by Lora Leigh
"I hold you." He knew he did. His arms were always aching to surround her, he was always forcing himself to hold back, to pull back, because he didn't want to smother her with that need, with that overwhelming urge to pull her to him and never let her go. To shelter her. To protect her. To make certain nothing or no one could ever hurt her again.
"When do you hold me?" A sheen of moisture filled her eyes. "Other than during sex, Cam, when do you hold me?"
His head jerked in an instinctively negative movement. That wasn't true. As bad as he wanted to hold her, as much as he ached to hold her—she was right. He hadn't held her.
"Holding you is all I think about sometimes," he admitted, his voice hoarse. "I hold back Jaci, because I don't want to hold too hard. I don't want to frighten you away before I even have you, sweetheart."
He pushed his fingers through his hair and grimaced at the impossibility of what he was trying to do.
The very thin line he was trying to walk.
He turned and moved back to the Jaguar, bracing his hands on the hood before turning back to her. She watched him, as she always did, those eyes breaking his heart, so filled with life, with a purity of spirit, that sometimes she terrified him.
"I love you, too." He watched the shock that filled her face. "I've always loved you, Jaci. And I always let you go when you needed to, because I was always afraid of holding you too tight. If I held you too tight, if I wrapped myself around you the way I wanted to, then you might leave forever. And where would I be if you left forever?"
She took a step forward, then stopped. She stared back at him as a single tear slipped from her eyes, and he ached that he had caused it. He would have killed any other man that made her cry, but how did he punish himself for it?
"Why?" she whispered, her voice low and rough with emotion.
"Why would you even think of it like that, Cam? I want to hold you, as often as I can. I want you wrapped around me however you can bear it as I sleep. I want every memory we can fill our lives with so that if you're ever gone, if you ever walk away, or God forbid something should happen to you, then I'll have something of you to hold onto."
He tightened his jaw and turned away from her again. He remembered being a boy, so young, so determined to enjoy every memory he made. Then he remembered the destruction. His parents deaths, the father that had been so strong, so filled with laughter. His petite mother, always hugging and always loving. A woman far different from her sister. Davinda had nearly destroyed him. In a way, she had destroyed him.
He inhaled roughly and shook his head. Jaci didn't need to know the horror of what he had endured.
Neither did Chase. It was bad enough that he knew, that he remembered.
"I need time." He turned back to her, steeling himself against the need to give her anything, everything she wanted.
"You've had seven years," she stated.
"And if I need seven more?" He glared back at her now. He'd be damned if he was going to spill his shame to her. Enduring it had been bad enough. Going to Sheriff Bridges had torn a part of his soul free of his body. He would always, always remember the shame of telling the other man what had happened and why he needed to get that bitch away from him and Chase.
The sheriff, despite his attempts to get Cam to file charges, had seemed to understand that rage and shame, though. He had gotten the pictures, the negatives. He had made certain Davinda didn't leave the house with anything but the clothes on her back, and he had made certain she left town. And he had used his connections to block every investigation Chase had attempted in the past years to find out what had happened to his brother.
Jaci's lips parted, but then the pouty curves pursed in anger and she stared back at him with all the fire and passion he'd always loved about her.
"I can't make you talk," she snapped. "But I'll be damned if I have to like your silence. And I'll warn you right now, Cam, this macho bullshit you're pulling, on not just me but your brother as well, is going to get really old."
"Bullshit to you," he growled back. "It's not bullshit to me, Jaci. And trust me, what you want to know has nothing to do with what we have together."
"There's where you're wrong," she yelled back, that fury igniting inside her, and though he knew the response was completely incongruous to the situation, it made him as hard as hell. "It has everything to do with us, Cam. And everything to do with a relationship developing between us."
"If that's true, then you can tell me about the Robertses," he demanded. "You can tell me where you got that fucking whip scar from."
Her smile was pure sarcasm. "You're repeating yourself, Cam."
"Fine, then let's repeat this."
The argument, the anger, the pure lust she inspired inside him rolled through him like a tidal wave. He had never felt so hot, so in need of one woman's touch.
Before she could move to evade him, his arm went around her waist and a second later he was laying her over the hood of the Jaguar and bending over her.
God, she was meant to be touched, to be taken with lusty hunger as she took in return. And she was taking. Her hands latched on to his neck, jerked his head to her, and before he could evade her or take her kiss, her teeth nipped, rather hard, at his lower lip.
Cam jerked back, his eyes narrowing on her, his lips pulling back as he fought to breathe through the lust and tasted blood.
"You bit me, Jaci." Blood was suddenly thundering through his veins, filling his cock until he was certain the hard length was going to rip through his jeans.
"Let me kiss it better." Her voice was witchy, husky, threaded with anger and arousal as her fingers threaded through his hair, and she pulled him back to her. "Unless you're scared."
He kicked her legs ruthlessly apart as his lips slanted over hers. Lowering himself against her, he pressed his cock into the notch of her thighs and ground himself against her, feeling her heat even through the layers of clothing between them.
"I'm going to take you. Here. Now." He pulled back, ignoring her hands in his hair long enough to jerk her shirt over her breasts. "Let me take it off, or I tear it from you."
The blood rushing through his veins was like lava, burning him, searing his nerve endings as she narrowed her eyes and her expression became seductive, challenging. And she pulled his lips to her again.
He was barely aware of ripping the delicate cloth. He had no idea how many shreds were left of it, all he knew was that the light cotton no longer covered her, no longer hid her body from him.
He didn't ask the same question of the delicate lace of her bra. He pushed the cups beneath her swollen breasts and palmed the heated flesh. His fingers plucked at her nipples. Sweet, tight little nipples that puckered and hardened further for him as his lips consumed hers.
He was on fire for her, there was no doubt. Hell, he had always been on fire for her. There had always been something about Jaci that defied his determination to remain cold and aloof.
She could break through his defenses like no other woman, leaving him burning and wanting. As he was burning now.
He tore at the fastening and zipper to her jeans, loosening them before pushing his hand beneath the material and finding the sweet, soft silk and wet heat between her thighs.
This is where he longed to be. He needed to be inside her. He needed to lose himself inside her, because it was the only place he had ever been that the tormented memories didn't consume him.
Jaci fought for the same touch, the kiss, the overwhelming pleasure as she felt his fingers spear inside the depths of her body. Two fingers worked inside her, pumped inside her vagina, and left her gasping, reeling from the pleasure as she arched in his arms.
She struggled to loosen his pants, tearing at them, shoving at them until she could grip the thick, hard length of his cock in her hand.
He was hot, throbbing and thick. The heavy veins throbbed against her palm and she could feel the silky dampness at the tip.
"Get the
se fucking pants off." He pulled back, jerking at her jeans, almost tearing them from her as she pushed her sandals off her feet.
He managed to roll her onto her stomach, his lips curving into a tight, hard grimace of painful lust as she bent over the hood, one hand reaching back for him, gripping his hip and trying to pull him to her.
There was no danger of being seen in the garage, but the wickedness of the act, the sheer desperation of the man behind her, beat through her senses and heightened her pleasure.
God she wanted this. Wanted him so deep inside her that she could never forget what it felt like to be taken by him. She wanted him devouring her, wanted him possessing her. She wanted all that powerful, dark passion centered around her, inside her.
Beneath her the heated warmth of the car hood caressed her nipples; behind her, the thick, heated press of his cock head probed against her.
Jaci caught her breath and arched back to him with a cry. His hard chest pressed her against the car as his legs pressed hers farther apart, and a second later one hard, fierce thrust sent him spearing into the hungry depths of her body.
He stilled once he was lodged inside her. Hard hands held her in place as he controlled her movements and his teeth raked over her bare shoulder.
She was only barely aware of the fact that, somehow, he had managed to don a condom. Where he had fought the control to do that she couldn't imagine because she could feel the uncontrolled need raging around them.
"You're tight and hot around me," he groaned against her neck. "Being inside you is like being burned alive by pleasure."
Her nails raked against the hood of the car as she fought for something to hold onto. He moved behind her, grinding against her, stroking her internally as a ragged cry left her lips.
There was no pleasure that could compare to this. Nothing, Jaci knew, that could fill her, physically and emotionally, as Cam filled her.
"I'm holding you now." His arms came beneath her, his hands cupped her sensitive breasts, his fingers gripping her nipples and sending arrows of sensation shooting to her womb. "Here's how I want to hold you, Jaci. So close to me, so tight, you're a part of me."
She turned her head until her cheek lay against the hood of the car, panting for breath and fighting to hold on to a semblance of sanity as her body shook beneath him.
"Feel how tight you hold me?" He flexed inside her as his lips moved to her ear. "That's how I want to hold you. Wrap around you until you don't know where you end and I begin."
He was wrapped around her, his arms embracing her, his powerful thighs and legs outside hers, his head at her neck. Surrounding her with pleasure, filling her with it.
The involuntary flexing of her vagina around the thick intrusion of his cock, and the subtle strokes of his cock deep inside her dragged a groan from his throat.
The throb and caress of the thick cock head deep inside her was driving her insane. She wanted the hard strokes, the furious thrusts. This gentle caress inside her, where she was most sensitive, was making her insane.
"I love how you hold me here." He nipped her ear, drew it into his mouth, and soothed the tiny hurt.
Jaci stared at him in dazed pleasure, her eyes locking with his as his head lay beside hers, his lips touching hers.
"You're torturing me," she cried, breathless, fighting to move, to force him to give her that last stroke of sensation needed to throw her over the edge.
"I'm loving you." He caught her lower lip before she could reply, nipped it, licked it.
The ice green of his eyes was fiery now, burning with pleasure, with hunger.
"Then do it." She whimpered as he released her lip and licked it again. "Take me, Cam."
"Soft and easy?" He shifted, pulled back, then slid into her with such destructive ease that she wanted to scream out with the punch of ecstasy that ricocheted inside her.
"Or hard and fast?"
He held her hips and slammed inside her. Her back arched, bowed, she screamed out his name and a second before the flames consumed her, he stopped.
He stopped. Just stilled inside her and did that stroking thing that made her so crazy. Ah God, if he didn't move, if he didn't pound inside her, she was going to die. She could feel herself shaking from the inside out. Burning, flaming, so desperate to orgasm that she clawed at the hood of the car again.
"Easy sweetheart." His hands trapped hers, holding them still. "Let's just play a little bit. See what you like. See how much you like." He pulled back and slammed inside her. Once. Just once.
"No. Oh God. Damn you, Cam." She fought to push against him, to find the incredible, mindless pleasure of seconds before.
"Ahh, my baby likes it hard and fast," he crooned. "Whatever you want, Jaci. However you want it. All you have to do is tell me."
"Fast. Fast." She wanted to scream the words. "Damn you, Cam, fuck me. Hard. Fast."
He held her hands. His lips touched hers. And his hips moved. Hard. Fast. He pounded inside her, sending pleasure screaming through her nerve endings and the orgasm she fought so desperately for exploding through her senses.
A tidal wave of excruciating pleasure swept through her, tightened her, released and exploded again in a furious sweep of ecstasy.
She was aware of him shuddering behind her. The feel of his erection throbbing, his release sweeping over him. And for a second, she hated that damned condom. She wanted to feel him exploding inside her. Feel him taking her, marking her as he had never taken another woman.
But even more, she needed him to hold her.
22
He carried her to the shower and beneath the warm spray of water he held her, he loved her slow and easy. And he felt something break inside him.
This woman he had dreamed of. She held him through the night the only way he had allowed her to. She touched his body, but more, she touched his soul.
Just as she had so many years ago. She had been no more than a child when she found him, and he had been broken. But there was something about her. Wait for me, Cameron. I'll grow up and I'll make all the bad things go away.
He clenched his teeth to hold back the emotion that swept through him. Because she had taken the bad things away enough that he'd found the strength and the courage to do what he had to do.
"You make all the bad things go away," he whispered into her wet hair as he held onto her.
The water sprayed over them, washing over her hair, along his hands as he caressed her naked back, and spilling to the floor below. It embraced them the way he wanted to embrace her, always. All over. Like a protective shield between her and any harm.
He felt her smile against his chest, a bittersweet curve of her lips that had him kissing the top of her head as he clenched his eyes closed in agony.
"The big bad Falladay brother," she whispered against his chest. "Everyone thought they were supposed to be scared of you."
They'd had good reason to be scared of him. He'd lived in hell and he tried to take it out on any willing fist that would face him.
"You weren't scared of me."
"I couldn't stay away from you." She sighed. "You're like a drug. One taste of you, Cam, and all I do is crave more."
"You stayed away for seven years." She had stayed away and he had allowed it. Because he'd needed the distance, needed to hold back the secrets he knew she would demand.
She lifted her head from his chest as her hand touched his cheek. "It was only by monumental effort."
He knew her, knew the varied looks in her eyes, her expressions, her stubbornness and her loyalties.
"You stayed away because you were scared, and you weren't scared of what I wanted from you, either."
They were going to finish this, now. She could protest until hell froze over, but the Robertses were a threat to her and that threat was not going to continue. She didn't have to tell him what they had done to her, his imagination was good enough. That was all he needed.
She pulled away from hi
m and stepped out of the water. Jerking a towel from the rack on the wall she dried off quickly, refusing to look at him.
The deliberate challenge was like a match to tinder. He could feel the surge of dominance that burned inside him now. He had lost control of this situation and this relationship, and it was time to draw it back. If he didn't, then all control was going to be lost, and he'd be damned if he would allow that to happen.
"How do you know I'm not scared of what you want?" She shrugged as she dried her hair, hiding her expression from him. "You know, it's not every day a man wants to share you with his brother."
Just hearing the words out of her mouth had his dick twitching in anticipation.
He hadn't forgotten that need; to the contrary, he knew it was the reason the memories were tearing into him with such brutal precision lately. The dreams, the needs, they frayed his control and weakened the barriers he had between himself and the world.
"It's not every day you have a twin for a lover, either," he told her.
She snorted at that, as he knew she would. Cam felt a smile tilt at his lips, felt a part of his heart lighten at the sound.
"I've known plenty of twins, Cam," she informed him. "You and Chase are the only ones that share your lovers. It's not exactly natural."
He pulled the towel from her hair and tilted his head to steal a kiss before using it to dry himself and grinning back at her unrepentantly.
"Maybe we're just special." He chuckled.
"Maybe you're just too determined to have your own way." She moved away from him, running her fingers through her wet hair until it lay around her head in soft, damp waves.
"Determination is my middle name."
"No its not. It's James." She laughed from the doorway. "I know, because I asked Chase years ago."
She sprinted from the door with a little laugh as he pulled the towel back as though to snap it at her. That laughter raced through his bloodstream nearly as hot and arousing as her touch could.
He closed his eyes and treasured it. She was here with him. Things might not be as smooth as he would have liked, as she would have liked, but it was going to work. He'd make sure it worked because as far as he was concerned, he wasn't returning to the bleak, empty days he had known before she had come back into his life.