by Lisa De Jong
“Ethics, huh?” he asked, pointing at the textbook I held tightly secured against my chest. I quickly glanced down and then straightened again. I nodded as I refused to speak or look at him. Yes, I was giving him the silent treatment. Maybe he’d get the hint.
“I did very well in Ethics. Maybe I could help you if you run into any problems. Well I’m sure you won’t, but if you do …”
Snapping my head at him, I laughed once. I rolled my eyes and focused on ahead of me. He did well in Ethics? I snorted. Maybe in the classroom and the legal world he aced it, but when involving his relationship and personal life, his ethics sucked big time! He must’ve sensed my thoughts because the rest of the walk he remained quiet. Still not leaving my side, he took it upon himself to walk me all the way to school. Once we reached the building, I hurried inside, not glancing his way or saying goodbye.
The rest of the day went very well. Surprisingly, I enjoyed both my Ethics and Criminal Law classes. When it came to school, I was always attentive, making sure to scribble everything down. Yeah I’m that student! Since it was the first day, though, I allowed my mind to drift away at some point and think of Marcus. What was his plan? To bug me every day until I gave in? Couldn’t he see it wasn’t that simple? Our relationship was nothing but a mere emotional, dramatic roller coaster.
I couldn’t help but think that in just over four months we’d been through so much more than most couples who’d put in years into their relationship. Being with Marcus DeLuca was draining, frustrating, confusing, and extraordinary all at the same time. It didn’t make sense. Our relationship didn’t make sense! We both had our issues, and two wrongs surely did not make a right.
After school, I met with my mother and Megan for dinner. Megan had exciting news as she was going to begin classes next week at the local community college. I was so excited for her. She skipped college straight after high school in the hopes of “finding” herself. Now more eager than ever, she was majoring in Interior Design with a minor in Business. My mother also shared great news: she was able to find work at a local clinic as a medical assistant. With their exceptional news and my first day of school, we celebrated with a few glass of wine.
That evening, Marcus was seated across from my apartment door as he was the night before. He stared at me when I walked past him. The hope in his eyes was slowly beginning to fade. Not saying a word, I grabbed the quilt and pillow from the couch and handed it to him. He smiled gently, and I went back to prepare myself for the next day.
The next few days were similar. He would greet me with a bright smile early in the morning and quietly walk by my side to school. At night, his smile faded when I briskly passed him, though he was hopeful every day. I was beginning to get used to seeing him, and although I acted sternly by not saying a word, my heart ached for his not giving up. Even with the many eye rolls, snorts, and cocky attitude I was giving him, he didn’t budge, and slowly my guard was beginning to fall.
****
Day Five
I awoke to day five, feeling a slight pinch in my stomach. Marcus had worked so hard in getting my attention, and I enjoyed our quiet walks to school together. My attitude wasn’t fair to him, so I decided that today I’d be nicer. Today I would give him a shot. Though, today he wasn’t there. His gorgeous dimple didn’t greet me this morning. The quilt and pillow I laid out were sprawled out across the floor instead of neatly folded in his hands. My heart hitched at what could have kept him away. Then my mind reared towards Lou. I’d bet my entire life Marcus had a job that he couldn’t keep away from.
I didn’t have class today, but I made my way to the university for the study hall. The entire time I couldn’t concentrate. Right when I was beginning to cave in again … Lou Sorrento, that evil man had such a hold on so many lives. If I were to ever see him again, I was sure I would end up behind bars for murder.
After “studying,” I went back home. It was almost noon, and I figured I should get ready to take Elle out to the mall. It looked like it was going to pour today. The earlier we went, the more likely we’d miss the rain. When I turned onto the second floor of my building, Marcus was sitting across from my door with the quilt neatly folded and the pillow next to him.
His eyes widened when he saw me walking down the hall. He probably thought since I didn’t have school I would sleep in. Getting to his feet he stared at me as I approached him. He was wearing last night’s clothing: dark blue jeans, a white shirt, and black boots. I eyed him up and down. His eyes looked worn; he hadn’t slept. Yeah, he was on a job. Shaking my head, I continued to glare at him. “Don’t you have work?” All week he hadn’t been at the office, or at least I thought he hadn’t.
Pressing his lips together, his eyebrows pulled in. “I can skip work. I own the firm.” He lightly shrugged.
Tilting my head, I further studied him with my arms crossed. “Huh, yet God forbid you miss a job with Lou, right?” Looking down, he said nothing. Just what I thought. I stormed back into the apartment.
****
Elle was ecstatic when I pulled into the driveway. She practically ran into the car, tightening her tiny arms around my neck. Tears stung my eyes. I felt terrible for abandoning her. I knew she felt extremely close to me. I’d shut her out when things went bad for Marcus and me, and I wanted to punch myself for doing that. It wasn’t her fault, and it wasn’t fair to her either.
Kids never forget, but they surely forgive easily. I wish I could easily forgive and forget.
I treated her to shopping and lunch. Then we enjoyed a manicure and pedicure. Is it bad to say that one of my best friends was an eight-year-old? Yeah, I know I’m pathetic. Elle was too adorable not to love. Her enthusiastic, selfless personality gleamed through her eyes. She loved everyone and everything. Seriously, I could give her dollar-store bubblegum, and she would jump up and down because I thought of her.
We sat in our massage chairs beside one another, and I listened as she went on about school and her new teachers and a few boys that she had an eye on in class. I laughed, and she giggled, confessing her puppy love.
“Mia, what do you think of the colors of teal and yellow?” she asked.
Turning to look at her toes, I noticed she had chosen a bright pink polish. Maybe she was thinking of changing her mind. “I like the pink, Elle, but yellow and teal would be pretty on your toes also.”
She giggled. “No, for the wedding, silly.” My eyes squinted, and I stared at her, wondering what she was talking about. Her smile broadened, “Uncle Marc said I could be the flower girl. So when grandma was looking over colors last weekend, she thought teal and yellow would be pretty colors for a spring wedding. Since Uncle Marc said you didn’t want a fall wedding.”
My heart dropped. He hadn’t told his family about our breakup. I couldn’t say anything. I just nodded and slowly turned my head blankly, staring at my own toes. I hadn’t spoken to Theresa in over a month. Wouldn’t that be strange to her? “Elle, what has Marcus said about me not being around lately?” I asked curiously.
“That you’ve been really busy with getting yourself ready for school, and now that you’ve started you won’t be around as much. Is that why you haven’t been to any of the Sunday dinners? Uncle Marc hasn’t been to them either.”
I nodded again speechless. I’d been walking around miserable for the past month for all to see, and he’d been lying to his family this entire time as if everything were okay. Did he think I would run back into his arms, and we would start where we left off? This man, he’s … Ugh! He’s beyond frustrating.
When we left the mall, it was pouring. We had to stand in the entrance before working up enough courage to run to my car. Elle and I were drenched when we entered the vehicle. We laughed, not bothered by our soaked clothing. The entire drive I couldn’t stop thinking about Marcus and his continuing lies. He made it look so easy.
Elle’s voice cut through my thoughts when I pulled into her front driveway. “Mia, this was the best girls’ day ever! We should do i
t again.” Her damp body pressed into mine before hopping out of the dry car and into the pouring rain. I watched as her little legs hurried into the front door, and she waved at me before entering. I smiled and waved back.
I sat in the car for a few seconds, staring at the closed door and listening to the sound of loud thumping noises from raindrops against the rooftop. Sighing, I put the car in drive and slowly removed my foot from the pedal. As I looked up, I slammed on my brakes when I saw a figure standing in front of my vehicle. It was Marcus; he was drenched and motionless staring at me. I shifted the gear to reverse. When I looked in my rearview mirror, I saw that his car was behind mine. I was trapped.
Irritation filled me. “Move!” I yelled, pointing my hand over the window. He didn’t budge. I yelled it a few more times from the top of my lungs, but still he didn’t move.
Taking the necessary steps, I exited my car. Angrily I stormed around the front of my vehicle to face him. Standing a few feet away, I allowed the rain to drench my body. I stared at him as I breathed unevenly.
The rain pulled and tugged at his shirt as he stood tall, shoulders broad and slightly hunched over. His arms were slightly bent at his side, and legs were partly separated. His shiny black hair was made unruly by the rain, and his chest heaved in and out rapidly as he stared at me. “What are you doing, Marcus?” I yelled over the loud, thundering rain.
He shrugged. “I don’t know! I don’t know what to do anymore. I have to do something to get your attention!”
Angrily, I brushed some hair away from my face. “You didn’t tell your family about us!” My arms fell to my side.
“Because I wasn’t ready, Mia! I was still hoping that …” Moving a few inches closer, he brought his hand in the air. “I still had the slightest hope that you would take me back.”
Shaking my head, I gawked at him. “Why? Give me one good reason why I should?” After pulling away another lock of hair from my face, I crossed my arms.
I stood in place as he moved in closer and said, “Because we love each other, because we deserve to be happy, and because we’re miserable without one another.”
I stared at him lost in thought. “You call this love, Marcus! We constantly fight, we hurt each other, we lie, and we keep secrets. How could you call that love?”
Looking down, he shook his head. The rain, now dying, dripped down his olive skin and clothing. His shirt clung to his chest, defining the muscular tone. Placing his hands to his hips, he stared at the ground for a while. I watched him as we both were at a loss for words.
Finally glancing into my eyes, he walked over, and his body hovered over mine. My heart hitched at the proximity. “I’m not perfect, Mia. And our relationship may not be perfect to you, but it is to me. You will never find one couple in this world without problems.” He tossed his hands in the air. “Hell, I bet there’s another man right now on the other side of this planet, standing in the pouring rain, fighting desperately for the woman he loves.”
Our breathing grew as we studied each other, searching for something. Cupping my face, his expression grew compassionate as he continued to speak. “Yes, we fight, who doesn’t? But I wouldn’t change any of it—nothing, not even your attitude.” I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes.
Smiling, he continued. “See, like right there. I love you so much. Please, give me a chance to prove to you that this time around we could be happy. Let me prove to you that we are meant for each other. I’m so sorry for hurting you. Give us another chance, and I promise I’ll never hurt you again. I promise that I will make you happy. Please?”
“Marcus,” I whispered. Staring into his pleading eyes, I brought my hands to his face. Why does he make it so hard for me to walk away? I do love him with all of my heart, and I would give my last breath for him. Though we walked a path that many would run away from … can I continue to walk it with him? “I’m scared.” I confessed. I was afraid—afraid if I caved in I would set myself up for failure.
Letting out a deep breath, he pressed his forehead down to mine. With his eyes closed, he whispered, “That’s what love is … It’s scary not knowing what’s expected, but I know it’ll be the best frightening love we’ve ever had.”
Seconds or minutes went by as I stood watching him. I loved him so much, and I was miserable without him, but could we do this? If this wasn’t love, then I wasn’t sure I wanted to experience love at all because what I have with him is something no one could ever replace. Without further thinking, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me, locking our lips together.
His lips spread into a smile, and he slowly lifted me and tightened our embrace. We stood in the rain tangled with one another.
I wasn’t sure where our paths would take us, and although this felt both wrong yet so right, this time around I knew one thing for sure: as we gave ourselves a second chance, I had no choice but to be cautious.
Epilogue
Lou Sorrento
Taking a long-needed puff of my fine Cuban cigar, I leaned back on my chair as I watched the cloud of smoke dissipate into the air. I needed to get to the bottom of this fucking mess ASAP. If Marky keeps giving me the fucking run around, then I’ll have no choice but to take it upon myself.
Speak of the fucking devil. He stormed through my office doors with his clothes drenched. Eyeing him suspiciously, I thought he seemed fucking anxious.
“What’s so fucking important that I had to run down now?” He snapped.
He’s been getting a little rowdy these past few fucking days. I clenched my teeth and dabbed the tip of the cigar against the ashtray. Cracking my neck, I straightened in my chair to look at him. If he wasn’t family, I would’ve fucking cracked his head with the back of my hand.
I breathed deeply to keep myself from exploding. My temper’s something that gets the best of me, so I’ll start off in a nice way … see how it goes. “Why the fuck are you soaked?”
His arms spread as he looked down at his clothes and back at me like I’m the fucking dumb-cock fuck. “It’s pouring out, what else could it be?” His arms slammed back to his side.
“You don’t own a fucking umbrella or something?” He’s pissing me the fuck off.
“What do you want, Lou?” he snapped. Marky has grown a lot of fucking balls!
It’s time to show him who the fucking boss is! “I want to know,” I was now out of my chair hovering over my desk, and I yelled from the top of my lungs, “WHO THE FUCKING RAT IS!” He didn’t fucking flinch. He’s standing there staring at me like I had lost my fucking mind. This kid is going to give me a fucking heart attack!
Lowering my voice, I pressed a finger on top of my desk and glared at him. “You’ve been giving me the fucking runaround for the past few months! There have been FBI scumbags sniffing around my fucking warehouses! Either you find out who the rat is, or I’ll do it myself, Marky.” I cocked my head, burning my eyes into his. “Unless you know something you’re keeping from me?”
Letting out a deep breath, he looked me square in the eye. “I don’t know shit. I’ve been dealing with personal things, but I’m back on track now. I’ll find that rat for yah. Can I go home to my girl now?”
Ever since he’s been with that fucking girl, he’s been one loose fucking canon. I stared at him for a long time. Laughing once, I adjusted my suit jacket and sat back in my chair. “That’s fine. Go back to Mia. Tell her I said “hi” by the way.” Oh, he didn’t like that mmmh. His jaw clenched when I said her name.
I smirked at him. “You have another week. If I don’t have my rat, you’re off the job.”
Marky nodded, turned, and walked out the door. Vinnie walked in right after, closing the door behind him. He slowly walked over. Once he approached my desk, he reached into his inner leather jacket pocket, removing a large yellow envelope. He tossed it to me, and I grabbed it from the wood surface it just fell on. Smiling, I looked up at him. “Is this everything?”
“Yeah boss, everything you need to know about her.�
�
“Good, good. Do me a favor. Keep a close eye on Marky. I want to know his every whereabouts.”
“Sure thing boss. Anything else?”
“Nope, you did a great job, Vinnie. Make sure Stacy pays you before you leave.”
Vinnie nodded and headed out the door.
Grabbing the envelope, I pulled out all the documents. The first document I saw was a picture of Mia Sullivan. She sure is fucking beautiful. The next document listed everything about her: past employment, residence, relatives. Squinting my eyes, I took a better look at her siblings. Well I be damned … Michael Sullivan.
Motherfucker!
Snatching the phone, I made a quick phone call. “Hello, yeah it’s Lou. I need you to do me a huge favor. Meet me here at six. Thanks.” After ending the call, I re-lit my cigar and took another long puff as I continued to rummage through the documents.
If Marky thinks he has one up on me, he’s clearly fucking mistaken!
Everything I’ve Never Had
By
Lynetta Halat
Prologue
I’D ALWAYS KNOWN loving him was never going to be easy, and with my eyes wide open, I’d been prepared to face many battles to keep him for my own. But I never thought I’d have to fight him for his love. A crippling pain fills my soul as that realization sinks in. As if he can’t stand to be loved back by me, he has taken his love from me and is pushing me away. He’s punishing himself. And I know that’s what has brought this on—guilt and penance. Taking a deep breath in and releasing it, I steel myself to fight for my man. When I knock on his door, my heart is in my throat.
One
This Kiss
AT THE FIRST heart-stopping note of one of the most sensual songs I've ever heard, my head flies up and I make eye contact with the band's rhythm guitarist. He looks like he's having a great time. I feel like I just got sucker-punched.