I looked at you that way.
I’m a grown woman and in any case, Paul is with Josef. You know her brother would never allow anything improper.
I’m going to go show my teeth to that young man. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll go home. Rafael stalked from the room, his face set in harsh lines, his jaw stubborn. “And wear your hair down tonight for this thing. I like it that way.”
Colby rolled her eyes at Ginny. “That man has way too much testosterone. He’s going to scare Josef.”
“Why?”
“Because Josef might look at you wrong. Lord help you when you get old enough to date, Ginny. I think he’ll have ten bodyguards—all female—surrounding you.”
“All my friends are afraid of him,” Ginny conceded, “but he’s always sweet to me. And Paul spends most of his time with Rafael.”
“I know, baby, he’s really great, but he does love to order us all around.”
“Not like his brothers. Well, except for Uncle Riordan. He’s nice, but the rest of them are scary.”
The half smile faded from Colby’s face. “Scary how? None of them are mean to you, are they? They are sworn to protect you and Paul. Rafael promised me.” It was difficult to integrate her human family with her Carpathian one, but Colby thought they were working things out fairly well. Unfortunately, Rafael had four brothers and only Riordan had found his lifemate. And that meant the other three brothers were extremely dangerous. Manolito was close by. Zacharias and Nicholas were in Brazil overseeing the ranch near the rainforest. Colby was certain neither trusted themselves around so many others. They were too close to turning.
“They aren’t mean to me,” Ginny denied hastily. “I just don’t like to be around them very much. They’re just scary. It was kind of nice coming here because they didn’t come with us. They’re always watching me.”
Colby sank into a chair at the kitchen table. “Baby, you know if you’re unhappy, all you have to do is say the word and we go home to our ranch in the United States.”
“No! I love living in Brazil. I can even speak the language—a little. Paul’s helping me and so are my uncles. I love the ranch and the rainforest and all the animals. I don’t want to go back—really.”
“Hey chick-a-dee.” Paul strode in and pulled his sister’s braid. “Why are you hiding in here with Colby? Everyone came over so we could all get to know each other.”
“Are they having a good time?” Colby asked.
Paul grinned at her. “Well, we are now that Rafael came in to scare the heck out of Josef. He’s sharpening a knife, but Josef isn’t paying attention and all the kids think it’s funny.”
“Oh, dear.”
“I’m going to go see,” Ginny said cheerfully, and skipped out of the room.
Paul sat opposite Colby. She studied his face. Some of the lines that shouldn’t have been there were smooth again, but he still looked too old for his seventeen years. “What is it, hon?”
“You know how Mom was always so smart? I mean really smart. Not ranch smart, but book smart? Chemistry, physics, that kind of smart?”
“Which you have clearly inherited.”
“What do you know about her family? There’s a man here with the same last name as our mother and he looks like her. Well, she’s prettier, but they really do look alike and they say he’s really smart. He’s human, Colby, like me.”
“Does it bother you that I’m Carpathian and you’re not? Rafael allowed you to keep all your memories because that’s what you wanted, but if it makes you feel too different…” She trailed off. There was no way for Paul to become Carpathian. As far as she knew, he had no psychic ability whatsoever. Ginny hadn’t displayed any either. Colby had a different father and one who had come from a direct line to the Carpathians.
Razvan. She didn’t want to think about him, didn’t want to ever admit that he had been her birth father. Razvan was grandson of the dark mage Xavier, mortal enemy to all Carpathians. Long ago, Xavier, the most powerful mage, had taken on a gifted Carpathian student, Rhiannon. He murdered her lifemate, kidnapped and impregnated her, igniting a terrible war. Triplets were born, Soren, and his two sisters now lost. Razvan and Natalya were Soren’s children. Razvan had betrayed his Carpathian blood, blood of the famed Dragonseekers no less, betrayed his twin sister, succumbed to the lure of black magic, joined with the vampires and led them in a plot to assassinate the prince. It shamed her to think she carried Razvan’s genetics, especially now that she had come to the Carpathian mountains and met so many of Rafael’s people.
“No, I like that you’re Carpathian, Colby, it’s kind of cool.” Paul raked a hand through his hair. “And I love where we live and Dad’s brothers, but if this man, Gary Jansen, is related in any way to mom, I want to know him. And I want to know why we were never in his life.”
“Have you asked around about him?”
Paul nodded. “Rafael told me his name and said that he’s friends with Gregori. Apparently, he does a lot of research. You’re older than me. Do you remember Mom ever talking about her family? Did you meet any of them?”
Colby shoved both hands through her thick mass of hair in agitation. “I remember a little bit, Paul, and none of it was good.” It was painful to remember the past, and even though Colby had thought those days of feeling inadequate were gone forever, finding out that Razvan was her father had made them all come back.
“In what way?” Paul persisted.
Rafael appeared beside Colby, tall and strong; his face could have been carved from a statue, finely chiseled with great care around his sensual mouth. Every evening when she woke, when she saw him like this—a warrior, her lover—she always felt such a rush of emotion, almost overwhelming. Rafael looked at the world with ice-cold eyes and at her with hunger and love. For a woman who never quite fit in anywhere, it seemed a miracle. His arms now circled her, pulling her right up out of the chair, his larger frame nearly completely engulfing hers as he tucked her into the shelter of his body.
I do not like these thoughts. You did nothing wrong as a child. It is best not to think of these things when it brings you so much pain.
Paul has a right to know certain things.
About her. About her father. About their mother. She laid her head against Rafael’s chest. It was all so complicated, and her background was rather humiliating. She didn’t want Paul to be ashamed.
She had been the one to insist on coming to the Carpathian Mountains for the big celebration. She thought it was important to get to know other Carpathians and be just a little more social. The ranch in South America was isolated, enormous, and the De La Cruz brothers were treated like royalty—feared, but still given far too much deference. Colby thought it would be good to remind them they weren’t the only ones in the world with gifts and duties. Now old wounds were being torn open on the very night when she had hoped to solidify their place in a community. She had to delve into the past and tell Paul the truth about their mother’s family.
Rafael hissed his displeasure in her ear. “You do not need to prove to anyone that you are worthy of belonging. You belong with me.”
“I know.” She rubbed her face against his chest. “I just want Paul and Ginny to feel they belong.”
Rafael caught her chin and lifted her face to his. “They have always had a sense of belonging. With you. You provided for them when no one else would, gave them a home and love and security. Few could have done what you did at such a young age.”
Paul came around the table and put his arms around both of them. “Colby, did I upset you with my questions? I’m not looking for another family. I love the one I have. I don’t understand what’s wrong with you, but you’ve been acting upset and restless for the last hour. I’ve been afraid to leave you alone for too long.” He looked at Rafael for confirmation.
Colby took a deep breath and pressed her hands against her churning stomach. “Everyone has secrets, Paul. I never wanted you to feel different. I’ve watched you and Ginny for
any signs of being unusual—especially you—but you both seem to be very normal, without psychic gifts and without any ability to shapeshift.” Her fingers clung to Rafael’s shirt.
He brought up one hand to the nape of her neck, strong fingers easing the tension out of her. “I always thought shapeshifting was normal,” he said.
“Well, it’s not for us,” Colby said. She was near tears. Paul had so much to contend with. He was a young teenage boy, yet he had worked a ranch nearly all of his life, hard, back breaking work. They’d lost their mother and eventually Paul and Ginny’s father to an accident, and the three alone had kept the ranch going.
“I started showing signs of psychic ability very early. I could sense dangerous things, especially if I was upset,” Colby confessed in a little rush. “Mom admitted to me that my father was ‘different.’ That’s all she said at first. But then later, when I was about thirteen, she told me she was ‘different’ too. And that we had to be very careful. We could never let anyone see the things we could do and that I always had to watch you, Paul, to make certain that you didn’t behave irresponsibly.”
“What does that mean?” Paul demanded with a small frown.
Colby took a deep breath. “It means we carry jaguar blood. Our family, hundreds of years ago, were shapeshifters. The men didn’t stay with the women and eventually the species began to die out. There are very few who can actually shift into their cat form now, but many people carry the genetics. Some of the men still able to shift have been hunting for women to keep the line as pure as possible. They aren’t very nice men.”
“And Mom thought I might be one of these guys?” Paul was clearly offended. “I respect women. I’m always respectful.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not saying this very well. Mom wasn’t married to my father when she had me. Your father’s family didn’t want anything to do with her—or me—because of that.” She broke off abruptly.
Rafael took over. “Colby has never felt accepted in any world, Paul, and she didn’t want that for you. Neither did your mother. Your mother hid her differences, and Colby did the same.” He gestured around him. “Here, being atypical is normal.”
“Do you really think anyone feels normal?” Paul asked. “I didn’t know all this—that I have jaguar blood—although that could be cool especially now, but look at Josef. He’s a Carpathian, can shapeshift and do all sorts of neat things. He’s brilliant. You should see the things he can do on a computer, and he’s a math whiz. He just is kind of nerdy around people. He doesn’t feel good about himself at all. He knows the adults don’t like him and he feels uncomfortable around all of us teenagers. Skyler is beautiful, but she’s uncomfortable too. Ginny and I are the only ‘normal’ ones and we should be the outsiders.”
“Sometimes you’re brilliant, Paul,” Colby exclaimed.
“I think it doesn’t matter much about what we are or where we came from, Colby,” Paul replied. “I think we all feel uncomfortable when we’re young.”
“I didn’t,” Rafael said.
Colby smacked his chest. “You’re so arrogant.”
“I don’t think he was actually ever young,” Paul said. “I’m not even sure anyone gave birth to him. They found him under a rock.”
Rafael caught Paul around the neck and pretended to strangle him. Colby watched the two of them laughing together and found the tension ebbing away.
You did a great job raising this boy, Rafael told her.
She nodded. He’s wonderful.
“So do you think most of the psychics are descendents of shapeshifters?” Paul asked. “I could do some research on that. I’ll bet Josef would help me.”
Rafael shrugged. “It is possible—even probable—but any time you do research, you leave a trail for someone else to follow. We are most careful of tracks leading to the discovery of our species. And you’re making me feel guilty over this Josef boy.”
Paul flashed a grin at his brother-in-law. “Don’t worry, he didn’t notice you were sharpening your knife for his benefit. I told you, in social situations he doesn’t have a clue.” He burst out laughing when Rafael looked disappointed. “I noticed, and so did Skyler and Josh. We all thought it was very scary.”
“You don’t sound convincing,” Rafael grumbled.
Colby laughed softly. “You should be happy you didn’t scare the boy.”
“I want to meet him,” Paul said abruptly, as if he’d just managed to screw up his courage. “If Gary Jansen is my uncle, I want to meet him.”
“We don’t know that he is. Lots of people have the same last name,” Colby pointed out, the smile fading from her face. Instinctively, she moved closer to Rafael, her body brushing up against his.
“But it’s likely, Colby. This is a small community of people. He’s part of it. Quite a few of the women here seem to have jaguar blood. Maybe he does too and that’s what drew him in the first place.”
Rafael rubbed her arm in a comforting gesture. “Maybe. All right. Give me a little time to finish things here first,” Colby said.
Suddenly, her kitchen was too small. She needed the open range and a good horse to ride. Her mother had always feared jaguar blood, feared producing a male child. Jaguar males weren’t always the nicest of men, and Colby didn’t want Paul exposed to any more danger—or rejection. And she certainly didn’t want anyone influencing him in the wrong direction. Raising children was definitely not easy.
Paul leaned over to kiss her cheek, then sauntered out of the room, calling for Josef and Ginny.
“You can’t protect him forever,” Rafael said gently. He wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling the top of her head with his chin.
“You say that, but you try to protect me—and Ginny. I just don’t want him hurt anymore. I see it in his eyes sometimes. He wouldn’t let you or Nicolas take his memories, and he remembers how the vampire took him over and used him to try to kill me. I know he still has nightmares about it. I just want him to be happy, Rafael. He’s such a great kid.”
He tipped her face up to his. “He is a great kid and he’s going to be fine. We’ll look after him together.”
Her gaze slid away from his. “I couldn’t bear to tell him the truth about me, about Razvan. I thought this would be such a good idea, coming here, meeting everyone, but now, I’m not so sure. Someone is bound to tell him who my birth father was.”
“Do you think your brother would care about that?” Rafael scowled at her. “Paul loves you for who you are, not who your father was.”
“You don’t understand. He’s asking about his past for a reason, and once he starts delving into it, he’ll find out about me. I couldn’t take it if he rejected me too. And how could I ever blame him? He’s had so much to contend with because of me. If Mom hadn’t had me, Paul and Ginny would have been accepted by the Chevez family and raised on the ranch in South America. He would never have been exposed to a vampire. Now he knows about the jaguar blood and once he finds out it isn’t always so cool, he won’t be happy about that either. And someone is going to tell him about Razvan.” She shuddered, looked around and lowered her voice when she said the name. “I can hardly face any of these people, let alone have Paul and Ginny find out that such a terrible man is my father.”
Rafael’s hand came up to burrow his fingers in her hair. “You are his victim just as his sister was. Do not be ashamed of who your father was. You bear the mark of the Dragonseeker, and that is an unbelievable boon. The Dragonseeker clan is one of the most revered of all Carpathian lineages and it is your line. I hope that each of our children bears that mark. You should be proud of it, not ashamed.”
“My father came from the same lineage and he tried to assassinate the prince,” she pointed out. “He betrayed Natalya, his twin sister. He has children—like me—scattered across the world, and he intended to use us like blood banks. I have family I’ve never met, all victims of this man. His blood runs in my veins. Do you really think I want Paul—or anyone else—to know I’m rela
ted to him?”
Rafael gathered her closer to him. “I know you’re related to him. Carpathian males perhaps have more understanding than most for those who become wholly evil. It is a path we all go down, and some touch a little closer than others. Before you came into my life, Colby, I could not always tell the difference between good and evil.”
“Razvan nearly killed the prince,” she repeated. “He took blood from little girls. It was why he got my mother pregnant in the first place—in order to use my blood to sustain his life.”
Rafael could hear the horror in her voice. Colby still had trouble accepting the evil in their world, and he loved her all the more for her innocence. He took her hand and tugged, pulling her from the openness of the kitchen to the stairs leading to the privacy of their chamber belowground.
“We can’t leave the children,” Colby protested.
“You’re always so responsible. I’ve directed Paul to be a good host. You need a few minutes without all the noise.”
“I need our ranch. Wouldn’t you love to go horse back riding in all this snow?”
“Is that what you’d like to do?”
She shook her head. “We don’t have time. The dinner is in just a little while. And we’re supposed to be entertaining the kids.”
He reversed direction. “If you want to go riding…”
“It’s snowing, silly.” There was a wealth of love in her voice. Rafael, for all his domineering ways, always tried to give her what ever would make her happy. “And horses don’t see that well at night.”
He laughed softly and leaned down to place his lips against her ear. “I am Carpathian, pequeña, and I can provide what ever you want. Come with me.”
Colby went because she could never resist Rafael or the way his black eyes burned with such hunger for her. As she stepped outside, he wrapped her in a fur-lined full-length hooded coat and boots. Just outside the walkway, standing by the porch, a horse sidestepped, tossing its head, eager to be running. The animal was at least seventeen hands, with hooves made to run in the snow. Rafael swung onto its bare back and reached his arm down to her.