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Present
Sadly, I don’t see Alexander on campus that day. I think that Dora was right: Oliver will do anything to crush me, hurt me, and show that he won’t leave me alone until I disappear. The bet is only there to prove his point. I try to get on with my lectures while everyone keeps staring and whispering behind my back. I know it’s because of Oliver. He is everywhere.
By the time I get home, I feel like I should curl in bed and hide, but I don’t want to miss my date with Alexander. To take my mind off today’s events I have a shower and take my time with makeup. My hands are shaking when I put my clothes back on. It’s been a year since I went out on a proper date with anyone. Men make me nervous and the past still haunts me. Slowly and steadily, I’m going to get there.
A few hours later, Alexander picks me up at my apartment. He looks handsome and he complements me. My nerves are slowly eating me away. My pulse is racing and my chest is tight, so I excuse myself to the rest room once we reach the cinema. For a long moment I stand in front of the mirror, hoping that this panic attack will pass. Nothing seems to be going according to plan. I keep telling myself that I’ll be fine and I can go through with this.
Finally, my breathing comes back to normal. When I leave the bathroom Alexander seems concerned, but I lie and say that I’m fine. Once we’re inside the screening I try to relax. Our last date was perfect, so I don’t want to ruin anything for him.
Soon the film starts, and I lose myself in the undiscovered fictional world. Alexander seems to be absorbed with what is happening on the screen. We talked while we were walking here, and he seemed to be really interested in this film. Halfway through the screening, I begin to wonder if Alexander is really that into me. A few times I cover my face with my hands pretending that I’m scared, but he doesn’t try to touch me once or comfort me in any way.
During one particular scary scene, I grab his hand and hold it for several minutes, expecting him to pull me towards him. What I get is a smile and pat in the back.
I don’t try it again, wondering if I missed something. After the film is finished, we have a quiet drink in one of the bars in town. Alexander asks about my interest in criminal law and my obsession with films. I give him the address to my blog.
The date is pleasant, but he doesn’t seem to be as relaxed as on the first date. The chemistry between us is suddenly gone. Maybe I’m paranoid and he is just a gentleman. He walks me to my apartment. All of a sudden I feel like that perfect date in the coffee shop wasn’t so perfect anymore, because the connection that we had is gone. Alexander looks tense when we stop in front of the entrance to my apartment.
“I was just wondering if you are doing anything this weekend?” he asks.
Right, now I’m totally confused. At first he does everything to show me that he isn’t that into me and now he is asking me what I’m doing this weekend.
I shift my weight to the side and look at him, raising my eyebrow. “Nothing, no plans as usual,” I reply, smiling.
“There is a secret party that I have been invited to. Do you want to come along?” he asks, smirking.
“A secret party?” I ask “You know that I don’t party that much.”
“I’ll get the text an hour before with the details. Come on, let me take you out,” he says leaning closer. For a long moment we stare at each other. My heart begins to race. Alexander’s lips turn up in a smile, and I know that this is the moment that I have been waiting for. He is going to kiss me.
“Give me a call on Saturday. I don’t mind going,” I say quietly.
“Great. See you on Saturday, India,” he says, and then he turns and hurries away. For a moment I stand there completely startled, watching as he walks away. He had a perfect opportunity to kiss me, but he just left me here, hanging. Sighing, I walk back to the apartment. It takes me a while to find the keys.
“Hey, come here and start talking,” Dora says, pulling me back on the sofa. I forgot that I told her to wait up for me.
“Is that ice cream you’ve got there?” I ask as she hides something behind the sofa.
“You will get some if you tell me everything that happened. Did he kiss you?” she asks as soon as I flop on the sofa next to her.
“It was a total disaster.”
“What? Why?”
“He didn’t kiss me and he didn’t even try anything in the cinema. Then he just invited me to some random party on Saturday and left,” I explain, indulging myself with the delicious ice cream that Dora finally decides to share. I would’ve had so much more fun if I’d stayed at home and eaten the whole tub. “What is wrong with me, Dora? Why do men hate me?”
“They don’t hate you. It’s Oliver. I told you that he made a bet with others. Alexander isn’t from here. Someone probably saw you with him and decided to tell him to ditch you.”
I might have to agree with Dora’s version. “All right, maybe, but he invited me for a party on Saturday night. This doesn’t make any sense.”
“Well, I don’t know, then. I would come with you, but Jacob is taking me to London this weekend. He has something planned for us,” she tells me with the wide smile.
“London? But you’ve only known each other a few weeks. And you’re already going away together?”
“He suggested it, and I said yes. He is nice, India. I kind of like him, more than the others.”
“He is also Oliver’s best buddy. Maybe it’s just part of the plan to get you on his side,” I suggest, feeling sick in my stomach that Oliver would be capable of doing something like that. After all, he learned it from me, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d use Dora to get to me.
“I think you’re being paranoid. Oliver is hot, girls are queuing to get his attention, and I don’t believe that he would use his own friend just because you bullied him in high school.”
“It wasn’t just bullying, Dora. I kind of ruined his life.”
“We both did, but it’s you he is determined to pay back.” She sighed. “Just keep your eyes open. He ruined your food the other day. I don’t think he knows what to do. He hasn’t got a plan, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”
I don’t offer my own comment and let her believe that she is right. She obviously didn’t see him in the canteen. The way he was pouring that hatred out like he didn’t give a flying fuck if I was alive or dead.
We chat a bit more until Dora tells me that I shouldn’t have taken him to the zombie film as that probably clicked him off. I like Alexander and the way he is, but today’s date sure didn’t go according to plan.
I change into my pajamas and put Beth Orton music on. I love her soft tunes. Her music always calms me down. Just before I go to bed I check my mobile, but Alexander didn’t send me any text messages. Maybe this is just the way Swedish men are with women. They like to leave them hanging. I need to let him know that I’m not one of those women.