by Shayla Black
“Stop,” I barked. “You don’t understand.”
“I don’t. Look, I’m not trying to make you relive that horrible night, I’m simply trying to figure out why you faked your own death and hid here all these years. Why didn’t you…” Her chin quivered as she leveled me a heartbreaking stare. “Why didn’t you come back for me?”
I had a million excuses, but Katiana deserved the truth—the good, the bad, and the unforgivable.
“Because I had to protect you. What I wanted was so dirty…so wrong—on every fucking level.”
“Protect me? From what?”
“Me!” Bolting from my chair, I scrubbed a hand through my hair and paced. “I couldn’t handle it anymore. God, I wanted you. Ached for you. Craved you like air, like water. I fucking killed that cocksucker to protect you. But the things that twisted prick wanted to do to you were nothing compared to my fantasies.
“But I could feel myself beginning to cave. I wasn’t satisfied with imagining you in my bed anymore. I was so tempted to unleash all my lust on you. But I couldn’t steal your sweet innocence like that. Couldn’t drag you into my twisted desires. I would have ruined you. Christ, you were like sunshine, so full of life, love, and laughter. You were so pure and open and honest. And your heart…it’s bigger than the whole damn universe. I couldn’t destroy everything that made you special. I was too bro—”
“Wait.” She held up her hand and scowled. “What are you saying?”
I met her searching stare. This was the moment of truth. I just had to find the courage to tell her the rest. “I was in love with you, Katiana. I fucking fell in love with a child.”
Mouth agape, eyes wide, she sucked in a startled gasp and gripped the mantle. Then suddenly, she raced across the room, launched herself into my arms, and wrapped her legs around my hips. She clung to me like a lifeline as sobs tore from her throat.
I clutched her tightly and buried my face against her slender neck.
I’d confessed some of my ugly secrets, but there was more. I didn’t know if she’d reject or forgive me when she heard the rest, but I swallowed down my dread and breathed in her sweet innocence, praying it wasn’t the last time I held her.
“Shhh. Don’t cry. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.” I pressed a tender kiss to her warm flesh. “It’s okay.”
She eased back and wiped her eyes. “You said you killed to protect me. Were you talking about Oscar?”
“Yes.” I struggled to shove down the guilt sluicing through me.
“So it wasn’t an accident?”
“No.” I carried her across the room and settled in the recliner. Katiana straddled me, tucking her knees on either side of my hips. “Do you remember when Oscar and I had the weigh-in before the fight? And we did all those promotional videos?”
“Yes. That’s when Papa introduced me to him.”
“Oscar demanded your dad introduce you,” I corrected, bite in my voice.
“Why?”
“Because the minute Oscar saw you, he started undressing you with his eyes.”
“Ewww.” She wrinkled her nose.
“While the others were busy setting up the cameras, I warned the prick that if he didn’t stop eye fucking you, I’d punch both from their sockets. He laughed in my face, then turned and looked at you while licking his lips. I wanted to kill him then.
“The night of the fight, Oscar started in during the first round, telling me every sick, dirty thing he intended to do to you. By the fourth, I was ready to rip out his vocal cords so he’d shut the fuck up. But he just kept on, telling me he was going to take my belt and then he was going to take you—willing or not. When he said he’d rip open all your sweet, tight holes with his cock and get off on your screams, I lost every shred of control. I saw red as I tore from his headlock and came up swinging. Every blow connected with his face. I could hear the bones breaking beneath my gloves, but I kept going. Next thing I knew, Oscar was on the ground. He wasn’t getting back up.”
“Oh, god,” Katiana whispered.
“Like ants, the officials started jumping into the ring, along with your dad. The next thing I know, Victor’s hauling me to my dressing room. A couple minutes later, Grizzly poked his head in and told us Oscar was dead. Then Victor shut and locked the door. I broke down completely. Your dad just held me while I cried like a damn baby.” I hung my head and clenched my jaw. “I killed him. I snapped and killed a husband and a father.”
Katiana cupped my cheeks and forced my gaze. “You might have snapped, but it was still an accident, Ryder. You didn’t walk into that ring planning to kill Oscar, did you?”
“No, but I won’t lie. I wanted to hurt him.”
She bowed up with self-righteous indignation. “You might have saved me from being raped. Thank you.”
“Don’t.” I closed my eyes. “Don’t thank me for killing a man.”
“You didn’t. You killed a monster.” She stroked her thumb across my lips. “Look at me.” When I opened my eyes, she continued. “You were going to kill yourself for defending me?”
“No.” I exhaled a heavy sigh. “Your dad suggested that I write the note—”
“Wait. Papa knew why you unloaded on Oscar? Did he know you were in love with me?”
“Yes. While we were still in my dressing room, I was a hot mess. Guilt was pouring off me like sweat. I told him…everything.”
“And he didn’t kill you?” she asked, blinking.
“He wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t blind either. He’d been watching us for years. He told me that you had fallen in love with me, too. That was like waving a red cape at a bull.”
“Not had…am.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “I am in love with you, Ryder. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.”
Even before she was fifteen? Her confession disturbed me. I blanched.
“Oh, stop. I’m over eighteen now. Besides, in that sparkly vampire movie, the wolf guy fell in love with a baby, for crying out loud. At least I wasn’t that young. But when it happens,”—she shrugged—“it happens.”
I gaped at her and shook my head.
“You didn’t want me to tell you my feelings?”
“I want you to tell me everything, Katiana. I don’t want any more lies between us. Understood?”
“I don’t, either. I love you, you love me, and—”
I cut her off when I cinched a fist in her hair and pulled her mouth to mine, kissing her with all the passion and love exploding inside me.
The temptation to grip her sexy ass in my big hands, clutch her to my body, and carry her down the hall rode me hard. But we needed to finish our conversation.
Grudgingly, I lifted from my lips from hers and sucked in a ragged breath. She peered up at me with an innocent gaze that set my blood on fire and made my cock lurch.
Katiana’s eyes grew wide before she dropped her gaze to my crotch. “That feels massive.”
“It’ll fit, if the time comes.”
“You mean when.”
“Minx,” I growled. “I need to focus, and you’re making that impossible.”
“Oops, sorry.” She wasn’t, but I let it slide, for now.
“The note,” she reminded with an impish grin.
“Right.” I stared out the front window and watched the snow swirling as I remembered that night. “I was still a hot mess after your dad drove me home. We sat in my kitchen, sharing a bottle of vodka, and talked. He asked me what I wanted to do. At first I’d teased him and told him I wanted permission to date you. After he cursed me out in Russian, he told me no.”
“Since I was fifteen, that’s no surprise.”
“No. He loved you more than life. So I told him the truth, that after losing my shit and unleashing my fury on Oscar, I didn’t trust myself to not lose control with you. After we finished the bottle, I told Victor that I loved him like a father and that I’d rather die than hurt either of you. And that’s when it hit me. I raised my glass and announced th
at it was time for Rage Evans to die.”
“So, in a drunken stupor, you two rocket scientists came up with the brilliant plan to fake your death.” Katiana rolled her eyes.
“Pretty much.”
“Then he brought you up here to hide while the rest of the world thought you offed yourself?
“Yes.”
“But Papa had copies of your death certificate.”
“Your dad was a championship fighter. He earned a shit-ton of money during his career, sweetheart.”
“I know that, but…”
“He bought the death certificate. Paid the coroner to type one up.”
“Oh, lord.” She shook her head, then scowled. “So whose ashes are sitting on my mantel?”
I choked on a laugh.
“Ryder?” she warned. “You better not tell me they’re someone’s German shepherd.”
I tossed back my head and howled. The little hellion wiggling on my lap and slapping my chest was not amused. Finally, I regained control and clutched her wrist before placing a soft kiss in her palm.
“My grandma is sitting on your mantel, sweetheart.”
“Oh, thank god. Well, FYI, she’s been relentlessly hugged and drowned in tears these past three years.”
Instantly sobering, I stroked her cheek. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry for hurting you and putting you through all the heartache and pain. But leaving was the only way I could keep from turning into a monster.”
Eyes filled with sorrow, Katiana clasped her slender hand around my nape and pulled me to her sultry mouth.
My heart, like other parts of me, swelled. For the first time in forever, I felt hope.
6
Katiana
With my pulse racing, I lost myself in the texture of Ryder’s full, warm lips and his masculine scent that enveloped me. The salacious current humming and flowing between us electrified my skin. And when he took control of the kiss, he set off a chain reaction. Starting at my breasts, the fire seared a path all the way to my saturated folds. Ryder nudged his rock-hard erection against my pussy, turning that flame into a raging inferno. I dragged my palms over the rugged contours of his biceps, absorbing his warmth, his strength…his love.
He’d sacrificed his life, livelihood, and happiness for me. The gravity of what he’d done unleashed a cyclone of guilt swirling through me.
Tearing away from his luscious lips and wicked tongue, I cupped his face. “I’m so sorry. Because of me, your whole life was ruined.”
“No.” Ryder’s brows slashed with grief. “None of this was your fault.”
“It is. I shouldn’t have flirted with you the way I did. I didn’t think about how my actions could affect you. All I wanted to do was prove how much I loved you so we could be together. I couldn’t imagine my life without your compassion, your sense of humor… Hell, you were the only person aside from Papa who ever asked about my day. How I was doing in school. What plans my friends and I had made for the weekends, Christmas break, or during the summer.” I sighed. “If I hadn’t been so stupidly naïve, I would have seen that I was putting you in a terrible position. I had no idea you were struggling to hide your feelings, I swear.”
“I know that. It doesn’t matter. The connection we share has always been bigger than both of us.”
I paused, absorbing the weight of his wisdom. “True, but I can’t help feeling that if I’d been at the fight that night, I might have been able to do…something.”
“Sweetheart, there wasn’t a damn thing you or anyone else could have done. He baited me, and I latched on. It was my own fault. Don’t beat yourself up. Guilt only drags you down. Trust me. I know.”
“But…I wasn’t even there to cheer you on. I was across town at some stupid slumber party, eating pizza, doing makeovers, and watching idiotic chick flicks.”
“You were exactly where you belonged. Spending time with friends, doing all the things young girls are supposed to do. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“I was, until you left me.”
“Leaving you and staying up here has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
When a fat tear slid down my cheek, Ryder leaned in and sipped it between his lips. His feathery touch set me ablaze all over again.
“Make love to me…” I whispered, brushing my lips over his.
A growl rumbled up from deep in his chest. “I-I can’t.”
Jerking back, I scowled. “Why not? I’m not a little girl anymore.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed. I don’t have any condoms. And even though I’m clean, I don’t suspect you’re on the pill, right?”
“No. I don’t care about condoms.” Boldly reaching between his legs, I dragged my fingers along his long, hard length. The heat emanating of his massive erection enveloped my whole hand.
“But I could get you pregnant.”
“I hope you do,” I challenged, lifting my chin. “Or would you rather me save my virginity for some guy back at—”
His mouth crashed over mine, stealing my words. Ryder devoured me with a kiss so intense all I could do was whimper and melt against his steely chest. Large hands cupped my ass as he stood. Without breaking the kiss, he carried me down the hall, then kicked the bedroom door shut behind us.
Anticipation, need, and a sliver of fear twisted my belly as he gently lowered me to the bed. Hovering over me, he made love to my mouth with such sublime focus I didn’t know whether to cry or scream. My flesh was on fire. Every nerve ending in my body was begging for…more.
Then he lifted those gifted lips and dragged them down the column of my neck. Even as he nipped and scraped his teeth along my tender flesh, my lips were still tingling.
Ever so slowly, he began lifting my shirt, peeling it away one maddening inch at a time. Then his long fingers stroked and explored every section he exposed. By the time he lifted the fabric over my head, my entire body was quivering. I held my breath as he slid a hand behind my back, unfastened my bra, and dragged it from my body.
He leaned back and drank my nearly naked form with a ravenous gaze. As if it had been in hibernation, my soul came alive.
“Christ, you’re more beautiful than I imagined. And I imagined a lot.” Desire darkened his heavy-lidded stare. Ryder cupped his calloused hands around my breasts with a touch so reverent I simply moaned. And when he leaned over my pebbled peak, opened his mouth, and engulfed my entire nipple, I whimpered. But as he pulled deep with a painfully sweet suck, I nearly lost my mind. With a throaty rumble, he pressed the hardened tip to the roof of his mouth. I cried out and my pussy clutched as if some invisible wire connected the two.
His skilled tongue laved, sucked, and flicked my aching tip. Strong fingers kneaded, massaged, and strummed my other breast, utterly destroying me. Exhaling a lust-laced moan, I sank my fingers into his hair and gripped his scalp to keep from sailing off the bed. The pressure building between my legs grew hotter and heavier until I swore I was going to combust.
“Ryder…please,” I whimpered.
He released my swollen nipple with an audible pop and flashed me a devilish grin. “What, baby?”
“I need…I don’t know…I need something more.”
“I know exactly what you need, my sweet Katiana.” His voice was ragged and raspy. “Lie back and relax so I can take extra special care of you.”
My heart and stomach fluttered and tumbled when he hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of my yoga pants. Capturing my lacy panties, he dragged them off my body and tossed them to the floor.
I was completely naked. The ravenous twinkle in his eyes and hunger etching his face promised he’d make me a woman with painstaking precision. A lightning bolt of lust zipped up my spine, followed by a thundering tremor of anticipation.
Locking his ocean-blue eyes on mine, Ryder slid a knee between my legs and nudged them apart. His nostrils flared as he placed his big hands on my quivering thighs and spread me even wider.
“I’ll do everything in my power
to prepare you before I work my way into your hot little body. But I need to know that you trust me again.”
“Oh, Ryder. I’ve never stopped trusting you…I was just—”
“Mad.” He nodded. “I know. I won’t fail you again, Katiana.”
“I’m Kat now.”
“Not with me. You’re my Katiana…forever.” The fierce possessive tone of his voice sent tears stinging my eyes.
My Katiana… My Katiana.
“Yours…” I moaned.
Bending low, Ryder held me with a hungry stare as he inhaled a deep breath. His nostrils flared. He licked his lips and moaned. “Your pussy smells so sweet, hot, and tempting. I’ve dreamed about putting my mouth on you forever. Dreamed of coating my tongue with your slick virgin cream and lapping every drop spilling out of you for as long as I can remember. You’re going to shatter all over my tongue, and you’re going to scream my name as you clutch my tongue…my fingers…my cock, over and over again.”
My pulse raced. My body shivered. And my pussy contracted with a powerful shudder. “Oh, god.”
“Tell me, Katiana. Tell me you want me to tongue-fuck you, sweetheart.”
“Yes. Please,” I panted.
“Say it, baby.”
“Ryder.” I moaned, suddenly slammed with embarrassment.
“No. You can’t be shy with me, not ever. I’ve stripped your clothes off, Katiana. Now it’s time for you to strip away your inhibitions. I want to hear every dirty, nasty thing you’ve ever ached for, rolling off your lips.”
My cheeks were blazing, but that was a piddly campfire compared to the volcano of molten lava bubbling between my legs.
“Tongue-fuck me, Ryder.” Without thinking, I let the words slid off my tongue.
As I tossed out my tawdry demand, his expression sharpened. Then a lazy smile kicked up the corners of his mouth. “With pleasure.”
Holding me prisoner with his searing stare, he lowered his mouth to my throbbing center. The first swipe of his flattened tongue sent sparks igniting every cell in my body and nearly made me levitate off the bed. A series of quakes blasted through me and I lifted onto a shaky elbow, fisted the sheets, and watched. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, Ryder wasn’t simply planning to make love to me with his mouth; he was going to totally annihilate me.