Now I couldn’t help the fear that crept in when I thought about what would happen when I finally got to tomorrow. When I was done with school, when I was a doctor, when I achieved the future I’d worked for . . . what then?
For some reason, driving—racing—kept me connected. Connected to a time when my blood ran hot under my skin and my heart craved more life.
Always more.
Sticking my arm out the window, I smiled at the gush of wind pushing against it as the air blew between my fingers. Cranking up the volume, I inhaled an excited breath as my stomach dropped with the increased speed. I loved those butterflies.
I got back to the house quickly, even though the last thing I wanted to do was get out of my car. But I reminded myself that the wind was waiting for me later on tonight, and it would all be good when I was on the track.
I had a lot of work to do before I left, though, so I parked the car along the side of Madoc’s house and grabbed my phone off the seat, instantly feeling it vibrate in my hand.
Peering down, I saw Juliet’s name. “Hey,” I answered. “Did you get my text?”
“Did you get mine?” she burst out, sounding excited.
I narrowed my eyes in confusion as I climbed out of the car. “No, but I saw you called.” I swung my backpack over my shoulder and slammed the door shut. “I just got off work, so I haven’t checked my messages yet. What’s up?”
I rounded the stone staircase, jogging up the steps to my private entrance. Jared and I used to keep a room here, and I still used it from time to time. Madoc and Fallon were like family, and I’d needed a place to escape to while the entire downstairs of my house was being repainted.
“Where are you?” she asked, and I could hear her excited breathing.
“I just got home.” I unlocked the door and dropped my backpack inside, switching the phone to the other ear.
“At Madoc’s?” she rushed out.
I nearly laughed at her urgency. “Alright, spit it out. Is something wrong? Did Katherine go into labor or something?”
“No,” she shot back. “I . . . I just need you to stop and listen to me, okay?”
I groaned. “Please tell me Jax didn’t hack into Ben’s Facebook and flood it with gay porn again,” I said, kicking off my shoes and walking toward the private bathroom.
“No, Jax didn’t do anything,” she answered, but then continued. “Well, he kind of did. We all did. I should’ve told you, and I’m sorry,” she rambled, “but I didn’t know he was going straight to Madoc’s, and I didn’t want you to be ambushed, so—”
“What is going on?!” I shouted, pushing open the bathroom door.
“Jared is at Madoc’s house!” she finally cried out.
But it was too late.
I’d already halted.
A lump stretched my throat as I stood there, locking my eyes with his dark ones staring at me through the bathroom mirror, her warning coming a second too late.
Jared.
“Tate, did you hear me?” she yelled, but I couldn’t answer her.
I tightened my fist around the doorknob and glued my teeth together so hard my jaw ached.
He stood at the mirror, with his back to me, and every muscle in his naked arms and torso was steel-rod tight as he leaned down on his hands and held me with a hard stare.
He didn’t seem surprised to see me. And he definitely didn’t look happy.
I inhaled short, shallow breaths. What the hell was he doing here?
“Tate!” I heard someone shout, but all I could do was watch as he straightened and picked his watch up off the counter, fastening it to his wrist as he held my eyes the entire time.
So calm. So cold.
It was like a razor cutting through my heart as I resisted a need to rush him. Maybe to hit him or maybe to fuck him, but whatever it was I was going to hurt him. I cemented every muscle in my body to keep myself in check.
He wore fitted black pants that hung low on his waist, his feet and torso were bare, and his hair was chaos, like he’d just towel dried it.
Our childhood tree filled his back in a stunning black tattoo, and I looked over his shoulder and arms to notice a few new ones.
My stomach shook, and I tightened my abs to resist it.
It had been so long.
His black clothes, his black moods, his nearly black eyes . . . My heart pounded like a drum, and I gritted my teeth, feeling my core tighten.
He looked exactly like he had in high school. Gone was any trace of his ROTC days in college. He was a little more muscular, with more angle to his jawline, but it was four years ago all over again.
I tipped my chin up, seeing him grab his belt off the counter and turn around, walking toward me.
“Tate?” Juliet pressed in my ear. “Tate, did you hear me? Hello?”
He stepped up to me slowly, threading his belt through the loops, and my chest was on fire. My heart couldn’t possibly beat any faster, and I hardened my eyes and expression as he stopped a few inches in front of me and hovered.
“Tate,” Juliet yelled, “I said that Jared is at Madoc’s!”
And the corner of Jared’s lips tilted in a smile, telling me he’d heard her futile warning.
“Yes,” I answered, clearing my throat as I glared up at him. “Thanks for the heads up,” I told her.
And I brought the phone away from my ear and clicked End Call.
His arms worked, fastening his belt, but he didn’t break eye contact. Neither did I. This was natural for Jared. Hover, make me cower in his shadow, threaten with just his presence . . . but it was all in vain.
Because that’s just how well I knew myself now. No one dominated me.
I kept my voice calm, trying to sound bored. “There are about twenty other rooms in this house,” I pointed out. “Find one.”
His eyes turned from threatening to amused, and it was the exact same look I got in the lunch room the first day of senior year in high school when I’d decided to fight back. Jared always got a rush out of challenging me.
“You know,” he started, reaching behind the bathroom door and pulling out a white T-shirt. “I smelled you as soon as I stepped foot into the room. Your scent was everywhere,” his velvety voice sent chills over my skin as he continued, “and I thought maybe it was just leftovers from our time here, but then I noticed all your shit.” He gestured to the beauty products on the bathroom counter and then threaded his arms into his short sleeves and pulled the shirt over his head.
So he’d come here not knowing he’d find me. At least he wasn’t planning anything, then.
He patted his pants pocket and cocked his head, smirking. “I hope you don’t mind, but I borrowed a few of your condoms.”
My hand suddenly ached, and I realized I’d been squeezing the doorknob this whole time. I didn’t know if I was angry that he was referring to my sex life or insinuating plans about his own, but the asshole hadn’t changed. He was waiting for me to react.
The condoms were leftovers from a year and a half ago, the last time I had sex. They were probably expired anyway.
“By all means.” I plastered a tight smile on my face. “Now, if you don’t mind . . .” I cleared the doorway, waving my arm wide and inviting him to get the hell out.
A million questions raged through my head. Why was he here? At this house? In my room? Where was his little entourage I’d seen him with on TV and YouTube when I’d given in on lonely nights and Googled him?
But then I reminded myself that Jared Trent wasn’t a part of my life anymore. I didn’t need to care about him.
He brushed past me, grazing my arm, and I started breathing through my mouth, because the smell of his body wash messed with my nerves. With my memories and a time when I was completely his.
I couldn’t stand here with him. Not in this room.
&nb
sp; I’d never let Ben stay the night when I crashed here, and no one knew, but Jared’s and my homecoming photo still sat in its frame, hidden in the dresser drawer. Along with my charm bracelet he’d given me senior year. I’d wanted it out of my house but not gone. Not yet.
This room had played a crucial part early on in our relationship. It was the first space, away from our parents, that was ours—where we could do what we wanted and act the way we chose. To wake up next to each other, to shower together, to make love without fear of who would hear us, to stay up all night talking or watching movies . . . Whether it was the bed, the floor, the shower, the wall, or the bathroom fucking counter, every surface had a memory of him attached to it.
I still couldn’t face the fact that I loved being in here, and what’s more, I couldn’t face the fact that I had never let Ben—or anyone else—stay in here.
It didn’t matter, though. It was my room, and I didn’t need to explain anything.
I crossed my arms over my chest and watched him clip his wallet chain to his pants and tuck his wallet into his pocket. I glanced over, seeing his duffel on the bed, a few clothes—all black, gray, or white—strewn about.
“Make sure you take everything with you when you leave,” I ordered, sliding off my socks and tossing them into the hamper by the door. “This is my room now.”
“Absolutely,” he said smoothly, and then finished in a hard voice, “Tatum.”
I straightened, suddenly feeling the first spark of excitement under my skin—outside of racing, anyway—in a long time. I hated being called “Tatum,” and he knew it.
We were back there again.
I looked over at him, tilting my mouth into a smile. “Tatum?” I repeated. “Those are tactics you come home armed with?” I asked.
He turned his head, eyeing me over his shoulder with a stern expression.
I laughed. “The players might be the same, Jared,” I said, untying my scrub pants and letting them fall down my leg, “but the game has changed,” I warned.
His deep brown eyes flared just slightly as his gaze swept down the long legs that he used to love and back up to my lacy, white underwear.
I turned to step into the bathroom, but I stopped to regard him over my shoulder. “This isn’t high school,” I said, eyeing him playfully. “You’re way out of your depth.”
And then I slammed the bathroom door, cutting off his view.
Chapter 4
Jared
I’d been played.
Of course, my mother’s pregnancy had forced me back home, but I should’ve been warned instead of lied to.
Tate wasn’t in fucking Italy.
She was staying with Madoc and Fallon, which Jax should’ve told me when I’d insisted on coming here first.
But no, he’d let me trail my ass upstairs to shower and clean up while we waited for Madoc to get home, and as soon I opened the damn door to that room, her smell hit me like a ten-ton tranquilizer. I was almost dizzy.
But then I remembered . . .
No. She wasn’t here. She was out of the country. The bed was made. The room was spotless. There was no one staying in here.
I’d put my bag down and started to strip as I walked into the shower, but then I noticed that someone was very much staying here.
The same products that Tate used to use for her hair and face hugged the back edge of the sink counter, and then I saw her brush, clogged with her blond hair.
And that’s when I knew.
My eyes fell closed, and I froze.
Tate was home.
She was home, and she was staying with Madoc and Fallon, and I immediately wanted to see her.
Was she okay? Was she happy? What would her face look like when she saw me again?
After so long, I just wanted to see her.
Until I noticed the condoms.
She had a small box sitting in her makeup bag, and they damn well weren’t ours. After she’d gotten on birth control in high school, we’d stopped using them.
I pushed away from the sink and nearly ripped off the rest of my clothes, diving into the shower before I broke anything and everything in the bathroom.
I hated her. I wanted to hate her. Why did I still want her?
Fuck!
I kept my head under the hot water for a long time, the loud cascade of heat drowning out my thoughts as I slowly brought myself back down.
The condoms were a trigger—a reminder—that she was having sex with someone else.
I knew that, and she was free to do it. We weren’t together, and I shouldn’t be upset. She’d never judged me for all the ass I took before we were dating, and her life was none of my business. I shouldn’t be mad.
But that didn’t stop me. Reason never stopped me from trying to keep her in my orbit. After I got out of the shower, I emptied the box into the toilet and flushed, and whomever she was screwing could go fuck himself.
And that was even truer the second I heard her voice drift in from the bedroom when she’d arrived. I could tell by the one-sided conversation that she was on the phone, and I leaned down, bracing myself on the countertop, knowing she was about to walk in at any second. And then I lifted my head, she opened the door, and . . .
And I held her.
Everything flooded back. Every breath, every kiss, every smile, every tear, everything about her was mine.
Her stormy blue eyes, which have held me captivated since she was ten years old; the heavy rise and fall of her chest, which I’d held flush with mine so many times; and the ten different emotions that crossed her face, each of which had been directed at me at some time or another during high school. They all hit me at once.
I still loved her.
My pulse raced and I could feel it all through my body.
But then she’d stunned me. My natural inclination was to challenge her as I always had, and the words left my mouth without thinking. But she didn’t engage. She didn’t react.
I was used to Tate’s bite. She was a wildcat who pushed when you pushed, but this Tate was on a different level. She was condescending and almost cold. I didn’t know this game.
I left the room and charged down the stairs and out the front door, trying to push her out of my mind. She wasn’t the reason I was home after all.
My mother. My unborn sister. My friends.
I headed for the garages, having seen Madoc’s GTO finally sitting in the driveway.
The house featured four two-car garages, so I went for the open one and stopped at the entrance, crossing my arms over my chest as I glared at my best friend.
“You don’t even look for me when you get home?” I challenged, seeing him pause as he pushed a box onto a shelf.
Turning around, he met my eyes with his annoyed blue ones and arched a brow. “Yeah, that’s how it is, isn’t it?” His bored tone kind of made me nervous. “Everyone else has to make the first move with you?”
Stepping inside the garage, I kept my stare on him. Madoc wasn’t just my friend. He was my family, and no matter what we went through, that never changed. Anger, trouble, differences, and even distance and time wouldn’t take my best friend from me. I wouldn’t allow it.
“I made the first move,” I pointed out. “And the second and third. How many times have I called you, texted, e-mailed—who the fuck even e-mails anymore? But I did it.” I inched closer, lowering my voice. “You never wanted to talk to me. Why?”
He crossed his arms over his white-T-shirt-clad chest and dropped his chin, looking like he was searching for words. His blond eyebrows dug deep, and I was floored by how different he seemed.
Madoc never shut up. He could vomit story after story and argue any point at the drop of a hat, but now . . .
I shook my head. He was actually speechless.
Or there were things he clearly wasn’t sure ho
w to say.
I heard footsteps behind me and turned my head to see Jax slowly stepping into the garage. He hung back and remained quiet, like he was waiting to see what was going to happen.
I twisted my head back around, narrowing my eyes on Madoc. “What the hell’s going on?”
Madoc’s eyes flashed to Jax, and then he looked at me, letting out a sigh.
Okay, screw this.
I got in his face. “Do you remember when Fallon showed up after high school and left you hanging? You left for Notre Dame and cut everyone off. No calls. No contact. Just gone. We had to track you down. You were our friend and we weren’t letting you go. Now I left and you don’t even show the same concern for me?” I bared my teeth. “What the fuck is going on with you?”
Madoc ran a hand though his hair and shook his head.
Finally, digging into his pocket, he pulled out his keys. “Jax and I want to show you something.”
***
As much as I hated riding instead of driving, I decided it was best not to challenge Madoc in his own car right now. Since Jax still drove my old ride, I could push him around, but Madoc and I weren’t at our old comfort level . . . yet.
He sped out of his ritzy community of upper-crust homes and down the quiet highway, the day’s last light still glowing through the trees on both sides of the road. Jax sat in the back, fiddling on his phone next to Pasha, who had insisted on coming—because she was bored—and Madoc still wasn’t talking to me. Framing Hanley’s “You Stupid Girl” played over the stereo, and I was still clenching my fists over the buzz running through my body after seeing Tate.
As we entered the more populated part of town and Madoc began navigating the residential streets, I figured out where we were going. We passed our old high school and the same street leading in where I used to watch Tate walking to and from school every day. The same corner where I used to catch the ice cream truck with her when we were younger.
And then we turned onto Fall Away Lane, and Madoc pulled to a halt in front of my old house, which now belonged to Jax.