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by Maya Banks
A peculiar pain settled into his chest and something that resembled panic scuttled around his insides. Maybe she wouldn’t like the kind of life he offered. Not many would. She’d be living in a veritable prison.
Oh, she’d have every imaginable luxury and convenience. She’d be spoiled and pampered, her needs put before all others. But the one thing she wouldn’t have was . . . freedom. If she remained with him, she would be consigned to a life of high security. No one would have unfettered access to her.
How long would she be able to live in such suffocating circumstances? How long before she’d rebel and lash out over the extreme protective measures Drake put into place? Not many people would willingly consign themselves to a veritable prison no matter how luxurious that prison might be.
“Can you forgive me, Angel?” he asked softly. “Can you forgive me in time? Will you give me the chance to make it up to you? To prove to you that I would never again subject you to what I did that night? I know it’s a lot to ask. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing further to do with me, but I don’t want to live without you. You are all that’s good in my life. The only good. The very best part of me, and I damn near destroyed that in my panic and fear that you would be used to strike at me. I could never live with myself were something to happen to you because of me. And I’m going to do everything in my power to protect you from the bastards who would think nothing of abusing a woman in order to achieve their goal. Every single one of my men is devoted to your safety and protection. They will protect you with their lives. I need you to believe that. And I need you to believe that you are the most important thing to me and I will never let you go without one hell of a fight.”
Her expression was dazed, and the internal war she was waging with herself was evident in her stormy eyes. She looked . . . afraid. He wanted to let loose a string of curses that would singe the hide off the most hardened man, but the last thing he needed to do was push her in the opposite direction.
“So we just get back . . . together?” she asked in a choked voice. “Pick up where we left off?”
“No,” he said, completely serious. “We, or rather I, start over. New beginning. Better this time. I have a lot to make up to you, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. You, however, don’t need to change a damn thing. You did nothing wrong. You gave me a gift most men can only dream of receiving, and I didn’t nurture and protect that gift as I should have. That changes right now and going forward. If you’ll say yes and agree to stay with me.”
“Oh, Drake, I don’t know what to say,” she said in a choked voice.
Tears welled in her eyes and he hastily thumbed at the moisture as it began to leak down her cheeks.
“I was so happy. You made me happy. And I wanted to make you happy. Everything was . . . perfect. And then . . .”
“Shhh, my angel,” he said, cradling her once more in his arms. “It will be perfect again. I promise. I don’t expect you to forgive or forget any time soon. All I ask is the opportunity to prove to you that I can be the man you deserve. Just say yes and we’ll take it one day at a time, and I’ll promise to try to make each day better than the last. I have no doubt we’ll hit a few roadblocks along the way, but I can promise you that what happened that night will never happen again. I’d give everything I own to be able to go back and make it never happen.”
She leaned her forehead against his, closing her eyes as she battled the tears streaking silently down her cheeks.
“I want this—you,” she whispered in an aching voice that throbbed with emotion. “But I’m scared, Drake. You have so much power over me. You have the power to make me so very happy, but you also have the power to destroy me like no other. I don’t think I’ll survive so much pain again. I’ve been dead for the last five days, and I hate how vulnerable you make me feel, that I depend on you for so much happiness. It scares me to death. Can you understand that? I can’t imagine you being helpless, at someone else’s mercy and dependent on them just to maintain your sanity and keep it together.”
“I do understand,” he murmured. “I understand far more than you realize because you hold me in the palms of your hands, and you have as much power over me as you say I have over you. And I have to tell you, it sucks. I hate feeling so helpless. I’ve never been dependent on another person in my life. I’m always in control and yet when I’m with you I feel anything but in control. I feel as though I’m walking through a minefield, and one wrong move and I destroy something very precious and beautiful. I damn near did just that. I certainly inflicted a lot of damage, and that makes me a complete bastard. Believe me, Angel. I will never forget. I will never forgive myself for what happened that night. It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. I haven’t eaten, I haven’t slept, I’ve been a shell of a man for the last five days, and self-loathing has slowly eaten a hole in my soul until there’s barely anything left, if anything at all.”
“Drake, no,” she cried out. “Stop. Just stop! You can’t torture yourself this way. It does neither of us any good. If we’re going to make this work, then we have to put it behind us and move forward. If you stay bogged down in the past, it will destroy us both. If I can forgive, then you should be able to do the same.”
Drake sucked in his breath and his pulse accelerated wildly. He was shaking and desperately trying to hold himself together as her words penetrated his anger and grief. He grasped her shoulders and pushed his face toward hers until they were nose to nose.
“Do you mean that, Evangeline? Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you giving me another chance?”
His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. It was beating far too fast and for a moment, he feared the strain would be too much and he’d have a heart attack. His entire body shook. Not one part of him was calm or still as his gaze bored into hers, seeking confirmation of the hope that had taken root and snaked insidiously through his veins.
She swallowed and he saw how difficult this was for her. How monumental a decision she’d reached. But then she slowly nodded.
“I need the words,” he said hoarsely. “I have to be sure. I need to hear you say it out loud.”
“Yes,” she said softly. “I’ll give you—us—another chance. I won’t lie. I’m scared out of my mind. But I’m willing to try.”
It was too much for Drake. He crushed her into his arms, holding on to her for dear life. He rocked back and forth, alternating murmuring against her hair and brushing kisses over the silken tresses.
A huge knot in his throat prevented him from articulating his thoughts and emotions, so he simply held her, touching her, caressing her, kissing her over and over as he silently gave thanks for this beautiful, sweet and generous woman in his arms.
He didn’t deserve her, no, but no way in hell would he ever willingly give her up. She had become vital to him. As necessary as breathing. He couldn’t imagine his life without her now. Never did he want to go back to the stark, barren existence he’d endured before Evangeline had stormed into his life and changed everything.
For several long minutes, he simply held her, unable to form any semblance of words. Reluctantly, he loosened his hold on her and pressed a kiss to her lips before gathering her hands in his.
“I need to know if you no longer want to live in the apartment we lived in before. It’s perfectly understandable if you don’t. I don’t want to do anything that brings back bad memories. But if we choose to live in one of my other residences, I’ll need a week or so to properly secure it and get it up to the same standards as my current apartment. We can move each day so we don’t spend the same night in one place until all of the work is done and a new main residence is secured.”
“I’m okay with going back to your apartment,” she said after a brief moment.
He studied her demeanor, her expression and her eyes, looking for any sign of hesitation or fear. But he saw nothing.
“Are you sure?” he asked anyway.
; She nodded. “There’s no sense in spending all that time and money to outfit another dwelling when the one you have is already suitable.”
“Then let’s go home,” he said gently, holding his hand out to her as he stood.
With only a slight hesitation, she slid her soft palm over his and allowed him to pull her up to stand beside him.
“You won’t regret this, Evangeline,” he said with utter gravity.
Her gaze searched his for a few seconds and then she offered his hand a gentle squeeze. She hesitated only a brief second as she seemed to overcome her internal struggle and then let out a deep breath. Hope seized his chest when her eyes softened. She licked her lips once and then uttered the sweetest words he’d ever heard.
“I believe you, Drake. I believe you.”
6
Evangeline’s nerves were a wreck by the time they arrived at Drake’s apartment. Though she had agreed to remain here instead of having Drake go to the time and expense of setting up another residence, it didn’t mean that the mere thought of walking back into a place that had hosted her utter humiliation didn’t have her on the verge of an anxiety attack.
To make matters worse, as soon as they entered the lobby Evangeline saw Edward and cringed at the sympathy and worry in his eyes as he hurried over. Oh God. She just wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole.
But Drake must have sensed her mortification and warned Edward off with a look, because Edward halted and then turned to busy himself with another task. By the time they made it onto the elevator, she was shaking and on the verge of hyperventilation.
She hugged her arms around her waist and lowered her head to stare at the floor. Her eyes were burning and she’d endured enough humiliation without dissolving into tears in front of Drake. Again.
To Drake’s credit, he didn’t prod her or call attention to her near meltdown. Instead they rode to the top floor in silence. But Drake did wrap one arm around her, solidly anchoring her against him so that his body heat seeped into her chilled flesh.
Was she an idiot? Was she a naïve fool for agreeing to this lunacy after what he’d done to her?
Her head still bowed, she shuffled off the elevator and into Drake’s apartment. To her surprise, Drake stopped her just inside and simply pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.
“Thank God you’re back,” he murmured. “Thank God I found you in time.”
She rested her forehead against his chest and stood there, absorbing his touch like an addict in withdrawal. He rubbed his hands up and down her back and then reluctantly pulled away, cupping her chin and tilting it upward so she met his gaze.
“Come into the living room and sit down while I fix you something to eat. You haven’t been taking care of yourself,” he chided. “You’ve lost weight.”
“I had it to spare,” she said dryly.
He scowled. “You were fucking perfect the way you were. Now come so I can take care of my angel. You’re going to eat and then get some rest, and I plan to ensure you do both.”
She frowned up at him. “Don’t you have work? You’re already late. I can manage on my own.”
He gave her a pinched look but didn’t respond. Instead he steered her in the direction of the living room and settled her onto the couch, tucking a blanket around her. He fussed for a few moments longer, ensuring her comfort, and then instructed her not to even think about getting up.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes and we’ll have breakfast together. And then you and I are going to bed and getting some rest. I haven’t slept since the night you left,” he said, a trace of pain in his voice. “And you don’t look as if you’ve slept any more than I have.”
She flushed guiltily but didn’t refute his statement.
With one last caress to her cheek, he turned and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Evangeline to sag against the couch. She closed her eyes as weariness overtook her. He was right about one thing. She hadn’t slept. Not at all. She’d lain in her small bed at night praying for oblivion. For a few short hours where she could escape her pain and grief. Instead she’d spent the interminable nights wiping tears from her swollen eyes and asking why over and over.
She tugged the blanket more snugly around her, inhaling Drake’s scent, absorbing it. His presence was everywhere in the apartment. Even with him in another room she could still feel his overwhelming presence. It shouldn’t comfort her, but it did.
The last five days had been miserable. The worst days of her life. She never wanted to repeat them again. Maybe it made her a fool—a desperate fool—for taking him back so easily, but she needed him. Craved him. She only felt safe when he was with her, which was absurd considering he had been the one to destroy her.
Unease gripped her when she went back over his explanation, his justification of his actions. Just what was Drake involved in that would net him so many enemies? Inspire enough hatred that they would use her to cripple him?
She wasn’t stupid. She had no illusions that Drake was a model citizen, but she simply couldn’t imagine him being involved in anything truly heinous. But then she’d already acknowledged that when it came to him she was an ostrich with her head stuck firmly in the sand.
The simple truth was she didn’t want to know. Ignorance truly was bliss, and as long as she didn’t know for sure how he made his living she couldn’t very well pass judgment on him. She was happier not knowing, and if that made her a bad person, then it was something she would just have to accept.
Or perhaps she just needed time to work up the nerve to confront him about his business practices. At any rate, that time wasn’t now. Not when things were already so fragile between them. When the time was right, she’d broach the subject and then decide if she could live with the results of her inquiry.
Oh, Mama and Daddy. What is happening to me? This isn’t the way you raised me.
They would be so ashamed if they knew she was at least temporarily turning a blind eye to the right thing. The very last thing she ever wanted was to disappoint them. They were good people. The very best. And they’d always taught her to do the right thing no matter the sacrifice.
“Angel.”
Drake’s gentle voice roused her from her introspection, and she opened her eyes to see him carrying a tray with two plates.
“Sit up, baby. You need to eat and then you need to get some rest. We both need to rest and I can’t think of a better way to do so than with you in my arms.”
She sniffed appreciatively and her stomach protested the many days of not eating. Of not having the strength or will to force herself to eat. A hot flush swept over her body, causing her to shake, and sweat broke out on her forehead. Her stomach lurched and rebelled and then squeezed and tightened into a hard knot.
“I’m not sure I can,” she said honestly, clutching her belly with one palm. Nausea boiled in her stomach, leaving her weak, clammy and shaking uncontrollably.
Drake cursed and swiftly set the tray on the coffee table before sliding onto the couch next to her, enfolding her in his arms. He urged her to the edge of the cushions supporting her back.
“Lean forward and put your head down,” he said gently. “Take in deep breaths. In through your nose and out your mouth. I’ll get you some soup. Think you could handle that?”
She nodded miserably, her embarrassment growing with each passing minute. She was acting like a helpless twit who couldn’t survive without her man.
Drake sat there a few moments longer rubbing his hand comfortingly up and down her spine, and then he gently massaged her nape.
“Will you be okay while I get the soup?” he asked in a low voice.
“Y-yes.”
His lips brushed the top of her head and he disappeared back into the kitchen only to return a few minutes later with a steaming mug. He placed it between her palms and told her to sip.
The warm fluid soothed a path from her throat all the way into her stomach, and some of her tension eased and she relaxed. She managed to co
nsume half of it before she leaned forward to put the cup on the coffee table.
“Enough?” Drake asked gruffly.
She nodded, tension suddenly reinvading her muscles.
“Then let’s get you to bed,” he said, rising.
She swallowed nervously, then nodded. As she started to rise, Drake simply slid his arms beneath her and picked her up off the couch. She landed with a soft thud against his chest, and he stood there a moment with his lips pressed firmly against her forehead.
She felt a shudder roll through him and realized he was as deeply affected as she was. And nervous.
Her heart tightened at the fleeting vulnerability in his eyes, and she reached up to cup his jaw, forcing him to look down at her.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she said softly.
Fire ignited in his eyes, and relief that was nearly staggering.
“God, I’ve missed you too, Angel,” he said in a husky whisper. “I’m never letting you go again.”
As he strode toward the bedroom, she allowed his impassioned words to sink in. Did he mean them? Or was he saying something in the heat of the moment? She didn’t want to ruin everything by asking him for clarification. She was afraid of what that might mean. Fantasy was preferable to reality even as she knew that fantasy always eventually gave way to the painful truth. For now, until she could better make sense of her relationship with Drake and where she stood with him, she chose to think he meant every single word and that she was something special to him, that he cherished her and that he wanted . . . forever.
The word trailed off in her thoughts. She was unable even to give it voice in her own mind because of the hope it inspired and the knowledge that if it was simply a dream, it would crush her. For once, she wouldn’t look ahead with the practicality her parents had instilled in her. She wouldn’t attempt to predict the future and prepare herself for the eventuality of her and Drake parting ways. Instead she chose to live in the moment. One day at a time. One precious fantasy and dream at a time. If and when the time came for her to face cold hard facts, she’d hold the cherished memories of her time with Drake close to her heart for the rest of her life.