“I’m sorry,” I told him. There wasn’t anything else to say.
His face softened as an exhale left him. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to dump this on you.”
Hearing him call his feelings about Felicia “this” made a sharp pain go through my chest, like a burst of static electricity touching my soul. Ignoring the sensation, I wrapped my arms around his neck. Even though it upset me to see the hurt, seeing something real from him concerning Felicia was heartening. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m your girlfriend…that’s what I’m here for.”
Smiling, he shook his head. “I guess I’m still not used to that. It’s been a while since I’ve…yeah…” He ran a hand through his hair, discomfort suddenly on his face. Right. His last serious girlfriend was Felicia. Again, I felt her presence hovering between us. Even when she wasn’t here, she was here.
* * *
We went out to celebrate that night, once again meeting up with Myles, Nikki, Eli, Ralph, and Kevin. Thankfully, Felicia didn’t crash the party this time, and the mood in the room was a lot less tense. Even Eli, Ralph, and Kevin seemed less stressed being around Hayden. Myles’s win had everyone riding high.
When Hayden and I stumbled back to his hotel room afterward, I wasn’t thinking about what I was missing, or how estranged I was from my family, or why Izzy had forgiven Felicia, or if she and Hayden would ever get over their past and find their way back to each other. No, all I was thinking about was how amazing my boyfriend’s hands felt on my body. The simplicity was refreshing.
But when I opened my eyes the next morning, the uncomplicated freedom vanished and the weight of the world settled in on me again. Would there ever be a time when everything in my life was going the way I wanted? Or was asking for perfect peace just too much? Yeah. Probably.
The flight back home to Oceanside was uneventful, although quiet. Hayden seemed lost in thought as he stared out the window at the blanket of clouds beneath us. Again, I didn’t want to ask him what he was thinking, and I again, I hated that I was too scared to ask.
After the plane touched down, Hayden’s phone chimed three times in a row with new messages. I peeked at the screen when he unlocked it, and was a little surprised to see that it was the same unsaved phone number—double fives and double sixes. Keith. I couldn’t read the messages from my angle, but I thought I saw the words “miss you” before he deleted them. What the hell?
Frown on his face, Hayden shoved the phone into his pocket and didn’t say a word. He clearly didn’t feel like he needed to tell me who was contacting him, and I wasn’t sure if I had the right to keep asking. This was one of those touchy, privacy gray areas that I was clueless about. Did I keep prying, or did I let it go and hope for the best? I tried to put myself in his shoes, to think about what I would be okay with, but the only thought screaming through my brain was—Was that really from Keith? Why the hell would he miss you? And why do you make a point of deleting all the messages?
Hayden could see me staring at his jacket pocket, where his phone was tucked out of sight, but he still didn’t feel the need to enlighten me. My skin felt tight as I slowly looked up at his face. Can’t you just make this easy on me? I shouldn’t have to ask.
Hayden’s expression was blank, and I didn’t know if that was because he was silently daring me to ask him, or if he was just genuinely clueless that I was beginning to drive myself crazy imagining who that text had been from. But he would tell me if Felicia was texting him. He wouldn’t keep that to himself. It must be Keith. He was giving him a ride home, after all; maybe he was just making sure Hayden didn’t miss his ride. The man had zero patience.
“Something going on?” I asked, hoping that was vague enough to be respectful. And hoping that he answered me with a hell of a lot more than a one-syllable answer.
I indicated his phone, just in case my question wasn’t clear, and watched as Hayden patted his pocket. “Huh? Oh…yeah…just…Keith. Everything’s fine,” he added in a hurry.
A flood of suspicion washed through me at his less than comforting answer. Feeling like my skin was a size too small, I snipped, “Why don’t you have his number programmed into your phone? After all this time…that’s kind of weird.”
Hayden’s eyes widened as he stared at me, and he chewed on his lip before he answered. “Yeah, I just…haven’t gotten around to… I was going to call Izzy when I got home, set up dinner with her tomorrow night. I think I should talk to her about…about what went down with her and Felicia.”
His abrupt change of subject hit my stomach like a wrecking ball. I couldn’t tell if he just felt stupid for not having programmed his boss’s number yet, or if he was hiding something. But then what he said sunk in, and a web of anxiety crawled up my shoulders, making a knot that no amount of massaging would loosen. “Yeah…that’s a…good idea.” Shit.
Maybe seeing that I wasn’t thrilled about the suggestion, Hayden slowly said, “I can go alone. I know you aren’t thrilled to be a part of a conversation about my ex.”
Inhaling a deep breath, I considered taking his offer as an easy way out. Then I groaned and cursed myself. Avoiding this wouldn’t solve anything. “No…I want to be there. She wasn’t just an ex-girlfriend, she was family…a part of yours, and a part of Izzy’s. I want to know why your family hurt you just as much as you…don’t want to know.”
Hayden shook his head, then turned his gaze to the window. “Yeah…” I was just about to ask him what he was thinking about, when he turned back to me and said, “I love you so much. I think you might just be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” His words, and the sincerity I heard in them, soothed my fears. For a time.
We went our separate ways after the airport; Hayden went back to his place for clothes, and to catch up on his life, trivial things that often slipped by the wayside, like mail and bills, while I went back to my place. Hayden left baggage claim with Keith. Watching them be all buddy-buddy was still extremely difficult. It probably always would be. Keith was just so…vile…but Hayden had a different experience with him, and while he disliked how Keith treated me, he looked up to him. Kind of.
Casting aside all thoughts of the man I despised, I grabbed my bags, found my truck, and headed home. My mind still wouldn’t quiet down, so I turned up the radio and rolled down the windows. Noise was good. It drowned out the voices in my head, soothed my worried soul, and made me forget there was a uniform fit for a strip club in my bag.
As I pulled up to the driveway of my house, the radio blaring country music all but vanished to my ears. I was suffering from shock. I knew it, but I still couldn’t comprehend it. Parked in my driveway was my father’s enormous heavy-duty pickup truck, and the figure in the driver’s seat told me Dad was waiting for me. My heart began to race as I wondered if my outlandish job had somehow succeeded in breaking the ice between us. Would he forgive me now? Would I forgive him? He’d ruined my career, written me off and cast me aside, all because he didn’t like who I was dating. But he was my father, and I knew I’d forgive him of everything to have him in my life again. I was loyal too.
Pulling my truck up beside his, I turned off the engine, disbelieving he was really here. Had I fallen asleep on the plane, and all of this was just a bizarre dream? But no, as Dad stepped out of his truck, I knew this was reality. Even my own head couldn’t perfect the scowl on my father’s lips. If this wasn’t a thaw between us, then it must be something more sinister. But what more could he possibly do to me? That realization made me feel more at peace as I exited my vehicle. The worst was over.
“Dad…what are you doing here?” I asked, shutting my door and walking over to him.
Dad’s face hardened as he tried to stare me down. Raising my chin, I held my ground. “I saw you on TV,” he said. My gut clenched, but I did my best to not let it show on my face. Dad’s eyes glinted with distaste. “You looked like a two-bit whore, Mackenzie.”
And there it was. Dad truly wasn’t holding back any punches;
he must be desperate to make me crack. Well, he wasn’t going to today. “It was the only job I could get, Dad.” Tilting my head, I asked, “Are you really upset about the outfit, or is it the name on the outfit that bothered you so much, you felt the need to wait on my doorstep to tell me how awful I looked?”
Dad averted his eyes, and his face grew stormy. He usually kept a tight rein on his emotions, but like water trickling from a leaky faucet, they were slipping through the facade. “You working for him isn’t right. You don’t belong there,” he said, his eyes snapping back to mine. There was pain in his features and in his voice. This was killing him. It was killing me too.
Taking a step toward him, I snapped back, “I know! I belong on a bike, racing for a team who understands and supports me. But you took that from me!” Before I could stop myself, I poked him in the shoulder.
Dad glanced down at where I’d touched him, and when his eyes returned to mine, the stern stoicism was back. “I did what I had to do to show you what a huge mistake you were making. As a parent, that is sometimes necessary. But not once was anything ever meant to intentionally harm you.” His arm lifted, and he extended a finger in the direction of the practice track. “But taking a job with him was a definite and deliberate attempt to harm me. Your mother would be horrified,” he said, lowering his arm. “If the sickness hadn’t already put her in an early grave, your betrayal would have.”
His words cut so deep, I felt like I was bleeding out; my legs even started shaking. “That’s not fair. I only took the job because you…you left me no…” My voice warbled until eventually the emotion swallowed it.
I couldn’t believe what he’d just said to me. It wasn’t just mean, it was cruel. Anger reignited my voice. “I’m sorry you lost Cox Racing, Dad. I’m sorry you’re eventually going to lose the building to Keith. And I’m really sorry you don’t like Hayden…but none of that should affect our relationship, it shouldn’t divide our family! My job aside, the man in my life aside…I’m blood, we’re blood! And blood should mean more than all that crap!”
Dad only raised an eyebrow at my outburst, but that one gesture spoke volumes to me. “Exactly, Mackenzie. Blood should mean more.” Heat flared in my chest as we stared at each other. He was calm and cool, while I was breathing so hard, I looked like I’d just run a marathon.
With those final words, Dad turned around and got into his truck. I stared in shocked silence as I watched him back out of the driveway. By his expression, you’d never know he’d just verbally slapped me in the face. Keith had called him manipulative, vindictive, cold, and I’d never once in a million years thought I would agree with anything that man said, but in this case…goddamn it…Keith was right. My father was taking this too far.
***
CHAPTER 9
~Hayden~
It was a weird weekend, full of high highs and low lows. And Keith seemed to be behind a lot of it. I knew he wanted the world to see Felicia and me as a couple, but did it really matter? Our racing would speak for itself. And that fucking uniform he was making Kenzie wear… God, it really pissed me off that he had taken someone of her caliber and talent and made her a fucking umbrella girl. She could have worked on the pit crew, she could have been a liaison to the press, she could have been freaking security. There were a hundred jobs he could have given her, but he’d chosen the one that was the most beneath her skill level. He’d done it on purpose to kill her spirit, and hell if I was going to let him get away with it.
Keith’s driver was waiting for us in the loading area of the airport when we got there. As we stepped up to the sleek, oversized SUV, I turned to Keith. “We need to talk about Kenzie. That job you gave her is completely—”
Keith interrupted me by holding up his hand. “Hold that thought.” Handing his bag to the driver, he told him, “We’ve got one more joining us, Tom.”
Scrunching my brows, I stupidly asked, “Who?” I hadn’t even finished my one-word question before I saw Felicia strolling out of the airport, rolling bag in tow. Fuck. I really should have seen that one coming.
Turning to Keith, who was smugly watching his new protégé approach, I murmured, “I’ll catch a cab.”
Keith snapped his gaze up to mine; he was a good half-foot shorter than me. “You’ll do no such thing. If you want to keep racing for me, then you’ll get in the car. We have things to discuss.”
Anger boiled through my veins as I stared at him. He could blacklist me exactly like Jordan had Kenzie. It would be even easier for him to do it to me too. All he had to do was tell people where he’d found me—confirm the rumor, so to speak—then tell people that I’d hadn’t given up that life. No one would take a chance on a rider who was potentially participating in an illegal activity that could get them banned from the sport. I was a high-risk rider, and, because of that, Keith was my only option. Fuck.
Turning my back on him and Felicia approaching, I tossed my bag into the rear of the SUV then hopped inside. I might have to ride home with them, but I didn’t have to be friendly. Keith glared at me as he hobbled over to the passenger’s side, but I didn’t care. If he was going to act like my father, then I would act like his petulant son.
When Felicia caught up to us, she handed her bag to the driver, then got into the back seat with me. An oddly shy smile was on her face as she scooted over as far as the seat would allow. She was wearing the Jasmine-scented perfume that she had frequently worn when we were together. It rewound me back to that time, made it hard to remember that everything had changed between us; sometimes being near her was far too familiar. I scooted closer to the window to get away.
“Hey, Hayden. Great race this weekend,” she murmured, her voice smooth and sweet, like velvet over bare skin. Swallowing, I ignored her. She was repeating something she’d already told me anyway.
The driver started the car and pulled it away from the curb, and Keith turned in his seat to look at us. “My two stars…hot damn you two look good together.”
That snapped me out of my mood. “We’re not together, Keith. Not anymore.”
Keith dismissively waved his hand, like that fact was inconsequential. I desperately wanted to mention Kenzie, wanted to talk to Keith about the demeaning job he’d given her…but I was not going to bring that up around Felicia. She didn’t need to know Kenzie was struggling.
Keith turned his attention to Felicia. “Cutting in on that interview like that was great. They’re replaying it almost nonstop. You’re getting more exposure than that crybaby who actually won the damn thing. Keep it up.” He turned back around, clearly finished with the conversation. That was it? He could have said all that on the sidewalk. And I really didn’t think Myles was a crybaby. I wasn’t about to defend him to Keith though. That was a fast-track to his bad side.
Shaking my head, I returned my gaze to the window. Unbelievable. Keith just wanted Felicia and me together in the backseat. Like we were going to reconnect with him chaperoning us. Not that we were ever going to reconnect. But even as I thought it, I felt Felicia’s fingers brush against my thigh. I pulled away, but I was already squished against the door…there was nowhere for me to go.
“So…sorry about all the texts earlier. Plane rides make me nervous.”
Unwillingly, I peeked over at her. Bullshit. The girl I’d known hadn’t been afraid of anything. She’d been fearless then, almost recklessly so. I found it hard to believe that she could have changed that much, that something like an airplane ride freaked her out now. Like Keith, she was playing me.
I turned back to the window, ignoring her, but like her incessant texting, that didn’t stop her from engaging me. “Does Kenzie know that we speak like that? Does she know we text each other almost every day?”
Keith’s eyes were on us in the rearview, and I knew he was listening to everything she was saying. Snapping my gaze back to her, I spit out, “We don’t speak. You text me, but I don’t respond because I don’t want to talk to you.”
Reaching up, she put her hand on
my thigh. Comfort and disgust washed through me at the same time. “You responded once,” she purred. She didn’t say it, but I clearly heard the words, And you’ll respond again.
Flicking her hand off my leg, I turned back to the window. “That was an accident, one that won’t happen again.”
Felicia was silent as she minutely pulled away from me, but I could feel her smiling. She didn’t believe me. And the sad thing was, I didn’t entirely believe me either.
Like Keith wanted me to know where Felicia lived, we dropped her off first. I tried not to take in where she was staying, but I couldn’t help but look. It was a small house, oddly similar to Kenzie’s place. Jesus. Was fate trying to kill me by making them so similar?
Uncrossing her legs in a slow, tantalizing way, Felicia waited for the driver to open her door. Once it was propped open, she looked over at me. “I hope you talk to Izzy soon. Then I hope you text me back. We’re good together, Hayden.”
Staring straight ahead, I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. No, we were great together. But that all ended the day she walked away.
Felicia sighed at my silence, then exited the car and shut the door. Moments later, we were on the move again. I knew I should take the opportunity to talk to Keith about Kenzie, but I couldn’t. That damn boulder in my throat wouldn’t let me speak.
Once we were back home, I darted out the door, grabbed my bag and fled to my apartment above Keith’s garage. I just wanted to be alone. But being alone didn’t help my spinning thoughts. I took a long shower to try and relax my mind, but the only thing I got out of it was clean skin.
Kenzie and I hadn’t talked about me coming over later that night, and I kind of felt like I should have my head on straight before I saw her, so I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. All I could think about as I laid there, attempting to quiet my thoughts, was whether I should tell Kenzie that Felicia had gotten a ride home with me and Keith. And she was texting me. And she wanted what we had back. I was sure Kenzie already knew that last part, thanks to that damn party and that damn interview, but she didn’t know the other things, and I didn’t see how anything good could come out of her knowing.