“It’s still there,” he groaned, the words shocking him as much as they did her.
“No, it isn’t! Don’t you get that? If I ever went to that island again a part of me would die. It’s all wrapped up in you. I came to Athens needing, above all, a friend, and instead I got the worst version of you. A version of you I didn’t even know existed.”
The charge hurt for its truth was undeniable. “I have never experienced a loss like your departure.”
“But I came back. As soon as I was free to be with you, I came back.”
He leaned against the wall. The fight was leaving him. “I can’t lose you.” A simple statement; and also a request.
She nodded, but her heart was hard to him now. “You already did. You lost me a month ago when you let me walk away. When you told me I was just sex to you and that you’d replaced me with her.”
“I should never have said that.” He swallowed and a muscle jerked in his cheek. “I wanted to make you feel like I had. It was petty. I regret being so childish and unkind.”
“I don’t care.”
He reached for her hips and pulled her against him. To his surprise, she came. The second her body melded to his he felt a lightning bolt of comprehension; everything fell into place like the pieces of a puzzle clicking without any effort.
“Cassandra left after you did. She did not come to my bed.”
Saphire stared at his lips; she was mesmerized. She would stand up again soon; she would put the vital distance between them. But not yet. “If I hadn’t been waiting for you, she would have though.”
They were moving into a dangerous territory. “I had spent every moment since you left imagining you making love to another man. I was almost out of my mind with jealousy.”
“So you were going to try my trick? You were going to punish me by sleeping with someone else?”
“Actually, I was hoping to forget you.”
She nodded, and now she pushed up from him, stepping back on the footpath. A car hurtled past but neither of them heard its rumbling engine.
“I think that’s the right idea. We should forget each other,” she said with an attempt at coldness.
“That is never going to work,” he remarked simply.
“Eventually it will.” She shook her head. “Or maybe it won’t. But I can’t go through this again. Don’t you get it? I’m in the middle of a divorce. My life is a mess. I’m finally doing something that I love, for the first time ever, and I just want to be good at it. I want to wake up in the morning and smile; not to feel like I have this weight pressing down on my chest.” She squeezed her eyes shut on the emotions that were slamming into her. “I miss you so much it hurts but I know I can’t make this mistake again.”
“If you miss me then give me time. Let’s start with dinner tonight.”
“No.” She took another step backwards, and now she lifted her hand in the air to hail a taxi. One blinked its lights from a distance away. “I’m so tired, Thaddeus. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling like this.”
“Then don’t.”
She opened the door to the taxi but he put a hand on it also, holding it steady and preventing her from slipping inside. “Remember how you felt on my boat? Remember how we danced beneath the stars? Remember how everything in our world was perfect and right? Come back in time with me. Dance with me. Feel like that again.”
“Can you go back in time?”
“We can,” he promised her throatily.
She shook her head. “It’s a fantasy.” She reached up and pressed a kiss against his cheek and then sat down in the taxi. “It was all a stupid fantasy.”
He watched her drive off with a sense of despondency unlike anything he’d ever known. Thaddeus had been a reluctant bedfellow with rejection. He could count on one hand, with fingers spare, the number of times he’d failed in either his personal or professional lives.
He felt it now, though. He had failed. But if there was one thing Thaddeus Konstanides didn’t accept willingly, it was failure.
12
“You must have knocked his socks off,” Melania’s voice was still hoarse.
“When are you going to kick this thing?” Saphire asked, grimacing at the clunky subject change.
“I’m getting better. But listen, what the hell did you promise this guy? I’ve never seen a pledge like it.”
Saphire swallowed. “What did he offer in the end?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No,” she shook her head, easing herself into Melania’s chair. She clipped the phone under her ear and stared at the view of downtown Rome. “He said he’d sort the details out later.”
“Well, you must have put him in a pretty generous mood.”
“It was business,” Saphire said stiffly.
“Of course it was. I would never insult your professionalism by implying otherwise. But you did good business.”
“How much?” Sapphire murmured.
When Melania named the amount, Saphire almost sobbed. It was too much. It was his guilty conscience speaking.
“He’s just asked you to drop the contracts off today. Do you mind? I’d get Kate to do it but she’s got some thingamajig on.”
“Right,” Saphire nodded. She vaguely recalled Kate mentioning a personal commitment. “I can organize a courier.”
“No, it has to be you. Or me. They have to be signed and then brought straight to the solicitor. It’s too important to entrust to anyone else. Can you do it?”
Saphire felt a buckling of her will-power, but it was not in evidence when she answered. “Of course. I’ll just check the messages and then head over.”
“You are an absolute star. I’m so sorry about this. You’re doing three jobs at once.”
“It’s fine,” Saphire assured her. “I like being busy.”
“You’re a gem.”
Saphire rang off and punched the keyboard to life angrily. There were almost fifty emails to be replied to or earmarked for follow up, and it took the better part of the morning to deal with them all. She stood up right before lunch and grabbed the contracts she’d printed.
It was only when she got to the sidewalk outside that she realized she had no idea where she was going.
She dialed his office number instead of his cell and waited for it to connect.
It was not Thaddeus who answered and she was profoundly relieved. “I need to have some papers signed by Mr Konstanides,” she said crisply.
“May I ask who is calling?” His assistant spoke with an accented voice.
“Saphire Morrison,” she murmured, reverting to her maiden name.
“Excellent, Miss Morrison.” The assistant didn’t miss a beat. “Mr Konstanides advised me to expect your call. I can text you his current location for ease, if you’d like.”
She gritted her teeth together. “Yes. Fine.” And as an afterthought, “Thank you.”
The message came through almost instantly. She climbed into a passing cab and gave him the address. It was a long way from downtown Rome. The car climbed out of the city, closer and closer to where the gala had been held less than a week earlier. Only it forked into a different direction somewhere on the outskirts and climbed up a separate hill. Greenery was everywhere, the sky was blue, and on a different occasion Saphire might have found herself enjoying the scenery of urban affluence.
She ignored the rapidly escalating price of the meter. Nothing mattered except surviving the next twenty minutes of her life. Surely it wouldn’t take longer. They’d said all they needed to the night before.
She paid the driver and stepped out of the car, contracts clasped in hand.
The house was spectacular. Of course. It had mansion proportions but in a traditional Italian architecture; the walls were stonewashed a sort of lemon yellow, and geraniums and lavender brightened up the warm afternoon. The roof was covered in red tiles, and a happy little path dotted its way to the door. She moved along it as though she was being dragged towards the f
ires of hell.
Right before her finger could press the doorbell, he pulled it inwards.
Saphire forced her eyes to stay locked to his, rather than allowing them to drop to his bare chest and low-slung jeans.
“I should have called,” she murmured with a hint of apology in her tone.
“Come in,” he said without responding to her statement.
She nodded, but her feet were glued to the spot. “I just have these contracts for you …”
“Come in and I will sign them.” A teasing smile hinted at the corners of his lips.
She was being childish and she knew it. Curtly, she nodded. “Fine. But I can’t stay long.”
“Understood,” he clipped two fingers to his head in a mock military salute that made her feel even more juvenile.
The entrance was a rustic and simple space, though discretely expensive touches were everywhere. She looked up at him, anxiety suddenly pulsing through her body. It was the first time they’d been truly alone in a long time. And suddenly, in the confines of his hallway, she felt a slick of desire through her body.
It shocked her.
She loved him.
And now it was obvious that she wanted him too.
She stepped back awkwardly, her expression pained. “I really just want to get this finished,” she said rudely, pushing the contracts towards him. Only he used the gesture as an opportunity to bring her to him.
His fingers curled around her wrist and he pulled on her arm, jerking her against his body. Her heart turned over with remembered pleasure as his warmth surrounded her. His chest was glorious. Perfect and sculptured and everything she’d been dreaming of.
“What are you doing?” She whispered, her expression haunted.
His eyes were hooded. “What do you want me to do?”
Her throat moved in a tangle as she swallowed nervously, and her eyes beetled closed. Long lashes fanned against her cheeks. “I’m here about work; for my boss.”
“Yes,” he murmured, dropping his lips to hers. He pressed them to her mouth so lightly that she wasn’t even sure he was kissing her. “Does that mean you cannot do anything other than work?”
She shook her head slowly, but her treacherous body was leaning into his, aching for more. “I can’t,” she murmured, as her hands lifted and tangled in his hair. “It would be foolish.”
“You are fighting yourself, not me.”
“I’m fighting us both,” she contradicted, but now her mouth searched for his, and she kissed him passionately and hungrily. “I’m so angry with you,” she whispered into his mouth, as her leg lifted and wrapped around his waist.
“You should be,” he agreed, cupping his hands around her rear and lifting her up. He pressed her against the wall, her body clear off the ground so that only his strength kept her aloft.
“You were so angry with me,” she murmured into the kiss, remembering the expression on his face when they’d argued in Athens.
His hands were pushing at her skirt, lifting it higher and he groaned in relief when finally he found her nakedness beneath. His fingers caressed her most sensitive flesh with exquisite care and she bucked towards him on instinct. “I hated that you were his. I hated that you loved him. I hated that you were loyal to him. I hated, more than anything, that he met you first.”
She was torn between anger and sadness; rational thought was becoming difficult. In the end, she simply nodded. “I had to end things with him. It was a complicated situation that required care. But as soon as I ended it …”
“You came to me. I know.” He pushed his jeans down just enough to free his aching erection. “You came to me and I treated you like shit. I was such a pig. You have every right to be angry.”
He eased into her gently, watching as her face showed pleasure and relief.
“This is unlike anything I have ever felt.” His body kept her pinned to the wall as he moved inside of her. She was powerless and yet the most powerful she’d ever been, also. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her fingers she dug into his firm shoulders.
“I was never his,” she said in the throes of ecstasy that only Thaddeus could evoke. “I was never his like this.”
His moan was a sound of guttural relief. “How can you say you do not want this?”
“I didn’t say I don’t want this,” she corrected, digging her nails to his flesh as waves of pleasure became almost too much to bear. “If I could just have this without …”
“Me?” He thrust into her hard, and her eyes flew open.
Her laugh was shaky. “Without having to overthink everything else…”
“Don’t overthink. Just enjoy.”
“It’s …” she was tumbling over the edge of her pleasure threshold. Her mind was weakening. “Not …” Her body was spasming. She threw her head back, and it hit the wall. She laughed. “Not that easy,” she finished as an intense orgasm began to unfurl through her. She wrapped her legs more tightly around his waist and dipped her head into the crook of his neck. Her teeth bit his flesh. Her body was his. She was shaking with the strength of what they’d shared. But still he moved in her. Gently now, teasing out the feelings that were pulsing through her body, making her feel as though she could do anything she wanted in the world.
“We … this is … we shouldn’t be doing this …” she said slowly, but her nipples were pressed against his chest, begging to be touched and tasted. “Is there … a bed?”
“Too far.” He carried her without breaking their connection, laying her down on something cold and hard. She tilted her head and laughed to see that it was a dining table. And now, he pushed her shirt up, freeing her breasts as she’d hoped he would. His hands touched every stretch of her skin, sending goosebumps dancing along her sensitive flesh. His fingers twisted and twirled her nipples and then his mouth descended, his teeth pressing into them with just enough pressure to make her arch her back with need.
“You really think we shouldn’t be doing this?” He demanded, as his body pressed into hers with renewed urgency. “You really think there is anything else we are meant to do, besides this?”
“I’m lost,” she confided desperately.
He shook his head, and wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her closer to him.
“No. You are found. With me, you are found. It is when we are apart that you feel lost. Don’t you see that?”
And she nodded, because she did. In that moment, she felt a shift of clarity and she knew it to be the truth of their situation. It knocked everything from her mind, leaving her free simply to be and to feel and to enjoy. She basked in the sense of completion that came from his body making love to hers. She gripped him and kissed him and cried his name into his home as she rode the waves of pleasure and laughed at the craziness of life.
It took her a long time to come back to earth, but eventually her breathing returned to normal and she blinked her eyes open.
Thaddeus was staring at her with the most curious expression. “I pushed you away because I was jealous and I was hurt. That night in Athens …” He shook his head. “I wanted to hurt you too. I wanted you to feel what I had. But my success has tormented me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut against the strong emotions and memories.
“I will never hurt you again.” It was a promise that he would have made with his blood.
Saphire wanted to believe him. But the memories of that night had scored deep in her heart. She was torn between the love she felt, in his arms, and the pain she’d felt of his making.
“I have something for you,” he said simply, reaching down and lifting a box from somewhere. She frowned, and angled her head so that she could see off the table. It was then that she realized he was still wearing his jeans. Her clothes were bunched about her. Their desperation hadn’t allowed them time to undress.
“Here.” He held the small velvet box out and on instinct her fingers took it. She lifted the lid and stared in confusion at the gorgeous ring inside. It was a
sapphire, surrounded by diamonds. And it was stunning.
“What is this?” She said, finally, her heart hammering and her mind swimming.
“I am not proposing. At least, not properly.” He linked his fingers through hers. “I got everything wrong last night. So I am going to try again.” He squeezed her hand. “What we just did … how we make each other feel … it is beyond explaining. It just is. A fact of life, as incontrovertible as gravity or the seasons.” He reached down and tapped a kiss against her cheek. He dragged his lips to hers and then whispered straight into her mouth: “I love you. I am in love with you. And I cherish you.” He lifted his head a little higher, so that her eyes could see his and read the sincerity there. His voice though was gravelly. “I want to cherish you for the rest of your life. I know, beyond a doubt, that you and I have everything we need to make a success of life together. More than that, right now, I feel that same weight on my chest you described. Life without you has been intolerable. I want to marry you. I want to have a family with you. I want to live together until we are old and grey and still sailing the ocean and staring up at the skies. I want to be your husband; and I want to be your friend in a way I wasn’t when you needed me most.”
The color had drained from her face. The ring felt heavy in her fingers, but the doubts that had plagued her were drifting away, like icebergs in the far-off distance. “I’m … I’m not even divorced …”
“I know.” He pressed a kiss to her hand. “This is why I am not really proposing now. I also know that you have found a job you love, and that you do not want to be distracted from that. I admire your commitment and part of my promise to you is that I will support you completely. You have never found a way to work, and I know how important work can be to one’s sense of self. Saphire, I ask only to be allowed to travel beside you. I do not wish to hijack your train.”
He took the ring from her and slowly he glided it onto her finger. Saphire let him; perhaps it was shock that rendered her momentarily mute.
“You have brought me to life. I never knew I wasn’t living until I met you. I never knew that everything else was stupid and redundant. This is all that matters.”