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Grant is the first to raise his hand in a wave. He smiles and brings his hand to his lips, blowing me a kiss. It’s so perfectly Grant.
Ford follows, then Donnie. Then there’s a sea of hands raised to say goodbye.
My boys.
Ten men who are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside.
Ten men who’ve shown me what it could be like to be treated like a princess.
Ten men who I’m walking away from.
My heart doesn’t want this. My heart wants me to run down these stairs and let them surround me with their strong arms and warmth but instead I hold my hand up and stifle the sob that is struggling to bubble to the surface.
Grant is the first to walk away, his shoulders bowed. Each of his brothers follows in a parade of men who look as resigned to their reality as I feel.
And then it’s just me and Aaron. As I walk down the rest of the stairs, he watches me. When I reach him, he puts his hands into his pockets.
“I know what I just said but are you sure about this, Laura? There’s still time to change your mind.” I can hear that he’s defeated flat tone of his voice, but I guess he just can’t help asking one more time.
I nod and put my hand out to open the door. My conviction is so thin that I know if he asks me again, it will shatter. I need to get out of here. I need my friend to remind me of the person I was before the McGregor’s because getting her back is my only hope.
Aaron reaches out to take hold of my case, following me out of the door to a waiting car.
I was expecting him to drive me but the engine is running and there’s a man in the front seat.
“Gregory is going to drive us,” Aaron says, loading my luggage into the trunk, then rounding the car to open the door for me. “Just tell him where you want to go.”
I slide across the soft leather seat into the luxury interior of the car, giving him Danna’s address. Gregory nods, tapping it into the Sat Nav.
Aaron, joins me in the back, slamming the door, the clunk of it a harsh punctuation to my departure. I gaze back at the house, wondering where my mom is. I’m glad she didn’t make a scene about this. It would have made things so much harder if she did. I’m imagining that she has enough on her plate trying to deal with Roderick and the fallout from the press coverage. He’s demanding enough to keep her head tied up or maybe I’m just making excuses for her. This is her new life and I’ve managed to mess it up about as badly as is possible. What’s happened is likely to put a huge cloud over her upcoming wedding.
At least I know that I’m not totally to blame. If Roderick hadn’t have come up with this idea and mom hadn’t have sanctioned it, there is no way it would have been something I would have come up with myself.
I tap out a message to mom, feeling that the note I’ve left isn’t enough. She responds immediately with a ‘sad-face emoji’ and a promise to call me later. She tells me she’s wired me some money so I don’t have to worry about anything. How things have changed.
It’s too little too late but a weight off my shoulders none the less.
The drive is so smooth and Aaron doesn’t seem to know what to say so we sit in silence for a while. After about five minutes, he takes hold of my hand and we sit like that for the rest of the journey. Each mile weakens my conviction. Every stroke of his thumb against my skin makes me want to tell Gregory to turn the car around, but as we pull up outside Danna’s house I know that I’m doing the right thing.
28
I’ve messaged Danna to let her know that I’m on my way and she’s standing in the doorway as we pull up in front of her parent’s house. I don’t think I could be happier to see her than I am right now. My friend feels like normality. This house that I’ve spent so much time in growing up feels more like home than anywhere else I could go. It makes saying goodbye to Aaron easier because I catch him glancing at her so he’s conscious that she’s there.
“You need anything, you give me a call,” he says, slipping a card with his number into my palm and wrapping his hand around my closed fist. “I mean anything, Laura. We can’t protect you from the press here. If they find out where you are, you might need some help.”
I hadn’t even thought about that and my stomach clenches at the idea that I might bring all this drama into Danna’s home. Keeping my head down is going to be a serious priority.
“Thanks,” I say. “For everything. I am sorry that it’s all turned out like this.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Please remember that.”
He leans in and presses a soft, sweet kiss to my lips and the lump in my throat that I’ve been swallowing down for what feels like hours, is burning hot again. I turn quickly and open the door, grabbing my purse and rounding to the trunk where I haul out my suitcase as quickly as possible. As I reach Danna’s front door and she pulls me into a fierce hug, I finally allow myself to break. The sound of the car turning in the road behind me is enough to cover the sound of my crying and Danna hustles me into the house, quickly closing the door to the outside world.
I hope that Aaron didn’t see or hear that. I don’t want him to worry about me anymore than he already seems to be.
“Oh my god!” Danna hisses. “My parents have just been talking about the newspaper article.”
I drop my luggage and cover my face with my hands. I don’t know if I could be more mortified. Mr. and Mrs. Jacobson are regular church-goers. The fact that they now know all about my recent sexplioits is just devastating. The fact that their daughter is pictured with me is mortifying.
“What did they say?” I ask, cringing before she even says anything and worrying that I might need to leave just as I’ve arrived.
“Let’s go upstairs,” she says, grabbing the handle of my suitcase. I follow her up, walking past the array of pictures that rise with the staircase. There are some of me and Danna together in her yard, standing amongst the flowers and sitting in a paddling pool. Sweet innocent little girls.
How things have changed.
I’m guessing that Danna’s parent’s feelings about the little girl that I once was have been completely tarnished under the circumstances.
It’s a relief to be here, though. Even though my foundations have been shaken, I feel that I know who I am here. I’m the sensible one against Danna’s loud and impetuousness. I’m the Laura who makes good and considered decisions. I’m the girl who knows where she’s going; college, work, marriage leading towards a happy ever after that I’ve had in my mind since I was a little girl.
The fantasy might have become a little bruised when my dad left mom. I mean, I knew he wasn’t exactly a model husband. I was old enough to notice the way he’d ogle women a lot younger than him in front of his wife. I knew he didn’t appreciate my mom like the princes in fairytales. She would try so hard to make him happy and nothing ever seemed good enough. It was like she was on a set of downward moving stairs, trying to climb to the top.
When he left, it was harder for me to believe that there would be a prince for me. If there wasn’t one for my mom, and she was pretty great, why on earth would I be any different? But I guess we have that hopeful image of a husband, two children and a house with a white picket fence drummed into us so hard that there was still a flicker of hope that there might be someone special in my future who would enrich my life.
The past week has done so much to bruise the fantasy. I’d had so many hopes for what life might be like with ten McGregor stepbrothers. I’d started to imagine that Roderick’s plan had a chance of working in reality. His sons are amazing; gorgeous, kind, respectful and strong. All the things that I need in a man multiplied by ten. All my concerns about the sex and the reality of being with so many men had dissolved as well. I’d surprised myself over and over at my capacity and enjoyment of group sex and the loving and caring style the boys have. I’d been astounded at how deeply I felt about each of them in so little time.
Reality has slapped that down in the harshest way.
; I couldn’t have stayed and been the downfall of the McGregor empire. I couldn’t have watched the impact of all of that tear apart everything that the McGregor men have worked for. They have all sacrificed so much of themselves to build a life of security for their family. I have the utmost respect for that.
Danna hustles me into her room and closes the door.
“Holy fuck,” she gasps, eyes wide. “You’ve gone and got yourself into some serious shit.”
I dump my bags on the floor and put my hands over my face, feeling completely hopeless. “I don’t know, Danna. I really don’t know.”
“My parents are okay with you staying here, but if the news teams turn up at our door then things will get complicated.”
I remember what Aaron said and feel stupid. Am I the only one who hasn’t thought about what might happen now I’m front page news and outside of the McGregor protection? The prospect of having to face this alone suddenly feels really overwhelming.
“I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here. Only Aaron.”
“And the driver who brought you?”
I nod.
“And anyone who might have been observant enough to track the car you were traveling in.”
I shake my head. “I’m not ‘Americas most wanted’.” There’s a new level of panic in my voice and Danna puts her hand on the top of my arm and squeezes reassuringly.
“You’re not,” she agrees, “But you’re pretty hot news right now. There’s gonna be people out there who will offer you a lot of money to sell your story. ‘Inside the McGregor sex den’.” Danna uses her hands to illustrate a huge billboard headline and my heart sinks.
“I would never do that,” I say.
“What would you have to lose?” she asks. “They already have pretty good evidence. It would be your chance to tell your side of the story and maybe enough money to set you up somewhere while this all blows over.”
Shaking my head, I take a seat on the fluffy cream throw at the end of her bed. “I could never betray them like that.”
Danna sits next to me and puts her arm around me. “Always thinking about other people. When are you going to start thinking about yourself? What’s your mom say about all this?”
“She stood up to Roderick. It’s the first time I’ve seen her do it.”
“Well, that’s good. What did she say?”
“She wanted me to do what the PR woman was suggesting. Spin the ‘real story’.” I use my fingers to make air quotes and Danna looks intrigued.
“What’s the real story?”
“That we’re all in love.”
Her eyebrows practically hit her forehead. “The PR’s advice was to admit to everything.”
“Yes, with a family values message to try and rescue the company’s reputation.”
“And the boys were up for that.”
“Yes,” I say.
“Wow.” Danna shakes her head.
“It wasn’t real, Danna,” I say. “They don’t really feel that way. They’ve been blackmailed into this situation. I’m not saying that they don’t like me. I really believe they do, but none of them would have chosen this set of circumstances without Roderick’s coercion. Even if the newspaper reading public bought into the idea that we were all in love, I’d always have a doubt in my mind about how real it is for them.”
“But you feel it was real for you?”
I nod. “I know it sounds crazy but I’ve never met men like them. The McGregor’s aren’t anything like any of the men I’ve met in my life.”
Danna smiles. “You’ve been dazzled by their good looks and amazing bodies.”
I nod. “It’s hard not to be, but it’s more than that. Each of them has proven to me that they were worthy of my…” I pause, trying to think of what word to use. Admitting that I feel love for the McGregor brothers seems crazy. I think that Danna will laugh, but I know it’s true.
“Love,” she says gently.
I nod. “You know what I’m like. I don’t give my heart away easily but they got under my skin so quickly and effortlessly. Even Aaron at the end.”
“I know you, Laura. Probably better than I know myself. I know that you’ve lost trust in yourself since your dad and Ollie. They let you down and you blame yourself for allow them too.”
I nod, feeling a little overwhelmed to be seen so clearly. “I just should have seen what was coming.”
“Why?” she asks. “It’s not a bad thing to want to love and trust, honey. It’s perfectly normal. It’s the people out there who take that love and trust and toss it in the trash who need to be blamed, not you. Your dad and Ollie were idiots for not seeing you clearly as a person with so much goodness and value.”
She takes my hand and squeezes. “And you’ve taken that distrust and applied it to these men. Is that fair?”
I shake my head. “It’s not. I know that everyone deserves to be judged for themselves, and I guess I could imagine doing that if it was just one of them but it’s not. It’s ten.”
“Ten times the trust,” she says gently.
“Exactly. Ten times the risk.”
“Or maybe not.”
I raise my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“There are ten of them so it’s actually less risk. Each one has a chance of being what you need, Laura.”
I consider what she’s said, a glimmer of home flickering in my heart but I snuff if out immediately. “Roderick has blackmailed them. How can I look passed that?”
“Do you think they would do this if they didn’t want you? Think about the sacrifice. For you, you’re getting a whole lot more man that you ever would have imagined, but they’re getting ten percent of a normal relationship. That’s a lot to give up.”
“I know and that’s why I don’t think it’s right to expect that of them.”
“But it’s not your decision to make, is it, Laura? You’re deciding something for them that should be something they get to decide for themselves. By walking away, you’re treating them like Roderick.”
“No,” I say shaking my head. “It’s for their own good.” Even as I say the words I realize the Danna is right. That is exactly what Roderick would say about the plan and everything else he’s ever decided on behalf of his sons. I hang my head. “You’re right,” I say eventually. “But I don’t know what else to do.”
“I think some time away is the right thing,” Danna says softly. “But I really want you to think carefully about what you’re walking away from.”
An image of the ten brothers standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me forms in my mind. I can picture the disappointment in each of their faces. I haven’t given them a chance to really prove themselves to me. My ten men are torn between a belligerent father and me and it’s not fair to them at all.
“How did you get so wise?” I ask my friend.
“It’s always easier when you’re on the outside looking in.”
“Maybe,” I say. “But I don’t think that’s it.” I reach out to squeeze her hand and we sit there for a while as I contemplate what to do next.
“Do you wanna take a nice bath?” Danna asks. “A good soak and some thinking space will do you good.”
“Yeah. That sounds good,” I say.
“I’ll get it ready for you. Why don’t you sort yourself out a bit here?”
She heads for her bathroom and I get my stuff organized in her room. I don’t unpack much, just get my suitcase open and the things that I need placed on top for easy access. The floral scent of a nice bubble bath begins to fragrance the room and Danna appears a few minutes later. “It’s done, honey. I’ve left you a towel on the side. I’m going to go downstairs and make sure Mom and Dad haven’t imploded.”
I grimace, the shame of what they must be thinking of me settling in my stomach like lead.
Danna disappears and I undress and settle into the bath, taking a deep breath and dipping my head under the water. The sounds of the house become muted and I relish the feeling of cocoon
ed safety for a few seconds. There is something so tranquil about being it water. It can take away the stresses and strains of life but I think my situation is just too big. I lay back and instead of relaxing, find myself fretting about everything. My mind chews over everything; Roderick’s accusations, Aaron’s pleading, Danna’s sensible advice, my own jumbled rationale. It’s way too much to deal with.
I slip into recalling my time with each of the McGregor brothers. The special moments and the hopes I had allowed myself to develop as a result. Tears begin to form in my eyes and I allow myself to cry. It’s cathartic to let all of my pent up feelings out. The doubt, the dashed-hopes, the anger and embarrassment. I scrub at my skin with frustration, not knowing what to do next.
Then Danna thumps on the door loud enough to make me jump.
“You need to get out right now,” she shouts through the door. “The McGregor’s are holding a press conference.”
29
I’m out of the bath and wrapped in a towel in a matter of seconds. The tiled floor is soaking but I don’t try to dry it because I don’t want to miss anything.
Danna is waiting outside the door looking like she might burst from the excitement.
“Come on,” she says, waving to where she’s got the TV paused. The screen is filled with my boys sitting in two rows. Roderick and Mom are closest to the local news anchor who is obviously doing the interview. For a moment I panic, realizing that everyone else who is watching this in real time already knows what they’ve said. Pressing the button to start the interview feels like jumping off the highest diving board.
“Ready,” Danna says, seemingly understanding my fear.
I nod even though I’m not. This is my life about to be discussed in front of thousands of people and I have no control over what is being said. Was I stupid to leave when I did? Maybe. I’ve put myself in this position by doing so.
The interview starts, with the anchor summarizing what the viewers already know; that the family have been part of a sex-scandal news story that is everywhere and that they have come forward to share their side of the story.