by Kahlen Aymes
“Not even close, Angel,” he answered quickly. His tone lowered and he softly threaded his fingers in the hair at the side of her face, resting his forehead against hers. He wanted to communicate how he was feeling, not just say the words. But he knew the words he chose would be important. “Before, it was just about the act of getting off. It meant nothing to me, beyond release. I’m in love with you. I make love to you.”
She closed her eyes, and one traitorous tear fell. Alex bent to catch it with his lips and kissed her cheekbone, then her mouth, gently sucking on her lips and teasing her mouth open with the tip of tongue.
“I fucking hate that this even matters to me. I hate that I’m acting like those weak women who call the show, and I just promised not to think about this shit, but I know men, Alex. Either they are so self-centered that the woman doesn’t matter or their ego demands they satisfy. So I’m sure you—”
“Your theory would also apply to Ken and Kyle, right? It’s true, but so what? I promised I wouldn’t lie to you again, so yes, I prided myself on… that. But it was irrelevant, other than it was one less thing for them to bitch about.” He could feel her stiffen in his arms and lean back, straining against his arms as if she wanted to create distance. “Baby, don’t pull away. Angel, sotp. Fuck, I can’t believe I brought this up,” he chastised himself.
They were adults—healthy adults—and Alex was a virile man, more virile than most. It would be naïve to think he wouldn’t satisfy his women 100% of the time, and Angel was anything but naïve. Logic told her they both had past relationships, and though she didn’t expect that he’d be celibate; but knowing how intimate they were together, she didn’t want to think of him entwined with anyone else, feelings or not. She shouldn’t be hurt by something that happened before they even met, yet her heart burned and tightened in anguish. “It’s okay. I get it. We’ve both…”
He shook his head adamantly and pulled her close again. “No, Angel, we haven’t done any of this before. How it is between us, is not like anything before us. I was like a robot and pleasure for the woman was an obligation. With you, it’s the objective, and I won’t have you thinking otherwise. The way it is between us—you shouldn’t ever wonder.”
“I think we should both stop wondering and worrying,” she murmured.
“Agreed. We’re together, and if I have my way, I’ll never touch another woman again. And no one takes what’s mine. Okay?”
Angel’s He pulled her closer again and she let him, her hands lifted to his shoulders and slid around his neck as he nuzzled into her. He felt good. Warm and loving, his scent engulfing. Safe. “Does that mean you’ll never get jealous again?”
“Fuck no, but I hate it.”
“Mmmm, I can tell. I promised myself I wouldn’t let doubt ruin us. So let’s just promise no more secrets, and if we have doubts we won’t let it eat at us. We talk it out.”
“Yes, well, the next time that happens, you can bet I’ll keep my goddamned mouth shut.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it, but you have no reason to be jealous.”
“You did leave me. Twice.”
Angel pulled back and looked directly into his face, a little crinkle appearing above the bridge of her nose as she frowned. This was good. Talking was what they needed. “I know. But, not because I didn’t love you. I loved you… that’s why I left the first time. I didn’t want Mark Swanson to hurt you. That’s all it was. I just couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to you.”
He shifted beneath her and took both of her hands in his, threading their fingers together, his lungs felt ridged, unable to expand. “He could have killed you.”
“This isn’t about him, Alex. Don’t sidetrack me.”
Alex knew she was right, and he wanted to concentrate on her. It pissed him off because that cocksucker was still in his head, and he would be until he was behind bars. “My point is we’re stronger together.”
Angel nodded. “I know that now. But, I was scared… and professionally bound to keep it to myself. It was so hard to try to convince you I didn’t want you.”
Alex wondered if that professional ethics bullshit would still be in place after he was her husband because, illegal or not, he was damn well going to know what the fuck was going on with her. “I knew you wanted me. That’s why it fucked me up so bad.”
“I was heartbroken. I almost suffocated myself with a pillow to keep from screaming. I sat in my closet and cried.”
Alex’s eyes softened, and his thumb rubbed back and forth over the top of her hand tenderly. “Oh honey. It was so needless and so unlike you. All you had to do was tell me, and I would have handled it. I was already working on taking that motherfucker down, anyway.”
“Ah… which leads to the other side of the secrets. Do you want to be the pot or the kettle?”
“You were so stubborn. It felt like I had no choice.” Their eyes were locked together and didn’t waver, neither of them moving a muscle other than his thumb over her skin. “So now you tell me everything. Professional ethics bullshit notwithstanding.”
“Yes. No more secrets.”
“Finally,” Alex teased with an overly exaggerated sigh. He smiled when a giggle burst from Angel. Finally.
* * *
“Anga!” Jillian squealed loudly into Angel’s ear as she squirmed on her lap. “Are you coming for my birfday?”
Angel and Becca had picked Jillian up from Becca’s parents’ house and trekked to Chuck E. Cheese’s in one of the western suburbs after their Saturday morning workout. True to form, Jillian was stuck to Angel like glue, giggling and shoving the atrocious pizza into her mouth.
“Of course! I wouldn’t miss your birthday! Who’s coming to your party?”
Angel had spoken to Becca about it and she already knew that a week and a half from now, there would be a big party. She was helping plan it, complete with face painting, balloon animals, and dress-up activities. It was a little over the top, but Angel insisted on helping to pay for it. The little girl would be three, and they were inviting some of her pre-school friends, their parents, and of course, Becca’s parents.
“You, Gramma and Pops, Amanda, Sally, and Miranda! Mama says we’s is gonna be peencesses!” The chubby pink cheeks were rosy and more pronounced as she smiled, and her blue eyes danced. Angel adored her and ran a hand down her blonde curls, kissing her head. Jillian held a piece of pizza up with both hands and took a bite.
“We are?”
“Yep!” She chewed and tried to talk at the same time.
“Jillian, don’t speak with your mouth full,” Becca reminded, her blue eyes meeting Angel’s dark brown one. She hadn’t seen Angel this happy in a while; maybe never. She was glowing, her eyes sparkling, and her smile had been constant all day.
Angel wiped at the corner of Jillian’s mouth with a napkin and smiled happily down into the little one’s face.
“Princesses! Wow! That sounds exciting! Which one do you want to be?”
Jillian thought about it for a while, her lower lip popping out a bit. “Uh, Cinderella. I yike her. She has yellow hair yike me.”
Angel widened her eyes and nodded. “Oh, that would be beautiful! I think we need to go to the salon and get our hair and make-up done, shouldn’t we?”
“Angel, the other little girls will feel bad if we do that.”
She hadn’t thought about that, and she certainly didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. She shrugged. “Okay, I agree. I’ll just ask Lauren and a couple of the other stylists to come to the party and we can do it there.”
“That’s too expensive, Angel.”
“Shush. My girl is having a birthday!”
“You spoil her.”
“Only on her birthday!”
Becca’s eyebrow shot up. “Yeah, sure.”
Angel laughed, and Becca examined her friend’s features.
In the days since Mark Swanson had attacked, Angel had been vulnerable, and Becca was shocked at how beaten up she
was—her bruises were starting to turn yellowish as they healed. Becca had seen her, but Angel had refused to allow Jillian to see her with a full-blown back eye and bruises to her cheek, neck, and chin. Those were just the visible ones. Becca knew there had been more.
“How does Alex look?”
“His shoulder was pretty banged up, but he’s taking it like a man,” Angel said with a soft smile.
“As if there were any doubt.” Becca’s eyes twinkled mischievously.
The women had always talked a lot about the men in their lives, and Becca was happy to see Angel with someone like Alex, but there were still details she wanted to know. Angel was the best friend she’d ever had, and she wanted to see her happy and settled. She was always so into her work and worried about other people; it would require someone as charismatic as Alexander Avery to pull Angel out of her self-preservation mode. Angel needed someone who was as strong, maybe even stronger, than she was so she could allow herself to be vulnerable and trust unconditionally. Her own past wasn’t peachy keen either, and both of them had relied upon the other to get through some serious shit.
“So?” Becca prodded, picking up a piece of the offensive pizza and sniffing it, then wrinkling her nose. Children were everywhere, and the place was loud with music, screaming kids, and the various clanging, beeping and bells from the electronic games that lined all the walls.
“So, things are good. I’m trying hard not to be a typical, whiney female. It’s hard not to worry, when…” Her voice dropped and a wry expression crossed her face. She shrugged.
“When you love someone so much,” Becca filled in the blank with a cautious look on her pretty face.
“Yes.”
“Hallelujah. Amen!” Becca’s mouth twisted wryly. “It’s about goddamned time you admitted it!”
Jillian held out both of her hands toward a sippy cup filled with soda, her little fingers waving at it in silent request. Without thinking, Angel reached forward and handed it to the little girl. “What?” Her brow wrinkled. “I told you very early in that Alex was unavoidable.”
“Yeah. But you were so guarded,” Becca answered. “So this is it, though?”
“Uh huh.”
“Uh huh.” Becca eyed Angel with skepticism. “You’re not going to run away or sabotage the relationship? Because, even though I thought he was going to just be good sex, I can see that you’re different. Softer now. He’s totally got you.”
Becca’s words sent a thrill through Angel. Yes, he had her, all right.
“Don’t go getting all mushy or philosophical on me. I admit I’ve been struggling, but I’ve seen Alex struggle too. It makes it more real, and I believe this is different for both of us.”
“I’m just glad you finally decided to give him a chance. I didn’t want to have to kick your sweet ass.”
Still clinging to her cup, Jillian looked up. “Tweet ass!” she shouted out.
Angel’s eyes widened and snapped up to meet Becca’s as a snooty looking woman and an older lady from the next table and gave Angel and Becca a disapproving once-over. Angel and Becca giggled; Becca coughed and tried to remain somber as she corrected the little girl, and Angel covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile.
“Sweetie, only mommies can say that word.”
The little girl frowned, unsure what her mother was talking about. “No, Mama! Anga, too! I hear-ed Anga say it, too.” Jillian’s face was so innocent and matter-of-fact as she gnawed on her pizza, and it was even harder to hold the laughter at bay. “She say’d it ayot!”
Becca laughed because she couldn’t help herself, and Angel was the one trying to stifle the laughter. “Angel will stop. Your mommy is right, Bean. Grown-ups say stuff they shouldn’t sometimes. But not sweet little girls, like you. Okay?”
The little head bobbed up and down. “Kay.”
“Good.”
Becca watched the interaction between her little girl and best friend. Angel would be an amazing mother someday, and it was a blessing she had finally found someone who was a mental and emotional match for her. Didn’t hurt that, physically, he was a god. Becca sighed ruefully. Maybe someday she would have someone she could love like that. She’d seen Alex’s brother, Cole, a few times when he was with Angel but only made small talk with him. He was attractive in a big way. They obviously had great genes, though he wasn’t as polished as Alex.
“I’m surprised you don’t have your pack of followers with you this morning,” Becca observed as her thoughts took her to the obvious. “How’d you manage that?”
“Alex was with me, so he called off the dogs.”
Becca’s face twisted and she frowned. “Yes, but he’s not with you now.”
At the same moment, Jillian squealed and wiggled off Angel’s lap to begin running from the table. “Zander! Zander!”
Angel’s eyes caught sight of Alex walking toward them, even bending to scoop up Jillian and tossing her gently in the air; he still oozed sex, muscles working under his clothes.
Jillian giggled and screamed in delight. “Momma and Anga are there!” She pointed in their direction, and Alex’s intense green gaze landed on Angel’s. She could see he was not happy with her, though he hid it well when he spoke to Jillian.
“I left him a note telling him where I’d be.”
“He’s gonna be hot. I mean… he is hot.” Becca’s eyes took in Alex’s messy hair shoved underneath a baseball cap and his unshaven jaw before roaming over the midnight blue fitted V-neck T-shirt and expensive jeans. His biceps and chest muscles flexed as he tossed Jillian again. “But he’s got to be pissed!”
“I’m sick of being tailed. I love Cole, but the others get on my nerves. I feel like I’m in jail.” She watched him with Jillian and something inside her chest clenched. He was so perfect. Every woman in the room from twenty to seventy-five was gazing at him as if they’d never seen a man before, and he was hers. A shiver of satisfaction shot down her spine at the thought.
She scooted over in the booth to make room, and Alex slid in next to her, settling Jillian on his lap, who turned in his arms and ran a little hand across his scruffy cheek. “You gots whiskies! Pops gots whiskies, too.”
“I do! Because I ran out of the apartment in a hurry.” He shot a hard glance in Angel’s direction, so she slid a hand onto his inside of his thigh and squeezed. He huffed, the corner of his mouth quirked, as she smiled at him sweetly, silently bribing him to lighten-up.
“I’m fine,” Angel murmured under her breath.
“It’s pokey!” Jillian stated, still touching Alex’s face.
“It is!” Angel agreed.
Becca decided she needed to give Alex and Angel some time alone. “Come on, sweets! Let’s go play some games.”
“Zander, can you p’yay with me?”
He kissed her cheek. “I’d love to, and I will in just a minute, sweetheart.”
“Kay. Are you hungy? We have pizza!”
“I see that!” Alex said indulgently. “Okay, I’ll have a piece then come play games with you.”
Angel’s forehead came down to touch Alex’s broad shoulder, and she squeezed his thigh again. Becca rose and lifted Jillian off of Alex’s lap, turning away with her toward the arcade portion of the restaurant.
Angel lifted her head and looked into Alex’s profile. His jaw was set, and she could see him fighting with himself as he reached for the disgusting pizza. She knew he wanted to yell and scream at her, but her hand on his thigh and the way she leaned into him softened him as she knew it would.
“Zander will you play with me?” Angel teased sweetly, echoing Jillian’s innocent question.
“Hmmph!” He grunted and tried to keep a straight face. There was nothing he wanted to do more than play with her and she knew it.
“Don’t be mad.”
He closed his eyes briefly then glanced in her direction. Steady, his eyes held hers. “We agreed no secrets.”
“What secrets? I left a note.”
“Y
ou know I don’t want you out without—”
Angel interrupted with a sigh. “Yes! I know! But I’m so tired of it. Babe, come on. I can’t stand having someone follow me around all the time. I can’t pee! I can’t buy tampons! It’s out of hand, not to mention annoying.”
The muscle in his jaw worked as his teeth clenched. “It hasn’t been that long, and Swanson did make bail. He has to have some sort of resources. I don’t trust that he’ll leave you alone.”
“I know,” she answered gently.
“So don’t ask me to take risks with you!” His voice was low but with an undercurrent of anger.
“You’re very sweet to worry about me, but I’m perfectly safe. Can we compromise?”
“Why does everything have to be a fucking negotiation?” He grunted and lifted the pizza to his mouth. It was soggy and floppy. After one bite he grimaced and he threw it back on the plate.
“You aren’t the one under constant supervision! How about this? We go to the gym and I’ll show you I can take care of myself! I’ve been working on self-defense and fighting with Becs. If I kick your ass, you let me have some freedom. Deal?”
“Even if you can kick the shit out of someone one-on-one, it might be a group of them. Have you forgotten the last time?”
“No. I got away from two of them,” Angel pointed out. “So compromise?”
“Sure. When I’m not with you, Cole or one of the others is with you at all times. End of compromise.”
Angel cocked her head, an exasperated expression flashing on her features. “Ugh! You’re impossible. Okay, how about this? I’ll stay with you at the estate if you lighten up a little.”
“Angel. Enough. I want you to stay with me at the estate but not enough to take risks with you. You’ll stay with me because we can’t be away from each other, and that’s it.”
Angel huffed and pulled her hand off of his leg, but he moved quickly and grabbed it in his.
“Are you going to dispute it? It’s a fact.”
“No. It’s just—”
His fingers threaded through hers, and his eyes softened. “It’s just the way it is. Besides, Max misses you, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to fucking breathe.”