by Kahlen Aymes
Alex ignored the question. “Blow me, Darian. I have to talk to her.”
“Jesus, Alex. I’ve never seen you act like this.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I... care about this girl. Shit, it actually matters to me if she’s hurt or if she has the wrong idea of what I’m thinking. It’s complicated and I don’t have time to go into it, but I’m completely out of my element,” he ground out. “Truthfully, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here other than I have to see her.”
Darian sighed into the phone, feeling sorry for his best friend’s struggle. “Is Chris still there?”
“I think so. There are two cars.”
“I’ll call her and have her let you in, but please wait until Angel is off-air. Let her finish the show before you go into the studio.”
“Have you talked to her? While I was in London? Has she said anything about me?”
“Not much, Alex; only once. She wanted to know how you were. I’m sorry, man. Besides that one minute of concern, she’s been all business and sort of closed off. She’s working on some sort of charity thing, so I haven’t really seen much of her other than the one night I sat in on the show.”
“I see.” His heart fell.
“I’ll call Christine now. Alex, just—take it easy on her. For both your sakes.”
Alex breathed in deeply, filling his lungs to their max capacity. “I don’t feel easy, D. It’s like I’m ready to explode.”
10
Fine Line
There was music playing over the station intercom as Alex walked down the hall following Christine after she’d let him in. Wide-eyed and staring at finally seeing him in ‘real life’, the young woman pointed out the direction of the studio where Angel’s show was being broadcast. Alex felt at a loss for what to say to the girl. He was more concerned with seeing Angel.
“Thank you, Christine. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Alex extended his hand, and she shook it limply.
“Oh, yeah. Angel’s mad at me for taking your call earlier. She hasn’t talked to me all night, and I’ll probably get fired.”
“Isn’t Darian your boss?” He tried to concentrate on her words but all he really wanted was to bolt through the door that led to Angel. It was unsettling to be so uptight and worried. He was Alex ‘fucking’ Avery, and he tried to remind himself of that fact and also that Angel was a woman. And women had never been his weakness. He was controlled, confident, and in charge of his environment. Usually.
Christine shrugged. “It’s Angel’s show. I don’t know.”
“Is she off the air yet?” He glanced at his Rolex and then looked anxiously down the hall again.
“She was on her last call when she basically kicked me out.” Christine looked at the floor, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. “So, I guess I’ll go. Can you tell Angel that Darian let you in? Please?”
Alex’s brows dropped over his green eyes in sympathy. He was grateful for her help and certainly didn’t want her to get in trouble. He pulled a business card from his wallet and handed it to her.
“If she fires you, give me a call. But, I’m sure she’ll be too angry with me to wonder how I got in.” His disarming smile had the desired effect, and the girl smiled back as she waved and walked toward the door.
“Lock this behind me. I hope you have your armor, Prince Charming. That princess has claws.”
Alex’s face twisted sardonically and he nodded. He doubted Angel would agree. “Yes. I have the marks up my back to prove it.” He flushed as he realized how true that statement really was.
The hallway was long and the walls were lined with old records and CD’s, autographed photos of musicians, and windows into the various sound booths. It was dark; only low lights in the corridor with the remainder of the studios deserted.
He walked toward the one Christine indicated and glanced through the window that made up the upper half of the wall. The door was on one side of the window, and Angel’s back was to him. She was still seated at the desk as he looked upon her. There were some headphones thrown down on the desk in front of her, and she was digging in her purse for something.
Alex’s pulse quickened, and he paused to watch her unobserved. She was so beautiful, her long hair like silk waves down her back over the dark burgundy top. There was a sad expression on her face when she looked down at the phone she’d just retrieved; her chest lifted as she sucked in a deep breath and bit her lip. The three weeks since he’d seen her felt like years. He drank in the sight of her like he’d never get enough, almost content to do nothing else.
Setting the phone down on the desk, Angel clasped her hands in front of her and rested her forehead on them. Alex hesitated only briefly as he struggled with how to approach her. He decided to give her what she’d expect from him: sarcasm and pith. It put him in control, and he didn’t want to reveal how much the outcome of this confrontation mattered. He yearned to gather her close and kiss her until she was breathless, but he couldn’t. Not until he was sure how she’d take seeing him. He didn’t expect it to go well.
When Alex pushed the door open, she was startled and glanced up quickly.
“Looking for another call from me? You’ll be disappointed,” he pointed out dryly and regretted his words when anger replaced the surprise on her face. “I’m not a masochist.”
Her eyes shot in his direction, taking in his casual elegance; offensively expensive designer jeans just tight enough to accentuate his delicious body, under a dark grey, long-sleeved V-neck that hinted at the smooth muscles of his chest, signature messy bed-head, and scruff on that incredible jaw. So fucking sexy it was criminal. Testosterone practically dripped off him in puddles. Her eyes dropped to the hem of the soft cotton shirt, her carnal knowledge of the happy trail just beneath it was enough to make her mouth go dry.
Angel forced herself to look away when her pulse quickened. She wasn’t sure if it was the surprise of him being there or the memory of his chest brushing against her nipples that fucked her up so badly, but the reason was irrelevant. She was embarrassed by her body’s violent reaction to the mere sight of him.
“Then what the hell are you doing here?” She grabbed her purse and shoved the iPhone into it, pointing at the door. “Leave! Didn’t the dial tone in your ear communicate well enough? I don’t want to talk to you!”
Alex glared at her for a split second before he exploded.
“Too. Fucking. Bad, Angel! I want some goddamned answers! The last time we were together, it was incredible. So what the hell is going on?”
She hesitated briefly, unsure when he meant. Every time with him had been incredible, but the last time had been indescribable. Did he know it was real?
“Everything isn’t always about what you want.”
He almost laughed at that, thinking how he’d been willing to give her everything she’d asked for and more. He’d been fucking dying to do it.
“I’ve been worried sick about you! I told you I know what’s been going on with Mark Swanson, and yet you leave me out here floundering!”
Angel said nothing, her eyes shooting fire at him.
“I want an explanation why you won’t talk to me or keep me informed of what the fuck is happening! And more importantly, why you’re running away?”
She turned from him and looked down at the purse in her hands, leaving Alex to bristle.
“It isn’t fucking brain surgery. You’re a smart guy—smarter than most, so figure this shit out already!”
They stood frozen in place, both of them heaving with the effort of their yelling, their eyes locked.
Alex softened his voice. “I thought we… were so connected. Why are you doing this? There’s something tangible here,” he said as he used his hand to indicate them both. “Is it only because of that prick? I took him down. He’s ruined. He can’t afford a pot to piss in, let alone a legal team. If he tries anything else, he won’t find it easy to get out of it.”
“Why? Why did you get involved? I didn’t
want you to!”
“Are you really asking me that?”
“This isn’t about Swanson. It’s about us. It isn’t a game!” she shot back, her brown eyes flashing fire. “I just… It’s not going to work.”
“So you just slink away and cut me off? I never thought the great Dr. Hemming would ever run away from the damn truth! Please explain that to me. What exactly isn’t going to work? I know you enjoy being with me.” His tone was softer now, and when she answered, so was hers. “The fucking earth moves when we’re together!”
“Yeah, well, there’s more to life than getting off, Alex.”
He shook his head and laughed bitterly. “This isn’t about sex, Angel.”
“Isn’t it? I thought that was all you wanted in your relationships, and I use the term loosely,” she murmured in defeat, using both hands to place invisible quotes around the word.
“You know damn well it was different with you!” He ran both hands through his hair as he moved toward her, his voice growing softer. “I’m not sure what I want right now, but it’s not this abyss looming between us.” He reached out a hand to run a single finger down her back. “Yes… with you it’s more than amazing, but sex is only a vehicle. I can’t lie, Angeline,” he almost whispered. There was something in the way he said her name that pulled at her. “When I touch you, I’m… out of control.” It was an admission he wasn’t ready to make. “Once I start, I can’t stop. It’s never enough.”
“Alex. Please. Then don’t. Don’t touch me.”
He ignored her plea and both of his hands closed over her shoulders and ran down her arms.
He let out his breath as his forehead came to rest on the crown of her head. “Hmmph. That’s like asking me not to breathe.” His voice was back to the velvet tone, the one that coaxed and excited; the one that he used in their most intimate moments.
Why did his words melt her so easily? Why wasn’t she stronger? Why him? Why was she helpless toward a man who could break her so easily? Angel closed her eyes as the shockwaves caused by his light touch ran along every nerve in her body.
“Do you think I’m such an idiot that I don’t realize how many women you’ve said those same words to? I’m not good at this shit. I don’t fuck around, and you make me…” She stepped forward until she was almost free of his hands.
“I make you what?” He didn’t hesitate to take the opening she left hanging there.
She turned on him, twisting out of his hold and backing away slightly, her eyes accusing and the index finger of her right hand pointing in his direction. “You make me feel out of control, okay? I don’t like not knowing what comes next or feeling like I have no choice. I don’t like worrying about you when I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to give a shit if you’re fucking half the women in Chicago!” Her voice was frantic and louder as the words ripped from her. “I don’t want to give a shit, Alex!” She stopped and centered herself. Alex could visibly see her regaining her control, and it was evident in the calm tenor of her words when she continued. “I can’t keep this up and not care. I know this about myself, and that isn’t what either of us wants. Is that what you want me to say? Let’s just cut our losses while we still can.”
Alex’s jaw shot forward in protest as he pulled back. “It’s too late! I am right there with you, and I’m not happy about it at all!” He was yelling at her. Alex didn’t even realize it until Angel flinched in front of him, yet it didn’t make him back down. “But it is what it is, Angel! I asked to spend time with you, so it is unfair to say I just want sex! And I’m not fucking half of Chicago and you know it. How have I made you feel like this? I’ve worshiped you!”
“Stop talking! Just shut up! This is pointless!” She put both hands up to the sides of her head and closed her eyes, unable to hear anymore or she’d give in. “You’ll never convince me I’m any different than any of your other fuck buddies of convenience and that’s fine! You never lied about how you are. I get it; it just isn’t for me. I should never have gotten involved with you.” She looked straight into his face and dropped her hands to her sides.
“Oh, right. You’d rather have a lesser man following you around like a puppy on a leash. Does Kenny get a hard-on on demand?” he spat in disgust. “I bet he never opens his fucking mouth without asking permission first. How very simulating for you. Forgive me if I don’t fit your mold.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it? Swanson was just my excuse to end things! Neither one of us fits the other’s mold, so where can this go? If amazing orgasms were all I wanted, you’d definitely be my go-to guy.”
A few months ago, that comment from a woman would have pumped up his ego, but coming from this woman, one he wanted beyond all others, it left him as cold as ice.
“That’s enough! Stop belittling the time we’ve spent together! What do you want from me? If it’s for me to disappear, forget it!” Alex was more pissed than he’d been in a long time, and he couldn’t believe his ears. Nothing had been defined between them other than the insatiable need they had for one another. “Weren’t you listening when I told you that I don’t fuck around? I’ll be damned if I’ll sit still for you doing that just to prove you’re not in this!”
Angel was visibly shaking with the strength of emotions rushing through her. If he only knew she had no interest in anyone else and there was no way she was able to let anyone else near her now. Not while he was in her head… the memory of him inside her body, his kisses and his scent, his sounds, how much he made her laugh. She shook her head in disbelief. Alex wasn’t the type to allow anything beyond lust, and she’d already lost her heart. She’d known this would happen the first time she heard his damn voice.
“Hmmph!” she huffed. “Doesn’t Cole give you a play-by-play?”
Alex paused as the implication of her words sank in. She knew.
“Don’t you know where I am and who I’m with every second? You know I’m not seeing anyone, but if I were—it’s none of your business!”
“Like hell, it isn’t!” he said. The words tore from him without his consent.
It wasn’t possible to face him and still walk away. She should have known he wouldn’t accept defeat with grace. Not without a fight and here it fucking was.
“It’s just the chase you love, Alex. What would happen if I stopped running? Would you still want me?” Her eyes challenged him.
Alex didn’t speak for a few seconds and just stood there staring into her face. “That’s just it,” he said softly. “You weren’t running. We were together. I want to be again.”
The blood drained from her face.
“No. Just… No. This will never work.”
“Why do you fight something that feels so fucking good? God, I’m so pissed at you I can’t stand it, but my cock is hard enough to pound nails! Do you think I’ll let you twist me all up in knots and then just walk away? I can’t. You. Want. Me, Angel.” He punctuated every word and each one was like a knife piercing her heart.
She met his gaze without flinching, but her hand landed over her heart. “Yes… I do want. I want badly. Too much. And it does feel good. But, eventually, it will hurt like hell. I’m not willing to hurt like that. Happily ever after doesn’t start off this way, no matter how earth-shattering the physical connection is between us.”
Alex had moved and was leaning up against the desk, half sitting on its edge with his arms crossed over his chest.
“How do you know what will happen? You won’t give us a chance.” He looked at the ceiling and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “It already hurts like hell, doesn’t it?” It wasn’t a question she wanted to answer, but the pain in his voice was as vivid as the anger. “I can’t even fucking believe I said that out loud,” he said in disgust.
The words he said the night they made love in his apartment resonated in her head. “Oh, Angel. Jesus Christ, it hurts so fucking bad! It hurts… so fucking bad.”
She could feel him behind her, even if he wasn’t touching
her. “You told me the first time we spoke that sex was what mattered in relationships. Remember?”
“I’m so sick of you reminding me of those words. I know what I said. Things change,” he said softly with a shrug of his shoulders. “We have to take a chance or we’ll never know, Angel. It’s like anything else. The risk is directly proportional to the payoff.”
Her shoulders slumped, and her voice trembled. “This isn’t a damn boardroom, Alex. One of us will bleed out.” She knew who it would be because her heart was already aching over him. “You have to see it coming.”
“At least, I have the balls to try. I want you and no one else. I’m admitting it, Angel.”
She sighed as her eyes closed tightly, feeling the fight drain from her body. If only that were true.
When she didn’t answer, he rushed toward her and pushed her up against the glass window. Angel gasped in surprise as one of his large hands came to rest beside her head and his face stopped just inches from hers.
“Tell me what is going to happen now. If you can read the future, then just tell me what you’re thinking.” His hand came up to cup her face, the thumb of his right hand pulling on her lower lip and his pelvis pressing into hers.
“Alex, stop. You don’t fight fair.” She didn’t push him away because she didn’t have the strength. She inhaled his scent, his breath, and she craved his mouth on hers even though her mind screamed that they shouldn’t be in this place.
“You don’t expect me to, do you?” Alex repeated the words she said to him that first night they went to dinner. “I always fight to win. But, I don’t want to fight right now.”
“Then what do you want?”
His nose brushed hers and he loomed over her, his green eyes burning into hers. “You already know. I want you to trust me and to let me take care of you, to make sure you’re safe. I want you to take my calls and let me take you out. I want to spend time with you. Just let it happen. That’s all.”
“Spend time—fucking?” She knew it would piss him off and shatter the intimacy of the moment. She needed to do it or she would only get weaker.