by Mary Balogh
Damn him! Damn Robert Denning, Marquess of Hetherington. How could she be expected to sleep peacefully knowing that he was under the same roof? Was he sleeping dreamlessly? Or was he restless too, troubled perhaps by his conscience? He did not appear to have one, but perhaps it troubled him in his sleep. The thought was somehow comforting.
Elizabeth pushed back the bedcovers impatiently and crossed the room in her bare feet to the window. She pulled back the heavy curtains and stared out into the darkness. It was still raining, though with less force than during the evening. The sky seemed lighter. There seemed even to be some thinner patches in the clouds, though it might have been wishful thinking that made her imagine it.
She shivered. The room felt chilly and damp now that the fire that had been lit earlier in the day had died down, Elizabeth pulled around her shoulders the dressing gown that Mrs. Prosser had lent her, climbed back into the high bed, and sat upright, the bedcovers pulled to her waist, her arms clasped around her knees.
She relived again those few blissful weeks, the best in their courtship, when they had visited Robert's grandmother frequently and had a chance to get to know each other and brief minutes to touch and embrace. Even at the time Elizabeth had wanted those days to go on forever. Two people had contrived to put a stop to their happiness.
Elizabeth had been surprised one evening at a large ball to have her hand solicited for a dance by Robert's uncle. She had seen him before, had even been introduced to him, but she had never seen him dance, had never seen him pay any attention whatsoever to young women. He was a man of enormous wealth and had a great sense of his own importance. As brother to the Marquess of Heth-erington, he felt himself far removed from the common touch. He was generally disliked, Elizabeth had heard. She was terrified of him, though Robert felt a deep respect, even affection, for his uncle. When he asked her to dance, Elizabeth's amazed reaction was that he must be putting his public stamp of approval on his nephew's courtship of her. She could not have been more wrong.
Although he had led her in the direction of the dance floor, Horace Denning had stopped before they could join a set, bowed in chilly hauteur to his partner, and suggested that they sit out the dance.
"I have something I wish to say to you, Miss Rossiter," he had said.
Elizabeth had been far too young and far too awed to resist. He had chosen a secluded alcove that had separated them from the company, though it maintained the proprieties by keeping them in view of the dancers.
"My nephew fancies himself in love with you," he had begun, coming straight to the point.
Elizabeth had been startled and flustered. "Y-yes, sir," she had stammered.
"And I suppose you return the sentiment?" His voice had been coldly sneering.
"Yes, sir," she had answered more firmly, "but I do not see what concern it is of yours."
Ice-blue eyes had bored into hers. "You are impertinent, miss," he had said. "It is very much my concern when a member of my family is about to make a fool of himself."
"A fool of himself?" she had echoed faintly.
"He is two and twenty," Denning had continued, "a mere babe. He has obviously succumbed to an admittedly pretty face and figure. How do you think it would appear to the haut monde, Miss Rossiter, if the son of the Marquess of Hetherington were to ally himself with the daughter of a drunkard and a spendthrift?"
Elizabeth had felt herself flushing, but she had been too young to dare to let her anger form an answer for her.
"You are a fortune-hunter, of course," the cold voice had gone on, "but my nephew has undoubtedly failed to inform you of the fact that very little of the family money will come his way."
"I am not interested in money, sir," she had found the courage to say.
"Oh, come, come, Miss Rossiter," he had replied, irritated, "we are all interested in money. We are fools if we say we are not. I shall not allow you to have my nephew, you know. When he is older, he will see that it is wise to choose a marriage partner who can increase his consequence. And Robert must marry money and position. It is essential for a younger son to do so."
Elizabeth had stared at him, her chin lifted defiantly.
"How much will it take to make you realize that marriage to my nephew is not a wise course for you?" he had asked.
Elizabeth had not immediately understood. "I beg your pardon?" she had asked blankly.
He had answered impatiently. "I have no time for these missish airs of innocence, Miss Rossiter," he had said. 'What is your price?"
She had gaped inelegantly.
"Unlike my brother and his family, I am as rich as Croesus, as the vulgar saying goes," he had said, "and I believe in investing some of that money in the future welfare of my family."
"Are you offering me money to break my relationship with Robert?" she had asked incredulously.
"How much, Miss Rossiter?"
Elizabeth had risen to her feet, breathing hard. "I have nothing to say to you, sir," she had said. "I notice that the music has stopped. I must return to my aunt."
"I see that I shall have to deal with your father," Horace Denning had said, quite unperturbed. "I shall not find him so scrupulous, I wager."
Elizabeth had felt chilled as she hurried to rejoin her aunt in the ballroom.
Not many days afterward, Mr. Rossiter had appeared in London, claiming that business had brought him there. But Elizabeth had not been surprised when he had taken her to task for her attachment to Robert Denning.
"Did his uncle tell you about this?" she had asked him.
"It need not concern you where I heard about your goings-on, Lizzie," he had said sternly. "It is sufficient for you to know that it will not do and you must see no more of this young man."
"What possible objection can you have, Papa?" she had asked. "He is of excellent birth, as you must know. He has manners and education."
"And not a groat to his name," he had snapped.
"We had not planned to marry until he inherits the money his mother left him," Elizabeth had explained.
"Marriage?" he had said harshly. "And who gave you permission to talk of marriage, miss?"
"We have talked of it, Papa," she had said hesitantly, "though it will be a long while before we can consider even a formal betrothal."
"You can forget the whole idea," he had announced. "Do you think I have raised you and sent you to London, Lizzie, so that you might enter into a lengthy engagement to a penniless puppy? You will do your duty, my girl, and start looking around you for someone whose pockets are well lined. Never mind the handsome faces and the fancy titles. Marry a cit, if you must, but you will marry money."
Elizabeth had said nothing. She knew from experience when it was useless to argue with her father. He had been drinking, as she could tell from his bright eyes and the smell of his breath. If she had tried to reason or argue further, his mood would have become ugly.
But that afternoon had been one of the days scheduled for a visit to Lady Bothwell. Mr. Rossiter had left for his hotel. Elizabeth's Aunt Matilda had raised no objections when Robert came to call on her. So she had gone with him. She had told him during the short journey what had happened with his uncle and with her father, though she had not mentioned the fact that his uncle had offered her money. He had been looking grim by the time she finished.
"Uncle Horace has tackled me with his opinions," he had commented. "I had no idea he would harass you, my love. I am sorry. And your father, is it likely that he will finally give his consent?"
"I fear not," she had replied, "unless you suddenly inherit some grand fortune."
He had gazed at the horses' heads, unamused by her small attempt at humor. "We must go away from here," he had said abruptly.
"Together?"
"Yes, we must. They will never give us any peace if we stay. And in three years they will have driven a wedge between us. It is too long to wait, Elizabeth."
"No," she had said, troubled. "I cannot go away with you like that, Robert. I could not r
econcile it with my conscience."
He had looked across at her, startled. "I mean marriage," he had said.
"Marriage?" she had echoed. "You mean Gretna Green?"
"I suppose so," he had agreed. "Oh, you deserve better, my love. Will you mind?"
She had thought as she watched his grandmother's residence approach. "I think being married to you is more important to me than anything else," she had said.
He had flashed her a grateful smile as he tossed the ribbons to a waiting groom and vaulted down from his own seat in order to help her down.
They had not mentioned anything of all this to Lady Bothwell during the visit. But during their ten minutes alone, Robert had held her and kissed her and promised that he would make all the arrangements and inform her of them soon.
"I do not know if what we are doing is best for you, my love," he had said, holding her head against his shoulder and laying his cheek next to hers. "Society will frown on us for marrying over the anvil. Both your family and mine will condemn us and probably disown us. I shall probably have to seek employment so that we may live, but even so, I shall not be able to keep you in the comfort to which you are accustomed. But I cannot think of any alternative. 1 cannot contemplate the idea of losing you."
"I shall leave the decision to you," Elizabeth had said, lifting her head from his shoulder and putting her arms up around his neck. "I am ready to go with you tomorrow if you wish. But I will not be a burden to you, Robert. If you decide that we must wait, then I shall wait."
He had clasped her to him then and covered her face and neck with hot kisses.
Two days later he had drawn her to one side at a garden party they had both attended. His grandmother had also had an irate visit from his uncle, he had reported. Horace Denning had demanded that she stop receiving Miss Rossiter. But Lady Bothwell was not the sort of person to whom one dictated terms. She had called in her grandson and had a long talk with him. The outcome was that she had offered to use her contacts with a bishop in order to help him procure a special license. She had made an agreement to give her grandson a living allowance, which he was to pay back as soon as he received his mother's inheritance. And Elizabeth was to travel to Devon in her coach in three days' time, while Robert was to accompany them as an outrider. In Devon they were to be married before informing their families of their whereabouts.
"Will you do it?" he had asked anxiously.
"Yes." Elizabeth had regarded him unwaveringly.
"I must not stay with you any longer, my love, or contact you in the next few days. I do not wish to attract the attention of either your father or my family. Can you leave your aunt's house on the morning of Thursday and come to Gram's? I must not come to fetch you."
"It will be easy," she had replied. "I often go shopping in the morning. It should be simple to get away from the maid and the coachman."
"I shall see you then, Elizabeth," he had said. "Three more days and we shall be together for always."
She had smiled brightly for the benefit of an approaching acquaintance. "Yes, sir, it is a perfect afternoon," she had said.
How young they had been. Despite the anxiety of those few days, how easy it had been to believe in a forever-after. Why did young people so readily believe that all problems ended at the altar, that happily-ever-after began right there? Elizabeth, staring through a window at Ferndale at a gradually lightening sky, smiled sadly in memory of her former self, the girl who had believed in fairy-tale endings. No one could have convinced her six years before that the day would come when she and Robert would sleep under the same roof, in separate bedrooms, not only strangers to each other, but bitter strangers.
She raised her eyes to the sky and breathed a prayer of gratitude at the changed weather. She had to get away. She could not stay this close to him and yet this far away from him for much longer. If it would not appear grossly bad-mannered to her host, in fact, she would not wait foi morning, but leave now when the sky was light enough to guide her home in safety.
---
Mr. Mainwaring insisted on taking Elizabeth home himself in the phaeton the next morning. She had had an early breakfast and had tried to insist that she would enjoy the walk across the fields, but he would not hear of her doing so. One thing she was thankful for. She did not see Hetherington. He had gone out riding with Mr. Prosser.
The sun was actually breaking through the clouds when they left the house.
"Ah, I do hope the rainy spell is over," Elizabeth said. "It is so dreary to have to stay indoors for days on end."
"Yes," Mr. Mainwaring agreed. "I have certainly missed meeting my neighbors in the past week. Will you be avoiding me now, Miss Rossiter?"
"Avoiding you?" she asked in surprise. "Why should I do that, sir?"
He smiled wryly. "I made unwelcome advances to you last evening," he said. "I hope you will allow me to remain your friend."
"Indeed, yes," she replied earnestly. "I value your friendship more than I can say, sii. And I am truly sorry about the other. It is just that I-I cannot love. And I could not accept your attentions unless I were free to offer that."
"You do not need to explain," he said quietly. "I shall be here for you, Elizabeth, if you should ever need me. That is all. May I call you by your first name?"
"Yes," she said.
"And I should be honored if you would use mine," he added.
They traveled in silence for the rest of the short distance home. Elizabeth felt strangely comforted. This was how she would want to be loved, with a warmth and an unselfishness that demanded nothing in return. She did not believe that William Mainwaring would abandon her if circumstances changed as Robert Denning had done. If only she could love him! They could have a good life together. And she did not believe he would care even if the old scandalous story were to surface. He cared nothing for London. And town gossip did not reach easily into the countryside to harm one's peace.
She allowed herself to dream as Mr. Mainwaring guided the horses carefully through the mud, of living at Ferndale with him, helping him improve the estate, socializing with him in the neighborhood, bringing up his children. But images of Hetherington intruded. How could she even dream of life with another man when just thinking of him made her heart turn over? She could picture him now as he had looked the night before, sitting relaxed in the chair by the fire, his book resting on his raised leg. It had seemed such a domestic scene and she ached now, as she had ached then, to be a part of it. Instead, she had sat twenty feet away, as far removed from him in spirit as if she had been twenty miles away. Yet she loved him still. Not as she had before, when she had loved him as if he were a prince in a fairy-tale romance. He had been perfection itself. Now she loved him as a woman, with knowledge of all his faults and with full realization that they could never be together again. But she loved him. And for the first time since it had happened, she admitted to herself that she would not have altered any of those events even if she had known of the separation and pain ahead. At least she had known love and at least there was one man in this world who meant everything to her. No, she must never allow her resolve to weaken as far as William Mainwaring was concerned. She could never make him happy. She had nothing of her real self to offer him.
"Here we are," Mr. Mainwaring said cheerfully, "and I did not once upset you into the hedge."
"What a dull and unadventurous life this is sometimes," she replied, matching his tone and allowing him to grasp her by the waist and lift her across to dry ground.
He paid a brief courtesy call in the house before driving | away again. But he left with Mrs. Rowe an invitation to dinner and an evening of charades the following week.
Mrs. Rowe turned to Elizabeth in some excitement after he had left. "How splendid for you, my dear Miss Rossiter," she said. "I was just saying to Mr. Rowe yesterday that I should not have allowed you to venture out into that dreadful weather and that you must have got caught in the rain somewhere and caught your death of j cold when Mr. Mainwaring's me
ssenger came galloping up to the door. I was never so gratified in my life. Did you join the company for the evening?"
Elizabeth smiled calmly and gave a brief account of the card games they had played.
"You have all the good fortune, Beth," Cecily sighed. "I knew I should have gone to town with you."
"In fact, Cecily, it was an embarrassment," she said soothingly. "I wore a gown of Miss Norris' that was too long and too low in the neck, and slippers of her sister's that I left behind if I did not concentrate on taking them with me as I shuffled along."]
"Oh, bless me," said Mrs. Rowe. "But really, my dear Miss Rossiter, I do believe that Mr. Mainwaring is developing a tendre for you. It was really uncommon civil of him to escort you home himself when he could easily have called out his carriage and sent you home."
"Oh, Beth," Cecily chimed in brightly, "do consider me for a bridesmaid. I have never been one, you see."
Elizabeth blushed, but noticed that the girl's eyes twinkled. "I believe you should look around for another bride to befriend," she said. "You may be an old maid rather than a bridesmaid if you wait for me."
"Well, indeed, I believe it would be a very eligible connection," Mrs. Rowe declared. "You must have Miss Phillips make up a new gown for you by next week, Miss Rossiter. And I shall get Rose to come to you and do your hair before we go to Ferndale."
Elizabeth laughed. "And I should be so uncomfortable that I should hide in a corner all night," she said.
Chapter 9