by Jill Shalvis
That she was right didn’t help any. “You want to go there?” he asked. “Fine. Go ahead and weigh in on my life while ignoring that your own is just as much in flux as mine.”
“It is not!”
“Really?” he asked. “Is that why you spend your spare time attempting to fix up the house instead of going out and getting a life for yourself now that your brother and sister are gone? Or why you haven’t accepted Joe’s invitation to become an equal partner in the FBO? Or why you say you want a real relationship, when the truth is that you’d turn the right guy down flat?”
“The right guy?” she asked in disbelief. “And who’s the right guy, Parker? The dentist? Joe, who sleeps with anyone with boobs? The guy who wanted me to take pole-dancing lessons? In his basement?”
This stopped him cold. “Who the fuck was that?”
“Never mind! And the FBO thing is none of your business. I’m no longer any of your business.” She turned away.
He knew she had a point, a big one, but she sure as hell felt like his business. “Kel,” he said.
She turned back to face him. “What?”
“Kel. He’s got a steady job, doesn’t have to travel for it, and he’s into you.”
She stared at him, hurt swimming in her eyes, making him hate himself.
“You want Kel to be the right guy,” she said flatly.
No. Christ, no. Just the thought of Kel pulling her in and kissing away the pain in her eyes made him want to wrap his hands around the guy’s neck. But she wasn’t for him and he knew it. Forcing himself to keep his expression even, he said, “I want you to do what works best for you. Kel’s steady. Solid. He’ll give you a good life. A diamond ring. A white picket fence for Oreo. Tricycles in the yard for the kids. You could become partners with Joe and have a stake in the business you love.”
“And what makes you think I want any of those things?” she asked.
He met her gaze and found the hurt gone, replaced by a fiery temper. “Why else were you on the serial dating spree in the first place?”
“Oh my God,” she muttered, and pressed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. “Listen, I need you to do me a favor.”
She asked it in such a reasonable voice that he said, “Sure,” before he could think.
“When you go today, don’t look back,” she said. “I don’t want to see you again.”
Twenty-nine
A week later Zoe was in her bedroom, once again staring at herself in the closet mirror.
“Not bad,” her sister said, eyeballing Zoe carefully over her shoulder. “That top makes your boobs look really good. I’m going to need to borrow it.”
Zoe eyed her boobs, which did look good if she said so herself. “It’s the bra.”
Darcy slipped her arms around Zoe, smiling at their reflection in the mirror. “No, it’s you. And combined with your long legs and your new status as a partner at the airport with Joe, well, I’d have to hate you if you weren’t my sister.”
Zoe slid her a look. She’d taken Joe up on his offer with little fanfare and a whole lot of unexpected pleasure, and hadn’t realized it would give her brownie points with her sister. “What do you want?”
“What, a girl can’t give her favorite sister a compliment?”
“You need money, right?”
Darcy laughed. “Stop. I’ll have you know that for the first time since my accident, I’ve actually got a savings account now. Thanks to all those years of you nagging.”
“Okay,” Zoe said. “Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”
Darcy sighed. “I just think you might want to reconsider tonight.”
Zoe turned to face her sister. “Kel’s going to be here to pick me up any second. I didn’t wear the bingo dress. I thought you’d be excited about that most of all.”
Zoe also hadn’t worn the little black dress. Because if the bingo dress reminded her of her failures, the LBD reminded her of the first time she’d been in Parker’s arms, and at the thought her resolve to go through with this nearly crumbled.
She wasn’t ready to go on a date, and she knew it. But Kel had asked her to dinner and she needed to eat anyway, so she’d said yes. But she was determined to keep this casual, hence the dark jeans and a cute little knit top that gave her the aforementioned good boobs.
“I’d be more excited,” Darcy said, “if the date was with the guy you fell in love with.”
Parker had been a constant in her thoughts, but she’d made peace with all that had happened. She’d let it go.
Okay, so she was pretending to let it go, but sometimes a girl had to fake it to make it. Easier said than done. She’d seen the cops drive by, checking on her, and she knew that was Parker’s doing. They were watching, making sure no one from Carver’s world came after her.
She appreciated that but felt it unnecessary. She’d only been targeted because she meant something to Parker.
And now that was no longer true. “We’ve been over this,” she said.
“Right. You told him not to contact you, and that makes perfect sense.” Darcy nodded and then shook her head. “Wait—how does it make perfect sense again?”
“His job—”
Darcy snorted. “Screw the job. The job doesn’t matter. It’s about a guy’s character, his heart. And nothing says character and heart like a big, tough badass softening his hard edges for the woman he loves.” She spoke firmly, clearly knowing of what she spoke.
And she did. She had AJ, a guy who loved Darcy for exactly who she was, warts and faults and all.
Zoe loved that for Darcy, but she didn’t know if she’d ever be lucky enough to find such a thing for herself.
The doorbell rang and she froze. Kel was here a few minutes early.
Darcy gave her a long look. “Problem?”
“Nope. Of course not. I’m just about ready . . .” Zoe looked around for something to do. Aha! Bonnie was struggling to get out of one of Zoe’s boots in the closet. Zoe rescued her, setting her on the bed next to where Oreo was snoozing. She then turned around, looking for the other heathen, and found him asleep on her T-shirt in the hamper.
Parker’s T-shirt . . .
Oreo lifted his sleepy head and licked his kitten with one huge tongue lap.
Bonnie fell over.
Oreo licked her again, and a rough, rumbling purr filled the room.
“Good boy, Oreo,” Zoe said. “Watch the baby.”
Darcy snorted. “You need real kids in the worst way,” she said.
“Why would I need kids?” Zoe said. “I have you and Wyatt.”
“You’re stalling,” Darcy said.
Yes. Yes, she was. Determined, Zoe grabbed her purse and walked out. Her steps faltered as she passed the room where Parker had stayed. If she stepped inside and inhaled deeply, she could almost catch his scent, see him sprawled on the bed, smiling. Beckoning her with a finger crook . . .
Closing her eyes, she turned away. They’d said all they had to say. Still, she had to rub the physical ache in her chest as she walked by. She hit the stairs, crossed the living room, and plastered a smile on her face.
Then she opened the front door.
Not Kel.
It was Parker, hands up on the jamb above, looking tough and badass in mirrored lenses and no smile.
Her heart skipped a beat. And then another. Not able to deal with what she was seeing, she placed her hands on his abs—rock hard, of course—and gave a little shove so that she could step out onto the porch and look around him to check the driveway.
No Kel.
“Looking for someone?” Parker asked her back.
Her eyes drifted shut. She hadn’t seen him in a week, hadn’t heard his voice, but she was reacting to him as if he hadn’t left. “What are you doing here?”
He didn’t answer until she turned to look at him. “Turns out, I forgot something,” he said.
Thirty
Parker’s heart had taken one good, hard knock against
his ribs at the sight of Zoe, a punch to the system.
“So what did you forget?” she asked, cool as a cucumber.
Clearly she didn’t intend to make things easy on him. Zoe was a lot of things. Easy wasn’t one of them. Not that he deserved it, anyway. Nope, Zoe was tough on the outside, and though she’d deny it, on the inside she was sweet and warm and capable of such staggering emotion that she scared him to the bone. Right now, way on the inside. She wasn’t going to give an inch; she never did.
He loved that about her. “You,” he said. “Zoe, I forgot you.”
Not looking impressed, she crossed her arms. “I don’t buy it. You never forget a damn thing.” She looked at her watch. “And I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve got plans.”
“I get that. I had plans, too,” he said. “But things change.”
She just stared at him. “What are you doing here, Parker?”
It was a legitimate question, one that he’d asked himself only every hour or so since he’d last seen her.
He’d gone home. Spent time with Amory. And with his parents. Things were going to be okay there; he’d been shocked and surprised. He’d been welcomed, and together they’d come up with a plan to allow Amory to have some more freedom. They’d all spent a whole twenty-four hours together and no one had raised their voice.
Progress.
From there it had been onward to D.C., where he’d gotten the shock of his life to find out he wasn’t fired. His job was still there if he wanted it. A month ago, hell yeah, he’d have wanted it, but he wasn’t that same guy. He’d never be that guy again. “I didn’t lose my job,” he said.
She softened slightly. “I’m glad it worked out for you,” she said genuinely.
“I resigned, Zoe.”
She blinked. “What?”
He’d walked away and then taken the job with the ATF. Right here in Idaho. He’d have cases much like he’d had for the FWS, but it would be regional. Close to home.
He’d gone his entire adult life not wanting to be like his parents and yet in the end, that was exactly what he’d become. He’d visited with them for a day and realized something else—they had each other, always. He’d realized how much he wanted that, wanted to let someone in.
Zoe.
The job here with the ATF would challenge him and keep him on his toes, but there was a balance to be found between work and a personal life.
And he’d found it.
And then walked away from it.
He’d been a boneheaded dumbass, and all he could do was hope that he wasn’t too late because when it came right down to it, all he really wanted was for Zoe to be his.
And for him to be Zoe’s.
The sound of a vehicle coming down the street had Zoe giving him another push. “You’ve got to go,” she said quietly. “I’ve got a date—”
The car drove right by.
“Kel’s not coming,” Parker said.
“Why not?” She narrowed her eyes. “You messed it up somehow, didn’t you?” Giving up trying to push him away, she poked him in the pec. “You know that I manage to mess up these things all on my own. I don’t need your help. Dammit, I needed that date tonight, Parker. I needed it to get you off my mind. You had no right to—”
“I’m your date, Zoe.”
She blinked. “What?”
“I’m your date tonight,” he repeated. And if things went okay in the next few minutes, he was hoping to be her date until the end of time.
But she was shaking her head. “We don’t date. We just f—”
He hauled her up to her toes and covered her mouth with his. He kissed her until she sagged against him, until she sank her fingers in his hair and wrapped herself around him with a soft moan that went straight through him. Only when they were both breathless did he pull back, just a fraction of an inch, because he needed to see her.
“You walked away from me,” she said softly, her pain like a knife to his gut.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He dropped his forehead to hers. “I wanted you to have the life you deserve, Zoe, not a guy who would come and go at the mercy of his job, who might not be reachable for long stretches of time or be able to help you if you needed him. I wanted you to have a guy whose job doesn’t come with the potential of criminals tracking him down and threatening the people he cares about.”
“So you gave up the job for me?” she asked. “No. No, I can’t live with that, Parker, I—”
He kissed her again, more softly this time. “I gave it up,” he said against her lips, “because I realized that without you in it, my life means squat.”
She let out a low breath and poked him in the chest again. “But the job made you you.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be the job anymore,” he said.
She took that in. “What do you want to be?”
“Yours.” Cupping her face, he stroked her jaw with his thumbs and looked her in the eyes. “I took the ATF job. I’ll be working right here in this county.”
She sucked in a breath.
“I was hoping you could live with that,” he said, wishing she’d say something. Anything.
“What I want is to be with a guy who can let me decide what I can live with and what I can’t.”
“I know,” he said. “And I intend to be that guy.”
Another poke, this one even harder, but he manfully held in his wince.
“Really?” she asked. “Because if you were that man, you’d already know that I could live with the travel that comes with a job you love. You’d know that I can live with being more security smart if that takes a weight off your mind. You’d know that what I can’t live with—” Her voice caught and she swallowed hard before sliding her fingers into his hair and fisting them there, holding his face to hers, “is being without you.”
“I hear you,” he said softly. “And I can’t live without you, either.”
A few tears spilled from her eyes and he felt like she’d stabbed him. “Zoe.” He reached for her but she backed away, swiping at the tears angrily before whirling on her heels and vanishing inside the house.
He stared at the still-open door. What had just happened? He started to follow her, but suddenly Darcy was there blocking his way.
“You’re back?”
“How much did you hear of our conversation?” he asked.
“All of it.”
“Then you know I’m back,” he said.
She studied him for a long beat. “So, you going to stand here all night or go after her? Wyatt said you were a sharp one, but I gotta say, not sure I see it.”
Zoe turned on the oven and was heading straight for the freezer for the lasagna she’d made the day before when two big hands snaked around her. She was pulled into Parker. “Hey,” she said. “I need some cheese and trans fat, stat.”