With a sigh, I started turning away from him. He hadn’t realized anything, hadn’t changed one single bit. Grabbing my arm, he stopped me. “Come on, man, race for me again! I’ll be good this time…I promise.” I was mildly surprised that he’d actually hinted at doing something wrong in the first place, although he’d certainly skated around outright admitting it.
Shaking him off, I said, “No, I’m done. I told you that already.”
Hookup held up his hands as he took a step back. “I know, I know, but there’s this big race coming up…50K to enter, man. It’s like a mini-Mondo! And since that race went to shit, we’ve got to do this!” His eyes were shining with the promise of a big score, and even I could see the euphoria of addiction swimming in his eyes. “Come on, H,” he pleaded. “One last big race, then you walk away and I never bother you again, and everything between us is cool.” His hope-filled face twisted to take in Kenzie. “Between all of us,” he added.
Kenzie raised her eyebrows at that. “One last race is supposed to make up for the fact that you tried to kill me?” Maybe Hookup sabotaging her bike wasn’t attempted murder, but what he’d been doing wasn’t exactly a precise science. If I hadn’t removed that mini-bomb thing from Kenzie’s bike, who knows what could have happened to her.
Hookup rolled his eyes like she was being a drama queen or something. “Please, nobody died. Both of you overacted to that whole situation…which I had nothing to do with,” he quickly added, his eyes scanning the room like he was searching for a camera. Wow, paranoid much?
Crossing my arms over my chest, I shook my head. “There’s not going to be one last race, Hookup. That ended the day I got hurt in that…unfortunate pileup.” My eyes turned to stony fire. It could have been Kenzie in that wreck instead of me. “Thank God nobody died in that mess…”
Hookup suddenly looked very uncomfortable, but then he shrugged it off, like it didn’t matter—or he didn’t want to think about it. He was very good at avoiding what he didn’t want to deal with. “Look, I’ll give you fifty percent, sixty, whatever it takes. I just…I need to be in that race, Hayden.”
Closing my eyes, I let out a soft sigh. “My answer is still no, Hookup. I left that life behind for a reason.” Opening my eyes, my expression turned hard. “And you should leave it behind too. That world…it will eat you alive. Things will only end badly for you if you don’t get out. For you, and for Izzy and Antonia.” Taking a step forward, I pleaded, “If you care about them at all, Tony, then you’ll—”
“Screw you, Hayden,” Hookup snapped, taking a step back from me. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I’m fine, Antonia and Izzy are fine. The only problem we have is the fact that you’re being a selfish asshole. You’re the one who doesn’t want to help the family—”
My eyes brightened with fire. Was he fucking kidding me? I was being selfish? “Well, as you pointed out, Tony, I’m not family! And I really don’t see a reason to be here anymore.” I held my hand out for Kenzie, and she eagerly took it. She’d probably been ready to leave ages ago.
Izzy came back into the room right as we were approaching the door. “Hayden?” she asked, her voice tinged with sadness.
Pausing, I looked back at her. “I’ll think about what you said, Iz. Give Antonia a kiss goodnight for me, okay?” As Izzy nodded, I pulled Kenzie out the door.
My mind was once again spinning as we rode home. We shouldn’t have gone over there. In this case, ignorance would have been better. When we got back to Kenzie’s place, she was quiet, contemplative. I felt like the distance between us had grown even wider, and I desperately wanted to pull her tight again, but I didn’t know how to scoop out the baggage that was wedged between us, expanding every day.
A forlorn sigh escaped Kenzie as she trudged to the kitchen to get some water. Feeling guilty, torn, confused, and a million other things, I followed her. “Are you okay?” I quietly asked as she filled a glass with water from the sink.
She only nodded in answer before taking a long gulp, and I saw right through it. She wasn’t okay. At all. “I’m so sorry about all that. I never expected Hookup to show up…he’s been MIA lately, and I kind of thought he’d stay that way. I certainly never expected him to ask us to race again.” I shook my head in disbelief. After what had gone down last year, did he really think we’d say yes?
Kenzie gave me such an odd expression, that I instantly knew she hadn’t been thinking about Hookup. Her tongue loosening, she said, “You told Izzy you’d think about hearing Felicia out. Are you really going to talk to her?”
Even more guilt flooded through me. Why had I told Izzy that right in front of Kenzie? Why was I even thinking about it? “I don’t know, Kenzie. Maybe, maybe not. I feel like…” I feel like Felicia is taking over my life and I’ll never get it back until I talk to her. But I couldn’t say that to Kenzie; she wouldn’t understand. I wasn’t sure if I did. Walking through that door wouldn’t help anyone. Except maybe Felicia. She wanted my forgiveness, but sometimes I felt like holding it back from her was the only way I could put some distance between us. Why did she leave? Why was she back?
My gaze shifted to the ground before looking back up at Kenzie. “I feel like I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.” And I definitely shouldn’t have let you come with me tonight.
Sadness washed over Kenzie’s face, like she knew that wasn’t what I’d almost said. With lies, secrets, and missed opportunities to communicate blasting us left and right, I felt like our relationship was beginning to slide backward, and while I hated that it was, I didn’t know how to stop the momentum.
Kenzie didn’t say anything, but she looked pained. Needing to ease her stress, I stepped so close to her that our chests were touching. Cupping her cheek, I softly said, “I’m not going to talk to her. You mean more to me than anything she has to say, and that makes my choice pretty damn clear. Felicia can go to hell. I don’t need her anymore, or her explanations.”
A true smile finally brightened her expression. “Really?”
Feeling like I was finally doing something right, I nodded before lowering my mouth to hers. “Absolutely.”
Kenzie tossed her arms around my neck, and I felt the space between us slowly begin to dissolve. As I kissed her as deeply as I could, I reveled in the bliss of our commitment. It was still just Kenzie and me in this relationship—the two of us against the world—and we were going to be just fine.
I hoped.
But even still, hours later, when we were lying on Kenzie’s bed and dawn was inching closer and closer, I worried, and I doubted. Things would never be truly right between us until Kenzie was racing again. That was the only way we were going to work. She shouldn’t have given it up for me. I was immensely grateful she had, because I couldn’t imagine life without her, but it had changed things too much. Changed her too much. She needed it back, and the only way to get it back was by giving Keith Jordan’s side of the track.
Bits and pieces of what happened at Izzy’s place floated through my mind as the darkness lightened to a deep gray. I forcefully blocked out Izzy telling me she’d forgiven Felicia—why the hell would she do that?—and made myself only think of later, when Hookup had shown up. There’s this big race coming up. 50K to enter. I’ll give you fifty percent, sixty, whatever it takes.
If I was making that kind of cash again, I could have enough money to buy back the track in no time. That didn’t solve all my problems—like Jordan refusing to sell it to me, and it definitely added additional problems—like hiding from Kenzie that I was street racing again—but it did solve one problem. Finances. I could even help Izzy again too; Kenzie was giving her money from her winnings last year, but Kenzie was living off that money, and it would only last for so long. If I could stock up cash to purchase the track for Keith and supplement Izzy’s income at the same time, it was a win-win. Or it could be a major bust.
But I’d never know until I tried.
Carefully slipping out of Kenzie’s b
ed, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and quietly made my way to the kitchen. Wondering if he’d be up at this hour, I texted Hookup. ‘Okay, I’m in.’
His response was immediate. ‘Fuck yes! You won’t regret this, man.’
Too late, I kind of already did. ‘I have a few stipulations though.’
‘Like what?’
‘One, I get seventy percent.’
I could almost see Hookup groaning at my request, but the response he typed back was, ‘All right. Anything else?’
Inhaling a deep breath, I typed, ‘Yeah…I do this straight-up on my own skill. You don’t touch the bikes—any of them. And nobody can know about this. Nobody.’
I wasn’t sure how Hookup would take that either. Saying yes would sort of be admitting that he’d once tampered with bikes. It would also be shooting himself in the foot by taking away his “edge.” He’d have to trust me to get the job done, and Hookup wasn’t good with trust. He loved to gamble, but he wanted a sure thing.
His response took a solid two minutes to get to me. ‘Fine.’
Closing my eyes, I set my phone on the cluttered kitchen counter, a counter I still hadn’t gotten around to cleaning. It was done. I was going to start racing for Hookup again. This time, my goal was to save Kenzie, but I was going to have to lie my ass off to do it. Great. How the hell was I supposed to do that?
***
CHAPTER 11
~Hayden~
For the rest of the week, I stewed about the upcoming street race with Hookup. I had no idea how I was going to keep what I was doing from Kenzie, but I knew I had to keep her in the dark. She wouldn’t approve. Back when she’d been racing with me, she’d begged me to quit—and that had been before she’d known what Hookup had been doing to make sure we won the races. Her fear of us getting busted by the police and kicked out of the ARRC had finally made her decide the reward wasn’t worth the risk. She’d never willingly let me delve into that world again. Not for her. And truly…I wasn’t sure if she would be happy with me buying the track for Keith, just so she could race for him. It was a double-edged sword for Kenzie, but it was the only option left for her.
Before I was ready, it was Saturday, and the mega-race was finally upon us. Somehow, I had to get away from Kenzie without looking like I was getting away from her. I had no idea how I was going to do it, and maybe, because of that, because of the massive guilt I felt crashing through my chest, I was overcompensating in other areas with Kenzie. Like cleaning her entire house, including the super-messy kitchen counter.
The look on her face when she got back from surfing was priceless. “What…happened?” she asked. By the way she looked around the kitchen, it seemed like she was trying to figure out if she was in the wrong house.
“I told you I’d take care of it,” I said, a tired but satisfied smile on my face.
Kenzie grinned as she shook her head. “That was so long ago…I really didn’t think you’d come through.”
Hating that she thought I’d fail her in anything, I pulled her into my arms. “I will always come through for you.” My voice had gotten intense on me, and the room suddenly felt thick with meaning. I tried lightening things with a brief laugh. “It just might take me a little time, is all…” But I will get you your career back, Kenzie. I promise.
Kenzie wrapped her arms around my neck and looked up at me with love-filled eyes. Pain tightened my chest. I was holding back too much from her; I should tell her one of the many secrets I was keeping. Definitely not racing. Maybe that Felicia was texting me like a mad woman, and I occasionally…responded. But how could I possibly tell her that? She’d be pissed, and that loving gaze would instantly shift into doubt. I hated that look, and I couldn’t bare ruining the moment by seeing it. One day I’d have to confess, and soon, before Nikki broke down and told her. But today wasn’t that day.
“Is this why you didn’t want to go surfing with me?” she asked, her tone amused. “It wasn’t because you were too tired?”
That was the excuse I’d given her this morning, and considering all I was doing behind her back, I suddenly felt horrible for telling her that; I was sick of lies. And surrounded by them. “Yeah…I just wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, it worked. I am officially surprised.” She leaned in to kiss me, and the smell of sand, surf, and sun nearly overwhelmed me. The ocean was one of my favorite places, and nothing beat the way it smelled. Not even engine exhaust, burnt rubber, and fresh gasoline could top it.
Letting the kiss sweep me away, I allowed myself to momentarily forget what was happening tonight, what I was about to keep from her. But in the end, wasn’t it just another surprise? A large, dangerous, potentially disastrous surprise that was either going to fix everything…or destroy it. That did not relieve my guilt at all. No, this had to turn out just right if she was ever going to forgive me. And when had anything in my life ever turned out just right?
Pushing that negative thought from my mind, I focused instead on Kenzie. Her hair was still in a ponytail and still a bit damp; water droplets from the ends occasionally splashed onto the kitchen floor. Having her in front of me, seeing the life, energy and vitality in her eyes, seeing the love and happiness on her face, it made me want her, made me want her arms and legs wrapped around me, made me want to never let her go.
“You know…there’s something we haven’t done in a really long time…and now that the counter is clean, I think this would be a perfect opportunity…”
Her eyes sparkled with playful mischief as she looked up at me, and I knew she was onboard with my idea, even before she playfully said, “Yeah?”
As I stared at the heat in her eyes, I instantly regretted cleaning off the counter; sweeping everything to the floor would have been much more satisfying. Squatting down, I picked her up so I could sit her on the counter. She giggled as she laid down on the Formica. Memories assaulted me as I watched the way the spotlights over the island highlighted her body. The first time we’d done this, we’d been keeping secrets too, but from other people, not each other. Well, maybe I hadn’t been forthcoming with what I’d suspected about Hookup, but I’d never outright lied about it. Not like now. I should tell her. And break her heart? She’ll leave. Everyone leaves eventually…
Kenzie sat up on her elbows as she studied me. “You okay?”
That was when I realized I’d been so lost in an internal argument, that I hadn’t done anything for a while. Goddamn it. Throwing on a devilish smile, I told her, “Just admiring. Some views need to be savored.”
Sitting up all the way, she wrapped her arms and legs around me, devouring me with an all-consuming kiss. Yes. Her voracious lips on mine finally silenced all the voices in my head. Thank you. I slipped my fingers up her waist, under her shirt, then started pushing up the material. She shivered as my light touch tickled her skin, but I didn’t increase my pace or my pressure. Teasing her was almost better than the actual sex. Almost.
Pulling her shirt all the way off revealed her slightly damp bikini top. Fuck. Just one more reason I loved the ocean. She reached around herself to undo the back, and I grabbed her wrists to stop her. “Nuh-uh, that’s my job.”
She grinned and rolled her eyes, then arched her back, sticking out her chest. Letting go of her wrists, I reached behind her back and unhooked her top. As I slid it off her shoulders, I marveled at the creamy skin that no other man got to see. It made a growl of possession want to escape from me. She was mine, and I had no intention of ever giving her up. Not without a fight.
I could only admire her perfection for so long before needing a taste. Leaning down, I sucked a nipple into my mouth. Kenzie moaned, then dropped her head back. She accidentally hit one of the swinging spotlights overhead, making a bright circle of light swirl around her body. Laughing again, she laid down so she was completely on display for me. Damn.
My body hardened as white-hot, urgent need coursed through me. I needed her. Putting my hands on either side of her hips, I grabbed the loose cotton
shorts she was wearing and pulled. When I realized she’d removed her bikini bottoms before leaving the beach, I just about came. I had to unbutton my jeans to relieve the pressure.
“Jesus, Kenzie, you’re so fucking sexy.”
I wanted to tease her, taste her, draw this out for a solid half-hour, but her body bare beneath me was too much, and combined with the turmoil I’d been feeling for the last several days, I couldn’t hold out. I needed to be pumping away my frustrations in the warm, loving safety of her body.
Completely undoing my jeans, I shoved them and my underwear down my hips. Then I grabbed Kenzie and slid her closer to me. When we were at the perfect angle, I plunged into her. Sensation overload hit me as her firm body took in all of me. Kenzie let out a loud cry that amplified the pleasure running through me. I could barely breathe it felt so good, and I had to pause, to get myself back under control.
Kenzie squirmed her hips, then wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled us tighter together. Fuck, yes. Hands still firmly on her hips, I inched my body away, then slammed back into her, over and over. The erotic noises leaving her let me know that she was loving every second. I wanted to slow down, wanted to savor it, but I needed more, needed harder, needed faster. When it came to Kenzie, I’d never be sated.
Suddenly, Kenzie’s hips lifted and her back arched away from the counter. Even before she let out a long, shuddering cry, I knew she was coming. I slowed my hips so she could enjoy every second of her release, then, when I couldn’t take the restraint any longer, I shoved into her again. The explosion hit me seconds later, and I stiffened as the tidal wave of euphoria nearly knocked me over. God, I loved making love to her.
I continued to rock slowly as we both came down. Kenzie slowly lowered her body back to the counter, then removed her legs from around my waist. She stayed there, breathing heavy, all sprawled out on her clutter-free island counter, and I vowed to never get it dirty again.