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by Kat T. Masen
“But what about his kid, Adriana? Do you know what it was like for me to find out from the town skank that his wife was pregnant?” The resentment lingers in my rising tone, my expression hardening at this trip down memory lane. “He promised me they stopped having sex, and then to find out his wife was pregnant… Adriana, you just don’t understand.”
“It wasn’t his baby, Charlie. They never had sex. Samantha lied about everything. When he found out, he went ballistic and took the next flight to Cuba to find you, thinking you left to live with your mom.”
“But I wasn’t there.”
Bringing my shaky hand toward my forehead, the revelation shocks me. So, it wasn’t his baby? I bow my head, questioning my decisions. Was I wrong? But no, I remember he still chose her first. He believed it was his baby, and he chose to honor his marriage over what we had.
I was second best. He had made sure of that.
“I know, but your mom told us you had moved elsewhere and were happy with someone else. She begged us to leave you alone, said you found a great guy and had moved in together. She said you were studying hard, and that if we found you, she thought your life would go backward.” Adriana stops to take a breath, desperate to unleash what she must have been holding in for all this time. “It was my fault as well. I told Lex you deserved the best, and that he needed to let you be.”
All of this is too much to process. My chest caves in, and holding onto the bar, I use it to keep my balance from my shaking legs collapsing beneath me. Beside me, there’s a tray of champagne. I down a glass in one go, ignoring the bubbles tickling my throat. It doesn’t erase the overwhelming feeling of this moment, and without hesitation, I take another repeating my actions.
“Adriana, I don’t know what to say. I went to Connecticut to live with my grandmother. After she died, I just wanted to move on and do her proud, so I went to Yale. There wasn’t another guy. How could there be after him?” I beg the question, but no answer will satisfy me or erase the past. “How could he doubt my love for him? Did he really think I’d move on straight away?”
“Your mom was very convincing. I’m sorry, you’re right, but you really need to talk to Lex.”
“It’s just too much. There’s more to this than—” I stop mid-sentence. Now isn’t the time to get into the painful semantics of it all. I pull a business card out of my purse and hand it to her. “Let’s catch up for lunch soon and talk about this, but for right now, I need time. It’s a lot to take in.”
She kisses me on the cheek, understanding I need my space.
Julian comes over, asking me if I want to dance some more. I gladly welcome the return to reality, reminding Adriana to call me.
As we dance away, Lex does the same a few feet away from me with his date. Every so often, his eyes wander my way, watching me watch him. He leans into the woman’s neck, kissing her gently, closing his eyes as he does so.
My stare is fixated on them as the fury builds inside me. Why is he touching her like that? He slowly opens his eyes, directing them at me again. I can’t bear to watch anymore, it’s all too painful. I need a moment of clarity, so I excuse myself to use the restroom, blaming the champagne I drank earlier.
I exit the ballroom, clutching the bottom of my dress to avoid falling over in my rush. Inside the long corridor, I scan the surroundings looking for the restroom sign. Breathe, only a few more feet. My mind is scattered with thoughts, my stomach crashing with waves of nausea.
What if he had come after me?
Would everything have worked out for us?
My heart is sinking deeper as the thought crosses my mind with too many ‘what if’s’ in a world full of painful memories.
My arm is yanked into a different direction, and without a moment to think, Lex has pulled me through the double doors to an empty conference room. He lets go of my arm, pacing the area between us in frustration. “Do you love him?”
He doesn’t deserve an answer. We are no longer together.
“I see the way you look at him. It is the way you used to look at me.”
“Used to Al… Lex. Y-You walked away, not me,” I stammer.
“I had no choice,” he yells, wild eyes boring into me. “I looked for you. I didn’t give up on us!”
“The moment you chose her, you gave up on us.”
My heart is pumping so hard, remembering the ache which longed for him since the day he left. Once, a heart so full and content had experienced the ultimate break, torn apart, shredded into a million pieces with no remnants left and beyond repair.
His eyes are on fire, burning so bright and torturing me with its violent flames. With a pained stare, I’m unable to turn away until he grabs my face, pressing his lips against mine.
The force is so strong, crippling any emotion but the one which makes me focus on how perfect his lips taste. His tongue entangles with mine, the familiarity clouding any rational thought which wants to push him away.
My hands move toward his chest as I let out a small moan, dragging my lips away to break free as guilt consumes me whole. As if he knows the anguish he’s putting me through, he locks me into an embrace, trapping me as he sucks hard on my lips.
The pain turns me on, traveling to forbidden places which only existed when we were together. From the moment he left, I wondered what it would be like to taste his lips again, and no matter how much I thought about it, the reality is far off.
I missed how he tasted.
How he would kiss me passionately, every time, like it was our first kiss.
My head is screaming for him to let me go, but I can’t stop. My body begins to tremble as he stiffens against my stomach. I can’t let it go any further, terrified by how much I want him and how easily my heart has forgotten the pain he caused.
With his palm flat against my chest, I’m scared he can feel how rapidly my heart is beating, but I remind myself that it no longer beats for him.
Julian.
I pull away, out of breath.
“Lex, we can’t. Please, you don’t understand… I can’t go down this path again—”
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he begs, placing his hands on my neck to try and drag me in, but I step back. “I’d give everything I own to erase it. It’s something I’ll always regret, but I’m standing here now, Charlotte. Please just let me explain everything.”
“That’s the thing, Lex. You just don’t know—”
“What, Charlotte? Talk to me, please!”
I say the words I’ve been wanting to say since I ran into him—I have moved on.
It’s time to accept that.
Walking toward the exit, I touch my lips before grabbing the handle of the door. Closure, it’s time to live my life with a man who loves me.
Now, I have to walk back into the ballroom and face Julian and my friends, pretending nothing’s happened. I give myself a few minutes to calm down, taking deep breaths. A waiter scurries past, and I stop him, begging for a glass of champagne. Taking it kindly, I drink it in one go, discarding the empty glass on a table near the entrance.
“Gorgeous, there you are.” Julian finds me as soon as I walk in. “Listen, something has come up, and I need to cover a story in Chicago first thing in the morning. My flight leaves in an hour. I’m sorry… I have to leave.”
“What? But you can’t leave,” I plead, desperate to spend the night with him. “We had a whole night planned out. You, me… your bat cave.” I need him here, so no other mistakes are made tonight, and more importantly, to protect me from the big bad wolf.
“Charlie… I, um… are you okay?” he questions, placing his hands on my shoulders.
I force a smile and wrap my arms around his waist clearing my throat. “Sorry, I just… call me the second you’re back, okay?”
He pulls me in, kissing me deeply. As I kiss him back, I try to erase the guilt of the last twenty minutes. Trying not to show just how uncomfortable I am.
I can’t help thinking it just isn’t the same as Lex.
>
Don’t do this, Charlie. The comparison game is nothing but a sick mind-fuck, destined to screw you up even more.
We walk back to our table so Julian can say goodbye to everyone, and moments later, he hurries out of the building.
Eric sits beside me, hugging me tightly. “I know you’re upset he has to leave, but I know something that will cheer you up.”
I don’t tell Eric I’m not upset over Julian leaving. I’m still shell-shocked that I had actually kissed the ghost of my past, and how I let that happen—stupid move. I blame the champagne.
“Let’s go to After Dark tonight. Dirty drinks, dirty men, and even dirtier dancing. We need to let loose after this stiff shindig, Charlie.”
“Agreed. But only if we get to do shots,” I tease, knowing Eric doesn’t handle shots very well. Well, that’s an understatement—three shots of tequila sees him dancing on a bar half-naked, five shots sees him head-down, ass-up over the toilet crying to God.
“Aw… shit, Charlie, you know what happens when I do shots. I get so loose,” he whines.
“How is that any different from now?”
He laughs and does that snap-hand gesture he always does. Eric heads off to find Emma, leaving me to stand here by myself.
Why did I let it happen?
I touch my mouth, running my fingers against my swollen lips. This kiss was intense, but it was always like that between us.
Yet there are so many questions I want to ask, but even if he answers them, will it change things? I can’t let go of the fact that he chose her.
Not me—her.
Samantha Benson.
“Okay, bitches, let’s get a cab and get this party started.”
Eric does his mini dance—the dance he always does before we go out to a club with music. He pulls on his jacket while I grab my purse. I don’t know what compels me to do it, but I glance over at Lex one last time. He’s staring directly at me with a smug look on his face. I can’t say goodbye, not now. My emotions are all over the place, and nothing good comes within his presence.
I need tequila—STAT.
“First round of shots is on me,” I cheer as we head out of the ballroom, ready to let loose and drown out tonight’s sorrows.
LEX
I spent the short limousine ride chatting with Brooke. It turns out she’s the daughter of one of the politicians from Long Island. Great, just what I need, more media scrutiny. Adriana sure knows how to pick them.
We arrive at the ball, red carpet swarming with paparazzi. We follow the crowd, hoping to avoid the craziness. Unfortunately, I’m not so lucky.
“Mr. Edwards, over here,” one of the paparazzi yells.
I take my cue, posing, then the media frenzy follows. The bulbs keep flashing, blinding my normally perfect vision.
“Lex, who are you wearing?”
“Are you and Brooke Henley an item?”
“Is it true the Lexed Group is in a bidding war to buy—?”
Adriana shakes her head with annoyance and impatiently drags me into the building.
Thank God, the worst part is over.
We’re seated toward the front, thanks to Adriana making me purchase the seats at twenty-five hundred a ticket. Sitting at the table beside us is Mr. Vandercamp and what looks like a new wife or possibly mistress. She’s a clone of Barbie, a far cry from the Mrs. Vandercamp I remember.
Mr. Vandercamp is the owner of one of the largest importing companies in the States. Rumor has it he’s in the middle of a messy divorce. With a Fortune 500 company, he is set to lose a lot of money. Too bad the old bugger didn’t keep his dick in his pants.
We continue through the crowd, pausing to chat with acquaintances until finally stopping at Mr. and Mrs. Henley’s table. Brooke introduces me to her parents. It’s obvious her father isn’t impressed she’s attending the event with me. Who could blame him? I don’t have the best reputation with women.
I scan the room, bored with the conversation between Brooke and her mother about dresses and designers. Across the ballroom, I notice a young guy checking me out, making it blatantly obvious. The girl on his right copies his move, and the one on his left slowly untangles herself from her partner’s arm, revealing a stunning dress.
Emerald green, if that doesn’t take me back to prom.
She turns to glance my way, and our eyes fixate on each other.
It’s her.
My heart races uncontrollably, a dry throat starting to become uncomfortable as I stare, allowing my insecurity to get the better of me. Again. I despise myself for being so weak in her presence. Man the fuck up, Edwards.
Straightening my shoulders with my chest out, I adjust my cufflinks and take easy breaths, willing my confidence to return. This time, I’m not going to let the opportunity get away. Leaning into Brooke’s ear, I tell her I’m going to mingle.
With every step I take toward her, the expression on her face is of disbelief. And attached to that is the most beautiful woman in the entire room.
Her long dress flows down her perfectly toned body, each curve making me harden beneath my pants. What I wouldn’t do to have my face between those full breasts right now. Her hair is styled to one side, wavy in a 1950s style. It’s much longer than in high school, but then again, that feels like a lifetime ago.
“Charlotte, what a nice surprise to see you again.”
I take the initiative to introduce myself since she stands still, completely speechless. She stammers as she begins to speak, affected by my presence. After she introduces her colleagues, the moment comes that I’ve been dreading. She finally introduces her fiancé—Julian Baker.
He extends his hand, repeating my name. With a controlled stare, I don’t let him see how much I loathe him for taking what belongs to me, not even when he wraps his fingers around her beautifully manicured fingers. With every fiber of my being, I try to contain my jealously, rambling on about us dating in high school.
There’s history between us, and no matter what the future holds, nothing or no one can erase that.
The conversation bounces between my accent, the office in Manhattan, to Adriana. Although I welcome anything which comes from Charlotte, her Asian friend is intrusive with his questions. Thankfully, we’re interrupted by the MC announcing dinner is to be served.
I continue to stare at Charlotte, her eyes never leaving mine. If only I could get her alone, to explain. I am certain I can convince her my mistakes were justified by the unfortunate situation I found myself in. But as her friends begin to walk off, I seize the opportunity with desperation, grabbing her arm as I whisper how breathtaking she looks tonight.
For the split second she lingers next to me, I inhale her heavenly scent. It’s like a drug, and just like that, I find my addiction again. She walks away from me, leaving me standing like a lost puppy.
Fucking pull yourself together, Edwards.
Stakes are high, and you can’t afford to lose.
“She’s here,” I tell Adriana, back at our table.
Adriana searches the room in anticipation, and after going back and forth with Elijah as to what she will say when she sees her, she throws her napkin on her table and begins to walk off amongst the crowd. Adriana hasn’t even bothered to touch her food, and neither have I, desperate for the hard stuff to calm down my anxious nerves.
I excuse myself, heading straight for the bar since the champagne served to us at the table is awful.
“What can I get you, sir?”
“Scotch, neat.”
“Hi, Lex.” Charlotte’s assistant, Eric, is standing beside me, maybe a little too close. Or is that my paranoia? “So, I’m guessing Charlie and you were more than just friends back in high school, hence why you can cut the sexual tension with a dil… um, I mean, chainsaw?”
“It’s a little complicated,” I retort, hesitating.
Where’s he going with this? And was he about to say dildo?
“I’m surprised she never mentioned you, considering I’m her BFF. Yo
u would think a gorgeous man like yourself would’ve been brought up during at least one drunken escapade.” He motions for the bartender to serve him, ordering two Martinis, then quickly turns back to me.
“Well, since you’re so-called BFFs, Eric, tell me, how long has she and Julian been together?”
“Three months,” he responds, grabbing his Martini and swirling the stick.
I don’t know what I wanted to hear. It’s great they haven’t been together for long, but the engaged part, I can’t comprehend. They were only together for three fucking months, and she’s already engaged to him? Why would you rush that? Unless she was… no, fuck, it can’t be that. She’s drinking champagne. Calm down, Edwards. I need to play my cards right, desperate for information, anything about her I can get my hands on.
“I own a club, After Dark. Not sure if you’ve heard of it?”
Of course, he has heard of it. Aren’t gays known for their fashion sense and club life? The second his eyes light up, I know I’m on the ball.
“Oh-em-gee, like hello! It’s the hottest spot in town right now,” he squeals, clapping his hands in delight.
Bingo. I need to get Charlotte into a more relaxed environment. I do what any other determined man trying to get his hands on his ex-girlfriend would do—I take one for the team and flirt a little with her gay BFF.
“So how about I put you guys on the VIP list for tonight?”
Eric clutches his chest, eyes wide and glowing with an elated smile. I’m slightly worried he’s going to grab my face and kiss me. I have no problem with gays, but I like pussy, sweet beautiful pussy. Oh, fuck, if that doesn’t stir things up again. I’m like a goddamn fifteen-year-old with this walking hard-on. I don’t want Eric thinking he’s had a hand in that.
“That would be awesome.”
Eric leans over, hugging me tightly. It’s weird, like oh-em-gee, weird. Jesus Christ, this kid is rubbing off on me already.
I straighten my posture, finishing the remnants of my scotch and order another.
“Oh, I love you! I better get back to my table.” He grabs the second Martini, and begins to walk off, then turns around with a grin. “And, Lex, don’t worry, I’ll make sure she comes alone.”