by Maya Banks
So she spent most mornings alone or in the company of Patrice and Dr. Karounis who seemed quite content to spend their time together. At lunch, Chrysander would make his appearance as if he hadn’t just spent hours sequestered in work. To his credit, he devoted the afternoons to Marley.
She’d cajoled him into taking walks with her on the beach, though he grumbled about the chill and her tiring herself. She looked forward to these times because she had Chrysander all to herself, and at least in those few short hours, he seemed to lose his cautious reserve with her.
It was during one of those walks that Chrysander pulled her down to sit on the log she often sat on to watch the ocean. He stared out over the water for a moment then turned to her, his expression serious.
“We should get married soon.”
She twisted the engagement ring around her finger with her thumb and wondered why this wasn’t a happier conversation.
“I wanted to give you time to recover and regain your strength. The doctor feels you are strong and healthy now.”
She relaxed a little under his intent gaze. “When were you thinking of?”
“As soon as I can arrange it. I don’t want to wait any longer. I don’t want our child born a bastard.”
She frowned and twisted her neck to gaze up at him. It was hardly a romantic declaration of love and devotion. But then she didn’t want her child to be born out of wedlock, either. She suddenly felt selfish for wanting a more flowery reason for the hastiness of their marriage.
“Will you marry me, pedhaki mou? I’ll take care of you and our child. You’ll want for nothing, I swear it.”
She worked to keep another frown from her face. The more he talked, the less desirous she was for marriage. He made it sound like a bargain. She didn’t want their marriage to be cold and clinical.
He tipped her chin up with his finger and stared down into her eyes. “What are you thinking about so hard?”
She didn’t want to tell him the truth. So instead, she slowly nodded.
One of his eyebrows lifted in question. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I’ll marry you as soon as you can arrange it.”
Satisfaction glinted in his eyes. He leaned down to brush his lips across hers. “You won’t regret this, pedhaki mou.”
Such an odd choice of words. Why would she have reason to believe she’d regret marrying the man she loved, the father of her child? She wondered if he’d always been so cryptic and that she’d learned to love him in spite of it. Obviously she had.
As they walked back to the house, she slid her hand into his. There was a need for comfort in her action. After only a slight hesitation, he curled his fingers around hers and squeezed. Bolstered by the small gesture, she shrugged away the doubts tugging at her.
That night, Marley was dressing for bed when Chrysander came up behind her and curled his arms around her waist. His hands rested over the swell of her stomach as he nuzzled a line from the top of her shoulder to the sensitive region just below her ear. Goose bumps danced and scattered along her skin, and she trembled against his chest.
“I much prefer you naked, pedhaki mou,” he said as he slid one hand up to pluck at the string of the gown she’d just slipped on.
His words speared through her mind, sparking a distant remembrance. For a moment, she had an image of him standing before her, staring at her with glowing eyes, saying those exact words. She struggled to remember more, but it slipped away as fast as it had slipped in.
She closed her eyes in frustration even as she gave way to the pleasure of his touch.
He slid the strap over her shoulder, following it with his lips until it tumbled down her arm. Then he turned his attention to the other side, giving it the same thorough attention. He thumbed the thin string down her arm until the satin material spilled from her body and landed in a pool on the floor.
Uncertainty and vulnerability washed over her as she stood naked save for the lacy panties she wore. She jumped when he placed his hands over her belly again and then did a slow walk up and over her curves. His palms smoothed up her sides and then curved around to her breasts, where he cupped both soft mounds. His lips found her neck again, and she shivered uncontrollably as his thumbs caressed her taut nipples while he landed light nips with his teeth.
“I want you,” he said in a guttural voice. “You’re so beautiful, agape mou. Come to bed with me.”
It was so easy to forget her doubts and insecurities in the shelter of his arms. When they made love, they truly connected. There were no barriers, no stiffness and no reluctance. She lived for these moments, when he made her his, when he showed her far better than words what she meant to him.
She turned, allowing his hands to slide over her skin. When she was facing him, she leaned up on tip toe and linked her arms around his neck. “Kiss me,” she whispered.
With a low growl, he swooped in and captured her lips with barely controlled restraint. His movements were impatient tonight, as though he couldn’t get enough of her, as if he couldn’t wait to possess her.
She allowed him to urge her toward the bed, his body pressed tightly to hers. He eased her onto the mattress, his lips never leaving hers. He lifted himself off her, his eyes blazing in the dim light. With jerky motions, he stripped out of his clothing before lowering himself once more.
“Make love to me, Chrysander,” she said as she reached up to touch his face.
He bent, and his lips moved heatedly down her jaw to her neck and then lower to her breasts. He tugged one taut nipple with his mouth before going to the other. Lightly, his tongue rolled over the crest, sending shock waves to her throbbing center.
His dark head bobbed as he continued a path downward to the rise of her belly. Scooting his body down, he framed the mound between his hands with a reverence that brought tears to her eyes. Then he pressed his mouth to her stomach in a gentle kiss.
Emotion knotted in her throat until it became hard to breathe around it. If only they could stay this way. Here, where there were no words, no defenses, she felt loved and cherished. No walls, no barriers, no secrets.
His mouth moved lower, and she gasped when he nudged her thighs apart and touched his mouth to her pulsing core.
“Chrysander!” she cried out as he licked over her sensitive bundle of nerves.
“You taste so sweet, agape mou,” he said as he moved up her body again.
He fit himself against her damp heat and then slowly slid inside her body. She closed her eyes and reached for him with a sigh of pleasure. Her hand threaded through the short hair at the back of his head and down to his nape where she caressed as he moved back and forth with exquisite gentleness.
Then his lips found hers again, and he swallowed her abrupt cry as he sank deeper than before.
“Give me your pleasure,” he said against her mouth. “Only to me.”
She arched against him, her body tightening as the first stirrings of her release began deep and rushed in a thousand different directions. Her soft cry split the night, and he gathered her tightly to him. His hand smoothed down her side to her hip and then to the curve of her belly.
“I can never get enough of you,” he admitted in a voice that sounded strangely vulnerable.
She opened her eyes to see him staring down at her, his expression fierce and haunted. And then he began to move harder, more demanding. Wordlessly he took her to indescribable heights. She floated freely, her body cocooned in bliss.
So began the night. She’d barely come down from the peaks he’d driven her to when he began making love to her all over again. He possessed her tirelessly, commanding her body with a practiced ease that left her gasping. Throughout the night he was insatiable, and just before dawn, they both fell into an exhausted sleep.
Even as Marley hovered in the euphoric aftermath, her sleep was troubled. There was a familiarity to Chrysander’s demanding lovemaking, as if for the first time he’d shown her part of her past life with him.
In her dreams, she struggled to open a firmly shut door, knowing that on the other side lay her life, her memories, everything that had happened to her in her lifetime. She pulled at it then beat on it, sobbing for it to open and show her.
She clawed at it, and finally, she managed to pry it open the barest amount. Light poured from the crack, and then, as suddenly as it had shone, brilliant and white, it was doused by an overwhelming feeling of fear and despair. She knew without a doubt that she didn’t want to see what was on the other side.
In her shock, she loosened her grip and the door slammed shut, leaving her kneeling and shaking against the cold wood. No! She needed to know. She had to know. Who was she and what had happened to her?
“Marley. Marley!” Chrysander’s urgent tones intruded on her dream. “You must wake up, pedhaki mou. It’s just a dream. You’re safe. You’re here with me.”
She opened her eyes to see Chrysander over her, his eyes bright with concern. He’d turned the lamp on beside the bed, and for that she was grateful. She felt suffocated by the darkness of her dream.
She felt wetness on her cheeks and realized she’d been crying in her sleep. Her heart still raced with panic, and she couldn’t dispel the awful feeling of foreboding that had gripped her.
She tried to speak, to tell Chrysander she was all right, but a cry wrenched from her throat. He gathered her tightly in his arms and held her close as her body shook with sobs.
“You’re going to make yourself ill, Marley. You must stop.”
For a long time she gripped his arms, not wanting him to pull away from her. When she finally managed to regain control of herself, he gently eased her back onto the pillows.
“What has frightened you so badly, agape mou?”
The images from her dream came roaring back, but she was hard-pressed to make sense of them. Thankfully, the awful panic had receded so that she could breathe normally again.
“I was at a door,” she said, her speech faltering. “And I knew that on the other side of the door were my memories. But I couldn’t open it no matter how hard I tried. Finally, I managed to crack it but then…”
“Then what?” he asked gently.
“Fear,” she whispered. “So much fear. I was afraid. I let go of the door, and it slammed shut.”
He lay back down beside her and curled his arms around her. “It was just a dream, pedhaki mou. Just a dream. It can’t hurt you. You fear the unknown. This is natural.”
She slowly began to relax against him. He stroked her back, his palm gliding up and down her spine.
“Are you all right now? Do you want me to call for Dr. Karounis?”
She shook her head against his chest. “No. I’m fine. Really. I feel so silly now.”
“You’re not silly. Try and go back to sleep. I fear I kept you awake far too long tonight.”
His voice had deepened to a husky timbre, and her body tightened all over as she remembered the ways he’d kept her up.
With a yawn, she burrowed as tightly as she could against his hard body and let herself fall into what was this time a dreamless sleep.
Chrysander rose at dawn the next morning. He hadn’t slept since Marley had awakened with her nightmare. After he’d soothed her, and she had fallen into a more peaceful rest, he’d lain awake, staring at the ceiling as he realized the impossibility of their situation.
Careful not to wake Marley, he showered and dressed. After checking to make sure she hadn’t been disturbed, he went quietly down the stairs. He bypassed his office, though it was his custom to begin the day with business matters.
This morning something drove him to the beach where Marley so often visited. The air was chilly blowing off the water, but he took no notice as he stood watching the waves break and slide into shore.
Marley’s past, their past, threatened her in sleep. Her memories waged war at her most unguarded moments, and what would he do when it all came back?
The terrible conflict that ate at him was wearing him down. He should be angry, and at times he was. But it was also easy to forget. Here on the island, safeguarded from the rest of the world, it was easy to pretend that it was just him and Marley and their unborn child. No past betrayals, no lies, no deceit.
He shoved his hands into his pockets and bowed his head in resignation. Never before in his business or personal life had he felt so out of control, so indecisive. Could he forgive her for trying to destroy him and his brothers? That was the million-dollar question, because if he couldn’t, they had no future. When she remembered, things would irrevocably change, and he could either hold on to the acid taste of betrayal, or he could forge ahead and offer his forgiveness.
Theos mou, but he didn’t have the answer. He didn’t know if he had it in him to be so generous. He wanted her, no question. He was drawn to her, even knowing her sins. She was pregnant with his son, but could he honestly say that if she weren’t pregnant, he could so easily cast her aside?
Small arms circled his waist, and a warm body burrowed against his back. He looked down to see Marley’s hands clasped around his middle, and he brought his up to cover hers automatically.
She hugged him tightly, and he could feel her cheek pressed against his spine. She felt…right.
Slowly he eased her hands away so that he could turn in her arms. She looked up at him with warm and welcoming eyes before she dove into his arms and nuzzled against his chest.
“Good morning,” he said, unable to prevent the surge of desire from racing through his body.
“I stopped by your office but didn’t find you. I was worried,” she said as she pulled away.
He cocked his head. “Worried?”
“You’re never not in your office,” she said lightly. “And then I couldn’t find you anywhere in the house. I thought…I thought you might have left.”
He ran his hands up to her shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. “I wouldn’t leave without telling you, pedhaki mou.” Was he so distant, so caught up in his efforts to avoid her that this was what she thought of him? If she did think so, he could hardly blame her. Between Mrs. Cahill and Dr. Karounis, he’d erected a veritable arsenal of people to put between them.
“Would you like to take a walk with me?” she asked. “I always walk on the beach in the mornings when you’re working. That is, if you aren’t too busy?”
He caught her hand and brought it to his lips. “I’m not too busy for you and our child. But should you be resting?”
An exasperated shriek left her lips, startling him with her ferocity. She yanked her hand from him and parked both of her fists on her hips.
“Do I look like I need to be resting?” Anger and disappointment burned in her eyes. “Look, Chrysander, if you don’t want to spend time with me, just say so, but stop throwing out your pat ‘You need to be resting’ line.”
She turned and stalked farther down the beach, leaving him there feeling like she’d punched him in the stomach. He ran a hand through his hair as he watched her hurry away, and then he strode after her, his feet kicking up sand as he closed the distance between them.
“Marley! Marley, wait,” he called as he caught her elbow.
When he turned her around, he was gutted by the tears streaking down her cheeks. She turned her face away and swiped blindly at her eyes with her other hand.
“Please, just go away,” she choked out. “Go do whatever it is you do with your time. I’ll wait for my appointment with you in the afternoon.”
It came out bitter and full of hurt, and he realized that he hadn’t fooled her at all with the distance he put between them.
He reached for her chin and gently tugged until she faced him. With his thumb, he wiped at a tear that slipped over her cheekbone.
“You aren’t an appointment, Marley.”
“No?” She yanked away from his touch and retreated a few feet until there was a respectable distance between them. “I’ve tried to be patient and understanding even though I don’t understand any of it. Us. You
or even me. I can’t figure you out, Chrysander, and I’m tired of trying. I’ve tried to be strong and undemanding, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m scared to death. I don’t know who I am. I wake up one day to find myself pregnant, and there’s a stranger by my bed who says he’s my fiancé and the father of my child. One would think this would tell me that at least I was loved and cherished, but nothing you’ve done has made me feel anything but confusion. You run hot and cold, and I never know which one to expect. I can’t do this.”
Coldness wrapped around Chrysander’s chest, squeezing until he couldn’t draw a breath. “What are you saying?” he demanded.
She looked at him tiredly. “Why are you marrying me? Is it just because of the baby?”
He frowned, not liking the corner she was backing him into. “You’re tired and overwrought. We should go back in and continue this conversation where it’s warm—”
She cut him off with a furious hand. “I am not tired. I am not overwrought, and I want you to stop with the overprotective hovering. I don’t even buy that you’re that concerned, only that it’s a convenient barrier you can hide behind when I start asking questions.”
He opened his mouth to refute her words but then paused. He couldn’t very well deny it when it was true. Still, he had no desire for her to become distraught. Surely that couldn’t be good for the baby.
“What in my past am I so afraid of?” she whispered. “Last night terrified me. I woke this morning with a feeling of such fear, and not because I can’t remember, but because I’m afraid to remember.”
She stared earnestly at him, her eyes pleading.
“Tell me, Chrysander. I need to know. What were we like before? How did we meet? Were we very in love?”
He turned toward the water and shoved his hands back into his pockets. “You worked for me,” he said gruffly.
She moved beside him, not touching him. But she was close enough that he could feel the soft hiccups of her breaths.