by Shayla Black
Keegan tilted his head to the side. “Were you in the middle of something? Do I need to go?”
“No.” She frowned. “Why would you think that?”
“You aren’t talking.”
“I’m really happy to see you.”
“It’s the scars, isn’t it? I could be Frankenstein’s monster without a mask.”
“Stop that.” She smacked his shoulder with her free hand. An unexpected wave of emotion hit her. She sucked down a breath and blinked a few times.
“Hey, I know it hurts to look at me. Imagine how I feel?” He grinned. She wanted to punch him.
“I’m having a moment here, okay?” She let go of his hand, but he didn’t let go of hers. She tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but he held on tighter. A forbidden warmth spread through her. “I was thinking about when that nurse answered. God, Keegan.”
“I’m okay. Hey? Come here. I’m okay.”
Keegan wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. She shouldn’t let him do it, but seeing the scarring and burn marks on him was different from the pictures and video chats.
He hugged her tight, as if he could stop her from shuddering.
Willow remembered the call as if it were yesterday. She’d been annoyed he’d missed their scheduled call because she had some news. To be an extra pain in the ass, she’d stalker-called him five times. On the fifth, a woman had answered. In that moment Willow’s heart had stopped and she’d seen a future where someone else got to love Keegan. It had only gotten worse. The nurse informed Willow that Keegan had been inside a house when it collapsed. He’d tried to convince a family squatting in the ruins of their home to go with him when high winds brought the whole thing down. The dry, rotted wood had caught fire. He’d been crushed and burned, lucky to survive.
Willow wished he’d found someone rather than suffer through that.
Keegan held her for several long moments. She wasn’t sure how much time went by. He meant the world to her, and the idea of him dying? She couldn’t live with that. There wasn’t a future where they could be together, but she could have his friendship.
“We have to talk about something good.” He gave her another squeeze, then eased back. “This was supposed to be a happy surprise.”
Happy surprise.
Willow hadn’t told him. She’d been waiting.
“I’m up for detective. Well, sort of a junior, understudy detective.” She covered her mouth, half-afraid that speaking it would make it not happen.
Keegan’s eyes went wide. “That’s awesome.”
“It’s not official. I know I’m getting special treatment because of my uncle—”
“You are not.”
She gave Keegan a flat glare. Her uncle was Police Chief Taylor. She knew good and well that the only reason she’d gotten a chance at being a cop was because he’d called in favors, helped her turn her life around and get on this path.
“I am, and you know what? I’m okay with it. It’s not like I’m getting a detective promotion. It’s an on-the-job teaching program. I’d need to do a lot to qualify for detective, but this at least gets me training for the future.”
“That’s awesome, Will. Who are you going to be shadowing?”
Inwardly she cringed. “Trevor Walters.”
Keegan’s face didn’t change, and maybe he didn’t know she had slept with Trevor in high school. Or maybe he did and didn’t care. Which was good, but also made her sad. It was illogical she’d want him to care, but emotions didn’t always make sense.
“With that kind of family history you’ll be learning from the best,” he said.
Willow nodded. Trevor’s father was a local legend of a detective and word was Trevor was holding his own.
“When do you start?” Keegan asked.
“Yesterday. As of tonight I’m officially on call. When I’m on duty, I’ll work the scene. If I’m off, I’ll be shadowing.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” Willow’s face flushed. The facts boiled down to Willow not being the same girl she’d once been. What mattered was what she did heading forward. That was what her uncle kept telling her. “What are your plans while you’re in town?”
“See you. Hang out with my parents.” He shrugged.
Willow grinned. She was top of the list.
He also hadn’t mentioned a girl.
As a rule, Willow didn’t ask Keegan about his dating life. She’d known he’d had girlfriends while in seminary, but she’d never met them. Though she wanted to know if there was someone in his life, she’d never asked. Similarly, he’d never asked her directly about any guy she’d been with. It was the unspoken agreement. They just didn’t go there. Which was for the best. She wasn’t entirely proud of the way she’d flaunted her sexuality in her teens.
“What are your plans? Am I ruining anything for you?” he asked.
“Just work.” She lifted a shoulder. “Abigail from dispatch has adopted us for the holidays, which has gotten a little awkward.”
“How so?”
“The SWAT sergeant and one of the tactical medics hooked up last year. Uncle Taylor…well, he didn’t handle it great. So now the sergeant, who I don’t think you’ve met, is married to the medic and he works for Fort Worth SWAT now. Abigail has adopted them, too. It’s made for some awkward moments.”
“I think I did hear about that.” Keegan tilted his head to the side. “He has a dog or something, right?”
“Yeah, a retired K-9.” Willow’s insides went warm and she couldn’t help but smile.
“What’s that look for?” He propped his elbow on the back of the sofa, turned to fully face her.
“I remember seeing them soon after they got together. You could tell how much they loved each other, you know?”
“Yeah.” One side of Keegan’s mouth quirked up, tugging at the scar on his chin. “I’ve seen that a few times. You think you’ll ever find it?”
Only with him.
Willow swallowed before she said something stupid. “Probably not.”
Keegan got a funny look. It was in his eyes, the way his lips quirked a bit more but without humor. He shifted, wiping his hands on his jeans.
“You will though.” She said it for both their sakes, because she needed to remember that he wasn’t for her.
He kept looking at her with that odd expression. “Why do you think we’ve never, you know?”
Why had they never hooked up?
Willow let the question sink in while her mind banged the disappointment gong.
Most guys her age and some of their fathers had made a pass at her over the years. She only had herself to blame. If she’d been more discreet, people wouldn’t have talked as much. Her choices would have been the same. She’d learned early that sex made her feel good. For a few precious seconds, she was someone’s world, and she’d overindulged. Dangerously. Keegan had never flirted with her, at least not consciously. He was the one man in her life who didn’t think he was owed his turn.
“You’re too good for me,” she said.
He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know what I mean.” She took a deep breath. “I’m the town slut, you’re the pastor’s son—”
“Don’t call yourself that,” he practically snarled.
She sat back, startled by the heat in his voice.
“You aren’t a slut and those labels are stupid. I don’t care about other people. I’m asking you. Why do you think we never dated? Besides the obvious.”
Dated.
Not hooking up.
There was a distinct difference.
Dating, as in wearing his letterman’s jacket and school ring. So very different from hooking up in the back of his car or something.
“The obvious?” she echoed, her mind not quite up to speed.
He gestured to his face then the rest of him. “I don’t look like your type.”
Her heart thumped against her ribs. It was hard to
breathe.
Not her type?
She wanted to laugh.
“Screw this.” He sat up, perching on the edge of the sofa.
For a moment she thought he was going to leave, but instead he faced her, those magical hazel eyes of his shifting color.
“Will, I care about you. I always have, and before I told myself I was happy being your friend. I got to have you in my life. I don’t care what people say about you or me or whatever. None of it matters.” He licked his lips. “I get that you probably don’t feel the same. That’s okay. I think I owe it to you to be honest.”
“About what?” Her hands shook. “I’m not sure what you’re saying.”
She hoped she understood and she was terrified she did get it. She had to be certain.
Keegan blinked at her, a little wrinkle between his brows that was accentuated by a slight burn mark. “I have feelings for you. I always have. We were such good friends I didn’t want to mess that up. Almost dying changes a guy. I care about you. And if I’m being honest, nothing I feel for you is as friends.”
Shit.
Fuck.
Damn it all.
Willow had wanted to hear those words or some variation of them since she’d realized what she had with Keegan was better than sex.
The whisper of her promise to Pastor Alden tickled the back of her mind. But hadn’t she promised to not seduce or otherwise lead Keegan astray? It wasn’t her doing the initiating here.
“Will? Willow? Will you say something?” The pink tinge on his face had nothing to do with still-healing scars.
“I’m taking it all in.”
He reached for her hand. “Please don’t think I’ve only been your friend to stay close to you.”
“What?” She snorted at the absurdity of the statement. “I’ve had fake friends, and you aren’t fake.”
Keegan’s fingers threaded through her own. She could feel the callouses he’d gotten from building houses, delivering life-saving supplies. These were hands that made the world a little better. And this man was telling her that he had feelings for her.
“You’re very real,” she whispered. “And you’re very here.”
“I am.”
It was easy to keep her promise when he was on an island far away.
How was she supposed to resist grown-ass Keegan telling her things like almost dying made him decide to take a leap of faith?
There was a right answer. She just didn’t know what it could be.
They sat there staring at each other. This would never work. His father would make sure of that. It didn’t stop her from wanting it though. And she could have it.
Willow’s resolve crumbled. She’d never been good at saying no when presented with what she wanted, and she’d wanted Keegan from the beginning.
She clenched his hand tighter and leaned in. There was a flash of surprise on his face before she was too close to see anything.
Her mouth crashed into his in a decidedly unsexy lip-lock.
She was screwing this up.
A surge of frustration and desire coursed through her. She couldn’t do this right.
Keegan’s hand cupped her head, and then his lips moved. A flick of his tongue teased her. He let go of her hand to touch her waist, sliding around to the small of her back. She let him pull her closer, both surprised and reveling in the idea of Keegan Alden kissing her and not the other way around. He sucked her lower lip between his then gently nipped it. Her hypersensitive nerves twitched and she gasped.
Holy shit. The pastor’s son could kiss.
The hand at her back tugged and she practically crawled across the cushion. Then he tugged and she gave in.
Willow settled on Keegan’s thighs, feeling the heat far too intensely in her sweatshirt. She wound her arms around his neck. All the reasons why this was a seriously bad idea got shoved to the back of her mind. Right now she wanted him, this fantasy she’d harbored for years.
His hands stroked down her back, but he didn’t grope her ass or go for her breast. He just held her, and somehow that was far hotter than the most talented fingers. His entire focus was on her mouth, the tender touches.
Where had he learned to kiss like this?
The burn of jealousy had her breaking the kiss. She sucked in air and looked away. Keegan’s hold on her didn’t loosen, he just stroked her back, his firm touch clearly intent on keeping her there.
They’d already broken one rule. Now she had to break another.
Willow turned to look at him. It was hard to tell what he was thinking these days. He wasn’t the open book he used to be.
This twisted monster inside of her had to be fed.
“I need to ask you something and you can’t ask me the same question, okay?” She flattened her hand on his chest. Jealousy was a bitch.
“That’s not very fair.”
“I know, but that’s the rule.”
“Okay.” He lifted a shoulder.
For some reason she had the feeling that he wasn’t the one falling into a trap.
“What’s your question?” he asked.
Willow stared into his magical, hazel eyes. They were a dark blue now. A lot like the Texas skies before a storm. She’d rarely seen them this color. It was a little fascinating were she not preoccupied with other thoughts. “How many women have you been with?”
And could she track them all down?
Keegan’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened and closed.
It wasn’t a fair question. She couldn’t count the number of men she’d been with. A man didn’t kiss like he did without leaving a few broken hearts in his wake.
“I, um…” He cleared his throat.
“Just tell me?”
“That’s, uh, what you want to talk about right now? After we, ah…?”
“Keegan, I need to know.”
He blew out a breath and tipped his chin up, staring at the ceiling.
That many?
Her heart could take it. She’d be jealous, but she’d deal.
“None,” he said, his voice a little funny.
“Wait—what?”
He dropped his chin and looked at her. “None, okay?”
Willow stared at him only a little shocked.
Keegan the pastor’s son was a virgin.
2
Keegan had envisioned a much different series of events tonight. In no part of that did he have Willow on his lap, him with a boner, and neither were they discussing the annoying fact that, yeah, he was still a virgin.
She draped an arm over his shoulder and leaned against his chest. At least the strained, pained look was gone, though he didn’t care for her Cheshire cat grin.
“Now I’m just being nosey. How does one get to be a thirty-year-old virgin?”
“It wasn’t on purpose.” Keegan stared down at her. Part of him was scared to move for fear she’d realize where she was and what they had been doing. “In high school, well, that was awkward. I was awkward. In seminary, if they found out you were having sex, you’d get kicked out.”
“And you always were a rule follower.” She ran her fingers through his hair, a new and strange sensation. Most people didn’t touch him. “But you’ve been out of college for a while.”
“Yeah, working. I can’t date a local. Those are the people I’m working with. How bad would that look if things didn’t work out? Co-workers are a bad idea. I’ve watched couples fall apart. It’s tough to work with them.”
She wound his hair around her finger. “You are a one-in-a-million.”
“Gee, thanks.”
She tugged on the bit of hair. “I mean that as a good thing. I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone who would make the decisions you do. You always put others first.”
He turned his face more toward her. “I’m not that good.”
“I think that’s for me to decide.”
He looked down at her pixie-shaped face. She always seemed to be on the brink of mischief. And right now those mischief
-finding eyes were on him. “Yeah and why’s that?”
“Because you can’t judge your own character.”
Keegan wanted to kiss her again. She hadn’t exactly responded to him in kind. He didn’t think kisses could be translated, not in that much detail.
“For the record?” One side of her mouth hitched up. “Looking at me like that gives me ideas. Sexual ideas. What are you thinking about?”
“Kissing you.”
“That’s not the right answer. Try again.”
Keegan frowned. Was she reading his mind? Had she learned some super-secret cop technique?
Her smile grew impossibly wider. “If I tell you I’m having sexual ideas, naughty ideas, that’s your cue to go past kissing.”
“But I was. Thinking about kissing, I mean.”
Willow laughed and leaned in until their noses bumped. “I like that you’re thinking about kissing me. I’d like it more if you wanted to do other things to me, too.”
Arousal and panic surged through him. He’d been ready to talk, to be honest, not to act. But that was his pace. Willow was a split-second decision maker.
“Is that… Are we getting ahead of ourselves?” he asked. “I told you I like you, we kissed, and now…”
Willow braced her hands on his shoulders, then slid to her feet. His heart ached with how much he wanted her. It was easier to deal with when he was away, not so much when she was standing in front of him.
“You’re the words person. Now”—she held out her hand—“I want to show you how I feel.”
The implication of her words hit him. No, Willow had never been the girl to talk about herself or what was in her head. That wasn’t how she was wired. She solved problems by doing things.
Keegan wasn’t an expert in relationships, women, or sex. This was happening fast. Or maybe they were just catching up?
If he walked out now, if he never got the chance to take her hand again, he knew he’d regret it. Part of taking this leap was seeing where it took him, and now it was time to let Willow lead and trust his best friend.
He wrapped his fingers around her small, delicate palm and let her tug him to his feet. She didn’t take a step back, so they were chest to chest. She grinned at him and he knew he’d made the right decision. He might not have a word for the way she was looking at him, but it felt right.