.jpg)
“What do you want me to do? Pat you all on the back and say don’t worry about the damage to everything I’ve worked for?”
“You’ve worked for?” Casey says. “What about us? Have we done nothing?”
“You know what I mean,” Roderick says and waves his son off as though he’s an idiot.
“No, Dad. We don’t know what you mean,” Ford says firmly. “We’ve done everything you asked of us and now you want to scream the house down about something that wasn’t in our control. We trusted our staff. Maybe that was foolish but it’s the only way when you’re living in such close confines.”
“Did you have to fuck out in the open like that? What if her mom had walked in?”
Barret, Blake and Elliot stand up. “Maybe that wasn’t the best choice but we were doing what you wanted us to do,” Blake says. “Sometimes these things just happen.”
“Three of you at the same time just happened,” Roderick says. There’s a level of disgust in his voice that I wasn’t expecting.
“What did you expect?” Grant says. “That we’d be happy spending limited time with Laura one on one? That was never going to work.”
“I expected you to be the gentlemen I’ve raised you to be.”
I have to jump in at this point because I’m not prepared to hear him talk shit about his sons. They are the most amazing men who’ve made me feel so special each and every time. It’s not an easy thing to accomplish given the short time frame and with so many of them involved.
“Your sons are perfect gentlemen,” I say. “It’s you who seems to be struggling with the concept.” There’s a sharp intake of breath around the room. Have I stepped too far? Do I care? “Your sons have done as you asked them to do. We are human beings, not puppets. There are eleven people involved here and you’re making out as though it should be as easy as placing eleven dolls into position.”
“I am not a stupid man, Laura. I know what’s involved. I just expected that you’d all think about what you were doing and how you were doing it a bit more than you have.”
The woman with the notepad and the platinum blonde hair puts her hand up but doesn’t wait for anyone to give her permission to speak. “I think we need to stop dwelling on what’s happened and start working on what needs to be done to rectify this mess.”
“Sorry, who are you?” I ask.
“Cassidy Clarke. PR.”
“Cassidy is here to draft the press release,” Antony explains.
“And him?” I point to the corner to where Mr. Suited and Booted is shuffling papers uninterestedly.”
“That’s Mr. Lawson. He’s the firm’s Attorney.”
“So, you’ve got the professionals in to deal with this.”
“Yes. Yes, I have,” Roderick says.
Cassidy holds up her hand and everyone goes quiet. I’m secretly impressed at the way she controls the room with very little effort, especially Roderick. She might look likes she’s auditioning for Office Barbie but she’s certainly got the respect of this group of challenging men.
“The papers have all positioned this in the same way. Laura’s the gold digger and your sons are the sex-obsessed men who have acted badly.”
I put my hands on my hips out of sheer anger at being portrayed that way. “I am not a gold digger. You can stuff all of this. I just want my old life back.”
Cassidy waves her hand again. “I am certainly not implying that there is any truth in this gutter journalism. What I’m saying is that we need to explain things in a more palatable way.”
“Palatable?” my mom says.
“A way that the average American can understand.”
“You think that’s possible?” Mom asks.
“Anything’s possible.”
“Cassidy is very good,” Aaron explains. I give him the side-eye because I really don’t need him to be justifying her like that. I can see exactly how professional she is.
“So what is your plan then?”
Cassidy’s eyes seem to sparkly at my question. “I think we go with ‘Love’ at the center of this story.” She puts her fingers up to add air quotes to love.
“Love?” Roderick scoffs.
“We release the real story as we create it. Laura has fallen in love with all the McGregor brothers and they with her. We tell the world they are going to live as one big happy faithful family.”
As Cassidy says those words my heart jumps in my chest. Love is a big word and I’m so scared. I look around the room at the men who’ve become such a big part of my life in such a short space of time and I know that each and every one of them has a piece of my heart in their hands. I know that if the world was a different place that I’d be ready to give them everything I am. I’d be willing to rewrite the fantasy happy ending that I had in my mind to include ten perfect men instead of just one. I’d let myself go and drift into the life that I’ve had a taste of over this past week at the center of this group of brothers who are so different and so perfect for me all at the same time.
But the world is just the way it has always been. Conservative. Judgmental. Built on an ideal of one man and one woman and anything that deviates from that is frowned upon.
I’m just not strong enough to be the person who stands up to challenge societies norms. I have nothing but respect for those that do but it’s too much for me. I’m just one girl and I know that I’ll come out of this the worst. Unfortunately, girls in sex-scandals are seen as sluts but men are seen as studs. It’s not fair but that’s just how it is.
But I’m torn because I want to be with these men. I want their kindness and their humor, their protectiveness and their affection. I want to know what it is to let my heart burst open with the love that I’m already feeling for them.
I wish that life was simpler but there’s no genie or fairy godmother here. Just a room full of people who can do nothing but try to put a Band-Aid on a gaping wound of a situation.
All eyes are on me to give this plan the go ahead. It would mean a commitment to following through with Roderick’s plan, knowing that I’ll never really know if it was me or the prospect of securing their inheritance that had made the McGregor brothers so committed to making this work. I don’t even know if they all are to be honest. Grant is here but he’s not once been vocal about changing his mind.
Eventually, after I’ve been deliberating for what feels like eternity, I have to answer. “We can’t do that,” I say softly. All the boy’s eyes turn to me, expressions ranging from hurt to confused.
“Why not?” Cassidy asks.
“Because my life will be over,” I say. “I won’t be able to go anywhere without being laughed at. The damage to McGregor Corp. could be catastrophic. This is just too much.” I put my hands over my face, trying to hide the tears that are threatening to spill.
“But I don’t understand,” Roderick says. “You were happy to work your way through my sons like a kid through a candy store, but not for anyone to know.”
“She’s ashamed,” Ford says. There’s hurt in his voice and my heart feels like it might shatter into a million pieces.
“You never intended for the world to know what you had planned, did you? You’re ashamed, too.”
“There are ways of behaving,” Roderick hisses.
“Yes, there are,” my mom says. She stands and walks to me, taking my hand and holding it tightly. “And you’re not behaving well, Roderick. None of this is ideal, but as Cassidy says, we need to look to the future.” I stare at my mom, not really knowing what she’s getting at. She’s been happy to just sit back and watch this situation unfold, to take Roderick’s side and standby a ridiculous plan for me and his sons. Now she’s chastising him.
“What future?” I say desperately. “What organization is going to want to hire me when all I can bring is a scandal with me?”
“You’re a long way from that,” Mom says. “You still have to finish college, and anyway, Roderick can offer you a position in his company that would be better than any
thing you could find on your own.”
“You know that isn’t how I work,” I say. “Nepotism isn’t fair.”
“Nepotism is part of the world,” Roderick says.
I turn to him again, eyes narrowed. “You might be able to bully and blackmail your own kids into doing things but you can’t bully me.”
“You think I bully and blackmail my sons?” Roderick laughs. “You think they’d be doing any of this if they didn’t want to. They are men.”
I shake my head, anger boiling inside me. I remember the defeated way that Donnie and Grant talked about their dreams of being an artist and vet, their passions relegated to part time hobbies. I know Casey and Cameron wanted to fight professionally and Elliot wanted to be a sports therapist. The others must have had dreams, too. Dreams that have been squashed by their father’s demands and pressures.
I don’t want that for them. I don’t want to be yet another compromise that they have to make in order to meet their father’s expectations.
This stops here.
“Cassidy. You need to find a way to deal with this without me. I have to leave. I’m not going to be yet another thing that Roderick enforces on his sons. I’m not going to be bullied into living a life that none of them would have chosen if it wasn’t for threats and repercussions.”
“Laura, it’s not like that. . .we want...” Ford says but I cut him off mid-sentence with a raised hand.
“Mom, I’m going to stay with Danna for a little while. I need to work out what to do next. Maybe I’ll force Dad to take some responsibility for me and transfer to a college there. Hopefully no one will know anything about this out of state. I can have a fresh start.”
“No,” Mom says. “You don’t have to do that, honey. I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know, Mom. But I can’t say here,” I say. “This is your new life and that’s great. I want you to be happy but it’s not going to work for me.”
I look around the room at the men who’ve come to mean so much to me in such a short space of time and I don’t know if I can really do this. Walking away is going to break my heart but staying will break everything. Ford takes a step forward but I take one back. I can’t let him touch me because I know that if I do, I’m not going to be able to do what’s necessary.
“This was all a big mistake,” I say. “I’m sorry for any part I played in ruining your business and reputation.”
I turn and walk from the room, my throat burning with tears that I cannot let fall. I can’t think about the way my heart feels like it’s breaking or my body craves to be held by their strong arms. I can’t think about how safe I felt with them, how worshiped and adored. I can’t remember the way my body came alive when they touched me or how much pleasure they gave me. I can’t recall my silly fantasies about what our lives would have been like together as one big happy family.
I can’t bear the thought of never seeing the McGregor brothers again but I’m going to have to find a way. I’m going to need to stronger than I’ve ever been before, for all of our benefits.
27
I throw what I can of my possessions in a suitcase and scribble a note out to my mom, asking her to send the rest on once I know where I’m going.
A sob catches in my throat. I’m really doing this. I’m really walking away.
There’s a knock on my door and I look up from the letter, my heart thudding in my chest.
“Laura.” It’s a man’s voice. Aaron, I think. “Can I come in?”
I don’t want him to because I’m wobbly and wavering and I just can’t have him come in here to try and change my mind.
“Go away,” I call. “I just need to be on my own.”
The handle turns, and I stand, primed to make it very clear that this is completely out of order.
“Will you just hear me out?” he says through the gap in the door.
I grab the handle and yank it forward, finding Aaron standing in the doorway. God, the sight of him sends shivers up my spine. That dark hair and those blue eyes hit me like a sledge hammer but I can’t let those feelings overwhelm me. “There’s nothing to say,” I tell him.
“Are you sure?”
Honestly, I’m not and he can tell. A tear trickles over my cheek, leaving a wet trail of despair and Aaron is there immediately, pulling me against his chest, his big hand wiping away my tear and stroking over my hair. “It’s gonna be okay,” he says.
“How can you say that?” I say.
“Because we’ve dealt with scandal before and seen it blow over. Because we want this to work with you more than anything and are prepared to tell the world that we’re not just messing around. That this is real.”
To hear him say that makes me sob because I just don’t know if I believe him.
How can it be real? I mean, I know how I feel in my heart but I don’t trust myself either.
The heart can be so foolish. The heart can be misled and corrupted. The heart can stick its head in the sand and ignore all the reasons why the way it feels is just an illusion.
“I can’t,” I say, pulling away. Aaron takes my hand and pulls me back. His eyes are so fierce that I can’t look into them but he takes hold of my face and forces me.
“You can, Laura. You’re brave and you’re strong. Stronger than you know.”
I shake my head, closing my eyes and blocking him out. He doesn’t know the turmoil I’m feeling. He has no idea of the fear I have in my heart. How can any of this be real? How can I trust these men not to let me down when it’s all I’ve ever known?
Aaron’s hand strokes my face, his thumb caressing my lips, and still I keep my eyes closed. When his lips find mine I’m still but it doesn’t stop him kissing me with tenderness and longing. Tears slip from my eyes and he kisses those, too.
“I wish I could rewind time and take this all away,” he whispers against my ear, holding my head against his broad chest and stroking my hair. “I wish we’d all taken this slower, been more careful. I wish things were different.”
“But they’re not,” I say. “And maybe that’s how it’s meant to be, Aaron. Maybe this is the universe showing me the way. Maybe all of this is just supposed to be something in my past.”
I feel him shake his head. “If every time we faced a barrier, we were supposed to walk away, no one would ever do anything. Sometimes the path gets rocky and treacherous but there is the greatest reward if you just persevere.”
“I don’t think this is about perseverance,” I say. “I think this is…”
“. . .a mistake?” Aaron finishes, sounding crestfallen.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “So sorry.”
“No, honey. It’s me that’s sorry. Sorry that we started off on a bad footing. Sorry that I didn’t stand up to my dad when he was acting like an ass. Sorry that I didn’t get a chance to show you what we could be like together.”
A sob leaves my mouth as a big well of sadness rises up inside me. I had Aaron so wrong. He’s not the arrogant man I thought he was. He’s so much more and I’m sad, too. It might sound ridiculous but I don’t want him to feel as though I left him out. He’s the only one who didn’t get a chance to prove himself and now it’s too late.
“Please,” I tell him. “Don’t make this harder.”
His hand stops stroking my hair. “Okay, Laura,” he says softly. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
I pull away and look up into his gorgeous eyes. “Will you take me to my friend’s house?” I ask. “I was going to call a cab but I…I don’t want to spend money I’m going to need.”
“Of course,” he says. “I don’t want you to go but I’d rather take you than leave you in the hands of a sleazy cab driver.”
“I’ll meet you downstairs in ten,” I say. “I just need to finish up here.”
He nods and tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “We could have been good,” he says softly. “I know that. Maybe I’ll see you next lifetime.”
And just like that my heart
breaks into a million shards of sorrow.
Aaron leaves me to pack up the last of the things I’m going to take with me. I hitch my bag onto my shoulder, take hold of the hand of my wheeled suitcase and gaze around my room. It never felt like it was made for me; too young, too pink, too frivolous. A girl I never was and will never be.
My silly fantasies of a happy family, of security, seem so far away.
My hopes for my future have been washed away too.
What has happened over the past few days has the potential to follow me for a lifetime. It could tarnish every future relationship I have, affect every job I apply for, damage my reputation forever.
The internet will make sure of that. Our mistakes are immortalized for all to see.
It’s time to leave everything behind.
It’s time to become bullet-proof because I won’t make it if I let this penetrate me.
I inhale deeply and push out the breath with a sense of defiance.
And with that I close the door to my fantasy room and descend the stairs.
Aaron isn’t alone. All the McGregor brothers are waiting by the huge wooden front door. Solemn faced, they stand silent; defeated statues.
I didn’t want it to be like this. I’m not brave enough to say goodbye so I freeze where I am. Ten sets of eyes find me half way down the sprawling staircase; an imposter in this place of luxury and status; Cinderella without her fairy godmother.
“Please don’t do this,” I say. “This is hard enough without having to say a big goodbye.”
“You don’t have to go,” Ford says.
“Just stay,” Blake adds. “We can work through this.”
Aaron puts his hand up. “Don’t you think I told her all of that and more? She can’t so we just have to respect that. Let her go. Make it easy because making it hard isn’t going to change a thing other than hurt Laura even more than this situation has already done.”
There’s a moment of silence as Aaron’s words sink in. I’m so grateful to him for trying to protect me, for respecting everything I’ve said, no matter how much he might wish things were different.