by Ivy Smoak
"You don't think I'll be able to find a job?"
"I didn't say that." He let go of my hand and leaned against the wall beside me.
"Then what do you mean?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I just meant that you won't really need to work."
"Of course I will."
"Not necessarily." The elevator came to a stop and Professor Hunter swiped his other access card through the reader. He lifted me into his arms again and carried me into his apartment.
"So that's your master plan for after I graduate? You want me to stay in your apartment all day while you work? I'd be bored out of my mind."
"Well, it would be our apartment, not mine."
"No it wouldn't. I wouldn't have any money to pay for my half of the rent."
He laughed as he put me down on the couch. He knelt down on the floor beside it. "I have enough money for both of us, Penny. Besides, I don't rent this apartment. I own it."
"James...I'm getting a job after I graduate. I want to be able to provide for myself. I'm not going to mooch off of you."
He lifted up my tank top and kissed me right below my belly button.
"Hey, stop trying to distract me." I cupped his chin in my hand.
He was smiling at me. He found this conversation extremely humorous for some reason.
"It's a good thing I am young. Because now I have extra time to convince you that that's a terrible idea."
"Mhm. It doesn't sound that terrible to me right now," he said.
"Certainly you'd be sick of me by then anyway."
He lifted my legs, sat down on the couch, and put my legs on his lap. "No, I don't think so." He slowly unlaced one of my sneakers, pulled it off my foot, and dropped it on the floor. Grabbing my other foot, he repeated the process with my other shoe.
It was hard to talk about the future with him. I didn't want to discuss everything right now. But he was being so nonchalant about the fact that he was still married. He couldn't commit to me in his current situation, so what was the point of talking about it?
"Are you hungry?" I asked.
"I'm guessing that means you are?"
"I'm starving."
"What would you like?"
"Can we order a pizza or something?"
"That sounds fantastic." He pulled out his phone from his jeans and looked over at me. "Where do you want it from?"
"Is Grottos okay?"
"Sure. I haven't tried their pizza yet."
"Are you serious? How can you live here and not try that?" I bit my lip. That's what Brendan had said to me when I told him I hadn't tried one of the hotdogs from the stand on Main Street.
"I'm assuming you like it?"
"It's the best."
"Grottos it is then." He put his phone up to his ear. "What kind of pizza do you like?"
"Plain."
"Is it weird that I didn't know that?" He rubbed his thumb along the inside of my ankle.
Tyler knew my favorite pizza place and that I only liked cheese pizza. I shook the thought out of my head. "We've never had pizza together before. How would you know?"
"Hey," he said into the phone. He ordered the pizza and gave them his address. When he hung up, he smiled at me. He was still caressing the inside of my ankle. "So what makes their pizza the best? Because I'm from New York, and I'm pretty sure New York pizza is supposed to be the best."
"You'll just have to wait and see."
"What else don't I know about you?"
"You know me pretty well. Although, we don't do much talking when we're together." I tried to raise my eyebrow at him but I couldn't do it.
He laughed. "I'm glad you can't give me a scolding look."
"I'm not trying to scold you. I think that being intimate is time well spent."
I pressed the sole of one of my feet against the zipper of his jeans.
He grabbed my foot in his hand. "Except you're supposed to be taking it easy. Which gives us a perfect opportunity to talk."
"Okay. Let's play a game."
"What did you have in mind?"
"Truth or dare."
Professor Hunter laughed. "Wait, really?"
"The idea of playing truth or dare with I guy I liked has always excited me. I don't know, we don't have to. You can just ask me some questions."
"No, I'll play."
I smiled at him. "Okay, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"What do you usually do in your free time?" I looked around the empty apartment.
"I grade papers."
"That can't be all that you do."
"Recently I've been busy thinking about you." He smiled at me.
"So you grade papers and think about me? But what do you do for fun?"
"Thinking about you is fun when you're not mad at me. But I believe it's my turn now. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Why didn't you tell your parents you were dating someone?"
"I thought our relationship was supposed to be secret."
"At first. But then things changed. You told Melissa."
"I didn't want to lie to them about you being a professor."
"So are you mad that I met them today?"
"No, not at all. I think they both liked you."
"Only because they don't know that I'm your professor."
"Maybe. My mom thought you were hot."
Professor Hunter laughed.
"Truth or dare?" I asked.
"Truth."
I wanted the game to be light and fun, so I switched gears. "So back to my original question. What do you do for fun?"
"You."
I kicked his leg playfully. "Seriously, James."
He shrugged. "I exercise most days."
"Obviously." I looked at his muscular physique. "What do you do for exercise?"
"There's a gym in the building. And I like to run outside."
"Do you even have a T.V.?"
"No. I can get one if you want."
"Don't you get bored? Alone in your apartment?"
"I've been toying with the idea of starting a new company. It keeps me busy."
"Another tech company?"
"Yeah. I've been working on some logistics for awhile. But it's in the beginning stages. It doesn't make sense financially to start it right now." He looked away from me.
I swallowed hard. "Do you mean, it's better to wait until after you're divorced?"
He ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not giving her half of this too."
"Truth or dare?"
"I think it's my turn, Penny."
"Truth or dare?" He was the one that brought her up. Now seemed as good a time as ever.
"Truth." He sighed.
"Why did you go to New York while we were broken up?"
"I needed to talk to her."
"About what? Why didn't you just talk to her on the phone?"
"I was hoping I could convince her to sign the papers."
"By having sex with her?"
"It wasn't like that."
"So what then? You went to talk about getting divorced and ended up sleeping with her? One step forward, two steps back."
"I missed you. I was a mess. I'm sorry, Penny."
"Do you still have feelings for her?"
"No."
"Then why did you sleep with her?"
"It's not like I made love to her. It was just sex."
"And what about the first time we had sex? Did that mean nothing too?"
Professor Hunter sighed. "No. It meant everything. It's different with you. Everything is different with you. I don't know what else I can say. I was upset. I made a mistake. End of story."
"It's not the end of the story because you're still married." I was trying to keep my voice even, but I was having trouble.
"Truth or dare?" he asked.
"Dare."
"Penny..."
"Fine, truth."
"And what about Tyler?"
"What about him?"
"You went to see him yesterday. Wh
at did you talk about?"
"I went to see him to tell him I wanted to be with you."
"After you read my letter?"
"No, before. I want to be with you. That's all that I want. But you're complicated. The situation is complicated. And I don't mean just because you're my professor. It's because you're still married. How can you sit there and talk about a future with me in this situation?"
"Because I know it's over. I'll talk to her again."
"No." I pulled my feet off his lap and hugged my knees to my chest.
"I'm not going to sleep with her again. Penny." He leaned forward and kissed my kneecap. "I'm getting divorced. I've already signed the papers."
"I know."
"So why are you still upset about it?"
"It makes me feel like a bad person. What if she never signs the papers?"
"I'll get her to sign them." He kissed my knee again. "I'm sorry about what happened. Please forgive me."
"I love you. I love you so much. There's a million reasons why I should give you up. But I can't. I don't want to. And we were broken up. So there isn't anything to forgive."
"Penny, Penny, Penny." He leaned over me and placed a kiss against my lips. "I love you."
"I love you, too." I started to cry. I pushed myself up into a seated position. "Stupid concussion." I tried to laugh as I wiped my tears away.
"Hey." He pulled the cushion away from the back of the couch and slid next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"If this really is love, then it won't matter if we wait." It's what I had decided before I fainted. Nothing had changed. I needed to be strong.
"Wait for what?"
"For your divorce to be final. For me to graduate. For things to be less complicated."
"Is this about Tyler? Or Brendan?"
"No. It has nothing to do with them."
His look was cold.
"I thought you didn't want me. I was a mess. I was trying to get over you. But I don't want either of them. I felt so empty when you stopped talking to me. I just didn't want to feel empty anymore." My words hung in the air for a long time.
"I felt empty too." We were silent again as we looked into each other's eyes.
"I choose you. I just want to wait till it's right."
He looked down at my legs and traced a circle around the inside of my knee. He was silent for a few minutes. "Penny, I've spent my whole life doing things I didn't want to. I don't want to wait anymore. You make me happy. To me, that's all that matters."
"Am I not worth waiting for?"
"That's not what I meant. Of course you're worth waiting for." He grabbed my hand and rubbed his thumb against my palm. "But I feel like I've been waiting my whole life already. You're young. I get that." He sighed. "But two years is a long time. I don't want to wait anymore."
"Then we can just wait until your divorce is final. What's the point of being together if we can't fully commit to one another?"
"I am committed to you. I've told you I love you. I don't take that lightly."
"But our relationship is a secret and you still have a wife. How happy do you think we can be for the next two years like this?"
"What if I disclose our relationship to the dean?"
I looked up at him. "What?"
"Is that what you want? Will that prove to you how I feel? We won't have to hide our relationship anymore."
"We'll get in trouble."
"Not necessarily. Only if someone complains."
"What about Comm?"
"I'm not sure what will happen with that."
"I don't want to have to take it again."
"So how about I quit?"
"Teaching?"
"If it's the only way."
"I thought you loved teaching. It's your fresh start."
"You're my fresh start. And I don't love teaching nearly as much as I love you."
I straddled him on the couch. His hands slipped to my waist as I leaned forward and hugged him. "I don't want any of that. I'm sorry. I just want your divorce to be official. I don't want you to have to change who you are. I love who you are." I put my forehead against his. "I don't want to wait. I just don't want to have to feel guilty about not waiting."
"There's nothing to feel guilty about. But I'll have my lawyer figure something out, okay? I'll take care of it."
"Soon?"
"Soon."
Chapter 14
Sunday
"Favorite soda?" he asked.
"Cherry Coke."
"I had my fridge stocked with a bunch of things when I thought you'd be staying here more often." He pulled out a Cherry Coke and handed it to me.
I took it and grabbed the fridge handle before he closed it. "Let me see." The fridge was completely full. I reached in and grabbed a packet of juice boxes. "Juice boxes? Seriously? How young do you think I am?"
"Those are actually mine." He grabbed the pack, put it back in the fridge, and closed the door.
"Why don't you just buy a bottle of apple juice if you like it so much?"
He looked embarrassed. "I was never allowed to have them when I was a kid." He shrugged.
That was probably the most personal thing he had ever confessed to me. I imagined him as a little boy demanding juice boxes and being denied. I thought it would make me laugh, but it made me feel sad. His parents sounded worse and worse every time I learned something new about them. "Okay." I handed the soda back to him. "I actually want one of those."
"You do?"
"Yes, please."
He smiled and opened the fridge back up. I took two juice boxes, he grabbed two plates, and we sat down at the kitchen counter.
I picked up a slice of pizza and took a huge bite. I was so hungry. It was only a matter of seconds before the first slice was gone.
Professor Hunter was staring at me. "I'm glad to see that you've gotten your appetite back."
"That's what your love does for me."
He smiled and took a bite. "This is pretty delicious."
"I told you." I took a sip out of the juice box. "Why is everything so much better with a straw?"
"I don't know, but it really is." He took a sip from his juice box.
I started laughing.
"What's so funny?"
"It's just...you look like a model and you're drinking from a juice box. It's like, the sexiest apple juice ad ever."
"Marketing at its finest?"
"Absolutely."
Professor Hunter laughed. "What do you want to do with our day off tomorrow?"
"It's not really a day off. I'm supposed to just recuperate, right?"
"We're both ditching class. So it's kind of a day off. We can do whatever you want."
"I think I'd like to see what a normal day is like for you. The behind the professor's facade special."
"You do like to watch a lot of T.V., huh?"
"I don't think I watch an unusual amount. You're the weird one. Who doesn't have a T.V.?"
Professor Hunter shrugged. "Sometimes I watch stuff on my computer. Speaking of which, I need to send out that email about canceling class. I'll be right back."
"It really is okay if you need to go to class."
"I don't need to." He kissed me and slid off the stool. He went over to the door I had never been through and disappeared behind it.
I grabbed another slice of pizza. I was glad we had ended up talking about everything. There was this calmness between us now. We had been surviving through tension and now we wouldn't need to. It had been a long time since I had felt so relaxed.
A few minutes later my phone vibrated. I picked it up and slid my thumb across the screen. Professor Hunter had sent the email.
"Comm 212 is canceled tomorrow morning as well. I've had some pressing personal matters that have needed my attention. But speeches will resume as planned. Everyone with last names beginning with A through M will be going Wednesday, and everyone else will go on Friday. I will have my regular office hours on T
uesday if you have any questions. Please feel free to email me as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your speeches."
-Professor J. Hunter
There were several unread text messages on my phone, but I decided not to read them. I put my phone back in my pocket and wandered to the door that Professor Hunter had disappeared through. I knocked lightly on the door, but there was no response. I slowly opened the door.
"Professor Hunter?" My voice echoed down a hallway. I had expected to find one room, not a hallway. There were several doors lining the right side. All along the left side were potted plants. It was like I had stepped out of an apartment and into a fancy office. I stood there for a moment, thinking about what to do. It seemed like snooping if I opened every door. But then I heard his voice at the end of the corridor. I walked toward the door at the end of the hallway. I was about to knock when I heard him talking again.
"Send the photos when you have them."
Silence.
"That's fine. I just need it done."
Silence.
"By the end of the week at the latest."
Silence.
"No, I'll need it delivered. I don't want a cyber footprint on this. Thanks, Max."
What the hell is he talking about? I had heard the term cyber footprint in class before. It was like the paper trail of the internet. But why was he worried about one?
I knocked on the door. "Professor Hunter?"
I heard the shuffling of papers. A drawer opened and closed. And then Professor Hunter opened the door.
"So I'm a pressing personal matter?" I smiled up at him. He was blocking my view of the room.
"Yes."
I glanced over my shoulder down the hallway. "Your apartment is a lot bigger than I realized."
"Do you want me to give you a tour?" He stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. He grabbed my hand to lead me down the hall, but I didn't move.
"Well, what's in there?" I nodded my head at the door he had just come from.
"It's my office. Nothing fancy."
"I'd like to see that." I tried to give him my most innocent smile.
"It's kind of messy."
"Good, because the rest of your apartment is unnervingly clean." I stood up on my tiptoes and clasped my hands behind his neck. "Please?"
"It's really not much to see."
"So it doesn't matter if I see it then."
He smiled at me. "Whatever you want." He opened the door back up. I let go of him and walked past him into the room.