by Tracy Wolff
“What is it with my brother’s determination to die?” Hudson grumbles. “You don’t need a heartstone. You just need to get me out so I don’t put any more strain on the mating bond. And you already have everything you need to do that.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t get a vote,” I tell him as Jaxon and Flint start arguing over the best way to go about killing the beast.
“Of course I don’t. Why should I, when I’m the one most affected by it?” He rolls his eyes.
Ugh. I’m frustrated and freaked out, and the last thing I need is Hudson’s martyr complex right now.
“Martyr complex?” he almost roars. “Are you kidding me? I’m the only reason you’re not in chains bound for my parents’ dungeon, and I have a martyr complex? Seriously?”
I sigh. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“News flash. I’m in your head,” he snaps and paces in front of Jaxon’s bookcase. “I hear everything. Every snarky little thought you have, I know about it. Every fear, I see it. Every random thought is front and center in my brain, so I get that you’re afraid. And I get that you don’t want to trust me because of what everyone else has told you.
“But could you please, for one minute, just listen to me? Just think this through. I swear, I’m trying to help you. I swear, that’s all I’m trying to do, Grace. All I’ve done since I’ve come back is try to help you.”
I want to believe him, I do. So much so that it surprises me. But I’m scared. I’ve made mistakes before, trusted people I shouldn’t. Look at what happened with Lia.
“I’m not Lia,” he tells me. “I never would have asked for this. I never would have even dreamed of putting you through what she did. What happened with her is one of the biggest regrets of my life and if I could take it back, I would—”
“Take what back?” I ask, shocked at how tortured he looks, how remorseful. Usually, those are the last two adjectives I’d ever use for Hudson.
“I made a mistake,” he tells me. “I teased her one day, not long before I died. Told her she’d love me forever. I was joking, just playing around, but…” He shakes his head. “I don’t get to do that, because my power makes it true. I knew better, but I forgot for one second, and all this happened.” He holds his hands out helplessly.
His words make everything inside me sit at attention. Because maybe Lia wasn’t as evil as I thought. Maybe she was just one more victim of power beyond someone’s control. It’s a hard thought to swallow after everything that’s happened, so I file it in my “Shit I Don’t Have Time For Today” folder and promise myself I’ll get back to it when I have more time.
“I’m trying to fix what I can,” he tells me. “I swear, Grace, the last thing I want to do right now is hurt you—or anyone. You just have to trust me. And if you try to kill the beast before the Trial, you’re going to die. If not by it, then by the Trial when you drag your broken ass into the arena.”
I can feel his despair, feel his agitation, and despite everything, I believe him. More, I realize, I’ve believed him for a while now.
“That’s not true,” I tell the group. “We have the four items. We could let Hudson out right now. That would give us two days to recover all our strength and train really hard, so we’ll actually have a chance of not dying.” I nod. “It’s the best option.”
“Over my dead fucking body,” Jaxon replies, ice dripping from every word he bites out.
93
Betrayal Is a
Four-Letter
Word
“Best option for whom exactly?” Flint demands, jaw tight and eyes blazing. “Not for the rest of us, that’s for damn sure.”
“I’m with Flint,” Eden says. “We can’t do that. We can’t let Hudson, with his power of persuasion, out in the world again. We just can’t.”
“I understand that you’re scared—” I start.
“We’re not scared,” Macy says. “We’re practical. We lived through Hudson once, until Jaxon and the rest of the Order finally found a way to bring him down. There’s no way we can risk letting him loose again. No way we can justify risking so many people’s lives just because it’s expedient for us.”
“What about risking our lives?” I ask. “Going against the Unkillable Beast won’t be easy. One of us could die—”
“It’s worth it,” Xavier says quietly, his voice and eyes as serious as I’ve ever seen them.
“Dying is worth it?” I repeat flatly. “Seriously?”
“Do you know how many people he killed?” Mekhi asks. “How many wolves and made vampires died because of Hudson? Because he thought born vampires were the most important species on the planet? His gift of persuasion is just too powerful.”
“That’s not what happened,” Hudson tells me, and there’s an underlying urgency in his voice. “I told you that, Grace.”
A memory of the scene with his father scratches at my mind. Why does everyone keep mentioning your gift of persuasion but not the fact that you can literally destroy matter with your mind? What about the memory with your dad? No offense, the fact that you can disintegrate things with a mere thought seems even scarier than the persuasion thing.
“Because they don’t know about it. No one does.” He sighs. “Well, except my parents. But my father believes the gift is unusable. That his attempts to force it to grow unfettered didn’t make it stronger, it made it go dormant.”
Why?
His impenetrable blue eyes hold mine, not a flicker of emotion moving in them. “Because he ran out of things to threaten that I love.”
The fact that he says it so simply, so emotionlessly, only makes it worse. Every word slams into me like a bullet, and I sink down on the couch, slowly bleeding out.
Finally, I whisper, connecting all the dots, “So he thinks when he couldn’t make you use it anymore, it just slowly atrophied?”
Hudson nods. “Why do you think he eventually let me leave the Vampire Court and attend Katmere? I was no longer of use to him.”
My heart breaks wide open for the little boy in that memory. And for the guy standing in front of me, too. But I don’t have time to analyze my feelings right now. I need to convince everyone that the devil they fear doesn’t exist.
I don’t bother to answer Mekhi. Instead, I plead with the group, “Are you really sure that you’ve got the full story? I know what you believe, but have you ever stopped to ask why he did what he did? Have you ever stopped to wonder if there was a justifiable reason?”
“For murder?” Jaxon narrows his gaze on me. “You’re starting to believe whatever lies he’s been feeding you. Grace, you know he can’t be trusted.”
“I don’t know that,” I answer with a shake of my head.
“What if we bring him back and it turns out he’s been planning to start his evil crusade all over again?” Gwen asks. “How do we live with ourselves?”
“Yes, because that’s what I’ve been doing. Plotting for months on how to destroy the world.” He shakes his head. “Who do they think I am? Dr. Evil?”
I ignore him because I know I have only a couple of minutes to make my case or they’re going to move on, whether I want them to or not. So I look from person to person and try to explain. “Cyrus was organizing an army of made vampires, and others, to start another war. Hudson was only trying to prevent an even bigger catastrophe. I’m not saying I agree with his methods, but I believe him when he says he was doing the right thing. He only turned Cyrus’s allies against one another.”
Flint looks like I hit him with a truck. “Are you blaming my brother for what Hudson did?” I have never seen Flint really mad before, and as he raises up to his full dragon height, I have to say, I hope I never see it again. He’s not threatening me in any way, but yeah. He is pissed. “Is he telling you my family was aligned with that fucking power-hungry monster?”
“Your brother most certainly w
as,” Hudson replies, but I ignore him. “Had a nasty temper and hated being boxed in by humans.”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Flint.” I try to calm him down. “But I am saying there may be more to this story than you know. I believe him. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jaxon finally chimes in.
“Excuse me?” I stare at him. “What exactly does that mean?”
“You have Hudson whispering in your head, trying to trick you—”
“You really think I’m that silly? That I don’t know my own mind?” I ask.
“I think you’re human—”
“But I’m not only human,” I shoot back. “Am I? At least, not any more than the rest of you. So why does my opinion matter less?”
“Because you weren’t there,” Jaxon tells me, and he sounds exasperated. Which is fine with me, because I’m way beyond exasperated at this point. Not that that seems to matter to him. Either because he doesn’t know that he’s offended me or he doesn’t care—neither of which is particularly okay in my opinion. “You didn’t see what we saw.”
“Maybe not, but none of you has seen what I have, either. Hudson has been in my head for a week and a half, twenty-four seven. You think I don’t know who he is now? You think I can’t recognize a psychopath when I see one?”
“It doesn’t matter if you think he’s innocent,” Flint says. “The risk is too great. We can’t let him have his powers. Who knows what he’ll do with them next?”
“So you think we have the right to play judge and jury?” I ask. “I think he deserves a chance.”
“The truth is, Grace, it doesn’t matter what you think,” Jaxon tells me. “Because you’re outvoted, seven to one.”
I stare at him incredulously for long seconds, then glance around the room to see if anyone else thinks he sounds as autocratic as I do. But they all just look back at me solemnly. Which just pisses me off more.
I take a deep breath, try to calm down enough to be rational. Which is hard when my friends are all looking at me like I’m being ridiculous. Worse, like I’m a non-paranormal.
Though I’m not surprised by their stance. Not really. If I’d lived through what they did, I’d likely feel the same about a new girl at school who wants to set free the psychopath who gives them nightmares. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me that Macy and Jaxon—Jaxon—are taking sides against me on something so important.
My heart is breaking, and I’m fighting tears as I finally choke out, “Are you seriously not even going to consider what I’m telling you, Jaxon? Are you really not even going to try to see your mate’s point of view?”
Jaxon looks as bad as I feel as he reaches for my hands, pulls them close to his chest. “I love you, Grace. You know that.” His words are raw and gravelly, like they’re being wrenched from deep inside him. “But I can’t give you this. Anything else, but not this.” He gazes down at me, and there is a wetness in his own eyes that looks a lot like tears as he continues. “I can’t afford to put myself first. Or my mate. It’s my responsibility to keep everyone safe. Their lives are in my hands. So how can you ask me to choose?”
“Because I’m right, Jaxon.” I turn to the rest of my friends. “I know you don’t believe me, but I am. I know Hudson isn’t going to hurt anyone again.”
“And if you’re wrong?” Xavier asks. “What then?”
“I’m not wrong,” I tell him as I turn to Jaxon and lay my final card on the table. “And if I say I won’t fly off on Flint’s back to this mythical Arctic island with you?” I ask softly. “What then?”
“Then we go without you.” Jaxon swallows but holds my gaze. “This is more important than any one person. Even you, Grace.”
Pain swamps me, threatens to drag me under, and I don’t have a clue what to say. Because there is no way to solve this dilemma, no way to find common ground among us, even though the stakes are death.
Or maybe because they are. I don’t know anymore.
I’m not sure I know anything anymore. Except that there really is no changing Jaxon’s mind.
Not on this.
Tears slide unheeded down my cheeks.
Poor reluctant prince.
Poor beautiful boy.
I glance around, see the closed looks on all my friends’ faces, and realize that I really am outvoted. I really can’t change their minds. And if I walk away now, if I refuse to go because I know they’re wrong, then I’m lowering their chances of succeeding…and worse, surviving, as they face this Unkillable Beast.
The knowledge wounds me like few things ever have, and all I want to do is scream.
And that’s when I hear Hudson deep in the recesses of my mind. “It’s okay, Grace. Whatever you decide, it’s okay.”
You don’t mean that, I tell him.
“If it gets you to stop crying, then you’re damn right I mean it,” he answers. “This isn’t something you can fix. It’s just something you have to endure. Whatever happens next, I promise I won’t blame you for it.”
It’s not fair, I tell him. It isn’t fair what they’re going to do to you.
His laugh, when it comes, is straight out of a tragedy. “Life isn’t fair, Grace. I thought you’d know that better than most.”
I’m sorry, I tell him as tears slide down my cheeks.
“Don’t be,” he answers. “None of this is your fault.”
The fact that he’s right doesn’t make me feel better. In fact, it only makes me feel worse, even as I reach up and cup Jaxon’s face so he knows that I understand. So he knows that I feel the weight of the world he carries on his shoulders and that I won’t add to it. Not right now. Not over this.
“Fine,” I whisper, even though I know, deep down, that it’s the wrong thing to do. “I’ll go with you. But you have to promise me something in return.”
“Anything,” he answers as his hands tighten on my own.
“If we actually manage to get the heartstone—and survive—you have to promise me that we’ll have this conversation again before we use it. You have to promise me that you’ll give me one more chance to change your mind.”
“You can have as many chances as you want,” Jaxon answers me as he brings my hand to his lips. “I won’t change my mind, but I’ll listen to what you have to say. I’ll always at least listen, Grace.”
It’s not enough. Not close to enough. But it’s all he can give me. So I’ll take it for now and hope for a miracle.
94
Some Days the Glass
Really Is Half
Empty
“I’ve got bad news and more bad news. Which do you want first?” Xavier says the following night as soon as he enters Jaxon’s tower where the rest of us have gathered. Unfortunately, there’s absolutely no levity in his face as he asks.
“Is that even a real question?” Macy rolls her eyes. “If things are that bad, just tell us.”
“Okay, bad news it is, then.” He runs a hand over his face, as if bracing himself to deliver the worst. “I was just making the rounds, checking things out. And there’s absolutely no way we’re getting off campus tonight.”
“What do you mean?” Jaxon demands. “We have to get off campus. We need to find the heartstone tonight, or we won’t be able to free Hudson before the Trials.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Xavier answers. “That’s why I called it bad news.”
“There has to be a way,” Flint says. “The tunnels—”
“I was just down there,” Xavier answers. “They’ve got them closed off, with armed fucking guards standing at every single exit.”
“Armed?” I ask, startled at the image of weapons here at Katmere. “Armed with what?”
“Magic,” Jaxon answers quietly. “It’s all they need.”
“What about the battlements?�
�� Macy asks. “The dragons—and Grace—can fly off the towers—”
“Yeah, they’ve got people up there, too. A lot of them.” Xavier slumps down against the wall and says, “We’re fucked.”
“We can’t be fucked,” Flint says. “We have to do this, so let’s figure it out and get it done.”
“That’s what we’re trying to do, dragon. Do you have any more suggestions, or do you just want to bitch about it?” Mekhi asks.
“I don’t see you with any better suggestions, vampire. And I was just trying to make a point.”
Mekhi snorts. “The point has already been made. So either put up or shut up. We don’t have time for any more shit.”
Flint holds a hand to his ear, pretends to listen really hard. “And what’s your plan again?”
“Can you give us the rest of the bad news?” I ask, hoping to break up the insult trading before we have an all-out brawl on Jaxon’s floor.
“What do you mean?” asks Eden from where she’s sprawled across the end of the couch.
“Xavier said he had bad news and more bad news.” The room goes silent as we all look at him. “So what other bad news is there?” I ask a second time.
“Oh, I heard the Circle called for champions to play in their stead, some of the fiercest warriors in the world, but your uncle Finn threw down. Said if Cyrus had the balls to accept a challenge, then he could damn well fight himself.”
The churning in my stomach rises tenfold. I groan. “That’s not just more bad news. That’s awful, horrible, we’re-all-gonna-die news.”
Xavier grins now. “Oh, sorry, no, that’s not the bad news. Apparently the king is scared shitless to meet Jaxon on the field—for good reason—so he still insisted on champions. And your uncle agreed…but they have to be Katmere students.”
Okay, yeah, that’s pretty bad news. I don’t want to fight for my life against other teens. But at least we won’t be facing off against Jaxon’s parents. Or Flint’s mom, who is a complete badass.