by Jill Shalvis
want to leave, period.
“Don’t go,” he said. “Not like this. I don’t want to be the reason. Yes, I need to focus on work, but that’s my problem, not yours. I needed a mini vacay too. I’ll settle back into a routine soon enough.”
She shook her head.
“Would it help if I tell you that I’m not expecting more than what we have?”
She gave him a look of disbelief.
“Okay, you’re right,” he said. “I’d love more with you, and if someone had told me that could happen in three weeks, I’d have told them they had been eating too many of my grandpa’s brownies.”
“No fair,” she whispered.
“I’m not trying to play fair. I’m playing for keeps. Don’t panic,” he said when she just stared at him in genuine shock. “You’ve made it clear that you’re not in this for the long haul. So I’ll take you however I can get you. Long-distance friends with hopefully some seriously good benefits when one of us can travel.”
She could scarcely breathe. “I want you to know how much this time meant to me,” she said, heart pounding, legs weak. “Getting away from my life for these past few weeks has given me clarity on a lot of things. Such as how much of my own life I’ve been ignoring. I was starved for simple things, like friends . . .”
He grimaced. “Colbie—”
“. . . And affection. And,” she went on, giving herself a minute by scooping up Cinder and hugging the cat to her chest, “physical touch as well. You gave me all that and I want to thank you for it. Sincerely.”
He shook his head. “Don’t do this. What we have here is too special for you to mess it up because you’re scared.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
Okay, he had her there. And not wanting these to be the last words between them, she forced herself to meet his gaze. “I found myself here,” she said softly. “And a big part of that was thanks to you. I fell more than a little bit in love with San Francisco and the people in it.” And then because her eyes had gone blurry and her throat too tight to speak, she forced herself to walk out the door.
Chapter 27
#SuckADuck
Colbie was packing her suitcase—with Cinder helpfully sitting in the middle of it, getting cat hair on everything—trying to feel good about her decision to go.
“You understand, right?” she asked the cat.
“Meow.”
“You know you’re coming with me, don’t you? Willa sold me a cat carrier, a comfy, cozy one that you can snooze in all the way across the country right beneath my seat.” Or she hoped Cinder would snooze all the way across the country. It was going to be an adventure for the both of them, but she couldn’t leave the cat behind.
It was bad enough what she was leaving behind.
Or rather, who.
She jumped when her phone rang. Jackson’s name flashed on the screen as the phone danced across the coffee table while she debated whether or not to answer. In the end, her manners took over and she grabbed the phone.
“Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke?” he asked.
“Um . . .” She pulled the phone away from her ear to stare at it. “What?”
“The pages you sent,” he said. “It’s a joke, right?”
A ball of anxiety nearly choked her. As did a ball of anger. She’d slaved over those pages! “What are you talking about?”
“Since when do you write romance?”
Colbie tucked her phone into the crook of her neck so she could grab her laptop and open her story file. She scrolled through the pages and took a deep, shaky breath.
Embarrassment tangled with the anxiety and temper, never a good match—especially since he was right.
She was writing a romance. “Oh my God,” she whispered to herself.
“I mean, yeah, the writing is good. Excellent even,” he said. “But you’re a YA author.”
She closed her eyes.
“It’s that new guy, isn’t it,” Jackson said.
But Colbie was still stuck on what she’d done. Her writing was different but . . . she’d loved writing it. “Okay, yes, it’s different. But there’s still a story there. I can merge both worlds.”
Jackson was silent. A first.
“Look, I’m coming home,” Colbie said. “We can discuss it when I get there.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.” Her flight was first thing in the morning. She’d be walking away from one of the best times of her entire life. She’d be walking away from new friends. She’d be walking away from Spence.
The thought was crushing, and she knew there was something she had to do before she left. “I’ll see you there,” she said and disconnected. Then she went to the second floor and knocked on Elle’s office door.
Elle opened up and looked at her in surprise. “Hey,” she said. “Again, about last night—”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” Elle said. “I want to make sure you understand that no one meant to hurt your feelings.”
“I know.”
“And I hope you also know that we . . .” she paused and rolled her eyes “. . . like you. Okay? With or without your kickass shoes.”
Colbie had to laugh. “Did that hurt?”
Elle sighed. “Not as much as I thought it would. Thanks for stopping to see me.”
“I didn’t come for you. I . . .” She shook her head. “He doesn’t have any decorations, Elle. Not a one.”
“Spence?”
“No,” Colbie said. “Santa Claus.”
Elle laughed and put her hand to her heart. “I feel so proud of your sarcasm and cynicism. Spence doesn’t have any decorations because he won’t let Trudy decorate his place.”
“Why not?”
Elle shrugged.
“Probably something stupidly male, like he thinks he doesn’t have a right to Christmas because he doesn’t have family around other than Eddie. Which is bullshit because we’re his family and he never puts anything over us ever.”
“Do you have any extra decorations?” Colbie asked. “And how can we get rid of him for a bit?”
Elle picked up her phone and checked something. “He and Caleb are out at Marin Headlands, probably drone-testing.” She called someone. “Need holiday decorations,” she said. “For Spence’s apartment. No, he’s not asking. Colbie is.” She listened for a few seconds and then laughed wryly. “I do get the irony.” She disconnected. “Willa’s bringing you some stuff. She’ll meet us at the elevator.”
“And the irony part?” Colbie asked.
“Spence has always pushed us to go with our hearts and yet he’s managed to hold back on going with his. Until now.”
Colbie shook her head. “No, you don’t understand. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. But I don’t feel right going until I know he’ll be okay, that he’ll still celebrate Christmas.”
Elle just looked at her. “What about Cinder?”
“She’s coming with me.”
“You’re taking a stray cat but leaving behind your man?”
Colbie’s heart twisted. Her man . . . “He doesn’t fit into the carrier I bought.”
Elle shook her head. “You two are both so stubborn you should have your pictures in the dictionary.”
Colbie opened her mouth and then shut it. She had no defense.
Willa did indeed meet them at the elevator and the three of them decorated Spence’s apartment. At the forty-five-minute mark, Finn called Willa and warned them that Spence and Caleb were back and heading their way.
Willa and Elle vanished, saying something about not wanting to get caught in the cross fire. Plus Keane had sexted Willa, so she was in a big hurry to get home.
Colbie stayed, quickly changing into the dress she’d worn on her and Spence’s first date because she knew how much he’d liked it.
Spence and Caleb walked in the front door less than a minute later, each carrying two drones, looking tense and unhappy.
&nbs
p; They set their things down, Spence’s gaze never leaving Colbie, who was standing in the center of his now decorated living room, surrounded by twinkling white lights, garland, and mistletoe . . . everywhere.
She might have gone overboard.
There was also a tree in one corner with colorful balls hanging from the branches. She had no idea how Willa had gotten it here so quickly, but she hadn’t asked questions in her eternal gratitude.
Spence looked stunned. “When did Christmas throw up in here?”
Caleb, clearly taking in the tension between them, backed to the door. “I’ve gotta . . .” He jerked a thumb in the direction of the door and then vanished.
Spence met her gaze, his own completely shuttered from her for the first time since she’d met him. “Thought you were gone,” he said.
“My flight doesn’t leave until the morning.” She gave him a small smile. “And I kept thinking about how lonely it seemed in here, the only place in the entire building without holiday decorations.”
He held her gaze a moment and blew out a breath. “Look, you’re a fixer. I get that. You assume responsibility for everyone and everything around you. But I don’t need fixing, Colbie.”
“I know.”
He gestured around them. “And yet there’s stuff twinkling everywhere,” he said, still not coming toward her.
Not touching her.
His voice distant.
It broke her heart and she closed her eyes.
“Colbie.”
His voice. Low. Sexy. Perfect. Was she really going to be able to walk away? And even if she managed that, how was she going to move on and forget? The lump in her throat became so huge she couldn’t swallow. Or speak. Stupid lump.
Then she felt his hands on her shoulders. “Honey, look at me.”
She opened her eyes and found his intense and unwavering.
“This isn’t easy for me either,” he said. “I suck at goodbyes.”
She could only nod, but she did step into him and press her face into his throat.
He let out a breath and his warm arms came around her, hard. “We’ve got a problem.”
“What?”
“I want to toss both our phones out the window and then lock ourselves into my bedroom. Tell me absolutely not.”
Instead she let her lips brush softly against the hollow of his throat.
“Honey.”
“I’m trying.” But that was a big fat fib. She wasn’t trying to say no at all.
“Last chance,” he warned.
She lifted her head and met his intense gaze. “I want this. I want you, Spence, even if it’s the last time.”
“Colbie,” he said quietly, regret heavy in his voice.
She closed her eyes tight.
Apparently getting that she didn’t want to talk, he took her hand and used it to pull her slowly back into him, giving her plenty of time to change her mind.
Which wasn’t going to happen.
She kissed him and then kept at it, kissing hello and goodbye and just because, because she knew that all this was going to stop soon. When she left. She’d had trouble sleeping because she missed him already, so much.
He seemed to feel the same as her as he put everything he had into the kiss, his hands running reverently over her body. “Did you wear this dress for me?”
“No, I actually forgot how much you like it.”
He chuckled. “Liar.” He tightened his grip on her. “I’m going to miss you too.” He pulled her into his bedroom, and then she was in free fall to the bed.
He stood at the foot of the mattress looking down at her, eyes dark with nefarious intent, and something new swirled through past the sadness she was keeping at bay.
Anticipation.
Lust.
She’d felt the pull of both those things before with him, of course, but this time there was also something else.
Affection.
Deep affection.
New, terrifying, and . . . even more arousing. “Spence.” She crooked her finger at him.
He responded by climbing up her body to kiss her hard, both demanding and gaining access to her mouth. Leaning over her, his hands roughly ran the length of her body until she was caught up in a rising tide of hunger and need that didn’t give a damn about commitments or declarations of love.
When he pulled her phone from her pocket, she had to laugh.
He removed his phone from his own pocket as well, held up both for her to see, and then vanished.
He was back in twenty seconds.
“Did you throw them out the window?” she asked.
“No. Even I can’t bring them back from a five-story fall. I put them in the freezer.”
She laughed.
He didn’t. She could see the effect she was having on him and it was incredibly empowering. She started to sit up to get her hands on him, but before she could, he slid to her ankles and yanked, making her fall to her back.
She stopped laughing and maybe moaned as he crawled up her body. Holding her gaze, he slowly pulled her hands above her head, pinning her to the mattress beneath him, covering her mouth with his. This was no simple goodbye kiss but rather a “not letting you go before I make sure you never forget me” sort of kiss, and it gave her a full-body shiver of the very best kind.
“Off,” he murmured, fisting a hand in the material of her dress, pushing it up enough to reveal her black lacy panties. Then, before she could lend a hand, he’d stripped her himself. Which wasn’t to say he did this impatiently. In fact, he spent a lot of time kissing and suckling and fanning the flames over every inch he exposed.
Nope, the only person in a hurry was her as she shoved up his shirt, struggling to get him as naked as she. He came up on his knees to help, shrugging out of his shirt. Her hands traveled the now familiar path of muscles and smooth skin, down the length of his torso and beyond.
He was rock solid and gorgeous, and she had no idea how she was supposed to walk away.
“Colbie.”
“Off,” she said, mimicking his much lower voice. “Everything off.”
A laugh rumbled from him and he complied. Then dipping his head, he licked and sucked a trail down her body, taking his damn sweet time about it too, so that by the time he reached her thighs, every cell in her body was alive, waiting for the moment when he’d press his mouth against her.
She cried out when he finally did, fisting her fingers in his hair as his tongue worked its magic, leaving her helpless to do anything but quiver and squirm and whimper with each expert stroke as he took her to the edge and held her there for an impossibly long beat before nudging her over.