by Lora Leigh
than the orgasms he could give.
"Would calling have been enough for you?" he asked, his hand resting on her hip.
"It would have been a start."
She needed more, and she knew it. And he should know it.
He pulled her closer, his steps leading them deeper onto the dance floor and pressing his erection more firmly against her stomach.
Kia felt her knees weaken at the feel of his arousal, at the sight of it in his brooding gaze. Chase was hungry, very hungry. She knew that look, had seen it on his face as he took her, felt it in his touch as he held her.
And it was just the hunger.
"I need more than a few phone calls, Kia," he finally told her. "I'm a man, not a teenager."
"Are we going to argue the rules of a relationship, Chase?" She shook her head at the thought.
"You're making excuses, and we've gone far past that stage. If you want to walk away, then I won't try to hold you. But if you want more from me, then there are things I need as well."
She couldn't afford to let him break her, to allow herself to be broken. She had spent two years attempting to atone for something she hadn't been the cause of, fearing herself and society because she had lost the confidence she needed to make friends, or to keep them.
Realizing how far she had allowed herself to sink was frightening. Even more frightening was the knowledge that Chase could destroy her as Drew had never imagined destroying her.
"Why isn't the pleasure enough, Kia?" he asked her then, staring down at her, watching her so closely that she wondered if he could see clear to her soul. Or if he even wanted to.
"Pleasure alone lasts for such a very short time, Chase," she said. "When the pleasure's gone, what's there left to hold on to?"
His expression hardened. "I thought you had already learned, Kia, what you're holding on to is an illusion to begin with. You want love, don't you? You want to turn this into an emotional roller coaster that could destroy both of us."
She shook her head slowly. "It's only a roller coaster if you want it to be," she said softly. "But I want more, Chase. I want more, or I want none of it at all. Because when the pleasure is gone, all I have left is a cold bed and the same life I had when you walked into it. Plus the knowledge that something is missing. And I'm tired of that something missing."
She paused as the music drew to a close and moved from his arms before the orchestra swung into another slow tune.
"It's 'not enough for you either," she told him then, knowing it, feeling it so deep inside her that the knowledge was a part of her. "You want it to be. You wish it were. But both of us know it's not. And that has the potential to destroy us. Not the emotion itself."
"I wish you wouldn't walk away, Kia." His voice was stony, his gaze cool, those light green eyes becoming icy.
She smiled sadly. "I wish I didn't have to walk away."
And she did. She turned and moved toward her parents, to where they stood with her aunt.
She had made her appearance, she had mingled, she had danced, and she'd had her single glass of wine. And she'd had enough.
It was far better than she had done in the past two years, she told herself. She wasn't hiding, she wasn't afraid of the social niceties, and she did not fear the whispers that followed her.
Turning back, she watched as Chase moved onto the dance floor again, this time with a debutante who was no doubt cooing and simpering at the honor of dancing with one of the princes of society.
Kia sighed with the saddened realization that that girl could have been her six years before Believing she was so poised, so strong, and so impossible to hurt. And she had learned different.
"Kia, sweetheart, your aunt and uncle are coming to the house after the ball." Her father drew her attention back to him. "You should join us."
"I think I've had enough for the night already, Daddy." She gripped his arm and reached up to kiss his cheek. "Gould you have the limo brought around for me? I'm heading home."
"Are you certain?" He frowned and looked over her shoulder to the dance floor, to Chase, no doubt.
"I'm positive." She nodded decisively. "I need the rest."
She hugged her parents and her aunt and uncle before moving through the room, keeping her eyes averted from Chase. It was nearly impossible. If she looked at him, she just might weep.
Her fingers ached to caress him, her body tingled with the need for him. Beneath her dress, her juices spilled into the fine lace of her black panties, new panties, bought with Chase in mind.
As the doorman helped her on with her cape and returned her purse to her, Kia turned back and looked.
He wasn't dancing. He was leaning against the wall as he chatted with Ian Sinclair. His eyes were on her, though. His look called to her, urging her to come back, to take the pleasure he was offering her.
A few hours in his arms, and no more.
Was it worth walking away? Letting go of what she could have in exchange for the loneliness awaiting her at home. She could take him and Khalid, hold on to Chase, and pretend they were alone.
No, she couldn't. She knew she couldn't. As much as she had enjoyed those stolen encounters, she didn't want to revisit them.
She turned slowly and moved from the ballroom into the hotel lobby and to the doors that another doorman held open for her.
The limo waited outside beneath the portico, and the snow was falling once again. Huge fat flakes that promised to pile high and once again cover the city with the magic of winter.
She stepped into the limo and settled into the seat with a heavy heart. She could watch the snow from the couch tonight. By herself with the gas logs lit to keep her company. She would push Chase from her heart eventually, and then it wouldn't hurt anymore. And when it didn't hurt anymore, perhaps then it would be time to reprioritize her life.
She was spending too much time alone, and a girl could only go shopping so many times. She needed a hobby, perhaps a job. Her father had offered her a job several times and she had refused. Perhaps it was time to take him up on it. Almost anything would beat the loneliness.
Working as a consultant only didn't take up nearly enough time.
Chase stepped out of the hotel entrance as the limo pulled away and the valet pulled in with his car. He slid behind the wheel and accelerated, following the Rutherford limo.
He should have stayed at the party, he told himself. He was a fool to follow her like this, to do what he knew he was going to do.
But he needed her, one last time. Alone.
Just the two of them.
The thought of it had tormented him since the moment she told him not to return to her unless he was alone. That thought, and the permission she had given him to come inside her.
He had never come inside a woman until Kia. From his first sexual experience, to Kia, Chase had always worn protection.
He rubbed at his jaw absently. With Kia, the thought of anything between them made him insane. He wanted to bury himself inside her
, bare, feel her clenching and tightening around his cock with each ripple of pleasure that went through her.
Following the limo he let the warnings against a relationship with Kia flow through his mind. He had a lifetime of habit behind him, and it was disintegrating at the thought of Kia's wet, snug flesh surrounding him.
That should be a warning in itself.
The Rutherford limo pulled up at the sidewalk in front of Kia's apartment, and the chauffeur jumped out to open the door for her.
"Thank you, David." She let him help her out, then turned and looked to her side as a familiar
form moved into her peripheral vision.
She stared back at him silently as he leaned against the hood of his car, uncaring of the snow that drifted and flew around him.
Kia pulled her cloak tighter around her as she stared at him.
"Is everything okay, Miss Kia?" David asked her, obviously bristling at the sight of Chase.
"It's fine, David. You can leave now and return to my parents."
He gave Chase a warning glare, which only succeeded in the slight tug of amusement at Chase's lips.
David moved back to the vehicle and closed himself in as Kia moved slowly to where Chase waited.
She could feel the stroke of his gaze on her, and felt heated, warmed, even as the cold air swirled around them.
"Are you alone?" she whispered. He moved, his arm coming around her back, pulling her against the heat of his body.
"Just us." He lowered his head, his lips almost touching hers. "Come out with me. We'll see the lights."
Kia felt hope, warmth, life. She stared back at him and let a smile curl her lips as her fingers clenched on his biceps.
"I would love to see the lights with you, Chase."
He stole a kiss. She was certain he meant for it to be only a quick one, but he lingered, stroked her lips with his and she felt her heart race as he pulled back reluctantly.
"Come on." He led her to the passenger side door, opened it, and helped her into his sporty BMW.
She watched as he moved around the car and got in beside her before moving into the traffic and the snow that was coming down heavier.
Aerosmith was playing from the CD, but it wasn't loud. The blend of music, the swish of the wipers, and the warmth of Chase beside her lulled her into a vortex of spiraling desire and comforting warmth.
"Are you too warm?" he asked her as she unclasped her cloak and pushed it back on her shoulders.
It was warm, but she didn't think it was the heat spilling from the vents that created the heat.
"I'm fine." She shook her head. "Why are you here tonight?"
His fingers tapped against the steering wheel as he negotiated the traffic.
"I've missed you," he finally stated.
Kia stared at him suspiciously. "I see."
"Do you?" His tone was classic male mockery. "I'm glad one of us sees what the hell is going on here."
"What is going on?"
"I'm dying for you," he said. "It doesn't just go away, Kia. It never has."
She looked down at her hands, smoothing her thumb over the nail of her index finger rather than letting him see the hope rising inside her.
"No, it doesn't go away," she finally murmured. "You know, I was completely fascinated with you before I married Drew."
He lifted his head to stare back at her in shock.
"It was one of the reasons I was so furious to learn that even though he was bastard enough to try to sneak another into our bed, I was hurt when I learned you had turned him down."
He grimaced. "Being your third wouldn't have been enough," he finally growled. "I knew it then.
I've always known it."
"But it's enough now?" she asked him.
"I'm not the third in this, Kia, and Khalid knows it. I was your main lover. He took his cues from me, not the other way around."
"Ah, so there are rules even to that?" she asked, almost shaking her head at the thought.
"Rules make things simpler," he said, his voice a bit distant now. "It keeps emotions from running the show."
Kia nodded at that. "Yes, things do get rather messy when emotions get involved."
She could testify to that one.
Silently as they moved through town, the lights decorating the buildings and homes twinkled and flashed in merry chaos.
"I didn't want this to hurt you, Kia," he said as they moved toward Squire Point. "I didn't want it to hurt either of us."
"It can't go on the way it was, Chase."
And perhaps that was what he didn't want to hear. Chase drove on through the snow, the music soft in the background as Kia rode quietly beside him.
"Your father saw me leave the ball," he told her. "He didn't seem happy with me."
He saw her amused grimace. "Daddy is under the impression we have a relationship. The 'just friends' line I gave him didn't go over so well."
Chase winced. That definitely explained things.
"He's a good man," he said. "And a bad enemy. He reminds me some of what I remember my father as being. Dependable, but he had his own rules, and that was how his world ran."
"That's Dad." She turned and watched him curiously. "Your parents are gone, aren't they?"
He nodded. "Since we were thirteen." And hell had begun that year.
"Did you have family?"
"If you could call her family." He grimaced. "Aunt Davinda. My mother's sister. A demon from hell if one was ever born."
He could feel the dark bitterness rising inside him, the knowledge that it had been his brother, Cameron, who she had nearly destroyed, and how she had done it. Accepting that in the past six months hadn't been easy. And in a way, perhaps Kia was paying for that, as well as another woman's insanity.
Moriah Brockheim. Cameron had nearly been killed by her. Chase had killed her—and ripped a part of his soul to pieces. Even now, he could see the neat little hole that bloomed in her forehead and the innocent confusion that filled her eyes at the instant of death.
His hands clenched on the steering wheel as bitterness rose higher. He hadn't wanted to believe Moriah had inside her anything that could harm another person. He had cared for her. Not as he cared for Kia, had always cared for Kia. But she had been important to him. And the emotion had clouded his judgment.
And if he made the same mistake with Kia? If he let himself care, let emotion cloud his vision and risked the destruction of his life again?
"Is your aunt the reason you don't let yourself get involved with your lovers, Chase?" Kia asked then.
He shook his head. "No."
There were too many reasons, there were too many variables, and none of them were Kia's fault. Yet
she was paying for them, because he was fighting an attraction to her that he couldn't seem to escape.
"Then why?"
She asked the one question he was hoping she wouldn't ask.
Chase frowned. Why? he wondered. Because Davinda had first taught him not to trust, and the
years that followed had only reinforced it?
That wasn't a good enough reason. He couldn't explain the reasons why; he only knew the events that created him. And that was sad. Hell, she deserved better. He knew she deserved better, and still, he couldn't let her go.
"Some men just don't have the sense God gave a mule," he finally stated, remembering something his father used to say. "We could give those mules lessons in stubbornness, you know?"
He flashed her a grin, picked up her hand, and played with her slender, delicate fingers. Even as he shifted the gears of the car, he held her hand beneath his, keeping that contact, that warmth, as they drove into Squire Point and he turned to take the narrow road that led to the back of Ian's property.
"Where are we going?" she asked softly.
"Ian's building a house out here," he told her. "He'll be turning the mansion over to the club once it's completed."
"Really?"
He nodded. "It's quiet. Sheltered. I thought we could watch the snowfall."
He pulled into the driveway that led to the half-finished mansion, driving along the blacktop and taking the turn that led to the area where a guest house would be built.
There were no lights here, just the snow falling, the silence of the trees sheltering. He turned the car and brought it to a stop, leaving the engine idling as he pulled the emergency brake and cut the lights.
The snow was falling slow and easy. Flat fluffy flakes that dissolved on the geothermally heated driveway while piling up around them.
He turned his head as Kia opened her door and stepped out.
The cloak flowed around her shoulders as she moved from the vehicle. He watched her. She lifted her head, a smile lifting her lips as the snow caressed her face. The snow swirled around her, melting against her upturned face.