by Tessa Bailey
Reed swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on his jeans. He added his black T-shirt just as Julie hung up with Kady. “I gather Christine and Tyler are missing?”
She sat down to lace up her sneakers. “No one has seen them since the scavenger hunt.”
“Did anyone stop to consider they want to be missing?”
Julie scoffed. “Tyler wouldn’t…not with Christine. He’s all protective of her, like…oh.”
“Right.” He finished tying his boots and stood. “So we bust in like some kind of vigilante cock blocks and ruin their night. Sounds like a stellar plan.”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “I know I sound like a broken record, but once again, no one is forcing you to come.”
“Do you actually expect me to let you go bumbling around on a dark mountain by yourself?”
“Bumbling?”
“After you.” Reed merely yanked open the door and gestured for her to proceed before him into the hallway. He knew his attitude bordered on shitty, but he couldn’t summon the ability to care. He’d been seconds from exposing his feelings, himself, to Julie and once again she was worrying about everyone but herself. Apparently, he was the only one worried about her.
Chapter Fourteen
Julie trudged up the path, flashlight clenched tightly in her hand. She hadn’t said a word to Reed since leaving her room and until now, he’d wisely stayed silent. As they ventured farther from the well-lit section of the resort, however, he’d moved closer. Began grunting, steadying her with a hand on her elbow whenever she made a misstep. Frustration radiated from every line of his body, mirroring her own, she was certain. Not only was her frustration intensified by his refusal to understand the need to find her missing best friend, Julie had to admit that some of her irritation was of a sexual nature. Seeing Reed sprawled out in her bed, taking up the majority of it with his painfully masculine body, fully aroused…it had taken every ounce of her willpower not to climb on top of him and take him inside of her. Forget everything and everyone a while longer and simply, but powerfully, fulfill their needs. Needs that were apparently endless and growing in strength by the moment.
Just feeling his concentrated gaze following her from his reclined position on the bed, she’d been subconsciously putting on a show for him. Bending forward more than necessary to find clothing in her suitcase, remaining topless longer than needed. Shameless behavior that she hadn’t even been aware of at the time. She’d practically begged for him to drag her back to bed. And damn him, he hadn’t. It was childish and unlike her in so many ways. Until recently. When he’d awoken some insatiable part of her that demanded satisfaction.
She didn’t understand what was taking place inside her. Just the knowledge that Reed walked behind her, had his eyes trained on her, made Julie’s body feel heated, ready, anxious. It wouldn’t leave her. No matter how hard she tried to focus on the problem at hand. If it were purely physical, Julie felt confident she could control it. So close on the heels of having him open up to her, granting her a peek into his past, his abrasive attitude hurt twice as much. It made her want to end the fling now to save herself heartache later. His lack of understanding over her need to help when people needed her had only driven home the fact that they would never work.
It also made her want to cling tight and beg him not to let her go. To yell and rail and shake him until he decided to keep her. What sense did that make? Dread rose in her chest, mingling with self-disgust. She was being that girl. The fix-him girl, the maybe-he-just-hasn’t-found-the-right-woman girl. Stupid. He didn’t want to be fixed. He didn’t want one girl. He’d never pretended otherwise and she’d proceeded accordingly, going into this with zero expectations. When had that changed? When had the prospect of parting ways started to inspire restless anxiety?
Lost in her turbulent thoughts, Julie’s sneaker slipped off the edge of the path and she stumbled. Reed grasped her biceps and hauled her up against his chest before she could fall.
“Slow down and watch where you’re going. You’re going to break your goddamn ankle.”
“Let go of me.” With the heels of her hands, Julie pushed at his unyielding chest, but even she acknowledged her halfhearted attempt to get away. As if magnetized, her lower body pressed intimately against his, writhing closer under the pretense of freeing herself. Reed’s eyes narrowed suspiciously in the near-darkness. He wrenched the flashlight out of her hands and dropped it on the path.
“I can’t tell if you’re struggling because you want me to let you go, or if you want to be overpowered. Explain yourself, Julie.”
Her panting breaths were her only answer. She curled a leg around his waist and gave another hard push against his solid wall of muscle. Contradicting herself once more. Between her thighs, she felt Reed harden in reaction to whatever he perceived on her face. He made a desperate sound. “Answer me. Let you go? Or drag you down to the ground and fuck you on your hands and knees? I need an answer now.”
Her pulse raced. She could hear it roaring in her ears. Using his shoulders for support, she hitched herself higher and wrapped both legs around his waist. “Fuck me.”
“Thank Christ.” Reed’s hands gripped her bottom tight. His mouth devoured hers with a groan as he leaned back and let her feel the full force of his need. They kissed frantically, Julie digging her fingers into his hair, meeting his potent kiss head-on. He twisted her hair in his fist and pulled her head back. His mouth raced over her neck, biting and sucking as she moaned.
The rough treatment, while exactly what she needed, craved…it jostled something inside of her. Shook it loose. Her uncertainty. The inevitability of losing him. Losing this.
She buried her face in his neck, heard herself sob once, loudly. “I don’t know who I am with you. I don’t understand who I turn into.”
Reed stilled. She knew from his unsteady breaths the effort it cost him to stop, so her arms tightened around him automatically in a comforting gesture. When he flinched at the action, horrible, jagged pain sliced through her chest. After everything, the way they’d opened up to each other, it felt almost like a betrayal. Out of self-preservation, she scrambled out of his arms.
He tried to tighten his hold, but it was too late. His irritated curse echoed through the woods. “You want to know who you are with me? Maybe you’re finally being yourself. You stop worrying about pleasing everyone else and finally focus on pleasing Julie.” He swiped an impatient hand through his hair. “Maybe you stop trying to be your sister for a goddamn minute.”
The words had barely left his mouth before Julie started backing away, gulping air into her lungs. It felt as though she’d been hit in the stomach with a two-by-four. She backed away, holding up a hand when he came toward her. “H-how dare…you? Who do you think you are?”
“I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”
“But you meant it,” she sputtered. “About me trying to be Serena.”
His next words were low and punctuated. “This people-pleasing bullshit…it’s going to take a toll on you, Julie. It’ll never be enough. You can’t live up to a memory. No one can.”
Her insides shook at his words. She refused to recognize the possible truth behind them. A truth that had never occurred to her. It hurt to think about it, so she struck back the only way she could to keep the thoughts at bay. “You don’t get to diagnose me. Not when you’re such a mess yourself. You flinch when I hug you. You hide in your dark corner, scaring everyone off who might actually talk to you.”
“You’re right.” He shrugged stiffly. “I’m fucked up. At least I admit it.”
“And that makes it okay?” Needing to occupy her hands, she snatched the flashlight off the ground. “I’d rather make people happy. I’d rather people feel comfortable coming to me for help than alienate everyone. Keeping everyone at arm’s length because I’m terrified to be happy.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I guess that’s where we differ.”
“Oh, I can think of a
t least a thousand ways we differ.” She felt the pressing need to lash out at him. To make him hurt as badly as she did in that moment. Not only had he taken the trust she’d shown him and used it to expose her as a fraud, but now he couldn’t be acting more coldhearted if he tried. Right when she needed him most, she could see him turning to stone in front of her eyes, and she wanted to watch that wall crumble to the ground. “Looks like I really did walk into the wrong room that first night, huh?”
His whole body jerked. “Take it back.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
Voices approached, shattering the strained silence. Loud, arguing voices. One of which Julie immediately recognized as Christine. Relief and disappointment warred within her. Relief that her friend was safe and unharmed. Disappointment that this scene between them still felt unfinished. What would he have said next? What would he have done to convince her to take the statement back? Ridiculous, pointless thoughts that wouldn’t matter now that he’d painted the forest with her insecurities. Told her how he really saw her. This bitter, unsatisfying ending had been inevitable. She’d just had a ton of bricks dropped on her head, having Serena’s ghost thrown in her face on today of all days. Perhaps it was best if they left the ending unspoken. She simply couldn’t suffer one more blow.
Julie turned in the direction of the voices and started walking. “I’m done talking about this.”
He laughed darkly. “We’re not done until you take back what you said.”
She scoffed. “I think your ego is large enough to survive one tiny blow.” Hearing him closing in on her, she picked up her pace. “This has been a god-awful waste of time.”
“Walked into the wrong room, Julie?” His arm snaked around her belly, stopping her in her tracks. When he pulled her back against his wall of strength, she felt herself begin to melt, but somehow kept her posture rigid. He only held her tighter, molding himself to her back. His breath fanned over her neck as he spoke. “How fast do you think I can prove you wrong?”
“Let me go,” she said through clenched teeth, struggling with enough effort that he had no choice but to free her or risk injuring her. As soon as she regained her balance, she whirled on him. “I have no doubt you could prove, once again, that I’m attracted to you. It’s what comes afterward. The nothing that comes afterward that matters. You’re not capable of anything more. So just…walk away, Reed.”
If she blinked, she would have missed the stricken look that flashed in his face. Just as quickly, though, it was gone and replaced with his signature granite countenance. It made her want to stomp and scream at him to get the first reaction back. At least it would prove this thing between them had meant something.
“Nothing was ever supposed to come afterward,” he said woodenly. “I never claimed I could give that to you.”
Christine came into view then, being carried down the path by Tyler. They both looked incredibly annoyed, leaves and forest debris clinging to their clothing and hair. When she saw Christine wince in pain, concern for her friend trumped all else and Julie walked away from Reed, who looked frozen to the spot.
“What happened?”
Christine opened her mouth to reply, but Tyler spoke first, his green eyes flashing angrily. “Ankle sprain.”
She ignored Reed’s weary sigh behind her and went into fix-it mode. Relief, she was ashamed to admit, spread in her belly at having something to focus on beside the man burning holes into her back. “Oh, you poor thing. Let’s get you back to the resort right now. Ice and elevation, that’s what you need. We’ll get it fixed up real good. Don’t you worry, sweetheart. I’m going to have room service bring you up a big old cup of coffee and some chocolate. Aunt Sylvie always said there’s nothing you can’t cure with chocolate and time.” She patted Tyler on the arm, but he didn’t take his eyes off Christine. “Can you carry her the rest of the way or should—”
“I’ve got her.”
Christine’s fist balled up. “I ca—”
“I said I got it,” Tyler snapped, looking as though he’d take on anyone who made the mistake of removing Christine from his arms. “Julie, you can go lead the way with Reed, since you have the flashlight.”
Julie nodded, mentally registering the fact that Reed had definitely been onto something. Enough sparks were flying between these two to start a fire. An ill-advised endeavor in the forest. “Fabulous. Let’s get moving.” Feeling Reed’s steady gaze on her and refusing to meet it, she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Kady. “The redheaded eagle has landed. We’ll meet y’all in the lobby.”
Chapter Fifteen
Reed leaned against the wall in the lobby and watched Julie command the troops. Even at the early hour, she’d managed to rally several members of the resort staff to their cause. Arranging room service, finding a pair of crutches in the stockroom, borrowing medical supplies from the infirmary for Tyler to utilize in treating Christine. The bridal party, bleary-eyed and haphazardly dressed, stood in a semicircle around her, waiting for their marching orders.
Tyler had long since disappeared with Christine, silently carrying her down the hallway toward her room. Kady and Colton, propped up against each other, looked exhausted.
Everyone, everything, functioned normally around him, while inside, he felt ripped to shreds. Having steeled himself at a young age against feeling too many emotions, it blew his mind that no one could see his misery. It felt as though it should be painted in bright red across his chest. Once again, he’d had Julie in his arms, holding his pitiful, broken body against hers. For a brief second in time, he’d felt healed. Redeemed. Then he’d said something unforgivable. As if some subconscious, terrified part of him wanted to drive her away, when consciously, all he wanted was to crush her to him. Absorb her scent. Her light. Never let her go.
Brock, wearing beat-up jeans and a Braves hat, threw himself into a nearby leather recliner, tossing an amused glance at Reed. “You can’t stare her into liking your ass.”
“Shut it.”
“All right.” He yanked his cap down lower. “Too tired to argue, anyhow.”
Julie’s chipper voice reached him. “We’re going to need flats for all the bridesmaids. We can’t have Christine being the odd one out. Preferably silver to match the dresses. Who wants to take that on?” She glanced around curiously. “Where’s Regan? I need my shopping expert.”
Reed had never seen Brock move so fast. He leaped out of the chair, waving a hand at Julie. “I’ll find her. Silver shoes. Got it. Anything else?”
“N-no. Thank you, Brock.” She patted him on the shoulder and gave him a smile that had Reed grinding his molars. I never make her smile. Only cry or get angry. Or both. “Bless your heart. I’m sure Regan can figure out sizes.”
Reed shook his head as Brock asked for Regan’s room number, then all but sprinted from the lobby. Apparently they’d all drunk the Kool-Aid. He switched his attention back to Julie. She and Kady were debating the idea of canceling dance rehearsal that afternoon.
Kady blew out a breath. “Knowing Christine, she’s embarrassed enough as it is. Canceling will only make it worse.”
Julie pursed her lips and nodded. “You’re right. We’ll just get her a big comfy chair to sit in and watch. It’ll keep her involved. We can all take turns sitting with her.” She returned her attention to the group. “Okay, I’m going to go check on the patient. You can all go back to sleep now. Does anyone need anything?”
Half the group groaned in relief and turned to leave; the other half began lobbing requests at Julie, which she dutifully wrote down on a notepad. Reed couldn’t watch it another second. She looked dead on her feet, today marked the anniversary of her sister’s death, and unless she’d sneaked in a meal during the hour they’d been apart the evening prior, she hadn’t had anything to eat in damn near twenty-four hours.
The haunted look he’d put in her eye with his insensitive comments still hadn’t dimmed and it made him want to rage at everyone to leave her the hell al
one. To do so, he suspected, would only push her further away. If such a thing were at all possible. He’d done a bang-up job of driving her squarely out of his reach, and his interference would not be welcome.
Jaw grinding, he propelled himself off the wall and strode out the back door of the lobby, uncertain of where he was headed and not giving a shit if he ended up in China.
“Whoa. Wait up, buddy.” Reed turned to find Colton jogging after him, hands shoved in his pockets to ward off the morning cold. “Where you headed?”
“Shouldn’t you be in bed with your bride?”
“Yeah. I figure there’ll be plenty of time for that once I get the ring on her finger, though.” He matched Reed’s pace on the path snaking through the resort village, but didn’t say anything as they walked. Reed knew his friend well enough to recognize his game. The advantages of knowing someone since childhood meant understanding how their mind worked.
Colton probably figured if he stayed silent long enough, Reed would cave and explain why he’d stormed off. In his current mood, he didn’t feel like giving even Colton the satisfaction of reading him so well, but as always, he remembered the role Colton played in getting him through those early years. Hell, half the reason he was alive was walking beside him. He’d vowed never to forget that.
For the first time since he could remember, Reed attempted to put his feelings into words, ignoring the way Colton’s steps faltered on the path when he started talking.
“So is this how it always is? You need to…suffer in order to gain something?” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “My father kicks me out and I’m sleeping on a boat. But in the end, it’s how I meet you and Brock.” Brow furrowed, Colton stayed silent beside him. Bastard. “Then it takes me nearly dying from a stab wound to turn it all around. Join the academy. And now this”—he blew out a harsh breath—“this girl, she’s making me suffer, too. Even when I have her, I’m suffering over the idea of not having her. I’d take the stab wound again to stop it.”