. Ice poured through my body as I tried in vain to snap the puzzle pieces together.
Griffin suddenly shouting, "Oh, come on, Kellan! Fuck!" made me flinch. Kellan raised a calming hand to Griffin and quietly said something, shaking his head. Griffin shook his, crossing his arms over his chest. Griffin scowled back at Kellan while Matt hung his head, disappointed. Evan clapped Kellan on the shoulder and leaned in to tell him something. Evan's hand swung back to me and Kellan's eyes followed the movement.
Feeling my heart increase about ten times faster, I watched Kellan sigh and scrub his face with his hands. Slumping back in his chair, he finally shook his head and looked at his friends. Nodding, he said something, then slowly stood up.
His eyes met mine and he sighed again. I felt like my heart was going to explode as I watched him excuse himself and start to walk towards me. I nearly wanted to run away as I felt that tension from his table follow him up the aisle way to me. Maybe it was all in my head, but the bar seemed deathly quiet. Kellan and I had a history of making scenes in this bar. I wasn't sure if that was what was going to happen, but the rest of the patrons seemed to think so as they eagerly waited for us to meet up.
His head down, Kellan stepped in front of me. I held my breath. "Can I. . . talk to you," he looked up, his expression tight, "outside. "
I nodded woodenly, wanting to do anything but go outside with him. I couldn't move my feet, but he grabbed my hand and started dragging me away. The action prompted the muscles in my body to involuntarily respond, and I followed him out of the double doors.
A flurry of whispers started right before the doors shut. Then all of the sound from the bar was cut off. Kellan dropped my hand and ran his back through his hair. Looking around the lot, he seemed to be focusing on anything that wasn't me. I felt tears in my eyes as fear roiled in my stomach.
"Kellan?" I whispered, my voice shaky.
He finally looked at me when he heard my tone. Sighing, he cupped my cheek. "I need to tell you something, and I don't know where to start. " He bit his lip as my heart thudded against my chest.
"Just tell me, because you're really starting to scare me. "
He swallowed and looked down, his hand dropping to my arm. "Matt has been doing a lot over the summer for the band. " He looked up at me and shrugged. "Lining up more gigs, scoring that equipment so we can work on soundproofing Evan's place, getting us that spot at Bumbershoot. . . "
I nodded. None of this was news to me. My heart on hold, I waited for the part that was. Stepping up close, Kellan began stroking my arm. "A band that he's been trying to get in with saw us at Bumbershoot. They were. . . impressed and. . . " He sighed, his other hand coming up to wrap around my fingers. "They want us to join them on their tour," he whispered.
I blinked and pulled away from him, his face torn in the moonlight. "You got invited to join a tour? An actual band tour?"
Nodding, he shrugged. "It's a pretty decently sized one, about six other bands are already on it, from what Matt says. We'd be a. . . last minute addition, bottom of the lineup, but on it, at least. "
Amazed and overwhelmed with pride, I threw my arms around him. "Oh my God, Kellan! That's amazing!"
He sighed as I hugged him tight and I pulled back to look at him. He wouldn't look at me and the brief joy I'd felt faded. Cupping his cheek, I stroked his skin with my thumb. "You're not excited about this. . . " Feeling my heart leaden, I began to understand. "Because of me, right?"
Meeting my gaze, he shrugged. "It's a six month tour, Kiera. . . coast to coast. " I bit my lip. My eyes started stinging as I considered just what that meant for us. He'd be leaving, for quite a while.
Forcing a smile, even though I wanted to feel as melancholy as he did, I shook my head. "It's okay. Six months isn't so long. And you'd have breaks, right? I'd still get to see you?"
He nodded and looked down. "I don't have to go, Kiera. " Looking back up at me, he shook his head. "I can tell the guys no. "
My mouth dropped open as I realized what the band had been fighting about. He'd told them no in the bar, because he didn't want to leave me. Tilting my head, I searched his face. "This is your dream, Kellan, and this could be it for you. This could be your moment, your chance. Isn't this what you want?"
He shrugged, looking over my shoulder to the bar. "I'm fine with my life the way it is. Playing at Pete's," he looked back at me, "being with you. "
Running my hand back through his hair, I pressed our bodies together. "But you know you're too talented to keep doing that forever, Kellan. Even though I'd like to keep you to myself, I know that I can't hide you away from the world. " He looked at the ground and I sunk down to meet his eyes. "And it's not just your dream, Kellan. " I glanced back at the bar and he followed my gaze. "You know how much this means to them. " Looking back at him, I shrugged. "You can't say no because of me. "
"I know. " He sighed. "They're the only reason I'm even talking to you about this right now. " Shaking his head, he added, "But, Kiera. . . you have another year of school, you can't come with me. I don't want to leave you. . . "
I shook my head, cutting him off. "Not because of me, Kellan. " Feeling tears sting my eyes again, I swallowed hard. I was going to miss him so much, but I couldn't keep him from this. I couldn't be that person. . . again. "I won't keep another man from his dream," I whispered.
He pulled me in tight, clasping me to him like I was going to vanish. I felt like sobbing but I knew that I
couldn't, not when I could feel him shaking in my arms. Concerned, I whispered in his ear, "You're scared, Kellan. . . why? You never get scared. "
He shook his head. "That's not true. I'm scared all the time. " I pulled back to look at him with furrowed brows and he swallowed. "I remember, Kiera. " I furrowed my brows even more and he shook his head. "I remember when Denny left you. . . what it did to you. " His eyes searching mine, he whispered, "I remember how we got together. "
Heat pricked me as what he was saying sunk in. He thought if he left, I'd cheat. I'd be so lonely and pathetic without out him that I'd reach out to the next available man and do. . . exactly what I'd done to Denny. Knowing I couldn't hate him for his fear, but feeling the anger anyway, I pushed him back from me. "You won't leave me because when Denny left. . . "
"I know you don't like being alone," he murmured.
Anger stirring my belly, I spat out, "I'm not going to freak out because you're gone and cheat on you. I'm not. . . I wouldn't. . . " I stammered with something that didn't sound childish. "Why would you think I would do that to you?"
"Because I was there. . . when Denny thought the exact same thing, when he thought you'd never cheat on him either. " He sighed and tried to wrap me in his embrace again but I kept him at arm's length.
I tried to raise my chin, but I felt it quivering as my emotions ran rampant. "That's not fair. I've grown, Kellan. And you and I were a completely different situation. You can't throw that in my face. "
Looking apologetic, he shook his head. "I know, I do know that. And I know you've grown, Kiera, but still. . . " Closing his eyes, he looked away.
Open-mouthed, I could only shake my head at him. "Are you always going to wonder about me?" I whispered. Twisting my lips, I wished we had the sort of relationship where we could smile and congratulate the other, wishing them well, knowing that nothing bad would happen. We didn't have that though. We had doubt and fear, even though I sometimes tried to naively pretend that we didn't.
Peeking up at me, he raised his eyebrows. "Just like you wonder about me? Just earlier today you thought I was cheating on you. You won't worry when I'm gone? I mean, if I go on the road for months. . . with Griffin. . . it wouldn't cross your mind?"
My eyes narrowed as I considered just what kind of trouble he could get into with that D-bag. "Well now it will. " I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him until he turned away. He sighed, looking out over the parking lot. I sighed as well, my posture relaxing as my residual anger faded. I couldn't be angry with him for wondering about something that I often wondered about too. "I guess we'll just have to try and. . . trust each other. "
When he solemnly nodded, his gaze dropping to our feet, I looked around at where we were-outside, alone. A second wave of understanding hit me. Cupping his cheek, I brought his gaze back up to mine. "Did you tell me this out here because you thought I would break down?"
Nodding, he whispered, "I remember that night that Denny told you he was leaving. I remember holding you while you cried. . . for him. I saw you when his plane left. You were devastated, like a part of you had left with him. I don't want to hurt you like that, Kiera. "
His eyes saddened as he looked over mine. . . over my completely dry ones. Kissing him softly, I rested my forehead against his. "Are you upset that I'm. . . not more upset. Was this a test?"
Sighing, he shook his head. "I wouldn't test you, Kiera, but I did think you'd. . . at least cry, maybe beg a little. "
He tried to turn away again, but I held him in front of me. "I will. Trust me, when you actually leave, I will be a blubbering wreck. But I meant what I said, Kellan. I've grown. A lot has happened since Denny left me that first time. I've done some maturing. " Remembering how I was back then, I shook my head. "I was so scared to be alone. " I shrugged my shoulder as he watched me. "I still don't like it, but I'm more secure now, I think. Mistakes in the past have aged me some. "
He cracked a small smile. "Ah, the wizened twenty-two year old. "
My smile was a small one as well, but some of the earlier tension evaporated in it. "Kellan, you may have a lot more experience, but don't act like you're not the exact same age I am. I've seen your driver's license. "
Grinning crookedly, he raised an eyebrow. "The real one?"
Shaking my head at him, I cupped both his cheeks. "Do you think I loved Denny more, because it bothered me so much when he first told me he was leaving?"
Shrugging, his smile turned sad. "Can you blame me for thinking that?"
Enfolding my arms around him, I laid my head on his shoulder. "No, I guess not. " We were silent a moment, rocking slightly as we held each other. I waited a moment longer, peace and a bit of sadness creeping into me. "I didn't love him more than I love you, Kellan. " Pulling back, I met his eye. "I love you more. I love you enough to let you go and live your dream. " I tilted my head and shrugged. "Don't you see. . . ? I love you more. "
He smiled softly and I brushed some hair off of his forehead. Running the backs of my fingers down his cheek, I whispered, "And, yes, I will miss you, more than you could possibly imagine, but I know that you have to do this, Kellan. And you know it, too. "
Stubbornly, he shook his head. "No, I know that I have to be with you. Everything else is just. . . details. "
I smiled and kissed him. Against his lips I murmured, "This isn't just your dream though, remember. " Sighing, I pointed back to the bar, to the other people his decision involved. "There's Evan and Griffin, and Matt. . . he's worked so hard for this. "
He watched my fingers then sighed, "I know. . . "
Lacing my arms around his neck, I tilted my head at him. "And that's why you'll do this. It's their dream too, and you can't take it away from them. . . for me, for us. "
Leaning his head against mine, he closed his eyes. "I know. " We rested against each other for an achingly long time, then Kellan pulled back. "I guess I should go tell Matt the good news," he said, a little sullenly.
I nodded, biting my lip and fighting the tears starting to sting. I'd always suspected this would happen one day, just not necessarily today. "When does the tour start?"
Looking down, he quietly said, "First part of November. "
Now I looked down, too. "Oh. "
November. It was the end of September. . . that wasn't all that far away, just around a month really. We were silent a moment longer, processing our impending separation, then Kellan grabbed my hand. Squeezing it as he placed a light kiss on my lips, he nodded over at the bar doors. I took a deep inhale and nodded back. A part of me didn't want to go back through those doors. It felt like everything I knew would change once I stepped over the threshold. That was a ridiculous feeling of course-everything had already changed.
Pulling on my hand, Kellan led me through the doors. Curious bar patrons eyed us as we entered, maybe to see if I was red and splotchy. . . maybe to see if Kellan had a black eye. Since we both looked the same, although much more melancholy than before, they soon shifted back to their own conversations.
Sighing, Kellan led us back to his table. The guys were all still there, waiting for him, waiting for his answer. Since Kellan was the front man for the band, they pretty much couldn't do anything without him. They could certainly try and replace him, head out on their own with another singer, but it wouldn't be the same without Kellan's talent. I couldn't even picture the D-bags without their head D-bag. And I knew that most of the guys felt that way as well. Evan especially would rather hang it up than quit on Kellan. So they sat, and waited for him to tell them if their dream was a go or not.
Arms crossed over his chest, Griffin glared at me. I felt like Yoko walking up to their table, clutching my man's hand. Matt watched me respectfully, but his face was full of disappointment; he wanted this so bad. Evan was the only one that looked a little lost, too. I knew he wanted the success-what rock star member wouldn't want to hit it big-but his heart was anchored in Seattle. Jenny. He'd be torn from her just as
surely as Kellan was being torn from me. He smiled sympathetically at me as I stepped to the edge of the threesome.
Kellan cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair and all of their eyes shifted back to him. Exhaling in a long, controlled way, he took a moment to gather himself, then locked eyes with Matt. "I'm in," was all he told him.
Matt jumped up from beside the table as a chorus of excitement erupted from the guys. Throwing an arm around Kellan's shoulder, the blond's slim face was ear-to-ear smiles. "This is gonna be great, Kell. You'll see. " He nodded enthusiastically as Evan and Griffin stood and swarmed around Kellan.
After that there was playful shoving and elbow ribbing. Evan grabbed Kellan's head and rumpled his hair as he laughed. Griffin stepped in-between Kellan and I, jarring us loose as he slugged him in the shoulder. As all of them animatedly talked about their upcoming adventure, I found myself forced back a few steps, watching them from a distance.
Kellan looked back at me for a split-second, but his attention was quickly diverted back to one of the guys. Sighing, I twisted and left them to their moment of glory. I had to go back to work anyway.
As I meandered over to a couple that had just sat down, I listened to the band in the back corner. Their laughter was loud, their voices gleeful. Several regulars asked me what was going on and I morosely told them.
"They're going on tour. They're going to spread their talent over the nation and some record label is going to notice and sign them up. After that, they'll be played on the radio every five minutes, headline a solo tour in every major city in the world, and be swarmed by people nonstop. They'll be booked on every talk show, play at every award show, and Kellan will end up on every magazine's "Hottest Guys" list. After that, he'll receive invitations from groupies and celebrities alike. Eventually he'll give in to an A-list starlet and they'll be the talk of every tabloid in creation. And I'll be here. . . pouring you your drink and reminiscing about the rock star that I used to date. "
Well, okay, I may have only told the customers that very first sentence, but the rest of the speech echoed in my head on a never-ending loop. Kellan and I could try and trust each other, sure, but that only meant he wouldn't sneak around behind my back. There were no guarantees that he'd stay with me once he was exposed to. . . well, literally, everyone.
All of the customers had an excited reaction to the news, several walking over to the guys' table to slap them on the back in congratulations, or in the girls' cases, to give them appreciative hugs. Surprisingly, the only person who seemed as un-thrilled over this development as me was Rita. She sulked as much as I did as I approached the bar to get yet another round that someone had bought for the foursome.
Her collagen-injected lips puckered into as much of a scowl as she could make as she arranged their shots. "I can't believe he's leaving," she murmured over the noise in the bar. Glancing up at me, she narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you going to stop this? Put your foot down?"
Looking back at Kellan smiling and shaking Sam's hand, finally looking happy about the idea of singing across the country, I sighed and shook my head. "No, he deserves this. I'm not going to try and keep him from fulfilling a dream. "
Rita reached across the bar and smacked me on the shoulder. I glared back at her as she adjusted the deeply plunging neckline of her altered Pete's shirt. "Then you're an idiot. " She pointed over to Kellan and the guys and crassly verbalized every fear I had. "He's going to get famous after this little stint. Then he's going to realize that he's famous, and gorgeous, and can screw just about any woman in the world. You think he's going to stay with an ordinary nobody after that?"
Harshly grabbing my tray of shots, a good quarter of the drinks splashing over the edge, I raised my chin to her. With a confidence that I wasn't sure I really felt, I shook my head. "You don't know Kellan, not like I do. He's not like that. He's not interested in the fame, in the power, or in the women. " Lowering my chin, I shrugged. "He's interested in me. "
Rita folded her arms across her chest and smirked at me. "Right. And he wouldn't dare cheat on you, because he's such a. . . moral guy. "
She eyed me up and down and I flushed all over. By the tone in her voice I knew what she was referring to when she questioned his morality. The affair Kellan and I'd had was never openly admitted by anyone who knew, but with the public fights Kellan and I had shared, followed by Kellan's beating-that we still claimed was a mugging-most people had put the pieces together. Especially after Denny had fled the country.
Not wanting to talk about my life with Rita anymore, since Kellan had once been immoral with her too, I muttered, "You don't know him," and stormed off to their table.
After another couple of free rounds, the guys finally had to leave for a show at another bar. Kellan lingered after the other guys exited to a spattering of cheers and whistles. Before he left, Griffin paused at the door, exclaiming, "Thank you all, my loyal subjects. And don't worry, I won't ever forget you when I'm famous, I'll only refuse to acknowledge your existence!"
Most of the bar laughed at that, maybe thinking he was joking. Knowing Griffin probably meant it wholeheartedly, I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Jackass. Someday I was going to have to stage an intervention for Anna. She could do so much better. Well, she certainly couldn't do any worse.
Also rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Kellan strolled up to where I was standing beside a recently emptied table. Giving me a crooked grin, he nodded at where Griffin had disappeared to. "What do you think will do him in first? Drugs, money, or women?"
Smiling, I slung my arms around his waist and raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure it will be a combination of all three. "
Kellan chuckled and looped his arms around my waist. As he leaned down to kiss me, I found myself inadvertently spouting, "And what about you? What will be your downfall?"
He paused before our lips touched. He started to frown, then smiled. "You think I'll have one?"
Embarrassed that I'd asked, I shook my head , then shrugged. "It has occurred to me that you're on the path to fame and fame brings certain. . . hazards with it. " Sighing, knowing now wasn't really the time to have this conversation, I stared up at him. "You'll be surrounded by so much. . . temptation. " I bit my lip. "And I've seen 'Behind the Music. ' I know what gets offered to rock stars. "
He narrowed his eyes but then laughed. "Wait, 'Behind the Music?' You really have already mapped out my career, haven't you?" Smiling devilishly, he ducked down and looked me in the eye. "So what it is? Booze? Gambling? Buying too many yachts?"
I twisted my lip at his comment and smacked his chest. "No, for you, it's women. " Sighing, I shook my head. "Always women. "
The smile on his face faded as he looked over mine. "You have to trust me, Kiera. " His smile returned a little but it was laced with sadness. "Just like I have to trust you. " The sudden seriousness in his face instantly shifted to an impish grin and the air of heartache around us lifted. "I know I'll never find anything out there that will top you, but really, it is quite possible that you may lose interest in me once I've sold out and hit the bottle. Maybe you'll decide you can do better. . . start dating one of the Jonas Brothers or something. "
Laughing, even though my stomach hurt a little at our conversation, I smacked his chest again. Leaning up to kiss him, I muttered, "Never. You're mine, washed up or not. "
Chuckling against my lips, he murmured, "Good, because none of that is going to happen. " Pulling back, he raised an eyebrow. "It's just a six month tour with a bunch of other bands, most of which are small and unsigned. . . just like us. And when we're all crammed together in a smelly bus, I'll be wishing that I was back at home with you. " Leaning in, he rested his head against mine. "And when the six months is up, that's exactly where you'll find me. . . in bed with you. "
I nodded against him as tears stung my eyes. "I hope so," I whispered.
"I know so," he whispered back, his voice just as wistful as mine. Then his lips
crashed down to me and my hands came up to possessively tangle into his hair, holding him against me. Kissing much more aggressively than we usually did in public, I let the feeling of being watched evaporate from me and concentrated only on his touch. He was mine, I was his. This didn't have to be a life altering event if we didn't let it be. It could just be a brief separation while he did something amazing that most people would never get the chance to do. We would both stay faithful to the other and then we'd be back together and all the happier for it.
After that. . . well, I'd tackle that hurdle once it was upon me.